Hi!

I got my life back over the last year as I finally overcame a long-term struggle with drugs and alcohol. I am a chef in San Francisco and I'll make between $89,000-$105,000 this year (89k if I average 58 hours/wk and 105 if I average 65). I want to make another 50k+ on top of that from poker.

POKER: I am a formerly successful NL player. I have it in me to be the degenerate to end all degenerates, and that translates to poker as well - I take shots with limited rolls, I struggle dealing with variance, and I have a problem implementing stop losses. In the past when I have played full-time, it completely takes over my thinking and even if I have a 6 figure month, I still am prone to feeling like I have to play all the time. If I am down, then I certainly am prone to feeling like I have to play all the time. There were only select periods where I have been able to successfully balance life and poker, and I was extremely profitable in those times.

If it were not for these things, I could just play full time and be successful and happy (I know how ridiculous it sounds because of the number and scale of those "if's"). As it is, I want to try to make at least 50k at the tables this year. I have accounts on every site I can being in CA but have one main site that I play on. I play HU and 6max. I am more confident and better at HU (in part because I find my mental fish tendencies come out more in 6max) but I don't exactly have a lot of time to sit at tables waiting because of my work schedule. I played some live games at the only decent cardrooms in the Bay Area I could find (Lucky Chances and Oak's Card Room) and even though the 5/10 games are unbelievably fishy I think my hourly is higher online (if this were to change I would consider playing live).

Other goals (I will update this section as needed) -

- GET IN REALLY GOOD SHAPE. I had to give up Jiu Jitsu for the time being (I was training at the Ralph Gracie gym here in the city) and have instead focused on getting stronger and more defined. I lift almost every day and will be posting my workouts here. I do short workouts, one body part at a time, usually supersetting my exercises with abs or a body part that I feel needs work. I don't have a specific goal as far as lbs or BF% (I'm already in ok shape) but I will add those things if I feel like I am starting to plateau. The ONE diet-related item that I want to put in here is that I want to keep away from forgetting to eat during the day and then going to town at night when I come home from work. I know this is my reptilian addict brain telling me I deserve a reward at the end of my day. I think meditating when I come home will help me with this.

- BE ORGANIZED IN MY DAILY LIFE. I'm not very good at things like bills, administrative stuff, organizing my apartment (I just moved into a new one and need to get a bunch of stuff for it). I may include even the most mundane **** (like putting my clothes in the laundry hamper when i come home rather than throwing them on the floor like usual) so I apologize in advance for that. I just know my chance of improving in an area increases dramatically if I include it here.

- BE MYSELF IN DAILY INTERACTIONS. During my years as being an addict I always tried to pretend to be someone I wasn't. I hated the person I really was (as I should have) and always felt the need to overcompensate. I still find myself feeling "not enough" and doing things such as being overly explanatory, talking more than I otherwise would, or trying to be more social than I really feel like being in social situations. I want to be myself all the time and not feel like I have to act in a way that isn't authentic.

- BE RESPONSIBLE WITH MY SPENDING. I don't have a lot of expenditures on a weekly basis but I have some bigger things I need to take care of (root canal & crown this week). I just want to keep an eye on things as my tendency is always to overdo it.

- BALANCING MY TIMESince I already work a lot of hours I want to make sure poker doesn't take over my free time. I will ensure this by only playing sessions at home where I have a set time on each end. I can easily just say "yeah I"m gonna check out the games" and then it'll be three hours later and I've been battling regs HU the whole time. I don't need to do this, it's bad for my fishy mental game, and I don't have the time. I should try to find good games, play them, and be ok if I can't. I have a good salary as it is.

- MENTAL GAME. This is vital and what I consider to be the most important part of my thread. I need to make sure I am constantly on watch with my mental game regarding poker and if necessary seek help, coaching, or take breaks from the game (up to and including stopping playing completely). I need to watch my tilt, my wins and losses, monitor how its affecting my mood (I don't want it to affect it), and make sure I don't "get caught up in it".

- MEETINGS. AA meetings are necessary for me. They keep me connected and remind me of what I have, where I was, and how easy I can lose it if I don't stay connected. I like to go once a week. If I start to feel disconnected or start to feel urges I will go more often.

- SLEEP. I haven't slept a night straight through in years. I am trying to drink less fluids at night - I always wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.

That's pretty much it. I'm looking forward to this and I will be sticking to it. I know it's a lot but honestly that is what I need for this to be successful so vaaaamos!

FOR THE POKER FANS: I will be including wins and losses and will include hands and analysis. There are no HUDs allowed on my main site but there are HH's and I will figure out how to convert them.

Thanks!!

In for this dude!

If you dont mind me asking how old are you?

Best of luck with your efforts, i ll be following closely! Vamooooos!

Thanks!

I'm right in the middle of my 30's.

2/8/2018

POKER: Made $1,291 over about 1k hands the last couple days. Wednesday and Thursday were my days off, and I played 5 sessions total. I played mostly HU and stayed away from 6max after losing 3 buyins in quick session.

Quick sidenote: Does anyone know how to convert hands from Asian apps onto twoplustwo? Until then I will have to link hands:

http://replay.paiyou.me:8080/handpla...24586c&lang=en

I have brought the 1/3 to 1/5 psb's into my game against certain players after watching players at high stakes do it. I bet more flops with them, cbet more in 3bet pots with them, and I just think it makes me a lot harder to play against. Bet sizing is one of the things that has changed the most over the last few years and I try to figure out why players do certain things and incorporate them into my game. I don't have any subscriptions to training sites anymore and don't really pay too much attention outside of watching some games on stars once in awhile...and truth be told sometimes I probably don't understand the concept in its entirety, but most of the time I can incorporate it into my game and see if I like it or not. I wanted to call this river vs this villain...he's repping a pretty thin range esp b/c I think he knows i will check nutted hands sometimes against him:

http://replay.paiyou.me:8080/handpla...68c931&lang=en

Guy was pretty nitty but you get these breakdowns in judgement from decent players if you're willing to play long sessions against them. I find that all the time if I can just weather the storm of the first 100 hands or so in a HU match, players will get worse drastically.I don't think I am bluffing often enough for this ever to be a call:

http://replay.paiyou.me:8080/handpla...53dcb5&lang=en

I randomize and overbet a high % of gutters, value hands, and draws/combo draws when I get a flop checkback:

http://replay.paiyou.me:8080/handpla...e374a3&lang=en

I'll take it:

http://replay.paiyou.me:8080/handpla...f513c6&lang=en

My weekly high card call:

http://replay.paiyou.me:8080/handpla...6deff8&lang=en

Bad hand: I had a hand in a 6max game that irked me. I raised A4o otb and was 3bet in SB by an active reg, I called an AQ6 rainbow flop, turn came a 2 and a heart draw (I didn't have the A of hearts), he bet 2/3 I called, and the river came a 6 and he shoved. I only had like 35 bbs left and I just think this is one of those loose calls I need to stop doing if I want to get better at 6max. He probably knows he's not getting me off any ace but I talked myself into it because I was already down a couple buyins at the table and because I didn’t have any gutter blockers - basically looking for a reason to find a call. I find myself getting impatient often in 6max games and for now I think I'll just stick to HU for the time being.

Lastly, in my final HU match of the day, I was up at one point around $800 on this guy who kept buying back in deep (at that point we were about 500bb's effective). I was thinking of quitting but he was playing pretty poorly. I generally don't want to play that deep unless it's a huge fish because I don't want the variance. He took 400bb's back in a short period of time and I literally had to walk away from my computer up ~$150 at the table. True to form, I felt like this whole 2 days was a "waste of ****ing time" and was mad at myself for not quitting when I had felt like it. But I did the right thing - I thought about this thread, and my goal, and how if I make this amount every week I'll be just fine. I don't think I played great over the last two days; I'd give myself like a B. Made a number of bad calls.

WORKOUTS: I worked out back today and chest the day before, supersetting abs between my sets both days. I weighed myself and I weighed 175.8lbs. I know I said I wouldn't focus on weight but I want to record where I'm at anyways.

ORGANIZATION: I organized my entire apartment tonight with my girlfriend. I'm really happy about that.

SPENDING: I got a root canal yesterday so that's just one of the things that I have to spend money on. I ordered sushi tonight. I'm trying to either eat out or order food only 1x a week so we will see if I can improve on this because we went to dinner the night before.

That's it for tonight. I am looking to update probably 2-3x/week. Thanks!

Looking forward to following this!

What type of restaurant are you a chef at?

Fair play to you for going to AA meetings. I've known people that definitely drank too much alcohol too frequently, but refused to swallow their pride and admit that it was a problem, until it was too late.



Feel free to post sick recipes and food porn too. Good luck!

Shove - Thanks! It didn’t really have a concept when I took over. I am just starting off by making it as eco-friendly as possible and use only mostly local fish, produce, and meat. I know how played out that is but I take it to an extreme and use lots of preservation methods -smoking curing pickling fermenting dehydrating. I’m proud of the work we’ve done so far.

Hurtncyde - thanks! And you nailed it. You’ll find pride and ego at the foundation of every addiction. It’s why most people need a bottom - because you are forced to shed that ego and ask for help.

I like the idea of adding some pics from my daily life in the restaurant actually. Hadn’t thought of that. I’ll do that.

2.13.2018

POKER:

Last couple days have been difficult variance-wise. I've been hit-and-run a few times and had a few coolers but what really bothers me is how I adjusted to it. Today I was off and I played a reg HU for 3 hours because I couldn't find any games. I lost 2 bi's quick to him and even though I for sure had an edge on him I continued to play my B game and took 2 hours of my day.

HANDS:

A guy who had crazy fishy stats sat down and this was the very 1st hand. I was already on edge and called the flop shove....I don't know how bad/good it is as a general practice but my feeling is that I can wait for a better spot. In any case I call with the very bottom of my calling range and get owned. I've seen fish show up with all sorts of stuff when they make what looks like a desperation shove but maybe I'm just rationalizing a bad call and I should wait for a better spot.

http://replay.pokermate.net:8080/han...0fb3f4&lang=en


I had two very similar hands that played out about 5 minutes apart that I think were both mistakes. Both hands are pretty easy river folds as I just want to be higher up in my calling range for 200bbs. hand 2 is probably a LITTLE closer bc of draws; alot of draws +pairs/gutters continue on that turn.....at the time ofc i convinced myself of exactly that but in reality once the ace hits on the river my hand is the same as any Ace and it's a clear fold. Hand 1 same is an even easier fold. These are indicative of lapses in my decision making at the end of a bad session.

1:

http://replay.pokermate.net:8080/han...5b501f&lang=en

2:

http://replay.pokermate.net:8080/han...97ae80&lang=en

3. Because of how this match was going I decided to play back a little on this mono flop. My hand doesn't play well as a call and I have to have some semi-bluff raises on this board. I can check or bet turn but I like my bet as my hand gets stronger and it ends up being a thin valuebet some % of the time. The river is a pretty easy call with that sizing obv, his value range is pretty small and i think if he has a value hand he bets bigger most of the time bc of flop/turn action.:

http://replay.pokermate.net:8080/han...39741f&lang=en

Notes:

- I didn't manage Tuesday (my first day off) this week as well as I should have. Today was better as I got a lot more stuff done around the house. I definitely need to keep on working shorter sessions

*I guess what I am struggling with is not having that much free time and not knowing how to manage that with waiting for action as I've decided to play exclusively HU for the time being. I didn't get as much done today as I would have liked to, but I will take it as a learning experience and improve on Thursday. I don't need to get stuck playing a reg for 3 hours because I feel like I have to get hands in.

*I call 3bets too light when I get tilted and this is the biggest leak I want to fix. I will play one last session tonight and watch this.

* I want to only 1 table HU. I know that sounds a little ridiculous but I really notice a difference between when I play one and two opponents. I start getting them confused and don't remember everything that they've been doing, I don't follow game flow as closely, and my play definitely suffers. I think my major strength as a player is my ability to adapt and make small in-game adjustments, and if I'm not doing that as well as I can be, I am doing myself a disservice.

*I am thinking about buying Educa's course from Doug's site. I played Educa some in 2014/2015 and have watched him consistently get better over the years. I will never be able to make up for the large gaps I've had in my poker career (especially in off the table work) but getting to see inside the mind of one of the best players alive has to be worth 1k...if that's what we are getting.


GYM: My workouts have been has been really good. I am getting as strong as I have been in years. I see my weight training now a lot as training for when I start training jiu jitsu again, and I'm excited to see how a good 10 lbs of muscle will help my training.

I ran a prix fixe Valentine's Day menu that really turned out well. I'll put some pics in here.

SOBRIETY: My gf is heading away this weekend for a bachelorette party so I'm always on high alert during weekends like this. For me, my addictions were disguised for a long time as something that I thought felt were "escapes", so any time I find something that the addict part of my brain could equate with escaping, I make sure to keep an eye on it. I'm not anywhere close to wanting to ever drink or use again, but I help stay that way by keeping an eye on times when in the past I've relapsed.

Went to a great dinner at Villon here in SF for Valentine's Day. We got a late reservation bc I was working until 8 but we had a great night...highlight of my week.

Total: I am up $635 since the start of this thread. I'm going to always include that and not comment any more or any less on that since I don't want to make more of my results than that.

Threadsavers: All plates are from my vday menu. Rose-Poached Pear and Endive Salad, Scallops with Grapefruit, Fennel, Peppers, and a Champagne Sauce, and a Chocolate Ice Box Cake dessert. The cheese is called Atika cheese. It's an aged sheep and goat's milk cheese that I used for a lobster risotto (not pictured). It's one of my favorite local cheeses...actually it's just one of my favorite cheeses period. Great flavor and definitely recommend to any cheese fans out there.

3/1/2018

POKER - I'm up $6,833.17 since the start of my thread on Feb 7th. I am happy with my results and with how I am playing right now. I had some rough times during February though, all due to my own poor tendencies. I played higher than I should have and had some ridiculous swings because of it, I played on my phone rather than on the computer a bunch of times, and broke the rules that I originally made in this thread, and I paid for it big time. I re-dedicated myself a couple days ago with the following rules:

1. Absolutely no 5/10 or above (they aren't exactly those numbers because I'm playing on foreign sites, but I want to make sure I am playing below that). I am just not rolled for higher and can't handle a normal downswing, and it's such an idiotic way to play poker, but I get caught up in it when I'm playing and just sit, and that's obv irresponsible and stupid.

2. No more 6max. Idk if it's because I've played mainly HU for the last few years, but I get impatient playing 6max. Play too many hands, etc. There is more variance in 6max for me too as my HU game is much tighter.

3. Have a start and end time to each session. This is extremely important to me. I WILL break this rule if I have an absolute whale or if I have someone against the ropes, but in every other instance I want to quit when I set out to. I have never instituted this rule before but with limited free hours it's 100% necessary for me.

HANDS:

1. I go for thin value.......and then?? Wtf? Oh wait nothing else makes sense I call

http://replay.pokermate.net:8080/han...c12a45&lang=en

2. This would be SUCH a sick line for villain with AA....glad it wasn’t and my read on villain was correct:

http://replay.pokermate.net:8080/han...4f5e70&lang=en

GYM: Workouts have been great. Seeing some good gains and eating clean. I'm going to kick things up now with summer on the horizon. Not that I have any plans for it, ha, but it's always a good motivator.

ORGANIZATION: I am definitely getting more organized in my daily life thanks in part to this thread. I really can I cleaned the apartment from top to bottom today and I feel great about that. My gf was happy too!

SOBRIETY: I went and spoke at a meeting this week and that was great. I like being able to share my experiences with people and I just really like trying to help other people. I was so selfish for my whole life until I got sober. I thought about myself all the time. These days what matters to me is that I matter to the people around me. I'm a good friend, a good employee, a good boyfriend. I feel like I've been given the key on how to live a good, fulfilling life, and that's by living for other people as much as yourself. Addiction is always isolating and in human connection I find happiness. I don't need a ton of friends and I'm not social anymore (I used to always be extremely social), but I'm important and kind to the people in my life. Even though I have a lot of reasons to be grateful to be sober, the best part is I've found this whole better, peaceful, happier way to live my life. Maybe it comes naturally to some people but it sure didn't to me.

in glglgl

hand 1 - id prefer potting the river than 1/3 u have a very strong hand and tons of bluffs! nice call though.

hand 2 - u should be shove the river for same reason as hand 1.

ps that food looks unreal!!

Hi man on which Chinese app do u play?

I'm the same way in terms of playing bigger than my BR and taking stabs. I justify it with saying that I make 100k+ per year and I can handle the swings, but online is ****ing hard and that justification is really taking its toll.

Gonna be limiting online playing and sticking to mostly live as I feel more focused and less "tilty" when playing live.

Anyways, subbed - GL!