Lol Jorizz spot on. Played some tournaments, funnily enough had bricked some. Incredible!

In fairness to Pad's though, I believe the emotional battle tends to harder in Vegas. There is an inner expectation to win and when that isn't happening it is tough. It's also a super vacuous place, although a lot of fun.

http://www.wsop.com/videos/?vid=328

Tune in at 3:30 y'all

Didn't realise Hero would be commentating on Negriin

Maybe you should put how much you have won the past two years to the downswing you are currently on?

Maybe just go and grind cash until the main event. The variance you're experiencing is standard for any MTT player but you've not been playing MTT's for that long so you've not had to deal with a proper downswing yet. At the moment you're obviously struggling to deal with it mentally. When it happens again you'll be able to cope much better. Anyway, good luck whatever you decide to do. I've enjoyed reading this PG&C thread.

Yo not to derail, but I didnt call it ridiculous. And yes I do agree with what you posted... but after their temper tantrum then all eventually pushed thru and made it happen.

Emotions are difficult to contain and I think writing them down is a great way to review later when you may start to have same feelings. It can be appreciated that he is sharing.

Hey buddy, check your PMs

His friends probably told him to get some perspective and quit whining. Which is the right thing to do, it's very unhealthy if he is encouraged to think that this is a normal reaction.

Losing KK < AK on a day 1 and making that post is beyond pathetic.

Really shocked by this recent post, you sound like you've never had a downswing before. There's nothing wrong with venting once in a while but really didn't expect this. I guess what makes it more shocking is that in many of your previous posts you say how mentally your fine and not upset about these beats. Anyway wish you luck with what ever you decide to do but IMO you need to take a step back and assess your mental state, playing the big one in your current condition would not be wise.

This is the truth. Vegas, WSOP, and live poker is extremely hard to deal with emotionally if you are not running well.

Hope things start to improve for ya pads. Plz keep posting how you always have and don't sugar coat anything b/c it irks a few people. I think that's what makes this such a great thread and so popular, b/c you pour it all out. Obliviously everyone gets frustrated and down about poker (esp mtts) pads just chooses not to omit that part from his thread/blog like a lot of people do.

Keep going san.

idk I think it's perfectly normal to have these thoughts after losing high equity spots or when going on an extended downswing that seems to never end, especially right after busting a tourney ('why did i put all this effort into this game, it's not worth it', 'why are all the others winning and not me', ...) and he just chooses to actually write them down publicly instead of keeping them to himself or chatting 2min to a skype friend.

Think you should probably stick to cash pads if tournaments are taking this kind of toll on you...

Sounds like your playing too high for your mental strength. Everyone has different pain barriers regarding how much they can lose in 1 tournament or 1 period of time.

Yours seems alot lower than what your bankroll can afford. End of the day you bricked 25-30 tournaments that can happen to anyone.

One good thing means your not a degen spose.

GL turning it round.

I've been reading this thread since the start and will continue to. At this point its pretty much the only one that I regularly check on 2+2. I love the in depth analysis, the honesty, even the btching is very real and something that a lot of people who play poker certainly feel.

With that said I think the reason people bash you pads has a lot less to do with the complaining you do in here and a lot more to do with your sense of entitlement. I understand you've worked and continue to work extremely hard to get where your at today. But if you really think that you deserve to have made more than 300k in the past year and half, than I'm sorry, but you are extremely delusional.

I'm not here to say you ran well or poorly. Truthfully I have no idea. I think your downswing has helped you lose touch with reality. You could easily lose another 100-200k playing the buyins you play or you could win half a million. I don't know how much either would really show about your ability. You are playing multi table tournaments for a living. Its a very difficult and extremely volatile way to make a living.

I understand this is the most stressful time of the year but your all over the place man. A week ago you were talking about staying in Vegas through Christmas, now you want to get on the next flight home? I know you had high expectations coming into the summer but halfway through you must have had some idea this could happen? You are a great player but you need a reality check. Pull your head out of your ass and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Woke up and feel very ok.

Through my two blogs the responses are pretty interesting though. I do literally write every exact emotion I have. Like if I won the $10k 6max I would very likely have been feeling I was the ultimate goat and I'm not affraid to post something like that. I really want to write every single raw emotion that I have, I want to look back (and I do regularly) months in advance and see exactly how I was feeling at different times, and strategically how I was approaching spots.

It seems to have really been taken negatively from people, especially on 2p2, but I really think it's feelings a lot of poker players have and I just want to tell you guys how exactly I feel about my poker from a day to day point of view. I will go from being happy to sad within 24 hours, but that's life right? People in normal working jobs go from being happy to sad in 24 hours. People on marriage go from what they think is genuine hate to what they think is genuine love within 24 hours. If they wrote all their feelings on a public message board I'm sure everybody (including me) would think "wtt is this guy talking about, how delusional" so I understand the negativity towards my posts and I accept it, it's ok

I'm not sad in General, as soon as I busted yesterday I was happy for the next 12 hours, I was railing Simon and very intrigued in the whole thing. Previously I had very bad cases of jealousy. This time last year God knows how I would have felt if somebody I knew was on a final table and I had been running bad. I've read a lot about it and it's supposed to be a very normal thing, but yesterday I was genuinely really funking for Simon and wanted him to win as badly as I wanted to win throughout the series.

I've thought long and hard about everything and I understand when I can be happy about things and when I can't control things. I get very unhappy when I go into something with expectations that are tough to manage and that I can't fully control. The whole "bracelet hunting" thing makes my goals unrealistic and I'm the kind of guy that just needs to
Succeed. When I fail and I can't physically do anything to reverse that it makes me incredibly sad and depressed. My sense of
Entitlement comes out and I struggle to deal with it. It's similar with SCOOP, I wanted to be plauer of the series, I prepared 6 hours a day for 2 weeks beforehand, I took off from playing poker completely and went "all in" emotionally jnto the series. I think I didn't run good and whatever and I had a very bad series. That is something I really struggle to handle mentally, just because of the personality and approach I have to the whole thing. I'm not saying it's right, I'm not trying to say anything, just saying how tough it is for me to deal with failing ambitious goals.

The second thing is the high roller culture. Again I'm going to sound arrogant and sound like I'm up my arse but I genuinely think that in the $10k tournament yesterday and any other tournament I've played this summer I will be in the top 10 players in the field. Now I know this may get so so much hate, but it's what I genuinely believe. I could be delusional, but in my brain that's how I feel. So far I've played the following

EPT Barcelona
EPT Barcelona
EPT Prague
EPT Prague
EPT Malta
EPT Monaco (10k)
EPT London
WSOP Main event
WSOP 5kx3
WSOP 10k
Vienna 10k
Monaco 25k x2
Malta 25k
London 10k
Malta 10k x2

I think all the above and maybe a few more completely bricking. My mind is so concerned about them that I remember them so painfully that I could tell you almost all my exit hands. I've blogged about them here of course but just in general I go through the phase in them of playing v good (I'm sure there is exceptions but on the whole) then losing some unlucky all in.

Now the immediate reaction would be wtf it's 20-25 tournaments. But the thing is like people have alluded to, I want to be accepted as the crusher. As the guy who plays great, I want it to be common talk between friends when they are talking abit poker players that I'm one of the best. I want timex to sell me at higher Mark ups than others, I want to be number 1 in Fedors power rankings. I want Jacobson to message me before the main event and ask to swap 2%. I'm sure it's an arrogant thing to want, but it's just how I feel, what I want and how I want to be accepted by the community.

I'm not trying to make out that I am flawless, I'm obviously not. Last week I was very, very tough on myself in these blogs simply because I want to succeed and I don't want to have entitlement. I want to realy ****ing deserve to be the best in the business. I don't want to win a tournament after going out the night before and late regging after not looking at a hand history for the last 3 weeks. I know this is a tough game, I know you get out what you put in and I am prepared to really ****ing grind hard and succeed.

I just want to apologise for sounding so miserable/entitled yesterday, I literally always walk through my front door, don't take my shoes off and just start writing as if it's a personal diary.

It's 4pm now and I don't really know what to do. A lot of me tells me to go to San Diego, a lot tells me that I'm obviously going to absolutely moan it in and win every flip in this 3k.

Again just ant to apologise again for making everybody so mad at me etc I don't want to be hat guy,
It would be way easier if all of this was anonymous.

[quote author=nirvana link=topic=49575.msg2058063#msg2058063 date=1434654593]
Really interesting this and it's impressive how honest you are about your feelings.

At a whole other level I used to feel like this and basically it is almost 100% a sense of entitlement that does this to us. We are better so why aint it working...totally flies in the face of all we know about poker though and other games with a significant luck element.

I used to think I deserved to win at Luton all the time because I was playing on a different level, sometimes level 2.5 +, to everyone else. In the end I had to decide I had no right to win, however well I played and stop looking at everyone else and thinking everyone else an idiot. I think you're doing this, you talk a lot about soft tables and 7 fish per table. You lose that respect for people and it just doesn't work very well from there. Even if it does, it's too much baggage and scornery to carry around. This sense of entitlement is magnified about 50x live v online because you actually get to see the peoples faces and be annoyed very directly about them, their play, their mannerisms, their haircut, etc

I know a big tall, web footed guy and he can't even play at Luton any more cause he's so scornful of the Luton diaspora. That's a shame for the rest of us and probably him too

Tiny mental adjustments to feel a little more love and respect for opponents rather than just love the game and you might translate your mad online skills to something worthwhile live.

No charge, just my tuppence and really hope you turn your feelings (and results) round on this trip.
[/quote]

hey thanks for the post!

I actually have enormous respect for the bad players. I really do spend most of my time talking to them. I've been invited to some pretty amazing private games all around America this summer from all sorts of different people, but just when I'm soeaking about the hand I mention that they are fish just to justify/Explain why I was doing x, y and Z. Actually awkward moment the other day, the "whale" that I was speaking about was such a great guy, we spoke non stop for the whole time about everything in life. I got home, wrote my report and then a few hours later he had found me and added me on Twitter/facebook. I thought he had found the 0.001% chance of finding my blog and wanted to hurt me! He was a very nice guy and just messaged me to tell me he loved meeting me and if I ever wanted to come to New York he would put me up in his house.

I actually felt quite bad about labelling him as a whale on a public forum but of course I'd never mention his name.

He actually knocked me out when he was almost drawing dead and I sat in my seat till the end, stood up after he hand wished him good luck and to everybody else at the table and left gracefully. Yesterday one of the reasons the kk v ak hand pissed me off was because the flop was 532r and the guy got up, got his bags, started to walk away etc. I really don't like that at all.

Sorry for going off on a tangent!

100% this

Very entertaining thread to read but the whining about standard MTT variance is pretty dumb. The cards don't care if you got a massage or did yoga or how much better you are then everybody else. Your KK vs AK has the same odds as the other guys KK vs AK who was up all night and late regged and didn't review 50 hhs this week.

I know, I'm sorry

Dont want this to come across as an advice post bc I'm not qualified to really speak on this.


I just wanna say that I'm currently experiencing the biggest downswing of my life by far and this thread has helped me dealing with it a lot (still not very well). Seeing pads' brutally honest posts after busting a bracelet event makes me realize that, no matter how good you get or how much work you put in, variance is always gonna be there to make it either really ugly or just wonderful and there's not all that much you can do about it other than deal with it.

In a weird, egotistical way I find a lot of strength in the fact that even absolute crushers don't just stroll around whistling like "on to the next".

That said, I would really love to see you reg the $3k tomorrow, put your head down and grind. And bust with class if need be (i know you've always done this up untill now) Maybe you can look at it as putting in work on your mental game (lol me saying this). Just like you review hh's for the technical part of your game, ride the variance rollercoaster in Vegas for some added mental strength in the future.

Ofc if you really think you're better off taking a plane somewhere and get away from poker for a while, you should. But I think your mindset and ambition is going to make it very hard for you to relax anywhere when the series are going on.

GL whatever you decide to do; as long as you keep working as hard as you do it's only a matter of time and you know that. I hope you don't refrain from making a similar post in the future but I hope you won't need to

Pads, glad you woke refreshed and renewed. With some of these beats Ive read I kinda think "he is saving his rungood for the Main Event"

GL

welcome to MTTs young grass hoppah

$3000 no limit holdem.

Let's ****ing go.

Knew you would play. Now win a ****ing bracelet!

Go get them boss. Glgl