Anybody know that feeling when you absolutely hit rock bottom? I think everyone gets to this point one day or another. I never had a moment in my life were i thought i was going to be in this position. First, if you don't want to read all of this, then scroll down and go straight to my goals. For those of you who are interested, just read here

I'm just a normal kid from The Netherlands, Eindhoven, who studies Media and event management. I'm a very private person, although i'm very good at giving presentations for big groups of people. It just comes naturally and i can improvise on the spot. I never had problems with job interviews and with every job interview i was hired on the spot. Yup, this doesn't happen alot, but alot of people like me and do alot for me when i feel like ****. So how can this be different?

Firstly, i am not here to brag. I hate bragging. The reason why i'm here is to teach myself some discipline. I'm at a point where i'm almost not able to pay tuition, and i had to sell my digital camera and all that comes with it, just to survive. Just to clarify, my hobby is photography, so you can imagine this hurts alot. I just collapsed mentally, and i wasn't able to speak with my girlfriend because i feel like ****. I'm a proud person, and i can't / won't admit that i am short on money. There has to come a time where i have to do this.

So why even post this here? I saw that i have some money on Partypoker left to grind $4NL there. I don't see this as money, and i don't need to use it for the moment. All i want to do is follow my passion (which is poker), finish school, and improve my life along the way. That's why i have some goals for myself. At the moment i have no intention of ever being a pro poker player. But if it seems to be going awesome, and this thread lasts longer than a year (i'll explain later), i might set the bar alot higher.

Goals:

- Start to go to the gym (kickboxing i think)
- Concentrate on school (don't ever let everything else get in the way)
- Routine! Find something to do besides poker
- Study poker (register on a training site, read books, maybe get coaching)
- Start small (4NL 9 to 12 tables at party)
- Patience: Good things take time
- Talk to someone (if not my girlfriend, maybe a psychiatrist if needed)

So, i want to take babysteps for the moment and get my life in order. This will not only be a blog about my poker stats, graphs and hands, but also how to improve my life. I don't want to sound like a whiner to anyone, and i hope the trolls will stay far away

Just made some coffee and all ready to start my session will post updates later today

Really swingy session, although i'm pretty happy how i played. Ended in the black for now. I decided to move my money to Pokerstars for the time being, because Partypoker still had a lot of update problems.

Graph:

Hands:

PokerStars - $0.05 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 4 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

SB: $5.00
Hero (BB): $5.00
CO: $2.15
BTN: $7.15

SB posts SB $0.02, Hero posts BB $0.05

Pre Flop: (pot: $0.07) Hero has K K

fold, BTN raises to $0.15, fold, Hero raises to $0.45, BTN calls $0.30

Flop: ($0.92, 2 players) 8 2 Q
Hero bets $0.70, BTN calls $0.70

Turn: ($2.32, 2 players) T
Hero checks, BTN bets $1.10, Hero calls $1.10

River: ($4.52, 2 players) 3
Hero checks, BTN bets $4.90 and is all-in, fold



I don't know if the river fold is kinda nitty, but i couldn't beat anything here. Maybe i should've played it more aggro

PokerStars - $0.05 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

SB: $4.52
Hero (BB): $6.16
UTG: $13.67
MP: $5.34
CO: $5.48
BTN: $4.63

SB posts SB $0.02, Hero posts BB $0.05

Pre Flop: (pot: $0.07) Hero has K Q

fold, fold, fold, BTN raises to $0.15, fold, Hero raises to $0.47, BTN calls $0.32

Flop: ($0.96, 2 players) A Q 5
Hero checks, BTN bets $0.30, Hero calls $0.30

Turn: ($1.56, 2 players) 2
Hero checks, BTN checks

River: ($1.56, 2 players) K
Hero bets $1.20, BTN raises to $3.86 and is all-in, fold



Should've folded on the flop i guess .... The river bet was REALLY bad.

PokerStars - $0.05 NL (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by PokerTracker 4

Hero (SB): $5.00
BB: $5.00
UTG: $8.86
MP: $2.88
CO: $5.60
BTN: $3.18

Hero posts SB $0.02, BB posts BB $0.05

Pre Flop: (pot: $0.07) Hero has 7 6

fold, MP raises to $0.15, CO calls $0.15, fold, Hero calls $0.13, fold

Flop: ($0.50, 3 players) 4 T 8
Hero checks, MP checks, CO bets $0.48, Hero raises to $1.15, fold, CO calls $0.67

Turn: ($2.80, 2 players) A
Hero checks, CO bets $2.68, Hero raises to $3.70 and is all-in, CO calls $1.02

River: ($10.20, 2 players) 9



I had like 43% on the turn, which is great. But i wanted to get it in on the flop. I was committed, so i had to call whatever the outcome.

That is for now! I need to do some school related stuff Clean my room and start building a new portfolio website.

Cheers!

Managed to squeeze in a small(ish) session. Still not dealt into the milestone hand

Well, i'm running below EV at the moment. Also made a few mistakes, but most of it were alot of setups. Lost 2 times against the same player with KK against QQ ofc std to hit the Q on the river. Ah well, that happens. I'm down about 10 buyins so that's alot. But the EV line is still fine. I'm not tilting at the moment, but just hoping i'm getting out of this hole.

I feel like a need a break right now. It's not fun when you are running really bad, not hitting anything and just not feeling good. So, maybe i will fire up a session soon, but i don't know.

Sucks to start out in a downswing but it seems like you have pretty good discipline/tilt control.

Take a break and then start crushing.

GL!

Thanks I think it was a good idea to just take a break because of the downswing. Maybe i'll just need to concentrate more on my play and not on the number of tables i need to play to unlock a bonus.

Right now i played a small session on partypoker which went great. No more then 12 tables at the moment. Will post a longer update later today.

GL!

Hope the downswing doesn't last too long.

Looking forward to seeing how you get on!

Does this justify as a value bet?

***** Hand History for Game 14258297054 *****
$4 USD NL Texas Hold'em - Thursday,December 4, 16:10:42 CET 2014
Table Tripoli ( Real Money )
Seat 1 is the button
Total number of players : 4/6
seat 1: D0nkShove ( $4.13 USD )
seat 2: DrSchultzCL ( $4.06 USD )
seat 3: mulla49 ( $4 USD )
seat 6: tonyjaa_ ( $7.96 USD )
DrSchultzCL posts small blind [$0.02 USD].
mulla49 posts big blind [$0.04 USD].
** Dealing down cards **
Dealt to D0nkShove [ Qh, Ks ]
tonyjaa_ calls [ $0.04 USD ]
D0nkShove raises [ $0.16 USD ]
DrSchultzCL folds
mulla49 folds
tonyjaa_ calls [ $0.12 USD ]
** Dealing Flop ** [ Js, 4s, Qd ]
tonyjaa_ bets [ $0.37 USD ]
D0nkShove calls [ $0.37 USD ]
** Dealing Turn ** [ Ac ]
tonyjaa_ checks
D0nkShove checks
** Dealing River ** [ 4h ]
tonyjaa_ checks
D0nkShove bets [ $0.80 USD ]
tonyjaa_ calls [ $0.80 USD ]
D0nkShove shows [ Qh, Ks ]two pairs, Queens and Fours.
tonyjaa_ doesn't show [ Ts, Jc ]two pairs, Jacks and Fours.
D0nkShove wins $2,59 USD from the main pot with two pairs, Queens and Fours.

Played a smallish session, like i said. I don't think i'm going to play today. So here is the graph:



As you can see, my non showdown winnings are not that sexy at the start. I adjusted a bit while i was playing, and it's visible in the redline. I'm pretty happy overall played my a-game and 9 to 12 tables max.

That would be a 'thin value bet', which might not even be that thin at 4nl.