2019 Overview and Review

Wow. It's been one of the craziest, most fulfilling years of my life and it's easy for me to say 2019 was a great way for me to end the decade. Looking back at my situation from end of 2018 to now the beginning of 2020; it's truly remarkable how much can change in such a short amount of time.

End of 2018

-A volatile mental game
-Renting an apartment
-Stable, but tight financial status
-Not Married

Going into 2020

-Non volatile mental game
-Home Owner
-Married
-Completely Stable Financially


Overall, I am quite happy with the successes of 2019; but like any professional would say there is still plenty of criteria for me to improve and get better at and I did have multiple shortcomings as well. I think I've done a better job of not being overly critical on myself.

Review of 2019 Goals

So to recap, I wanted to meditate 50 hours, be active and do 60 hours of yoga, and dedicated a whopping 2200 hours of poker.

In actuality, I meditated about 15 hours, did 6 or so hours of yoga, and dedicated 1400 hours of poker.

Seems like a horrific fail on all accounts, but I've found myself more looking at it from a glass half-full perspective.

The 3 biggest things I wanted to improve on going into this year were, in no particular order:

1.) Improving my mental game

I had stretches of consistent meditation, but never was able to make it a sub conscious habit. I did not have any outbursts in 2019, no broken mouses, and no yelling. I had sessions where I tilted of course but there was no destructive behavior from me and considering the pressures around me this year I am somewhat satisfied with that.

Have I fixed all my mental issues? No. I think it would be extremely naive for me to think so. I faced very little poker adversity this year in terms of losing $$ or any period of time of consistent losing. Just because I haven't had any symptoms of outburst doesn't necessarily mean it's not there. It is extremely important to be to continue putting more effort and work in this aspect of my professional career.


2.) Maintaining My Health

This goal is actually the biggest fail for me this year and something I regressed in. While this year was good for me as far as Crohn's (very few flair ups) and back pain (anklosing spondalytis) I ended up gaining 30 (!!!!) pounds this year and now sit at 215 lbs and around 17% BF after starting the year at around 185lbs and 12%BF.

I'm sure there is a lot of variables at work here, but it's something that is imperative that I refocus this for 2020. I've felt more lethargic on the back half of 2019 and I think just not being in my best shape has added to that. The previous 8 years of my life I've been in good shape, so it's striking that for the first time in my life I'm slightly overweight.

A big goal for me in 2020.

3.) Putting more of an effort into Poker

I ended up putting 1400 hours this year, which over a 52 week schedule averages out to about 27 hours a week. While I think this is obviously below average, a few disclaimers are that since the October news of surgery (spanning about 2.75 months) I played very little which skewed results.

For the year, I was fairly consistent (til the last quarter) in regards to studying. So in general I think I made small improvements here as far as being more consistent towards improving, although I still struggled with volume and in general focusing.

I think I was also a bit too lofty with this goal as 2200 hours is quite a bit considering balancing social life, marriage, and other interests. BUT once again, work ethic is something that needs to improve.


Poker Results



Ok, Ok excuse the **** crop job. I can't really give an accurate graph portrayal anyway since about 40-45% of my volume is on untracked sites. I'm also hesitant to give an exact number of $$$ I won. If anyone is really curious, I'm sure BTS will update its site that shows the $$ won for above graph.

In a game that's consistently getting tougher, it's gratifying to set personal records in winrate/ hourly as well.

This year went very well for me, financially. I had my first 6 figure year and improved significantly. I mostly played a split of 200-1k and because I was never moving up, I stayed at these stakes where it's clear I had a pretty significant edge vs the pool. I'm really proud of myself for managing my ego and not jumping into higher stakes games and just being smart with my BR knowing I'm not just managing for myself anymore.

It's also a strange feeling to play cards and make more $$ this year than the majority of the people I know. My mom's been a nurse for 45 years and I made more than 2x hourly. I don't mean to post that as a subtle brag but more to illuminate how blessed I've been with this career choice and how lucky I am with everything pokers provided me.


2020 Goals

The blog will continue for at least one more year, when I fulfill the title's name I can stop

1.) Dedicate 1800 hours to Poker

Increase my work ethic, and build to highstakes. I think this year proved that I have at least a high floor with the game to fall back on. I have the utmost confidence in myself going forward to keep trying to break into those games. I will not force it though and will wait til I'm rolled

2.) Dedicate 75 hours to my mental health

I didn't want to pigeonhole this to just meditation.


3.) Get my fat ass in shape so I can at least look good for me and the wife's honyemoon: AKA dedicate 200 hours to physical fitness

Actually asking for advice here, time doesn't seem like the best measure to weigh this goal. Any other advice?



A Thank You

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you have written in the blog, which has been overwhelmingly positive. I've had a great experience writing about my career in here and the feedback is ofc a large reason why, even the criticism!

Thanks to all my friends who have helped me: BTS boys, all the students who are a big reason for my personal improvement, Vegas boys 2019, and shoutout to my boy Gazzy B who sent me this wedding gift...



Yes, that is a close up of us completely trashed in some Vegas Club. I was amused. Victoria was not.

Let's keep it building in 2020.

love it
vwp bro
gl in 2020

Lmao 5* wedding present. Congrats on the sick year

Awesome work and good luck in the new year

Nice year mate and gl next one - on the exercise front, I've been thinking about it a lot too. Lost a lot of the fire I had when I was younger to just beast everything, and I think to sustain good shape it's important to just take pride in really pushing yourself in your chose form of exercise.

What Pads has done with the 5k bet I think is smart (x$ to a friend for every km under 80 per month), I'm going to set up something similiar there, but yeah some kind of volume thing instead of time seems smart to me, x gym sessions, x km, x calories burnt if you have a tracker.

Should obviously be prominently displayed somewhere right as you enter the house. Congrats on a great year and gl on a repeat in 2020!

Instead of hours do something like workout 3x a week and do your routine. Your routine being a PPL workout for example with set lifts, a running distance etc. I’ve always done the best to stay consistent when I map out a month in advance of what/when I’m doing my workouts and what I need to get done during it. Awesome year btw and best of luck in 2020

lmao you shoulda just done the graph in paint!

wp m8 and gl for 2020!

Thanks man, not sure what I'm gonna do without this Aussie love in Vegas. Gl to you too man.

When I was unwrapping this was one of the last things I expected, couldnt agree more. Absolute class from Gazzyb and thanks a lot

Thank you sir, same to you!

Good point about losing fire. I used to be hyper competitive about everything (Although I'm a great loser- in the sense that I'm able to accept it) and while I'm competitive it's definitely a flame that's flickered.

I think pride for me is more of a motivating factor for me then money tbh. Fun little story, but I was already concerned with my weight heading into Vegas 2019 that I made a fairly large prop bet that I would finish with a lower bf% than him in 2020 (I was heavy favorite).

Since then, I've gained an additional 15 lbs and have never been heavier so I don't think money is really the motivator for me (Ironic, I know as a poker player ).

Agree with you about tracking, and might just realize that there's no perfect way to measure as can have one gym session where you completely beast out and have another one where it's a lackadaisical struggle.

Anyway really appreciate advice man, and congrats on a great year (I suck at commenting on other people's thread). Def have a lot of respect for you and the Bitb guys.

Yes, it's gonna stay in my office so I can stare at it and reminisce about better times during my downswings.

Yeah, good points all the way around. This is how I'm measuring it in the meantime.

Week 1 January 1st-January 5th: And so it begins...

1.) 20 hours of Poker Yearly Goal: 20/1800

2.) .8 hours of Mental Health Yearly Goal: .8/75

3.) 3.58 hours of Fitness Yearly Goal: 3.58/200


Another week, another dollar. Or something. Had a massive -14 buyin day on Thursday for a early New Years smackdown and -5k day. Managed to crawl back and make $300 for the week.

Considering the short week, happy with all of these goals. I played 4/5 days, meditated 4/5 days, and worked out 4/5 days (although todays was light).

On top of this of course is that I'm getting married in less than 2 weeks so it's absolutely crunch time.

I am very excited.

My wife is ****ing panicked though



As a result, I expect this month to be my worst in terms of hours spent on all my goals... there is really just so much to do. We spent a good deal the past 2 months focused on surgery that a bunch of the small wedding stuff has fallen through the cracks.

I really want this day to be perfect for Victoria and also alleviate any stress that's coming with this. I don't have much left to do except figure out a wedding gift...(clock is ticking here)

We got more no's than expected, but still have 225 guests coming so it's gonna be a busy affair, although I'm absolutely pumped for it.

Low Liquidity

As a result of the last wave of expenses, the $$$ in my sites is around 35k, so until the wedding is over (where I will replenish my roll with the gifts) I need to be careful a bit with game selection as that $ is spread through multiple sites.

That might mean more 200/500 and less 1k on some sites. It's a bit weird to see the accounts as low as they are but obviously finances are fine.


Ending with a bit of Controversy

I was unsure about to talk about this in my blog, but I think it's worth a healthy discussion. As I mentioned in my EOY review, I really struggled with focusing and that's been an issue my whole life.

I remember having teachers explain to my parents how they couldn't believe how quickly I could process algebraic math (Being able to process something like 109x78 within 5 seconds, yet not being able to pay attention for more than 2 minutes).

It was also frustrating to me, that I was working really hard on trying to cut out distractions outside of work and the progress I was making was so minimal.

As a result, I went to the doctor a few weeks ago. I was diagnosed as having functional ADHD and was prescribed adderall. I got very mixed feelings regarding this from friends + family.

Obviously, I expect this to help my poker game. I don't expect to play better or tilt less (it's not a miracle drug), but I do expect to being able to play longer (which is great, I still ***** love poker) and study more efficiently.

I've read on side effects etc and I'm not 100% committed to it but I've decided to try it out and see if it has a positive effect on my life. If it helps with poker but has negative side affects with lifestyle I will just discontinue taking it.

I appreciate any insight and advice on this topic from those who have experience with this sort of thing.


Hands of the Week

1.) Please bet...please bet... please bet...He had QQ??????

PartyGaming - $5 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 5 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

UTG: $500.00
CO: $524.13
BTN: $513.34
SB: $960.76
Hero (BB): $728.89

SB posts SB $2.50, Hero posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has 5 5

fold, fold, BTN raises to $12.50, fold, Hero calls $7.50

Flop: ($27.50, 2 players) 5 8 7
Hero checks, BTN checks

Turn: ($27.50, 2 players) 2
Hero checks, BTN checks

River: ($27.50, 2 players) J
Hero checks, BTN bets $19.48, Hero raises to $119.00, BTN calls $99.52

Hero shows 5 5 (Three of a Kind, Fives)
(Pre 19%, Flop 89%, Turn 95%)
BTN mucks Q Q (One Pair, Queens)
(Pre 81%, Flop 11%, Turn 5%)
Hero wins $262.50


2.) Not feeling great on turn vs this specific reg but what can ya do

PartyGaming - $5 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: $500.00
Hero (SB): $502.50
BB: $512.50
UTG: $2,178.54
MP: $1,248.23
CO: $527.50

Hero posts SB $2.50, BB posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has Q Q

UTG raises to $15.00, fold, CO calls $15.00, fold, Hero raises to $70.00, fold, UTG calls $55.00, CO calls $55.00

Flop: ($215.00, 3 players) 7 T 5
Hero bets $105.00, UTG calls $105.00, fold

Turn: ($425.00, 2 players) 2
Hero bets $327.50 and is all-in, UTG calls $327.50

River: ($1,080.00, 2 players) 8

Hero shows Q Q (One Pair, Queens)
(Pre 82%, Flop 12%, Turn 5%)
UTG shows T T (Three of a Kind, Tens)
(Pre 18%, Flop 88%, Turn 95%)
UTG wins $1,077.00


3.) Ok, I got absolutely owned here.

PokerStars - $2 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

Hero (MP): $267.85
CO: $212.02
BTN: $227.80
SB: $200.00
BB: $583.76
UTG: $200.00

SB posts SB $1.00, BB posts BB $2.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $3.00) Hero has J A

fold, Hero raises to $4.40, CO raises to $16.20, fold, fold, fold, Hero raises to $43.00, CO calls $26.80

Flop: ($89.00, 2 players) 5 2 3
Hero bets $43.00, CO calls $43.00

Turn: ($175.00, 2 players) 9
Hero bets $129.00, CO calls $126.02 and is all-in

River: ($427.04, 2 players) T

Hero shows J A (High Card, Ace)
(Pre 31%, Flop 25%, Turn 11%)
CO shows A Q (High Card, Ace)
(Pre 69%, Flop 75%, Turn 89%)
CO wins $424.04


4.)vs reg

PartyGaming - $5 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 4 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

Hero (BB): $545.00
CO: $707.91
BTN: $565.84
SB: $965.35

SB posts SB $2.50, Hero posts BB $5.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $7.50) Hero has K Q

CO raises to $12.50, fold, fold, Hero calls $7.50

Flop: ($27.50, 2 players) K 7 8
Hero checks, CO checks

Turn: ($27.50, 2 players) 2
Hero checks, CO bets $12.99, Hero raises to $72.00, CO calls $59.01

River: ($171.50, 2 players) 2
Hero bets $127.12, CO calls $127.12

Hero shows K Q (Two Pair, Kings and Twos)
(Pre 69%, Flop 82%, Turn 93%)
CO mucks 9 K (Two Pair, Kings and Twos)
(Pre 31%, Flop 18%, Turn 7%)
Hero wins $423.74

Can't offer much in the way of advice about adderall, but isn't it supposed to be pretty rough on the stomach? Might not be good for the crohns?

WRT addy, I found it really cranked up anxiety, and while I was able to play longer sessions I didn't believe it to have a net positive impact for me, personally.

Same for me. I can’t stress enough how dangerous Adderall is. Though from what I understand it is completely different for people who actually have ADD.

I had never had anxiety in my life until I started taking it in college to study. Ended up taking it close to daily for a few years. Was hard to function without it, and developed a pretty severe panic/anxiety disorder that I still struggle with daily.

Long story short. Be careful.

Sounds ****ing class mate get it crushed and snorted on the daily imo

Hey man, congrats on the year.

You must be a skinnyfat 215 ha, you don’t look that big.

This year I wanted to put on size for jiu jitsu, and I hired a trainer from Instagram, I can not recommend something like this (obv gotta make sure the coach is legit) high enough. It isn’t that much $ and every week I just filled out a checkin sheet, to which he would respond with a Loom video going over everything and answering whatever questions I had. I know a lot about fitness in general but he showed me just how little I knew compared to someone who has spent their life in the field, and I achieved results I never would have even come close to on my own. Plus, accountability is huge with most people and health goals, the weekly checkin/programs/checkin sheet helped a lot.

Everyone will obv have a million different takes on adderall; in any case here’s mine.

A good friend and my ex girlfriend were prescribed it and I started blowing it during college to stay out during the big party weekend (I went to college in New Orleans lol) so it was like every weekend. I got heavily addicted at one point in my 20’s after getting prescribed it with aforementioned ex gf. We would crush up the 30 XR’s, snort them, stayed up for a couple days constantly. It got bad, I can say with certainty, having taken a lot of speed, that it’s very similar to speed.

That said, I’ve heard it has different effects on people who actually have ADD, so maybe it won’t affect you like that at all.

However, my friend who does have ADD (the one I mentioned) took it for years and said it completely took over his life, he couldn’t function without it, said he wasn’t himself for years, that it stopped working, all the telltale signs of chemical dependence. He is on another med now that he says has completely changed his life for the better.

Drugs are different for everyone and I’m not going to say it’s some terrible thing; but I would say to keep an eye over signs of dependence (if it alters your mood, if you start to feel like you can’t go without it, etc.

The biggest thing - if you feel like you’re taking an upper when you take it, it’s a bad sign. Because that feeling will not last; uppers don’t work like that. Once your body adjusts to the dosage it will stop being effective in that way, and you will need or want more.

Anyways enough lecturing, just my .02. One thing is without doubt - it will be good for poker volume.

Hands:

1. I assume you are going for c/r on turn? I always lead here, I feel like they have a wide calling range after checking back flop and a lot of rivers kill our action. Lol @ villain
2. Whatever. I do like crai turn sometimes tho
3. Flop size standard for u?
4. I really like ur line

Doesn’t need to be said but have fun at the wedding!! I’m sure it’s stressful but it’s also the one time in our lives we get that many loved ones all in one place, everyone having a blast.

Edit: and obv if you do descend into fullblown speed addiction, I am full of good advice on how to keep that going.

Tips on how to make sure they are legit/how much a reasonable hourly is for their services?

The jury is still out as to whether ADHD is even a real thing or is simply a function of the West's obsession with overprescribing drugs like this.

In most of the world, ADD doesn't exist in the way it does in America and I THINK people throughout the world with similar symptoms as OP manage just fine without the use of such hardcore drugs.

Just had to have some proof I'm a winning player

Yes, it can cause some inflammation so it's something I'm watching along with my GP and gastro. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks for sharing your experience! I don't really get anxiety IRL too much although I do randomly get anxiety sometimes when playing online, although not consistently.

Yeah dependency is something I will watch out for, the closest thing I had to this sort of drug was Vicodin when I was popping a pill a game to get through my senior year of basketball. I definitely had a craving for it but I never sought it out and I don't think based on my personality I would start abusing it by over doing the dosage.

I'm at 10mg now and I don't think I'm ever going to up the dosage FWIW.

You are an A1 degenerate and no I am not bringing them to Vegas...


Damn, great post love it. Thanks man.

I'll answer in order:

- Yeah I would agree with the not looking 215 at all; most people are surprised by my weight. Lately all the fat has gone to my gut, but I do actually still have a fair bit of muscle to work with too, being on and off with the gym for last 7-8 years.

I've never heard of IG coaching and it sounds fascinating thanks for the tip. I actually got a trainer at my home gym for once a week at a reasonable price, I get a great workout everytime although it's probably not as structured as your suggestion

- As far as adderall, my only previous experience was absolutely crushing them during my finals week in college, and then out partying where I ended up disappointing a girl or two

I'll definitely keep everyone updated with how I feel taking it. I took my first pill today and got a ton of stuff done, I didn't really feel like I was on something but I did feel very alert, I also got dehyrdated pretty quickly.

I also played pretty bad today, but not sure I can blame that on addy, think I just made lot of simple-I-know-better-than-that mistakes. Thanks for sharing that story though.

Hands:

1.) Yeah pretty much 100% lead here and v frequent probe spot in general, probably overadjustment vs this reg who I thought would delay cbet this board more than usual. I guess he was giving me way too much respect considering the turn x/b though.

2.) Yeah for sure

3.) Nah, not sure wtf I'm doing, don't think 1/2 pot is really ever a preferred sizing here. 4bp def a concept of my game that I need to improve on in general

4.) Yeah, can def probe OB turn as well but just decided to mix it up.

I completely agree regarding over prescription in America. Also of course I can manage just fine since I've gone 27 years without it. Feels like the drug in general falls in a grey area. I've heard great success stories with and ofc have heard tragedies re: those who abused it.

I will say from what I've seen hospitals/doctors are tightening up regarding prescriptions from what I've seen last 1-2 years.

First see if they are or have been in the kind of shape you want tot be in. I definitely don’t believe armchair PT’s can be a thing at all

Second, you’re going to have the best results going with someone who trains bodybuilders specifically for competition. They lose fat/gain muscle and mass way more efficiently than anyone and are crazy obsessive about the process. Everyone is halfassing it compared to them. My trainer’s (@brycecalvin23) clients are mostly bodybuilders or powerlifters

Idk hourly but bryce’s prices are on par with the industry and he has 6 options from $250-$400/mo, most of them include unlimited communication which is pretty damn useful if you’re like me and have a million questions from week to week

Just getting around to reading the 2019 wrap up - great job man. Pretty amazing to see how far you've come and excited to see what the future holds for you!

bb you should learn to manage your adhd WITHOUT meds imo. It can be manages via diet,exercise,healthy supplements like fish oil
Adderall long term is going to do you way more harm than good.

Do your reserach and don't become another statistic. Happy new year


I am gonna pm you later when I have more time

I can see how appealing it may be, you probably would boost performance over the next few years and although you don't want to increase dosage, 10mg won't be as effective over time. It seems like there is a chance for some benefits at the cost of a small chance of mental health effects. It seems like nobody here has anything good to say about it, but as long as you know there may be possible negative long term effects, all you can do is figure it out for yourself. good luck

Yep I'm 100% with this. I'll c/p what I wrote in someone else's pgc

'I highly suggest to not take adderall/modafinal/vyvanse/etc. I ended up going down a pretty dark path that started with just a small amount of modafinal per day and by the end I was taking a lot of stimulants in the morning and then dosing myself with xanax at night apart from drinking and smoking bud just to be able to get some sleep. Always said I'd never be one of those tragedies and that it would be easy to manage, but damn, I lost my way very quickly.

Long term effects of abusing those + 1 other drug led to my heart issues and now I deal with anxiety and panic attacks on a daily basis due to the stupid decisions I made 3.5-6 years ago. Never had any anxiety in my life before that and never a panic attack or even anything close to feeling like that.

GL on the tables regardless mate '




Also should add that I now drink 0 caffeine whatsoever, very little sugar etc and now am grinding just as long as sessions as I was before when I was on the beans. Losing some weight + eating a lot healthier + more light exercise and stretching really has helped me a lot in terms of getting back to how I used to feel. STill a long way off but getting better bit by bit

GL my friend!

Hey thanks man, I appreciate that, hope you and the fam have a happy and healthy 2020. I actually have been catching up on your podcasts and just listened to your one with Greggy, really good stuff.

For the other readers, Trevor has a podcast called Raising the Nuts that focuses on some poker along with important issues like mental health along with health and fitness info from his wife.

Have a lot of respect for you man, thanks again for the support.

Hey looking forward to your pm. I think I've managed the ADHD, just looking for improvement as well. I def agree that staple changes to diet and exercise will be the biggest help. Given the overwhelming response that the drug isnt worth it I'm just committing to finish my first bottle which is about 3 weeks.

Will def reconvene with mom, doctor, wife and open myself to more research.

Hey man, yeah you have pretty much read my mind, the boost in performance is definitely appealing. What if it allows me to put in more an additional 200-300 hours of work? That is some serious money coming in.

Of course you can't put a price on health, so it's definitely something I'm going to have to consider if the ends justify the means.

Hey thanks for this post. Do you mind sharing what PGC you wrote that in? I 100% do not want to get anxiety from this since my wife has it decently bad and I know how much it sucks.

Of course the abuse factor is probably the highest risk to health, and I think you saying "Always said I'd never be one of those tragedies and that it would be easy to manage, but damn, I lost my way very quickly."

I think that definitely shows perspective and I definitely try to view it through many lenses. And to be 100% honest, I don't think I'll have a problem with addiction But I also know I think that's just a normal human bias that a lot of people have. IE: "yeah it happened to that guy, but it won't happen to me".

I actually had a few months in 2019 where I was getting way too dependent on energy drinks and definitely developed a craving for them, also were **** for my Crohns.

The caffeine is definitely good advice, I can't drink coffee and have no soda in the house so we're in good shape there.

Anyway really appreciate the insight J-Dawg

--------------------------------------------------

RE: the adderall. It definitely looks like I have to reconsider all options. I've been mixing in some days off and the most annoying side effect has been the constant dry mouth and a little harder to sleep.

Obviously the pro's is I've been extremely productive as far as getting **** done around the house, I've had very little time regarding poker but have managed to squeeze in a respectable week of work.

So yes, the pro's are ofc very tempting but of course need to step back and look at the whole picture.

Hope everyone's doing well

Just eat Carnivore. Itll take care of chrons and adhd symptoms and massively help w weight loss too.