"Up here in space
I'm looking down on you
My lasers trace
Everything you do
You think you've private lives
Think nothing of the kind
There is no true escape
I'm watching all the time
I'm made of metal
My circuits gleam
I am perpetual
I keep the country clean
I'm elected electric spy
I'm protected electric eye
Always in focus
You can't feel my stare
I zoom into you
You don't know I'm there
I take a pride in probing all your secret moves
My tearless retina takes pictures that can prove
I'm made of metal
My circuits gleam
I am perpetual
I keep the country clean
I'm elected electric spy
I'm protected electric eye
Electric eye, in the sky
Feel my stare, always there
There's nothing you can do about it
Develop and expose
I feed upon your every thought
And so my power grows
I'm made of metal
My circuits gleam
I am perpetual
I keep the country clean
I'm elected electric spy
I'm protected electric eye
Protected. Detective.
Electric eye."
It's been just over a year now since Grandmother Marge became one with the force and even though I'd been preparing for her death my entire life, I still wasn't ready. You know on the day she sat her four children down at the kitchen table and told them all she had small cell lung cancer, the first thing they all said was, "Oh my god. What are we going to do about Justin?" Much debate ensued. I was in Las Vegas at the time playing PLO at The Aria and gearing up for the World Series of Poker.
My plans were to re-ignite an old thread I have in the staking forum where I was given $10,000 to play in the 2012 or 2013 main event by fifty to one hundred people all over the world and announce a $5,000 to $10,000 World Series of Poker preliminary events package that was going to be a 100% freeroll for those who originally backed me in 2012 or 2013 and then open up a staking package for the main event with no mark up.
Like I said, I have been missing writing about poker for years, and I was really looking forward to doing all sorts of updates on this site. Then I got a call at 4am eastern standard time from my mother and those familiar with all the horrors I had to endure while living at 1857 Churchill know me and my mother don't talk much, although I've worked on that over the years, because sometimes parents aren't meant to be parents and they end up being bigger **** ups than you. So, the only reason my mother could be calling me at 4am was to either tell me my sister was getting a divorce or something awful had happened to someone in my family.
Ever hear the line "Have you ever felt a pain so powerful, so heavy you collapse?" in the Mighty Mighty Bosstones song about him learning his friend is dying of aids? Well, on that night I didn't collapse, but I had to take a knee and throw up in the bathroom. My mother was in tears and against my Grandmother's wishes she revealed to me that my Gram was terminal. I was on a plane home the next morning before my Gram could try to convince me to stay.
You know she always wanted me to win a big poker tournament. Just because so many people in my family have always wondered, "Is that all he does for money is play poker?" It's no secret and I have spoken about it many times on this forum. I used to sell drugs in college, so of course when you tell people you drive to the casino every day to make your living they have doubts. My Grandmother even did at first. But as the years went on and she got to know the game, understand the game, and realized I was just playing nine random people who showed up to the casino and not the house for my living. She got it and became my biggest supporter.
I was obviously deeply depressed about the situation so I started to use adderall and cocaine more than I should. I used to think that somehow, someway, a miracle would just happen and she'd beat it. Even without fighting. She was that good of a person. I mean she didn't even cheat on her taxes and wouldn't do your taxes for you if you didn't have single receipt or documents you needed for a write off. There was just this light about her and I often thought,
"How can it be real, it must be chemically derived?"
Then as the days went on I started to use more and more. At first it was to numb the pain, to stay positive, to stay happy, to put on a smile even though there was an infinite sadness in my heart. Then it was because I liked the way it made me feel even when I wasn't around her. On the day before she passed she asked me to promise her I wouldn't do anything stupid like sell hard drugs again that would land me in jail. Of course I said that I wouldn't and I meant every word of it.
I'd never actually been an every day drug user and she knew every single detail about all the experimenting I've done over the years. I literally showed her research I did on MDMA before I tried it and the benefits it has for those with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, victims of child abuse, victims of rape, molestation, etc. There was not one worry in her heart about drug use and there shouldn't have been. I fully intended to give up my moderate use of blow and adderall when she died. And I say moderate because some people eat adderall 24/7 and up to 120mg a day. I was eating at most 10mg in a day and my cocaine use consisted of me tooting a line or two every hour when she was awake and talkative. We had so many amazing conversations leading up to her last days.
Then after she passed the absolute worst thing that could happen, happened. You see, when someone you love passes from cancer the first month is actually a relief. It is a weight off your shoulder. You are happy they have passed on because the last two weeks of their life is endless, needless, gut wrenching suffering. To the extent you want to choke your own family member to death with a pillow just to end it. So the first month after she died I was in good spirits, hitting the gym hard, no drugs, little drinking here and there, but that's it.
Then the pandemic hit and my entire state of Michigan was put on lockdown. I was literally confined to my own home and my state was so strict they didn't want you to leave the house for thirty days unless it was for food and bottled water. I've always been a people person and live poker, concerts, and just being out and about in general has always been what has charged my battery. The isolation was killing me and I started to take the uppers again.
As the lockdowns continued, so did my drug use, day drinking, and all other sorts of degenning I'll be talking about over the course of this thread. The worst I got was either taking 20mg of adderall in a day or instead of blowing lines for three to four hours, I did for twelve. I never combined cocaine and adderall use though. Some might say, "Well that doesn't make you an addict! That's nothing!" Because I do know people who take 60mg of adderall a day and act like it's nothing, but it is, it's literally one molecule or element off crystal meth!
And I've never done any amount of drugs that messed up my personal life, money making, or made the first thing I think about when I wake up, "When can I get high?" But, the bottom line was I didn't like the way my drug use was trending and I started to feel guilty. And guilt is one of the only things that can make you stop doing drugs. Think about it. Every time in your life you did hard drugs what made you stop? You either ran out of money, have something important to do the next day, or the thought of what someone you love would think about you if the saw your drug use made you feel guilty.
So I decided to start playing more poker and started showing up to any home game I could, started playing on cell phone poker ap private games, and I also started to investing in medical marijuana operations here in Michigan since they are 100% legal and won't land me back in jail. As I played in more and more home games and on these cell phone poker aps I guess I got more and more exposed to the dark side of poker. You can really see all the bankroll chopping, collusion, backers playing at the same table as their horses, and all sorts of other scummy stuff going on. Mediocre players who run home games giving rich degens huge credit lines, loading them up with liquor, wine, and beer. Even providing them with all sorts of drugs. Then clearly bankroll chopping.
And when I'm joining all these cell phone poker aps the four or five kids running it are all talking in the group chat about how so and so is a whale and we can all make a living when just this one guy is in a game. Offering me up that information to try to get on my good side and have me play nice with them. Like I said, just all sorts of scummery. And as you already know, I openly admit I am no saint. I've never been a saint. But, I've never shorted any buyer of a gram, eighth, ounce, or pound even a .1. Never sold anyone fake pills of E and every time I got sold a fake hundred I flushed them in the toilet rather than scam someone else. I've also never bankroll chopped anyone or when I backed players sat at the same table as my horses without first telling the table. So yeah, I'm an ex drug dealing degen who took shortcuts in my college years, but "Not a liar, scammer,
and most certainly not a snitch like Charlie! One hundred and four days in Isabella County Jail and seventy four days on a tether can testify to that.
Anyway, I decided to give up the poker home games and stopped playing on every single poker ap or club where I know there's all sorts of scamming going on. I also decided that it's time to hit the road and try my best to interject some fun, decency, and honesty back into the live poker community. You know, poker is a game of chance, the rec players are supposed to have a chance, the whales are supposed to have a chance, all of you out there who cheat them are no better than the average drug dealer. And I say that because I watch an overwhelming majority denounce a guy like Donald Trump and talk down to all his supporters like you have some sort of moral high ground. I also watch all the vegan poker players do the same thing when talking to those who eat meat, yet you exploit every human degenerate and prey on their filthy gambling addictions to build your net worth. Those of you who cheat the game even the slightest are no better than a drug dealer, you are no better than a Donald Trump supporter, and you are no better than anyone who chooses to consume animals.
As long as you don't act like it, we can be friends.
If not, I'll be keeping my eye
"Electric Eye" on you.
That's Rob Halford making the most epic music festival entrance of all time. Below is a picture of me in my American flag cowboy hat and American flag mask after I performed the best poker entrance of all time to MGM Grand Detroit poker room.
Sent this tweet to my governor as well begging her to let people drink bottled water inside MGM Detroit casino so I don't have to drink out of the toilet in the bathroom.
https://twitter.com/Lotgrinder/statu...31206474657792
We finished up $220 for today's PLO session.