The Beautiful Game

I find it amusing how quickly one can like, be fond of, become obsessed with, and truly love someone new, or some "thing" new for that matter, in their lives - even if it comes in a form of a card game. I was introduced to poker by my older brother this past summer and ever since my first game at our home with him and his friends (in which I lost twenty bucks!), I have grown to like the game, become obsessed with it and now I truly love it. It gives me an opportunity to dig so deeply at human psyche, and to really understand people. To understand and uncover how my opponents approach the game and what they are thinking are the things I relish the most while playing. All this in span of 2 months. I am documenting my journey here, in part, because I want to connect with individuals who truly love the game, from whom I can learn, and also because writing things down on paper (or in this case, online forum/blog) will make me more focused and disciplined in my decision making.

The Beginning of the Journey

About a month ago , I went to a local casino - which, thankfully is at a walkable distance, with 800$. Fast forward a month (and a lot of skipped classes) and now I have $6500 in change. Here's my graph (created by my brother using some program I don't know about - Thank you Michael!):



As you can see, the last couple of times I played, I lost a significant amount of money. This wasn't necessarily due to bad luck but because I was trying to out think my opponents too hard, and when my plays didn't work, I was overwhelmed by my ego. I lost sight of my love for the game and what was left was my desire to dominate my opponents at any cost. Needless to say, I paid the cost myself. Losing money didn't bother me as much as losing control over myself did. In hindsight, being overwhelmed by emotion and losing the touch with reality for those brief couple of minutes was painful and contradicted everything I stand for - ie my true love for the game, my calmness and being rational when making decisions. But I digress; I don't want this to be a place where I come to rant. I want it to be a place where I come to learn. Hmm maybe that was an important thing to learn as well.

Who Am I?

A bit late for an introduction but here's one regardless. I am 21 years old. I'm a graduate student studying Mathematical Physics at a local university. I've harbored a deep love for both these fields of study (Math and Physics) from ever since I can remember. The cold, austere, and logical deductions of mathematics and the creative thinking required to solve physical problems both grip me to a point where I've found myself working on problems for 6-8 hours straight in the past; I stop, at times, only after being interrupted by my mom to have dinner haha.
As a kid, my parents used to take me and my brother travelling. We visited a lot of different countries, but three countries in particular had a very deep impact on me - India, China and Vietnam. During my visits to those countries, I saw what real hunger is, I tried to grasp what it'd feel like to be a kid in the world where you know no parents, you know nobody who loves you; despair can set in so quickly when you are starving, don't have a home, and what little is left of you is being abused. During those visits, I promised myself that I will make a difference in these peoples' lives. I will make them smile, I will fight against corruption and oppression running rampant in this world. That, I feel, is my ultimate dream.

So where does poker fit into all this? It's simple. I'm 21 years old, and obviously don't have much capital of my own. Poker gives me an opportunity to build a capital and let's be honest, a much better opportunity than that academia will provide me. It will give me freedom to do what I truly want to do in the future (without worrying about my own livelihood and survival I hope!). My approach to the game is simply to learn - learn what motivates people to make the decisions they make, learn how to take into account several different factos and come up with the best decisions, learn how to completely master my emotions. Needless to say, I take away a lot more than money from a poker table!

I plan on learning as much as I can about the game, myself, and the world's problems for atleast next two years. I will finish school in the meantime as well. I hope in two years, I can have enough funds to be able to travel to countries where assistance is needed and help out - teaching little children in war zones comes to mind. After that I wish to become a social activist and really dig deeper at the problems I wish to solve. I don't know, as of now, whether this means I have to work in the political spectrum or in private non-profit organization. The picture will become clearer as I learn more.

What I know for sure is my journey will be long and arduous (hence the title! ) and I'm going to make myself ready for this journey.



Poker Earnings: $6593


PS: I wish I could have chosen a more meaningful screen name, but my brother thought, for some reason, that this was hilarious.

I am not going to the casino this weekend because I have an exam for one of my physics classes this wednesday. But since I have become a hopeless poker addict this past couple of months, I decided to try online poker while I study for my exam. I deposited $50 into Pokerstars and started playing 10c/25c stakes in the Zoom format and instantly fell in love with it. The ability to fast fold hands and get dealt a new hand instantly adds many new dimensions to the game. It forces you to think harder and try to understand the players on the fly - just by looking at sizes of their bets, how long they take to make decisions etc. As much as I love this format, I burned through the fifty dollars in less than twenty minutes . Here are some hands to ponder:

Hand 1: 10c/25c Zoom 6-max

Under the Gun raiser opens 75c
I make it $2.43 from UTG + 1 seat with QQ
Everybody else folds, UTG shoves $12.48.

What to do?

There were a lot of factors to consider:
- UTG open and then all in to a re-raise would scream out AA/KK/AK in the casino I play at every time. But I figured, hey this is online poker. I should expect overly aggressive players here. Leaving the hands I dominate out, I still have 30% equity against aforementioned hand combinations.
- My opponent started with a stack of less than 100 big blinds. This can be an indication of weakness? I am not too sure about this assumption though.
- My opponent has never seen me play before and doesn't know if I'd re-raise him with good or bad hands. He's likely to assume with good hands, and hence his all in makes his hand weigh more towards the hands that are not dominated by me.

I took forever to make the call. But I did call in the end and was semi happy to see AK. But A hit the flop so that's that.

Hand 2

UTG+1 raises to 75c
I call from puck with 79
Everybody else folds

Flop ($1.50): K59

He bets $1.23

- I call here thinking he might still have hands like JJ QQ and betting here to bluff a King (since he's more likely to have a good King than me), or he might have KT,KJ,KQ,AK, in which case I can put a re-raise if a small card or a heart comes (since I am more likely to have small card combinations (with or without hearts) given the fact that I just called original raise in position).

Turn ($3.96): 7

He bets $3.23

- It seemed weird that he didn't slow down when a heart hits the board. It makes it more likely that he's bluffing and is trying to represent hearts himself. His aggressive bet size also seemed like an indication that he wasn't very strong.
- I think in this spot calling is superior to raising largely because he might be bluffing most of the times. But a case can also be made for raising since a lot of bad cards for our actual hand may hit the river - Any heart, face card, or ace.
- Since I had already planned to raise if heart or small card hits, I decided to raise.

I raise to $9.83

He quickly goes all - in for total of $23.58

- I call pretty quickly and when the cards flip up, I am shown A3. Talk about getting owned huh
- In retrospect, calling quickly was bad. The only legitimate hand that I beat is say AK (non-heart). But that's only 3 hands. And those hands still have 37% equity against my hand going to the river. I only have 10% equity against a set of fives and a flush.
- I can have a set of fives and flush in this situation myself, and yet the opponent decides to go all in. It definitely should have raised red flags and made me fold my hand.

Calling in both spots stemmed, I think, from my assumption that online players are going to be overly aggressive and their approach to the game will consist largely of trying to win hands without going to showdown. In my twenty minute burn down, my hypothesis didn't really hold up.



Poker Earnings: $6543

This past week has been very bittersweet. On one hand, I did horribly on my physics exam - one of the worst exams I have written in the long history of exam writing (I'll expound more on this later), and on the other hand, I have had a resilient, stronger comeback on the felt. I find myself being calm and analytical in tense, difficult situations and not overwhelmed by my emotions. I think the greatest thing that the game is teaching me, is how to gradually establish control over yourself - your self that is so proud, tumultous and irrational at times.

After my quick 50 dollar burnout on Pokerstars, I deposited $100 on Full Tilt Poker the next day. I played 10c/25c stake in all formats - capped games, shallow stacks, deep stacks with antes, rush; and I also played 25c/50c heads up. Now four days later, I have $300 on Full Tilt Poker after 9 hours of play total. I went back to the casino yesterday after my exam and this morning. Both days were good result-wise and play-wise. I generally adopted aggressive strategies for hands but also minimized variance at the same time. Here's my latest graph:



Some interesting hands from yesterday and today.

Yesterday

Hand 1: $1/$2

Early Positioner opens for $10; gets 3 callers before it gets to me.
I have A7. I call from sb; bb calls.

Flop ($55): 458

- Gets checked around.

Turn ($55): J

- I think about leading here with the nut flush draw but I felt like I was going to get raised by slowplayed sets/straights or some random two pair hands more often than not. So I check.
- Player who called original raise first bets $50; gets one quick call from person to his immediate right. Fold. Fold. I think for some time and call. BB folds, original raiser folds.
- The reason I do this here is because I am confident that he will pay me off if I hit a spade - because I've had history with him where he has had trouble laying his hand down on the river. I'm also fairly confident that his approach to hands is that of absolute hand strength rather than relative hand strength; I think he might have hands like sets, flopped straight, two pair hands here - hands against which I still have some 25% equity. Also, I think the insta-caller (who has $115 back) might have spade draw himself; so I'm hoping to get called by both of them if a spade comes.

River ($205): 9

- Bingo. Now that I've hit my card, I thought a while about how much to bet (I take my time with my decisions ). The person who bet on the turn had $250 behind and I had him covered. I considered overbet shoving but I didn't want him to have any doubts about calling. I bet $150 and got called instantly by him . But unfortunately, the other person folded. My hand got showed first and he mucked shaking his head. I think he atleast had a set there.

Hand 2

I open $10 from UTG with AT and get two callers. One from middle position (who I think is fairly conservative but is capable of making moves) and one from the cutoff (pretty straightforward). This is quite early in the session (way before the last hand), so my reads aren't as established as previous hand.

Flop ($30): T88

- I bet $22 to get called by any flush/straight draws and pairs < 88. Get a fairly quick call from middle position. I put him on things I wanted to get called by obviously

Turn ($70): 2

- Needless to say this was a pretty safe card for me. So I stick to trying to get value from draws + small pairs and bet $56. Again I get called fairly quickly.

River ($182) 6

- He has $250 behind and has me covered. I notice that 97 got there. I don't bet the river because I feel like my opponent is capable of bluff raising the river bet here sometimes. Also the stack sizes are awkward b/c I have a pot sized bet left in me (which he won't call with worse), and if I bet say $70-$100 for value, I am in an ugly spot if he goes all in. So I checked.
- He, pretty quickly bets $150; and I'm feeling sick to my stomach. I start having doubts about my hand. He could have hand like T8, 89, 87, 86 - Pretty much any 8. Also 66 is possible. 97 got there as I mentioned. Also, it is possible that he flatted with an overpair but his river bet sizing doesn't seem like he has a one pair hand. Only hands I beat here are J9, flush draws, 55 77 99. I ended up thinking for good 30 seconds and made the call (justifying it by thinking that too many draws missed). He flipped over J9 and I took the pot. I still have major doubts about my river call though.

Today

Hand 1

Straddled pot, 3 Limpers. I make it $22 from the button with 77. It's still early in the session, so I don't know much about my opponents. Straddler insta-calls and everybody folds.

Flop ($54): 593

- He has $120 back. I saw him play a couple of pots earlier and he seems like he's aggressive and is willing to put his opponents to tough decisions, a good player overall. In any case, I bet 37$ - in retrospect this bet size is horrible because it throws away all the hands I beat and keeps the hands that beat me in the pot. Also such an aggressive bet is not needed since there are no draws on the board (except broken straight draws). To my surprise he goes all in pretty quick.
- And to my surprise I call pretty quickly. Those few seconds when I had to make a decision, I recall that I pretty much didn't think about anything and just went with an emotion which urged me to call. I think that emotion that makes us let go of rational thought is something akin to a melange of curiosity and pride. It's important that I notice this and rectify it in the future. Take a breath before each crucial decision and try to go over everything.
- Back to the hand: He showed up with 94 . The first thing that came to my mind was: "He obviously isn't a good player" - which although helps me still be confident in myself, doesn't help me at all. I think labelling him as a bad player in my mind was just a cheap way for me to deny my bad decision. It would have been better if I notice exactly what he did and then adjust my game accordingly ~ struggles with my ego

Hand 2

I open $10 from middle position with AT. Same opponent from previous hand calls quickly from the cutoff. Everybody else folds.

Flop ($21): 3K9

- I bet $15 here and get called quickly. Okay so hearts, JT, QJ, 55-88 - yes I like to think I'm always ahead

Turn ($51): 5
- Doesn't change board texture all that much; I keep my charade up with a $37 bet. I get called quickly. Must be hearts no?

River ($125): T

- Oh I don't have to keep bluffing anymore! I check. Now he took 5-6 seconds to bet $100 and I'm thinking back to the first hand - he knows that I called him down with just sevens. Would he be bluffing here? He can have KJ, KQ, KT etc. But I also gathered from observation that, if he finds a good spot to bluff - which also includes changing his mediocre hands that may win at showdown sometime into bluffs, he will do it. I didn't think that he had backdoor spades but as we saw earlier he's capable of any two cards. Bet sizing also seems like a bluff or backdoor flush. I don't think he bets this big with a King, but then again, who knows. He was pretty unpredictable after all. I made the call since hearts and broken straight draws missed. He showed 89. I think I was more confident in making this call than yesterdays with Ace Ten.

Hand 3

This is the last hand I am posting and it also happens to be the toughest hand I played today.

Early positioner opens for $12, gets called by three others before getting to me on the button. I make the call with T6

Flop ($55): 356

- Here early positioner bets $25 dollars and one person insta calls. That bet size and the fact that original raiser is betting into a low flop smelled like a tester bet which will fold to a raise. The caller seems to have a flush draw who will fold to a non club turn, if he does call a re-raise here. So I go ahead and make it $100....and get called by both of them. I begin to mentally eliminate all sets and two pairs from their possible holdings as they probably would have gone all in here. I thought original raiser might have two overcards and a flush draw and the other person might have club draw or something like A4, A2 etc. He's shortstacked and the original raiser has us both covered

Turn ($355): 7

- Sick card to hit the board, only better one would have been 7. Now obviously my plan is to just give up if anybody bets...but both of them check to me. I am fairly confident that a straight bets here and the original raiser doesn't have a 4. The second caller might be trying to induce a bet from me. And it is also likely that I have a 4 since I re-raised on the flop. I can't pull the trigger and just check behind (like a wuss if I might add )

River ($355): 6

- The original raiser bets $250 fairly quickly. The second caller has $120 left. He starts to talk to himself and in the meanwhile I am thinking, if he makes the call, it's a pretty easy fold for me. If he folds it's a tough decision. Although I put him on overcards with flush draw, there is a teeny tiny chance that he has a 4 that he played awkwardly. Or a better 6 - this possibility is very unlikely because of all the action that happened. I just looked at him, trying to study his comfort level. I don't think this was a case where he thought he had the best hand but doesn't. This was a clear bluff or a 4. I went with my read as soon as the second caller folded and waited for him to turn over his cards. He turned over 22. And I was mindfu*ked but I didn't show it in my facial expressions of course

Academic Life

I think it's very hard to manage academics and poker. The fact that I didn't do well on my physics exam has been on my mind since yesterday and it bothered me a lot. What I found out was that I wasn't being honest with myself. I knew that I didn't completely understand the material, but I still maintained that I could solve the problems during the actual exam and just think during the exam. This hurt me deeply because while writing the exam, I felt like I was so disoriented - I was at once, trying to think, trying to solve as many problems as I could due to time constraint, cursing myself because I was unprepared. It's very scary to be lost and to lose control of your self. I promised myself to always be prepared next time and to be honest with myself and convinced myself that my struggles with these things are so trivial when seen from a perspective of thousands of children who go hungry each day to a point of starvation or those who feel a desolate loneliness day in and and out while working in sweat shops, just to survive. What are my petty miseries compared to theirs?


Poker Earnings: $8968

a lot of wishful thinking in the way you approach hands

Hmm I agree, to some degree. I tend to take as many factors into account as I can for every decision and my logic, for most part, is sound. But yes, I suffer from the wishful thinking syndrome at times. Thanks for the advice, I'll keep it in mind during next session!

Hm you have to learn a lot of basics of online poker when I read through your thought process / BRM. online poker vs. live poker -> same game, different rules
gl tho

I agree with you. What I found especially was that deception pays larger dividends in online poker - ie checking back top pairs and betting with the nuts etc. I am open to any advice though

As for bankroll management, my real bankroll is 8.9K so I don't think playing 10c/25c online is putting me at any sort of risk

Played at the casino for 5 hours today. Not many interesting hands. Highlight was losing with 99 on a 9TQ to QT - so not that interesting a day. Still managed to finish in the green though.



Poker Earnings: $9171

Put in 5 hours today as well. Played a very loose aggressive game. Got check raised twice by a tight player on a 548J board when I had 72 I had to check the river there. Already had lost to him flopping a nut flush against my little flush before.

I tried to play big pots against an opponent who had $2000 stack when I had $1000 stack. I tried making moves twice and they didn't pan out both times Still +$634 for the day and I am completely satisfied with the way I played.

Going to break the 10K barrier tomorrow


Poker Earnings: $9805

GL for the 10k!

Thank you!

Unfortunately I couldn't break the 10K barrier today. Ran 77 against KT on a 7K9 board and lost. Seems normal. Only made one mistake where I called a conservative player's shove with KQ on a two suit board, with K being the highest card, on the turn where he had AK with a nut flush draw.



Poker Earnings: $9209

Went busto on the online roll. Got called down extremely light in zoom/rush; I don't see how people are calling down light vs an unknown person. I think I have lots to learn still about how online poker works.



Poker Winnings: $8793

Went to the casino last two days.

Day 1: Ran AK into AA big blind vs button. And had to fold QQ after getting my 4 bet get called by chip leader out of position and K on the flop and in general ugly runout on the board. -$531

Day 2: A little better than day before yesterday as I didn't get into gross spots. Ran couple of good bluffs. +$346

Can't really play at all this weekend because I have TONS of school work to do.



Poker Earnings: $8608

I went back on friday for a four hour session. Got into some interesting spots:

i) Conservative player limps early position. I make it $12 from button with A8, bb calls, early position calls. 4Q6. Gets checked around. 7 on turn. EP bets out pot. I think he might have 2pair or something he checked on the flop or made with the turn. So if I do call with my gutter and nut flush draw, he will call my river bet/raise a large amount of time because it's hard to put me on those hands (maybe not because I checked the flop?). Anyways 5 on the turn. He bets 1/2 pot, I ship, he insta calls with QQ

ii) Got triple barrelled by loose aggressive player on a 47JKQ board. I called down with T9. Gutter on flop, I thought about shoving the turn but I still had outs I can catch if he had KJ or something like that. He showed up with 43.

iii) Lost a $700 pot with AK on a AKQ board when a loose aggressive player (not the same one as before) had JT. Got it in on the flop.



Poker Winnigs: $8597

I went back for last two days after finishing all my exams. Did really well and made little to no mistakes. I also did well on my exams it seems. So things are looking up



Poker Earnings: $9781

Today was such a long day. Put in a 6 hour session and was card-dead for most of it. I decided to change gears and play hyper aggressively for last two hours. It lead to an ugly stack off decision where I opened straddled pot for 22 after two limpers and the straddler moved in for $126. I had been opening every pot and he seemed to be visibly frustrated/making a move. I made the call with AJ. I justified it by thinking that he could be doing this with 22-99 and any suited ace. He showed up with AK. This was one of the rare occasions where my instinct has been wrong.

On a happy side note, I finally broke the 10K barrier! Most of it was because of one hand where I got it in with 87 on a 9K6 board against AK. Think it was a $800 pot. I am thinking of playing 500nl once I hit $12.5K. See how it goes.



Poker Earnings: $10,072

My play for the last two sessions has really been subpar. I don't think I'm thinking as clearly and at times I find myself making decisions that go against my gut. I also found it hard to revaluate my read after further action - I initially put my opponent's on a narrow range - say "flush draw" instead of "flush draw, set, 2 pairs etc" which I can narrow down depending on their action. I've had trouble being patient too (which usually isn't a problem) and that has lead me to play speculative hands...

I have to fix all these leaks because one mistake can cost me 5-6 hours of hard work.

Haven't done any school work for the past week now...where's my balance?



Poker Earnings: $9337

I've been running really well. Although I have made major mistakes here and there, I feel like I learn from each and every one of them. I also find it easier to mix it up between loose agressive and tight aggressive game and gamble earlier in the session to build a big stack which I can then use to put real pressure on others. I am going to hit the 2/5 tables once I am at 12.5K. As things are going right now, I don't think it'll take too long.

I am also glad that bad beats/suckouts/flips that don't go my way have no negative effect on my mood whatsoever. Only plays that weren't backed by sound reasoning affect me mentally.

Still struggling to balance school but I feel ecstatic, and confident in myself. I trust myself to take care of everything.



Poker Earnings: $11,073

Went back for a session two days ago. I realized that when you are at a poker table, you don't need to try too hard to create an image. Just play your cards at the beginning of a session and if you start out making hands, you'll establish a loose aggressive image. If you are card dead and start with strong starting hands later in the session, you can make moves later and will have a tight aggressive image.

Needless to say this lesson cost be about $300. I tried too hard to create a hyper aggressive image so that I could get paid off when I hit my hands. I dumped a lot of money bluffing in the spots where I knew it might not be sucessful but there'll probably be a payoff down the road due to my bad bluff here. Just have to learn how to be patient and not push too hard. Do what comes naturally.



Poker Earnings: $10,731