There are worse leaks, that's for sure

Impressed you were able to wake up/not feel groggy. There's surely some science behind sleep and how much to get, but I've never really looked into it. Probably should...

During the final few days of my $100k challenge, I said on stream that I wouldn't mind if I eclipsed the $100k mark and then went on a reasonable downswing. Welp, that happened. Lost $14k over the first two weeks of July, had a rather epic session where I binked both the $109 Builder and $210 6-Max PKO to pull myself into profit town, and stayed +/- $5k for the rest of the month. Did have a few top ~50 finishes in "Oh ma gerd gonna buy a house if I bink this" MTTs and will look to improve upon those in August.



Given how poorly July started, finishing above water feels like a win. I'm still on pace for a very solid year and I'm still putting in the work on/off the felt to get better as both a poker player and streamer. On the poker side, that means more time in DTO, more hand reviews, more questions, and more bouncing random ideas off of other winning players. Regarding the stream, well, in the beginning I said I didn't really care how much it grew. That's still sort of true -- I'm not trying to be the best, have the largest viewer count, or even be in the same league as the big boys -- but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't paying attention to the analytics.



Boyyyyy do I love me some graphs.

Viewer count has steadily increased each month and along with that, so has professional interest in the channel (i.e. potential sponsorships and associations with poker companies/products). It's small potatoes but still pretty cool to me. There aren't any elaborate plans for August/the future of the channel other than continuing to grind hard, be myself, and see where that combination takes me.

YTD graph in the spoiler

Very nice year so far! Also good to see the growth of your stream and professional interest, you're crushing it man!

Thing is, I'm still a rather mediocre streamer. My camera angle is meh, I've yet to add a 'full screen' webcam option, and I show the wrong table at least once every other session. I know there's tons of room for improvement on the production side of things and I'll get there, eventually. Buying a Stream Deck tomorrow to make it easier for me to switch between scenes, show the funny gifs, etc. Hope to have it up and running by Sunday.



Broke out of my downswing/breakeven stretch by shipping both the Hot $55 PKO and the $109 Bounty Builder.





Took a look at the upcoming COOP/GG schedule and I'm pretty excited about the events. Strongly considered putting together some type of tournament package centered on $1ks, even wrote out an excel file with all the relevant details but once I finished the document I lost a bit of that fire. I mean, GG makes staking/selling action super easy and doing the same thing with Stars/COOPs requires so much more effort. Would guess there's a 75% likelihood I get lazy and own-dime those, but hey that means 25% chance I post something here/on my discord.

You deserve a lot more viewers, congrats on these scores above both HUs vs strong oppos!

Appreciate it.

So it's mid Sunday and I'm not used to having the time to write a 2p2 post but it's been an absolutely horrific day and I'm left with four very insignificant tables. This session isn't an outlier either; since my last post I'm down ~$30k and each session (13 in total) has felt like one of the worst experiences of my life. That might sound a bit hyperbolic, but I mean it -- the sessions are emotionally draining and I'm spending the bulk of them in a semi-controlled rage.



It's not just the financial losses. Each beat adds up and at some point, the proverbial dam breaks. Normally, I can power through the accumulated tilt and focus on the next spot but lately that hasn't been the case. I've been more on edge, less able to move forward, perhaps because there haven't been as many 'next spots' with similar equity to focus on. A huge chunk of the downswing is from the higher end of my buy-in range and each time I brick one of those, I find myself in the midst of a bad beat soliloquy, re-living all of the 'greatest hits' from recent weeks.



The standard advice is to take some time off but unfortunately it's COOP so uhhhh I'm not about to do that. Even if it wasn't COOP, I'm not about that life. Maybe, mayyyyyyyyyyyyybe I'd take 1-2 days off at absolute most. But my approach has never been to step away but to go in the complete opposite direction. People often develop bad habits during downswings and I want to do my best to find/plug as many leaks as possible, which in theory can help me escape this downswing. From a mental health perspective, I'll have to do a better job of managing my accumulated tilt until I can bink it all away. Some people will say 'Forget about the bad beats' or 'Dont let it bother you blah blah' but those aren't real solutions IMO. It reminds me of a time when I heard the secret to dieting was to "just not eat the cookie."


I guess the advice isn't technically wrong but I don't think it's that simple. Seems like if I devised an actual plan I'd have a greater chance of success, whether that means 'not eating the cookie' or 'being in a positive mindset during the grind' so the tilty things don't bother me as much.

Therefore, instead of pretending that I'm not upset about this recent stretch, I'm going to acknowledge that I am -- and that anger will likely pop up during my sessions. I can't control if I 'get mad' but I can do certain things to help me be in a better overall mood, some of which include:

-Sleeping/not setting an alarm
-Exercising before the grind
-Lowering table count for more focus/involvement with Twitch chat
-Eating actual cookies (Ironic, but true)

Won't be grinding tomorrow, I moved my 'coaching day' to Monday because either the COOP schedule looked promising on Tuesday orrrrr I have dinner plans with the GF. Might be both. Apologies for the wall of text, I tried to break it up with gifs and such but hopefully my mostly coherent ramblings can help someone going through a similar time. Hopefully my next post is fewer words and more bink related graphs/celebration gifs.

Feel you. Been there. Funny how different people deal with these in different ways. I have the utmost respect for you given that u choose to power through. I generally am not made of that cloth. Even in series I just take extended time away from tables and grind strat instead. History has taught me that powering through tends to make things spiral even more. If u can play a-game while having these thoughts that’s a big accomplishment and props to you only takes you peaktimers grinders one to erase it all innit

You are definitely not alone. No matter how long you've been in the industry, the accumulated tilt feeling is like no other. You'll turn it around as always, remember that.

I hear you, I didn't mean to imply that only the real end-bosses power through. Don't think there's a one size fits all approach to clearing a downswing, or dealing with any sort of conflict/hurdle. That's effectively proven by our different approaches both resulting in long-term success in this industry. So if taking time off helps you clear your head/get you in the right mindset to grind, do that. But it sounds like even when you're away from the tables, you're putting in work in the lab.







So these are my results from August 10th thru the start of yesterday's grind. The downswing peaked at $35k before I made a small dent but despite still having so much left to clear, it felt like progress. Had been quite a while since I had a winning day. At the same time, I knew the big ol' Sunday sesh was just around the corner and I could spiral down even further.



A week earlier, I started my Sunday session suuuuuuuuuuper early and I didn't feel great. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, the downswing, randomness, I dunno. But afterwards I'd written a list of things I could do to alleviate some of the frustration/put myself in a better mindset.

Was able to follow my guidelines quite well during the week (4x Gym, infinite cookies, etc). On Sunday, I purposefully started later so I would get more sleep/be more fresh if I managed to make a deep run. Built a ton of stacks in the early going and after winning a $1050 GG Masters seat, I realized I wouldn't have adequate table space for everything. In the past I've just sorta said '**** it' and tried to play them all, but clearly 'powering through' isn't the right decision -- so I accepted my limitations and unregged a few games to keep a manageable table count. I'm quite happy with that decision.




Normally I'd feel a twinge of sadness that I didn't ship either/could have won so much more, but I didn't have any of that this time. I guess that was dwarfed by the feeling of relief, of clearing the downswing in one shot and having my second best day ever.

I'm proud of myself. Not because I won $50k or whatever, but because I continued to battle. There were many times where after suffering a brutal beat or seeing another high equity spot go the other way I thought "What's the point?" During the actual sessions, I wanted to quit. I would have rather been doing anything else, anywhere else. But despite being overwhelmed with rage/despair, I knew I had to keep grinding. So I did.

Once those sessions ended, I'd be back to 'normal' in a relatively short amount of time. I'd remind myself that it's a long-term game, that variance can't last forever, that I'm still playing reasonably well, and all of the negative emotions would just fade away. Of course, the accumulated tilt was still there but I was able to suppress it enough to start each day with a positive mindset and legitimate excitement to get to work.

I guess the short version of what I'm saying is that the beauty is in the struggle; our society now/social media has warped what success looks like. We no longer think about what it took for someone to buy a house, get a promotion, hit a game winning shot, etc but only about the specific moment of their achievement. So it becomes hard to appreciate what they've done and easy to think "Wow they did X, must be nice." I'm guilty of it too at times, so I have to remind myself that success isn't the achievement; success is all of the hard work that went in along the way to make it possible -- the extra hours, the sacrifice, the blood/sweat/tears, etc.

So for me this isn't about the bink, this is about me overcoming an obstacle, dealing with adversity, and coming out on the other side. Therefore, it makes sense that this is my favorite photo. Big thanks to all the people who reached out/showed support (especially the stream ducks!) and best wishes to those who are currently in their own struggle.

Lol that giraff is like the dudes sliding down the hills on the slip and slides that end in a big ramp into the lakes. <3

Congratz beast, following you whenever i can, thanks for the great content!!

easy game

Well damn I came across this and started scrolling in the downswing period and was coming in for the encouragement and cheering post but now I see it is no longer needed. Nice work and congrats, man!

nice recovery! Have a ton of respect for your mindset and approach to this game.

Also has this "I suck at poker but had one bink" vibe to it.



It's the thought that counts!

Gotta say, the encouragement posts *during* a downswing mean so much -- arguably way more than they should.

Haha thanks. Despite all the muttering and ranting, I think I do a decent job.

This was my favorite hand from last week.

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, 215 Tournament, 80/160 Blinds 24 Ante (8 handed) - PokerStars Converter Tool from http://www.flopturnriver.com

UTG (t9,200)
UTG+1 (t5,424)
MP1 (t5,169)
MP2 (t7,639)
CO (t8,971)
Button (t8,780)
SB (t12,135)
Hero (BB) (t3,592)

Hero's M: 8.31

Preflop: Hero is BB with 3, 4
6 folds, SB calls t80, Hero checks



Will also iso/raise at some frequency, player dependent. Chose the nittier option this time.

Flop: (t512) 7, 2, 5 (2 players)
SB bets t169, Hero calls t169



Decent flop for the unsuited 4-high. Could also raise here, probably should given I'm bottom range/can barrel a number of runouts. Again, I chose the nittier option.

Turn: (t850) Q (2 players)
SB bets t561, Hero calls t561



Overcard isn't great but it does give me a backdoor flush draw blocker. If the flush hits, I might make some mooooooooooves.

River: (t1,972) 7 (2 players)
SB bets t1,440, Hero raises to t2,678 (All-In)



Bottom range, flush blocker and his range is polar-ish. Somewhat concerned that I dont have 'enough' behind to make most people fold, but that's sort of what should give a reg pause, right? How would someone be bluffing here with little to no fold equity? What sort of animal would have the audacity to even try such a thing? Certainly have full houses and all sorts of flushes in my range, might not even jam 7x vs that size. So yeah, I'm feeling pretty good about this...

Quick September Update:



My parents visited during the last week of the month which hurt my volume, but it was worth it. During Aziz Ansari's Netflix special there was one point that stuck with me for the past couple of years, where he roughly calculates the number of visits he has left with his parents.

Clearly, that resonated with me.

I wasn't averaging 3 visits a year before the pandemic and because of COVID I hadn't seen my parents in 2+ years, so I was more than happy to take the week off. We didn't really do much -- they had already been to Vancouver before and done the touristy stuff. So we mostly watched television, played cards, ate food, and had long conversations. We hung out. I learned my Dad had taken 8 years of French when he was in school yet I'd never heard the man say a single word of French in my entire life. My Mom and I smoked on the balcony and shared stories about the highest we'd ever felt/the hi-jinx we got up to. I can't possibly know how many visits with them I have left but I'll always remember this one, with the three of us laughing so hard we had to wipe tears from our eyes. +$50k and an amazing birthday week, outstanding month.

Crushing life!

That last post was emotional

Thanks!

Lots of ups and downs in the October grind, will do a proper recap post sometime in the near future but wanted to talk about my plans for November. Have seen others do 'Movember' related challenges that were quasi-related to charity, but seemed many simply revolved around growing a mustache.

It's not that I'm anti-mustache, I just wanted to do more. And now I've got somewhat of a platform where I can potentially enact change, or at the very least, reach a lot of people. So in November I'll be trying to raise money/awareness for mental health. There's an obvious tie in to poker, as the 'mental side' of things is arguably as important as the technical/theory stuff. Given the natural variance of the game, it's quite easy to feel all sorts of negative emotions and that seems quite analogous to off-felt issues as well. Life has ups and downs and it's important to find ways to cope, to refocus, and to move forward.

In November, I'll be donating all of the $$ I make through Twitch + a percentage of my table profits to the Canadian Mental Health Association, a non profit organization which has programs to help people with and without mental health illnesses. The stream itself (www.twitch.tv/abarone68) will look a bit different too, as I'll be doing more than just the normal 'grind.' Recently released a tentative schedule of the first week's events:

Don't feel inclined to donate. Can come hang out, chat, lurk, listen, whatever. Hope to see you in the stream.

Aaron
www.twitch.tv/abarone68

P.S. I will still grow a mustache, if only for the lols

Kickoff Show was fun, can check out my stream for the video. Tomorrow is 'Turbo Tuesday,' playing GG/Stars and will be donating all the Mark Up to Canadian Mental Health Association along with 10% of my profits.

hype

EOY review plz, espesh ft lots of food pics. TY <3

Could post a ton of pics, text, graphs but I'll provide a tl;dr version first.

Profit: +$196,000
Volume: 8900 Games





Can see the much longer, interactive version on my stream as I just finished a 3 hour recap show.

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1254140...ghts&sort=time

I've been watching your stream during the past few weeks. I follow over 30 poker streams, and in my opinion, your stream is one of the best, if not the best.

It's amazing that you are up the amount that you are in 2021, because when I watched your stream you weren't running very well for the most part. I especially think of the hand that you had 99 against 88, and lost on a river 8. That hand was brutal.

I haven't watched your recap show yet. Looking forward to watching it and your other streams in 2022.

Hopefully you will run better in 2022 and have a great year.

Thanks. Last three months have been rough, the 99/88 was at some FT for most of the chips in play but I can't actually remember which one. $109 Builder? Not sure. Regardless, today was better. Shipped the $315 WSOPC Bounty for $21k.



Solid start to the year, looking to add more tomorrow.

Congrats on your win.