$60 put on pokerstars pretty much all my money lol bar £20

negative lifetime on pokerstars over the years ive played gambled here poker sports casino whatever =
this
$7404/£6152 both deposits and cashback
£4339
= -£1049/$12095



goal recoup this before autumn somehow

rules no casino games, no sports bets, no tournaments, no zoom games, no spins, no sit and goes, and no omaha pokergames at least for time being, and no not using bankroll management and winging

first step goal beat 5nl make $50 here then if winrates 18bb and standard deviation is 120 or less if got $110 in account take a 5buyin shot at 10nl (not sure if im using counting chests rakeback yet towards bankroll challenge undecided) why 18bb?

cause this pic i found of winrate distribution i plugged it in pokerdope with 120bbdeviation came out at 12bi bankroll if winrate isnt that ill keep playing till the reached next goal which is basically

18,8,5,2.5 and 1.5bb is how im planning the bankroll management base it on these winrates and +5buyins to try shot stake, cause of this pic i found googling


its also partly why not bothering with mixing omaha games in for now will make it harder to gauge what to do or other sites for that matter

i know they say not to be money minded or have monetary goals or whatever in poker but i kind need to now otherwise im just gonna keep gambling dumping setting money on fire and money i need too, also i dont buy believe that **** they say either or they wouldnt use bankroll management theyd just gamble it up with enough to sit the tables each time as i did, or put whole roll account over few tournaments.
i need to learn to care about the money or ill keep repeating deposting redepositing, will give me reason for bankroll management, reason to not gamble etc and a clear goal, also need to stop tilting so bad and spewing

first night short session really late night morning

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UOY1JeFvAw

https://www.splitsuit.com/poker-variance-visualized

been thinking about it while playing, ill play win $110 in game at 5nl then go from there not the make $50 route then shot take 10nl for 5buyins, reason being i may of played poker for what 4-5years but majority thats been omaha really i only played holdem 9months-1 and bit year maybe properly like thinking about it loving enjoying it, then i got bored found omaha and being a gambler i am i fell in love with omaha as its way more appealing fun too and for a gambler than holdem, holdem doesnt ever feel like gambling without investing alot into a game or something playing with your whole worth.
but i can already tell know my edge if got one is not gonna be very consistent stable in holdem as omaha, as holdem has potential to tilt me more feels more a battle stress fest, holdem effects my mental game play strat way more than does omaha i can unravel in extreme ways, the no limit betting structure and very spacey manoeuvrable game makes holdem brutal game to tilt in, mean omaha is too but its just different.
so gonna take it slow get to $110 withdraw my $60 deposit so least got that back in my bank account and ill go from there think sensible as my holdem game isnt fab nor mental game or stability for it

two bad hands mainly this session ruined it, debatable actually one of them, i bluffed deep what i felt was appropriate given board positions action and fact he was capped as ****, and i had majority the aks and ako and aqs and few aqo so sucked when he called near 200b deep the riv slight overbet with what did but equally not surprised, also what he called pre too was well whatever, i play the value hand like that too so but that one hurt.

second again deep about same amount maybe more and overvalued raised 2pair river vs a fish that donk 1/2 river should just called really was dumb likely influenced by that other hand actually shifted mindset if thought wee bit longer id just called but was thinking i could milk weaker 2pairs which feel hed play the same, he actually still didnt have the nut nuts there but not like hes folding what he had if i dont think hes folding two pair, i thought he bluff donk 1/2 brick flush draw and weak 2pair and rivered set or maybe straight though given how deep check raise, he actually after limping had some super strong turned set that he called turn with, river there were two straights missed gutters and then bunch 2pairs too, i actually yh i dont like how played that river at all im tryna get value from too little the straights getting there river or ones i thought he may have alot of too offsuit and suited just pure spew just wanted to stack him win the deep pot to make up for the loss from the other dude on another table, props on the trap turn by him and the donk river.

actually 2 more weird hands 1 not sure of should fold pre after 4bet cold feels too nitty weak when flip vs aks and ako which most people stack plus was the dead money from the opener that opened weird large size gut told me i was behind but felt committed given how much in middle im not sure what the breakeven threshold been on the call given what i think hes ripping but yh could exploit pop 4b smaller fold the 5b but i dont like doing that feel like someone notice im ****ed.

oh few not necessary breakeven calls aswell this session and bluffs (not as bothered about the bluffs, more the calls) do 1 big **** one i thought good bluff that just did not pan out this time i kinda get why but equally i dont as even my bluffs beat him as i go light for value or we chop alot an deep yh liked it it looking back thinking about it did tilt me the insult call though pre and post, but i know i look am perceived as more aggressive than am sometimes need to remember that, i get more light calldowns and **** you calls and bluffs from people.

could of actually moved up shot 10nl as did get to $60 actually but as said plan to get to $110 so didnt do so not sure if missing out on that good thing or bad as slows progress climb up.

anyway ok night session till those two hands one crazy hero call every street by some dude deep, and the me overvalueing valueowning myself vs fish hand later on, and fact kinda semi shifted mindset for the session influenced some my plays from there on out.



changed mind on the play till got $110 ill play till got $50 then shot take for 5buyins 10nl if winrate still 18bb or more, i only got while till autumn so i need to not faff around need see how high i can play and beat, the $60 can just stay in my account for now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xQzNkkedKI

quick update as hit a hiccup slip up, dropped to $4 at one point hands tied behind my back dont like zoom but kinda no choice so won enough at 5nl zoom to sit with $6 2nl and just gonna 2table try get back to where i was