YES, gl sir!


lolled at young grass hoppa

Glgl!

inb4 he wins 3k!!

GL, great decision.

$3K was really fun, I got there at 300bb with 15k, so perfectly fine. I got unto 40k pretty easily, I was so tuned in, off my phone completely taking every decision serious. My whole intention and goal was to play better than anybody else in the room and just make as good a decision as possible.

I hand one hand that was pretty interesting.

I open ATdd UTG to 900, unknown Spanish reg flats button kind of weirdly as if he didn't have a really great hand. Maybe a suited ace/broadways/pairs.

Flop KJ2ccd, I make a pretty easy cbet of 975. He calls.
Turn KJ2Qccdc, I think betting any of my range here would be a pretty big mistake. Hands that aren't strong enough to check call but have equity would be AcXx but I have none A8/9/7 off suit combos that I'm opening. I think this turn favours his range, especially as he flats a lot of JJ/QQ/KK potentially pre flop given stack sizes. He bets 1500 which felt pretty weak to me, I assumed he had KJ/KQ/QJ/AK hand strengths.

River KJ2QJ, I check and now he acts very differently to previously so I know it means something, he grabs his chips differently and then bets 4500. I pretty much insta folded and turned my hand over, he was abit shocked and showed me KJo for a full house. I don't really like his pre flop call, but maybe its ok.

Next hand of note is I open 1300 on whales big blind UTG with QQ, veryyyyyy splashy/peely guy flats the 1300 and then this same Spanish guy makes it 3200 off like 60k (I have 24k) such an awkward spot, I think he doesn't have AK with this sizing, but no idea what he was trying to do? Maybe play a pot against the other guy in position or something, I didn't feel comfortable 4b/calling when I had such a great table, but also didn't want to 4bf. When I peel flops are incredibly tough because I will be sandwiched in-between and may have to call/fold which will really suck!

I ended up peeling, and c/f A55r. No showdown.

I grinder from 20k to 40k without showdown, I 4bet bluffed half my stack pre in one spot when I had a very good read he was 3bet/folding in a squeezed pot, I was sure of my read that I just wanted to back myself and go with it.

I get moved table with 3 hands left of the night. I have a really nice stack and first hand I sit down Zisimo is stop and going into 5 people on Jxx, 2-3 hands left before they call last hands of the night and fish limps. English reg makes it 2400, theres a call and I overcall KJhh (bb800) from the cut off, Zisimo jams again and obviously anybody who plays against him a lot knows he's very, very aggro. I'm contemplating whether to call or not, pretty sure I'm going to call and he kind of shows me either a 6-7-8, not a picture anyway lol. LOLlivepoker, I call anyway, but very much doubt I would ever fold vs him and lost KJhh vs his 88 on 66542. I come back tomorrow with 19k instead of 70+k, but weirdly I just felt completely fine. In the past I had this previous fear of losing big hands before the end of the night and obviously over the last 48 hours have had the entitlement and the IRUNSOBAD fear, but here I just felt completely fine. I didn't make close to one mistake all day I don't think and made 7-8 really great plays.

I'm happy. It's kind of weird. Out of all the tournaments this summer I've made day 2 in about half+ of them, I really believe in myself and think I'm playing good. I just need to accept that thats ok. Thinking back I realise that this happens for 5-6 tournaments and then the 7th one I really find it hard to take. For example in SCOOP I felt find running bad for the first week and then on the 2nd Sunday after losing AA aip, I finally got the entitlement tilt. In Monaco I busted 5-6 tournaments playing great and then in the $25k I lost KK v AJ for lots of chips and thats when I kind of blew up.

I now know moving forward what to expect, I know I'll be fine for the next 4-5 tournaments, but I have to realise I'm probably going to take the next one really bad, but I didn't realise previously about this pattern, so from all of this I've definitely learned.

Theres a really nice saying in poker.. We either win or we learn.

I do have an overly pessimistic attitude, tomorrow I know when I'm first all in I'll expect to lose, I'm not sure just yet how to overcome that, but I really will go in tomorrow and treat it as if I have to make every decision worthwhile and play every spot as close to what I consider perfect (optimal)

I have taken the last 3 months extremely roughly, they have been very rough. But I will get over it, things will change and hopefully next time a run happens like this I'm better prepared for it.

I am anything but the finished article in poker and as much as I can cringe about the technical side of a lot of peoples games, perhaps their mental game makes up for it.

I actually don't think my mental game impedes me, its the post game mental game that is extremely weak, which in turn really hurts my life EV.

For all the nice posts, I really do appreciate it. For the not so nice posts, I completely get it and really appreciate you still posting, it will help harden me up.

Such a drama queen

253/297 tomorrow, 117 get paid.

Gwan pads

[/quote]

Life really sucks sometimes, pleno. It feels like there is no justice whatsoever, other people get it all and life isn't fair. You've had experience of that and posted in this diary about some of those times, so I know you've not had it all your own way. But some people have run so far below EV in their life.

Make a list of all the things in your life you are grateful for. Put it somewhere prominent; somewhere you walk past between the front door and the laptop on your room.

Go and meet up with Cambridge Alex one day, perhaps. He seems to have got the balance right and found happiness in a life that involves (but doesn't entirely revolve around) poker.

Keep working hard but maybe one of your goals should be to smile more. Enjoy the experience. You might not be able to come back next year. A lot of us ITT are running above EV in life. You'll be fine and I await news of your success.

Do wins, sir.
[/quote]

Hey, yeah I'm not really gloomy, around people, people would never really know. I like to have a laugh, fun, enjoy time etc, thats the kind of thing with depression, people often keep it to themselves and it builds up and they can't take anymore. I may be wrong, but who would have ever guessed that about Robin Williams? Ben Wilinofskys recent video on depression is great and brave. I'm not trying to say I'm anything like that at all, but maybe me writing how I feel shows others that also struggle with similar things that it's not just them and its kind of normal to be sad and upset at times.

It's good to have you back sir, now keep your head up and do what you're best at

Sometimes I think you're just trolling and trying to get as many responses as possible. Love reading (and hating) this blog, glgl

exactly.

thx for pointing out bens vid, was very very interesting.

gl out there, don't let them get u down.

Man i LOVE your blog, all stategy is great and is clear that u r great player and have great poker mind

So at the end i wish u best luck, keep posting, and play your game

pretty good post by re8uz, you seem to be looking for thin edges/high variance spots way too much (eg that 66 b/c was also rly rly thin)

gl today, time to run it up

I really do enjoy this thread as I find it has a lot to offer. Not just in a poker sense, but also the other side of poker that is not so glamorous. Sucks that you do not feel as though you are accomplishing the accolades that you think you deserve, but you knew what you were getting into with poker. I felt like I knew you would end up playing the 3k, just needed a good night's sleep. So good on you man.

Something else that came to mind was the fact that you were so mentally depleted and let your emotions get the best of you. That is a completely normal reaction. Although, there is one thing I have learned in life and that is that sometimes life does not give you time to prepare, but only to react. How people react says a lot about their true character. Adding to this point, I think that you being a role model and leader (your stable), need to demonstrate more strength because if your stable goes through the same thing, they'll look to you for positive reinforcement.

Anyways, keep pushing through man, love the thread!

The thing is.. NO ONE owes you this amount of respect. You are literally advocating that people should consider you "the crusher" (and it's somehow not fair if they don't automatically do it) without you having to earn it. Yes you've earned a lot of respect for your play and results in the poker world. Have you earned enough to be called "the crusher"? **** no. Get off your high horse and make it happen you whining ****ing cry baby. Most delusional egotistical post I've read in a long time.

People are really bad at reading.

Yeah, that's not a fair post princess. He wants to be perceived as a crusher, he never explicity states he is (already)

LoL @ these little therapistZ. Most of them would have panic attack if they ever leave their computer and go to play live poker. **** yall.

GL OP!

$bracelethunting

Patrick I honestly believe you're doing yourself a disfavor by putting so much care into the glory side of poker/the perception of others.

It's a double-edged sword. You're going to feel on top of the world when you succeed and likely going to feel miserable when you fail. The nature of poker variance is such that unfortunately success is nearly impossible to be constant and you will inevitably have to go through periods such like this.

It may drive you to succeed which is a good thing but when it starts having a fairly large impact on your lifeEV, I'd reconsider and favor trading that sort of mentality for a bit more indifferent mindset.

That's just my 2 cents though and I'm usually one that rather gives priority to lifeEV so i'm biased here

Got Upto 28k then at 1200bb sb raised to 2600. I wanted to 3b call so he would shove Ax and maybe some other optimistic stuff but he was a little weird and thought he may peel so just shipped which is obviously the standard line anyway and he made a tough call with AA.

I didn't fee bad at all, perfectly ok, getting food and some retail therapy now. I've realised I only really get sad/upset in big buy ins ($10k+)

Going to reply to some of the posts now, may seem defensive but actually appreciate people posting so it's nice to reply.

I don't think Martin should message me before the main event or Timex should sell me for more than Fedor. That's not the point. It's the goal that I want to get to, I want to be that guy, I'm not saying I am.

I still message Martin on facebook asking him to give me orivate coaching, I still messaged Stevie Chidwick multiple times asking for private coaching. I realise these guys are better than me in a lot of areas and want to catch up.

Some people are happy to stand still and get a pay check. That's not me though, I want to be the best.

Hopefully what I've shown to then is that poker isn't easy and you've really got to work hard. The main point is that it's inoerrstive that if you are feeling tilted etc you deal with that outside of the game. Again I know it sounds arrogant but I feel this summer, even when I've felt my best and my worst mentally I have played extremely good and with very few mistakes.

As I alluded to previously the main problem is that between poker tournaments I feel sad and depressed about results.

The fact that people tell me "man up you pussy" "get your head out your ass" "grow up" etc is pretty funny but somewhat cringing. Depression is such a big thing in life and people hide it exactly because of these reactions. If Jimmy posts on facebook he's really sad about his job working in the bank and feels no purpose and then everybody jumps down his throat like "oh my god you're so privileged" "there's leople not eating" "you are so ungrateful" then next time when he wants to post he won't because he feels extremely embarrassed about it and then the depression will overload completely.

Around 5-8% of people suffer from depression and around 0.4% of people self harm/commit suicide because of it. Out of the 8% of people probably 1% discuss it with anybody and probably 1% of that 1% would ever discuss it again if they received negativity towards what they are saying. A huge number of cases of depression people would not understand why they could ever be so unhappy. They have the food on the table, a roof above their head, how could they be so unhappy, how dare they?!?!?!

Now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to play the clinically depressed card, I've just realised I have a relatively minor case of depression when I play the high buy ins ($10k+) and run poorly (which is going to be most of the time for most people) so you may ask "why the hell do you play them then?" Well there's a reason that I'm not playing the Aria 25ks every weekend and that's not because I doubt my ability.

Moving on to ego..

The thing with these highrollers and all the guys who are apparently the ultimate pros who I should aspire to is that they have bigger egos than almost anybody. Many guys are playing for 1-10% of themselves in high rollers, even in 10k highrollers I know some guys that people would assume definitely have 100% of themselves who play for 5% of themselves. Many of these guys are going around the world and not working on their game, not grinding online, just grinding the ever growing makeup train and absolutely rofling around. Hard workers like Praytush, Connor, Timex (playing 500nl when he has all the money just so he can improve) are my real inspirations.

Do I personally have a big ego? I don't know. Do I want to be the best poker player in the world? Yes, does that make ne egotistical? Probably not. Do I want people to think I'm the best poker player in the world? Yes. Does that make me egotistical? Probably.

I just want to finish this off with the reiteration of what I've said a lot of times recently, so for those of you who do read... Apologies. I really use this as a diary where I will give you guys every single emotion that I carry throughot my journey until I decide to finish blogging for good. There is no motive behind things, I'm not trying to make myself look like a superstar or make myself sound like a good guy. It's ny diary and I'll write it as if it's only for me.

Oh my god please stop this thread its ****ing killing me and getting silly

Are you being forced to read it ?

Its fairly obvious that one of pads biggest motivation is to proof to everyone how good he is. Im sure That is one of the reason why hes having this blog even and also the reason why hes getting technical in the booth commentatig.

Im glad he adressed the whole calling people a fish/whale thing because that really bothers me talking poker with people or reading threads like this.

What it really comes down to is that pads (to me) absurd obsession with being considered really good is whats making him but also whats breaking him. I played like 5 times the amount of tournaments lifetime and i did not go into a single one expecting to win or even cash. And im also guilty of being jealous of his success having only one big score ever while he seemed to be binking stuff left and right.

Not really sure where im going with this post, just wanted to share my drunk thoughts i guess.

Sometimes youre making it really tough to like you but i still cant help but have major respect for your game and work ethic. Especially because your whole approach is completely different than mine.

Gl

+1 to the above (well said sir) - I've been (slackly) following and trying to comprehend the strat (which is great btw) for a while now, and it seems you have sorta 'built up' this series in your head into more than it really is - some of the posts have seemed a bit contradictory/swingy which doesn't seem 'normal' for you - by which I mean saying one day you're committing to the events and then looking for people to play HS Chinese/PLO cash etc. next day - now, please don't take this the wrong way - I don't mean to judge you on this as some others have itt, and I'm sure that Vegas/WSOP is a highly charged atmosphere and can seriously **** with your head, especially if things aren't going your way, and there's nothing wrong with being a bit 'balla' sometimes or striving for excellence, but you gotta realise that, at the end of the day, it's just one series, and for all your online success, you are still a relative 'newcomer' in the live mtts - and it's a helluva steep learning curve I imagine, in that world!

- you are young, and will have many many more opportunities to bag that poker bling, in your career - and how many players have been broken by/'failed' the WSOP over the years? - try to keep that in mind, mebbes - you said yourself that you've played well in most, if not all, the events - and isn't that all you can do really?

- cheers for the Wilinofsky vid link btw - extremely brave/candid/insightful stuff in there from Ben (massive props to him!) - I think what you are referring to here isn't 'depression' as such tho' - because you are fully aware of what will break the gloom for yourself - I think you just lost your way a bit, which is understandable to anyone with half a brain/any empathy at all, tbh - no harm in blokes expressing emotions/crying (real or 'whinging') in my book, after all, we only react in that way because it means so much - which is ultimately GOOD imho. ("better out than in", kidda)

- GLGL for the remainder of the series, and try to 'be' Man Utd. (), and not NUFC!!! (ie: finish-strong and bring your best game when it matters most!) [probs a bit out of date now, but I'm sure you get the jist]