Had same nike running shoes as you in the mountain picture. Light and comfy but went broke quite fast. Your friend B.a.Angelov is nice player. Good blog, best of luck.

Dope shoes man haha, and yeah great player and person

Sup guys. Bit of an update here. It's crazy how time flies. Was in Belgrade for July and then came to Germany with my girlfriend. Picking up quite a bit of German which I find pretty cool. Also really liking Germany, so far everyone has been kind and everything is efficient... "your tram is arriving at 12:42PM" hhaha. Belgrade was also really ****ing beautiful. I got really into the history of Yugoslavia whilst I was there. I find that stuff fascinating. Still don't know as much about it as I would like, but that's ok cause it's a very complex topic haha. As a goal I would like to visit the other previous countries that belonged to Yugoslavia, so I guess that would be Bosnia & Hercegovina, Kosovo, Macedonia and Slovenia. It's sad to see so much hate sometimes between the countries, Like I understand where it's coming from, but it's not like any of these guys are bad, while in Croatia, Montenegro and Serbia, everyone treated me really well, and they were all so similar in their culture, perhaps not in every way, but in so many. I don't know where all my Serbia pics are but I will share some when I find them. Germany has been sick especially being so close to the black forest

So it's been about 1 month now of no social media, and I gotta say it has been pretty good. I don't find myself wasting so much time and I am way more focused. I also realized that I was using social media as a way to build my ego, but I think I kinda knew that already. I think removing this "let me take a picture to share" aspect of life is really nice. Of course I still want to share interesting pictures with friends etc but not in a way to boost my ego. I don't want to create this online avatar that is worthy of envy, I don't want to try to create a perfect life that is going to make other people feel like ****, especially in the times of corona, when most people are stuck home and not out traveling and doing stuff. This is exactly what I have been doing, and It feels good to stop it.

I have been reflecting on many things life wise. Been trying to trace as many mental programs as possible. It's insane how reality really is in our heads. The way we perceive everything really is everything. For example I found that one of my mental programs/ how I see the world is that of being a victim. I think I wrote a bit about this before, but will do so again because it keeps popping off. So for example, when i get a bad run I don't see it for what it is, but as something that is happening to me. So then a bunch of stories go off in my head about how unlucky I am, and blah blah blah. It's easy to laugh it off now but in the moment it is quite real and shitty. Another thing I found was self sabotage. I don't know where it stems from, or if I think I don't deserve success or what. But I definitely sense it often. I often find myself in spots, and after taking my time to solve the spot and find the best decision, I go against my judgement. In these moments I just can't control the clicks, it's like something takes over. I can already feel my heart racing because I know this will be somewhat high variance since it's going against what I thought to be the best decision/ highest ev. I don't know if something inside of me just wants to put me through the pain. I intend to get to the bottom of it tho. I think this is really the difference between me being a 2-3bb winning **** reg and and a 5bb+ winning reg. I think the toughest thing about these moments of self sabotage is the feeling that I really suck at this game, this may be true, but it is always relative, and for the level that I am playing I am ok. I won't be playing any 1k anymore, I think overall I am winning a tiny bit there, but I don't feel ready for the variance there, nor skill wise. I had a small convo with supermakefin a while ago, and his advice for going from mid to high stakes was letting go of the ego, and I really understand what he means now, I wasn't lucky enough to have him elaborate on how to do this haha, but It's something. I think it's really important to let go of this idea that you are good at this game because you are playing 200z or even 500z. Like ok pat yourself on the back and tell yourself that you are better than average, better than the average online reg that doesn't study and wants to just log on and win all the pesos, that's fine. but do you understand the depths of this game? all its intricacies? and the deviations? the art of freestylin? meh idk I can say it now that I don't know **** and that whatever identity i had where I considered myself good at this game is gone, I don't even wanna talk about it to be honest lol I think it's liberating actually. I don't need to pretend to be anything. I can just be.

Here are some meh results since May, about 50k+ hands missing from untracked. But yup volume could be better.




Will only play 200z coming up, just wanna play as much volume as possible and run as many spots as possible. That's kinda it. I ran some preflop short stack ranges and I found the results to be pretty interesting. Don't think I will play short stacks much but still importantish to kinda know it imo. Most of my focus coming up with still be blind play and playing deep stacks.

Will post another update in like 100k hands. Cheers!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rs80mrSQliM

Last night I got really high and watched the last episode of Midnight Gospel. Holy **** man. That was quite the ride. I think I must have replayed several scenes because of how profound it was. Basically the whole episode is Clancy and his mother walking and talking, I personally saw the walk as a metaphor for "walking through life", anyhow they were talking about Clancy's birth, life etc.. Was pretty cool to see that as the episode evolved, Clancy was getting older, and the mother was getting older as well... My favorite scene was where they were talking about life, and the mother asks Clancy if he could sense his hand, the inside of the hand, and at first he wasn't sure what to answer, cause when was the last time you could sense your hand? Its just always there right? Basically she told him to just concentrate on it, and would he'd eventually feel was a vibration of energy. She then asked him if he could let this focus spread around the body, and eventually he could feel energy throughout his body, and she described this as presence, because he was completely out of his mind and focused on the sensations. I then tried it and actually realized this was a thing lol. Sure I was high af but this felt really similar to the times where I have meditated really well and felt a sort of head high. I wonder if the head high is really just presence :O. The other scene from the episode was where they were comparing life to a river that is always flowing, and they mentioned that fighting the current (not letting go of situations, wanting to fight reality) won't really get you anywhere. The river will flow no matter what. Whether you fight it or flow with it, it will flow. This made something click for me in relation to poker. I just thought woah, I will make great plays, disastrous plays, mega punts, I will run great, I will downswing, but the thing is all of this is just happening. I decide whether I fight it or flow with it. The biggest thing is the response. If I punt I can either be a little ***** about it, or I can figure out what went wrong and learn from it.

https://screenrant.com/enlightening-...dnight-gospel/

Also wanted to share two hands that I think are leaks, and wanna make it public for more accountability. **** it.

Yatahay Network - $2 NL FAST (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: 161.36 BB
SB: 70.44 BB
Hero (BB): 129.63 BB
UTG: 316.51 BB
MP: 100 BB
CO: 140.07 BB

SB posts SB 0.5 BB, Hero posts BB 1 BB

Pre Flop: (pot: 1.5 BB) Hero has 4 6

fold, fold, CO raises to 2 BB, fold, fold, Hero calls 1 BB

Flop: (4.5 BB, 2 players) 2 5 Q
Hero checks, CO bets 1.49 BB, Hero raises to 9.46 BB, CO calls 7.97 BB

Turn: (23.41 BB, 2 players) 7
Hero checks, CO bets 17.56 BB, Hero calls 17.56 BB

River: (58.52 BB, 2 players) 6
Hero checks, CO bets 87.78 BB, Hero calls 87.78 BB

Hero shows 4 6 (Flush, Queen High)
(Pre 35%, Flop 28%, Turn 5%)
CO shows T A (Flush, Ace High)
(Pre 65%, Flop 72%, Turn 95%)
CO wins 232.58 BB

This one I was just off I think with how I thought my range wanted to play the turn, and river I was going to exploit fold. Pretty ridiculous cause this reg plays 5k. and Still I think he isn't going to have enough bluffs in this line. I don't think I will ever have a higher winrate if I can't make these folds vs villains that dont bluff, like I cant even be mad with him lol, its my job to adjust to villains...

Yatahay Network - $2 NL FAST (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

BTN: 155.72 BB
SB: 112.43 BB
Hero (BB): 136.95 BB
UTG: 100 BB
MP: 325.54 BB
CO: 170.95 BB

SB posts SB 0.5 BB, Hero posts BB 1 BB

Pre Flop: (pot: 1.5 BB) Hero has 9 T

fold, fold, fold, fold, SB raises to 3 BB, Hero raises to 9 BB, SB calls 6 BB

Flop: (18 BB, 2 players) Q J J
SB checks, Hero bets 5.5 BB, SB calls 5.5 BB

Turn: (29 BB, 2 players) 7
SB checks, Hero bets 19.75 BB, SB calls 19.75 BB

River: (68.5 BB, 2 players) T
SB checks, Hero bets 102.7 BB and is all-in, SB calls 78.18 BB and is all-in

SB shows Q A (Two Pair, Queens and Jacks)
(Pre 60%, Flop 69%, Turn 82%)
Hero shows 9 T (Two Pair, Jacks and Tens)
(Pre 40%, Flop 31%, Turn 18%)
SB wins 223.36 BB

Second hand is just too much aggression I think, I got worse hands to bluff off here. Villain. I also think the turn barrel is pretty bad with this specific holding. :/ and then the river is just over doing it I think. I cant be too hard on myself here because on 1 hand, our range is going ham on this river, and on the other, it is possible this isnt a terrible play vs population... anyways it really is annoying to see that I cant control what parts of range arrive to river yet. But something to work on...

46s hand, I definitely wouldn't fold river with that high in range as played.

T9s hand I think AK completing is great , targeting bit strong folding range on river however hard to find enough bluffs by default .

Dobro jutro bitches!

Small update here mainly cause I think I am taking the rest of the month off, need to rest my head from poker. I am back in Split and I gotta say it's nice to be back. I don't think I will be here that much longer tho, maybe two more weeks. Don't know where I will be next. Think I want to go to Prague EPT and then spend Christmas with my girlfriends family and then fly back home to Costa Rica. WSOPE seems pretty nice but when I look at Rozvodov, I feel like I can't be ****ed with going there haha. The grind this month was pretty pleasant for the first weeks, the last week not so much. I think I am still struggling with putting in volume. I found a bit too much vamoo this month as well. Put in a ton of study, and have been thinking about the game deeply. I don't know how much I like this though, because I do feel overly obsessed with the game, almost in a non healthy way. On one side this is what you need to be really good, on the other you just end up super imbalanced in many other areas of life, but you can't have it all. Have had issues with my girlfriend because of this, basically saying she's concerned because I'm glued to the computer all day, and I am too focused on poker only. Don't know what will happen with this because I let her know this is most likely not going to change.

Funny that I said I would only play 200z haha, that was a lie lol. Ended up playing a bit 500z and 500 reg tables. Tbh it really wasn't in the best of ways. Probably every 500z pool I played I was -ev in it, I was just too motivated to get in there and be in the mix and see what better regs are doing. I did at least only 2 table it and I paid a lot of attention and tried hard in every spot... Ran pretty well so I just kept playing it. Shoutout to Psek1 for giving me some really solid feedback after a hand. This really shed some light on how poorly I was approaching some spots, and it really showed the difference in skill between **** regs and better regs. Overall I think the 500z pool is kinda a bit all over the place. There are some regs that I am not sure how they are beating the pool (perhaps after rakeback) these ****s literally always have it, its beyond gross, I think when you play this pool you will pay quite a bit of taxes vs these guys... there are some really good regs that are probably just getting some volume in (these guys probably play 1k+) would say these are the guys taking most of the pesos out of the pool. and then you probably have 1bb winners. From the really good guys I have learned quite a bit. The good news is that every group here makes some sort of mistake. literally all of them. and thats just the thing about poker, theres just infinite game tree branches to account for, you can't possible know it all, you simply will make mistakes at some point. actually not at some point but pretty frequently. Anyhow, I got a really good idea of what I need to work on to get a higher level. Don't think I will play this pool anymore. The 500reg table reg battles were also pretty nice. overall because at some times of the day, the games are dead and I would say the people starting tables at 500 are the same people starting 1k, so it was nice to get some hands in with better opponents for cheap. I do think the variance is a bit high in these games especially since my winrate is probably at 0 (if lucky) in these tougher games. I got a ton of hand histories to study and a bunch of spots to improve as well, so I will be back when I am prepared. I also think I should be a lot more professional in my approach, but thats another topic. On the bright side when playing 200z now, I feel a huge huge shift in skill level. Like its just day and night, because even the losing regs at 500z would probably win pretty big at 200z. So I think thats what I need to focus on for the moment. biggest thing to improve is to stop paying off all these **** regs cause they literally ****ing have it every time, its just almost masochism at this point, you know you're in for a good **** but you just keep on coming back...

I observed a couple of emotions in myself this month, and they kinda contradict with each other.
1) vamo warrior, like really not giving a **** about the pool I am playing even if it is pretty obvious that I am probably breaking even at best, in these moment I literally just dont care cause I just wanna battle. There were plenty of these moments after studying for a while, and just jumping into a ****ign circus haha

2) feeling pretty low cause of losses, I think that this emotion hasn't been that big tbh, only the last couple of days. literally lost a ton playing on bodog, which is just pretty absurd, but its just a small downswing. I realized tho, no matter how much you study or how many pio grids you look at or w.e ... this is ****ing gambling. its just the nature of this. you really cannot give a **** about these swings, the best you can do is put yourself in a comfortable spot life wise, Idk like keep expenses low, have a good set up, and just keep firing. Just know the swings are a big part of the game, and you cant take it personal every time you get destroyed. I am not saying it is easy, but its something you gotta figure out.


right now I feel pretty degen with my approach, no regrets tho. but I dont think its sustainable, i think you can maybe study and play all day for some weeks but eventually it catches up with you and you gotta take a step back. So thats what Ill do. I think there are some spots I am playing really well and plenty of other spots that are just a disaster.

Really good read bro. All the best

Thanks mate! all the best you to as well!

Sup guys bit of an update. Taking the day off today, pretty tough for me haha cause there's so much to work on but I sense my head needs a break from work. Update mainly due to recently finishing Dostoevsky's "Notes from the underground". Holy **** man what a read. I gotta say I am a fan of Dostoevsky by now, but man this was a tough read. Not so much because of any complex writing, if anything it's somewhat straightforward/ I do think some of the meaning got lost in translation. but because the book is immensely profound, and there is a lot to take in. The book is styled in a way where the main character is writing in his journal, and is rambling about life, you could say reminiscing. That's what I found tough, his thought go in all directions and hit so many different points, it's like you're getting spun on a chair and you're also getting hit with a ton of deep thoughts.



Here are the pages I reflected on the most.

















I am not saying that everything written is the holy grail, take it and reflect on it, I have no desire to discuss any of the book with anyone, don't have the energy. I do think that some of what is written here is pretty interesting. Especially the last page about there being some things you won't even expose to yourself, skeletons that are buried so deep down, that you won't even recognize it to be yours if you found it. Yesterday while I was cooking I was listening to some Social media video, and Jordan Peterson came up talking about it, I got mixed feelings about this dude, but he does say some interesting things some times. He said how humans have memory but that we aren't meant to really relive everything, that we are meant to forget some things, otherwise it'd be so tough to live every day with an extremely vivid image of everything that we have experienced. There was an extreme example of people that have perfect recollections. Those people that can recall numbers that are useless, they are haunted with the excess information. He went on to say how social media facilitates this whole reliving of events. I'm not here to demonize anything, will just say that I have really been more productive/focused in the past months without it, the only real survivor is facebook, but that's just a survivor for the messaging feature. But getting rid of instagram and anything like it has really freed up my mind. I can remember checking that app at least 20 times a day, and randomly donating my attention to it. for what? What the **** do I care about what everyone else is up to? I don't really think we were ever meant to. It makes me cringe to reflect on the amount of stories I used to share, for what? Anyways to get back to Notes from the underground.

One of the points resonated a lot with me, the fact that there are some "dumb" people out there achieving lots. Dostoevsky is making the claim that they just don't have the capacity of introspection. They can't really think deeply and therefore make up their minds rather quickly and move on with life and take action. That's something I have to agree with, just a little action is worth way more than thousands of hours of contemplation. Makes me think of all the book smart people out there, all the pio/theory wizards, all the people that can break down the game to you but when it comes to actually executing they simply don't show up. They can't show up. However, mix up the nerds with the action heroes and that's a dangerous person.

Another point that really hit home, was that of revenge. I think this is a really dangerous drug. I have been contemplating on all the regs that live in my head rent free. There are so many that I just can't even. I believe the root of this evil begins with some expectation of the way things should be. The concept of fairness, the concept that only good should happen to me, I am the hero of my story after all? Anyone that threatens this is the villain right? I have the right to smite anyone doing me wrong. A good example of this is when you get ****ed by someone else, when luck rewards the bastard on the other side of the screen. But why do we forget about all the time lady luck paid us a visit? Isn't it bizarre that there are people living in my head rent free without even being aware of their occupancy? They have no ****ing idea they are in cant5t0p land. This only devours me. And am I the holy intervener? Is it my ****ing job to make some wrongs right? Is there even a wrong to be made right? I suppose I am to also reside in my little corner planning my revenge, nah **** that. I don't think anyone deserves this much energy from me.

So let me clear my thoughts.

I ****ing can't stand when someone sells an image of something that isn't. I hate when people in this industry sell the poker dream as if it were something easy. As if there weren't crazy ****s out there putting in so much work to take away your last dollar. One of the reasons I disliked Epiphany77 was because of this, " I deposited $10 and spun it up to millions". let me be clear I have since then changed my opinion on Charlie, and actually like the guy now. But how can you even sell such a dream? How many idiots actually will try to replicate this? Do you know the resilience necessary to make it in poker? Not everyone is going to ride the magical variance carpet and bink every tournament they touch, for every winner there are many thousands of losers. There is a hypocritical aspect to my argument, sure all the regs benefit from every sucker that sits down, I am aware of that and don't know what to make of it, I guess I try to clear my conscience a bit with reg battles. To be fair I am out for everyone's last blind, but of course some blinds come to me easier than others, no denying that. However, there really isn't really much space for all this compassion in poker. You really need to desire destroying all your opponents. Which is interesting with all the good luck we wish upon each other. In reality we would take all of our neighbors chips if given the chance, and our neighbors would do likewise.

The other thought, and I guess this comes straight from ego land. But holy ****, **** all these streamers, some of these guys are some of the worst ****ing poker players I've seen. I suppose this is more of a confession of my fragile ego. But holy **** what is up with all these simps being worshipped, hahaha my ****ing ego goes on overdrive when I think of this. my bad. This is obviously a me problem. Ya know, I obviously shouldn't care about what these guys are up to. I should not give a damn about all the loyal fans they have. The egoistic part of me sure would like to be praised, sure would like some fans, I sure would like a bunch of viewers blah blah.... Is this what I really want in reality... no. I couldn't give a **** about it, so I really need to get over it. There are so many regs just straight up killing it, and no one knows them, not a damn word is spoken about ospiel, luckycps, 464... and yet so many people know about landon tice...the **** you even get people shitposting clanty... haha what a wild wild circus. This is all vomiting inducing.

let me just about wrap up my 2 minutes of hate, what a concept Orwell!! I have the habit of being aware of who is streaming, and if I get into spots with them I go and listen to their thought process and learn to understand how they understand the game. In my recent spots with ceegee87 man I am just upset, my little feelings have been hurt (( , ya know idk, but theres just something about the way he hovers over my pic to see my country, like you really gotta do this every time lol. sorry bro for being from the jungle, regs from costa rica are destined to be donks, sorryzzzz... and the facial expressions of disgust because I'm time banking in a spot before checking? sorry for thinking about what I want to do with my range... I guess we are not all try harding in every spot, my bad. I guess we are not so different tho, he has the tendency of talking **** about other regs, and so do I, so touche... What a disappointment tho the amount of energy I can allow people to take from me, something to work on for sure. Why do I get so triggered with **** regs?? I should be happy no? That I have discovered their leaks and can just exploit the **** out of them... probably comes down to ego in my opinion, and I thought my troubles with ego were over but in reality it has just begun. There's much too much anger and hate in this little heart of mine. I have faith tho that I can improve this. No hard feelings to anyone btw I am just too competitive. I realize as I improve every day that there is sort of an order to everything.

You ever ask yourself why some regs are stuck at 200z forever? are they just cursed?
Well I will say that before I moved up in stakes I'd see some people playing higher than me, even some run it once coaches/ other well known players etc. and you'd think to yourself man this dude must be a great player etc. and then you improve, and you get to their level and realize ok they are ok, and then you improve your game so much that you start to understand the game better, and the better you understand the game the easier you will spot everyone's leaks. I can tell you right now that of all the 200z regs, they are all probably marked as bad reg/tons of leaks to attack. this brings me to 500z as well, there are so many bad regs there that you wouldn't think its possible. how can there be a bad reg there right? well its possible. Insane to think this is the reality of the place you once set the goal to arrive at. Which is why i think its really important to just put your sight on the process and never look back, dont try to arrive at a any point. make it your goal to improve everything about yourself and your game every day. Who knows where you will arrive, and in the end it wont really matter, it may be 500z or it may be nosebleedz. but the only important thing is to never stop.

This brings me to my point of freeing your mind of expectations, freeing yourself of some kind of limit. Everything is relative. In some waters you are going to be a shark, and in other waters you are going to be the fish, that's just the reality. As I said before try to escape the whole construct of the stakes. Dont expect anything of a stake, or of its players, just play your best. I can't dare to call myself a 200nl reg or a 500nl reg or anything of the sorts, I am jsut a fisherman in search of the days catch. What does it even mean to be a reg of a stake? why do we need to create an identity in relation to the limit we are at, this causes all sorts of problems. Its just important to try hard and try to click the best buttons possible. If a decision makes sense then just do it, dont get too emotional about it. and just repeat this over and over. there really is no space for fear in no limit holdem. I think once you reach a certain understanding you will understand that certain parts of range will have to play in ways that are volatile, and this involves variance, it involves being right but also wrong a lot, and I think thats the biggest difference I see between good regs and bad regs, its that lack of fear of leveraging your whole stack in name of the correct decision. With bad regs you see a face up fear in them, so afraid to lose their chips, of course its human to preserve chips and to not put resources at risk, but theres no room for that in poker.

Dostoevsky is right. Man really is "a frivolous and myopic creature and, perhaps like a chess player, he only likes the process of achieving and not the goal itself". I'll leave it at that.


Valentin Zakharchenko, an artist from Odessa, in front of his painting “Ślepcy”( Blind) 1978. Yuri Litwinienko, a photographer, caught this image of the artist moments before making the decision to cut the work in half in order to take it out of the small apartment in 2012.

Holy ****. What a brilliant post I feel privileged to have read it. Can't touch on all points or I'd be here forever and I got **** to do but I relate to everything you said. That book looks like something I need in my life it's going on the Amazon wl. I had the same issue with IG and stopped using it Nov 1 and haven't used it since. I probably wasted 2x the amount of time you did looking at models/thots. And I have major issues with fear and it affects my volume because I will talk myself out of playing because I can sense that I do not have the killer instinct today which leads to the question: why can't I harness this killer instinct at all times and only some of the time especially when it's extremely beneficial to me considering the line of work we are in?

You gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for this post. Love and respect my brother.

Sup guys! Been a while, been debating for a while whether or not to keep this thing going, by my lack of writing you can see that what I decided on. I tried blogging on rio but idk just also didn’t really feel it. But tbh I think I wanna finish this once we complete the goal, and that has yet to happen. So where to start with this update. Seems like the last time I wrote I was being a whiny little bitch. I suppose I don’t give a **** anymore really. I think this previous post and cry, most definitely stem from an outraged ego. Things most certainly were not going so well when I was writing that. Shortly after that post I ended up going to wsop Europe with Mosquito!, shout out to him, was a sick road trip �� That was pretty cool and I met a ton of people there. Shout out to klem90 <3 , he ended up letting me crash in his flat in Vienna for a while. And shout out to succeed that joined us on the ride back as well. Like I had written before on rio, the ride back from Rozvodov to Vienna will be something I’ll remember forever just cause of how random it was, coincidentally It was my birthday, so at around midnight they sang happy birthday in the middle of some German village lol. Im going to skip over a lot, but basically after this I travelled around with my ex-girlfriend and put in a lot of work. Basically, ended up in Mexico around July of last year, and that same month I joined bitb. I think joining them was the best thing that could have happened to be honest. Joining them helped me realize the madness in my game. No matter what I will always be grateful for them all. Thank you Ishter, G,psek, 464 and all the coaches and students that in one way or another contributed to my growth. Won’t write much about this besides saying I am really grateful for everything, things didn’t really end in the best of ways, and I really wish I was more mature in many ways, but that’s life, just gotta keep going. I think I realized how differently I was approaching poker compared to them, and obviously they are the crushers and not me, I think I learned how to think about this game well with them. I think learning to create some sort of equilibrium with both approaches will go far.

Since then I’ve just been grinding a lot, ended up going to Colombia chasing a senorita. So things didn’t go as planned with her lol, but what I can say is Colombia ended up being very fun, and even though I did grind and study a lot, it really is not optimal for focus lol. Maybe colombianas really liked me, but it was kinda too easy to get ool (no flex intended) Right now I am back in costa rica and working on some stability. Have a solid group of people to study/talk poker with so lets see what we can do. I think I wont really write too many goals down because I am a specialist at writing down a lot of goals, and feeling overwhelmed and just end up not completing ****.

So 100k hands at 200nl, doesn’t matter if zoom or reg tables. I think I feel really strong for 200nl, and then probably winning in a lot of midstakes lineups, but that’s just my opinion due to lack of volume really. A little side note on this.
I am really trying to understand this big risk tolerance that I have. I think it’s a mix of over confidence, ego, and lack of understanding of variance. I think since I started to play you could say improving was a big concern, but also moving up as quickly as possible was another (and probably the biggest), and I am not sure why that is. I think this has added a lot of stress and has at times impacted motivation a lot. I think specifically when playing 1k I get a lot of pushback. Although the limit is to be respected, I don’t feel any fear for the opponents there, and its not a lack of respect but it’s just knowing they are also just humans playing this game, think its also a mix of already haven played with decently good opponents at 200z and 500z before. Ive come to understand this game is really about understanding, other players leaks well, their tendencies and how they think about the game, I for sure do a poor job at this tho… But yeah not landing the shots at all. Think specifically for 1k its been poor luck in the short term. As for the mehish results at 500 id say also meh luck, but I think it’s the limit where my leaks start to get exploited. I think I used to feel pretty bad about this, but now I think I understand its just that I need to improve. Kinda funny but what I have been studying the most has been preflop, kinda realized how superficial of an understanding I had on it, would say I realized the same about a lot of the other midstakes grinders. Anyways although I think it makes sense to shot take aggressively, I think I’ve overdone it and have overestimated my capacity in many ways, and have not really done it from a place where I’d be ok if things went really bad. 2nd goal is just fitness/nutrition related….super addicted to sugar and get insane cravings, its really bad, and this terrifies me lol, because theres a history of diabetes in my family, so one of the main things I wanna do is remove sugar, along with that continue to work out 5 times a week. Think I don’t wanna be too lazy with this goal because I think we can really get some high prs. As of now bench press pr is 100kg for 2 reps. Deadlift is at 165kg(haven’t tested in a while) and squat is 120kg( full ass to grass depth) 1 rep(also haven’t tested in a while, will do so in the next weeks or so). I have to do some research on what is reasonable gains wise, cause I think im not trying to push it too fast with this, risk of injury is really ******ed, so totally fine going slow with this. Anyways lets get it. Cheers!

Wassup guys! So **** what I said above. I thought long and hard about stuff and idk but its just not my style to walk in fear. No point in more 200 sample when I already have a big winning sample there. I don't know how to describe it but I think I am kinda betraying something when I am not pushing everyday to the limit. Like we get this one life, why do we need to walk with fear? Just to feel a bit safer, a bit more comfort?? I could drop dead tomorrow. I think I feel more at peace with the fact that things could go very wrong, but the underlying feeling is that I need to keep pushing. This is the point where I feel the best. The point where I think I have the most growth and when I feel accomplished and proud of myself. Not sitting back and taking the foot off the gas. I have come to terms with these traits that I have. I feel beyond grateful for this spot that I am in, have a ton of support from my crowd. Have very sick study partners and sicker people to bounce ideas around with. Was thinking the last days, but man just so happy with very small things, like a good cup of coffee, new socks, comfortable sweat pants, being alive, being able to eat etc. I think so easy to overlook the millions of small things that we should be grateful for. In other words so happy to be here and kicking. Anyways the last week was a blast, was playing the ACR Cage down here in Costa Rica, and tbh it was the most fun I have had at a live event, as always it is really due to the people. Shout out to the ACR pro team, management and Phil Nagy. Was amazing getting to know these guys well. and also shout out to Matt from GTO Wizard!! Delighted to have met and spoken a ton with Matt. and also really impressed with how much they have going on at GTO wizard, and the amount of responsibility they are taking to make sure wiz isnt used to rta. Very likely cant talk details here but these guys are really trying hard to make sure things are fair Anyways, feeling so inspired to keep improving. Think I am really lucky to know where I am with my game, and to know exactly what I need to be working on. I have received a lot of compliments in the past days, but to me its just really weird because I don't feel like anything particularly special, if anything I am aware of too many things to improve. I wont be overly humble cause **** that, Like I think I am solid but that’s it. Was crazy getting a message from Zinhao wishing me luck for the cage lol, I was like **** who else is watching me and my hole cards xDDDD - was very interesting playing with Michael Acevedo(Author Of Modern Poker Theory) . Long Story short, I have known him since I was a fish a long time ago, and he was my first coach, and yeah crazy to know be playing a 5k with him. Actually got into a 13kish pot with him on day 1.
I oR 88 CO 5 handed - he calls BB QhTo
9h8c4h - I b66 he xr 2.5 - I 3bet 2.5 he calls
Js - I b50%ish cause math is hard - he xjams I call it off and I river the house

(

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1903080647
7:56 I was on feature table

Cool thread to read, following for sure! GL

legend man, don't know how I missed this. Wish I could've battled with you but was not meant to be.

I struggled with similar confidence issues with you, I had a great winrate at 200nl on GG and a bankroll big enough to easily play 500. Sometimes I'd feel like playing 500, stick there for a few days, but inevitably I would lose a few stacks and move down or just give myself an excuse to play the easy grind at 200. Maybe the better word is comfort issue, I was too comfortable playing 200. But I realized that back when I was moving up the stakes, I was dying to shottake any new stake, and excited for any challenge that might come my way, just because I played professionally doesn't mean I can't have that same beginners mindset, looking to learn grow and be challenged in spite of wariness about how +EV I might be.