I'm pretty happy with my day, I've achieved all the goals except the prebed routine which is hard to accomplish. After I've worked so hard for the entire day I need some time to wind down. So I take my phone, look at some random things and go to bed at 3 AM. This gotta change somehow

I've also looked to my results since the start of the blog, I thought I was running more badly, but 35-40 stacks under EV aren't that bad.

Again really impressive! If it's possible you should move up but I think you know that, can you also post a graph with sd and non sd winnings?

Sure thing....

Very nice to see a flat redline for the last 100k hands!

I've missed my goal of 7 hours of work today, but I got pretty close.
I'm tweaking my routines and I realized if I want to be more productive, I have to go to bed at 2 AM and wake up at 9 AM, there's no other way.
I've failed my prebed routine because I have eat a ton of ice-cream but I'll try to improve on that.
Regarding poker, I have developed a more specific approach to the game, I will tackle one thing at the time and move on once I have it completed.

I haven't update my blog for awhile, because I don't have nothing to say besides my volume and motivation took a plunge due to poor results in my last 200k hands.

The CFP is good and these are my results from the start of the program:

Brag: 2k profit in EV (which is nice for me)
Beat: Still stuck at NL25 since my entire life
I've won 80 BIs in EV


In these days it's really hard to find motivation when I still stuck at micros for so many years and losing every session.
Right now I have 4 session per day (70 min each one unless I hit a very tight stop loss of 2 BI that I hit pretty frequent). Really I cannot handle more tbh... I constantly tweak my day, but again, finding motivation with meaningless results and without a positive feedback loop (since I stuck at micros since eons) is impossible for me.
If anyone have some words of advice or just anything that would help, I'd really appreciate that

Don't know your full financial situation but if possible move up to 50nl because you have more than enough proof that you will beat that stake aswell

Unfortunately my financial situation, as you might infer, is very bad...
Anyway I've won a fraction of the EV shown

I put much work in my game but it wasn't shown in the graph, I mean my red line is just flat despite of the changes I've made. This was strange because I folded less and I was more aggressive.
So I filter out HU and MW pots, while in the latter the overall trend is still and should be the same (winning more on SD and lose at NSD), the former has improved a ton.

The outlook is still very negative, the lack of positive reinforcement is taking a huge toll on me and all aspects in my life just nosedived.
I will coming up with some significant changes in my daily schedule for the next week, trying to turning tables.
Have a good week guys

It's just a matter of time

Probably this is my very first entry in my journal where my outlook is positive, and yet, I'm still losing money. But I don't care really, the edge I got in this field is so tangible that I need to put volume in only and reap the rewards, sooner or later.

*Graphs from the start of the blog*



Graphs from the start of the CFP



I don't want to cry anymore, I'm just 46 BIs under EV, nothing too big really, and even if it was a bigger difference, what can I do about it?

I'm more confident in general, even if a lot of spots feels weird, in many others I don't fear to pull the trigger anymore.


There are a lot of things I can improve, but for now I just want to keep things simple. Instead of having many cumbersome plans, my daily poker schedule is:
- play 1hr+ in the morning
- play 2hr after lunch
- play 3hrs in the evening
- review yesterday session hands in the other part of the day

I want to simplify my life in general, so I've started to eliminate all the clutter in my room. I get rid of many things which I haven't used and I continue to remove and remove things.
The end goal would be to eliminate all the stuff I don't like/don't use in order to get more space in my room.
I really thing a neat room is a mark of a neat mind.

I want to make a quick update
I'm not running that good, but you know what? I got nothing to complain, actually I need to work and that's it.

I've pinpoint two major leaks that I have:
- Preflop (I don't have a clue of what I'm doing)
- Not raising enough, tbh, I don't raise ever

I am allowed to complain only if I fix those first

I'd like to resume blogging even here and not only on RIO. I will post an entry every day to get things up to speed

Road to 100 BIs



I've begun to win again, which should be sound great... but it isn't. I mean, I feel a luckbox right now even if I haven't got that lucky. I'm second-guessing every single spot and I'm afraid to move up.
I really don't know what I'm afraid of, I think I vastly overestimate the regs at my next level (NL50), which is a mental leak because if they would be real crushers they would play higher. For some reason, every pot I play with them I arrive at the flop with fear only.
I need to tackle this issue asap, so I plan to force myself to set a number of higher stakes tables based on my cashier amount. It will be hard because I find every excuse possible, but I will make it. It's the same to triple with total air, a thing that I wasn't used to, it gradually because standard and I don't care anymore if I get caught.
Starting from tomorrow I will review every spot as I used to when I've started the CFP. It gave me confidence and certainly will help.




I engaged some members of my group to track their activities to "compete" against each other and to find motivation. The week isn't over yet, but the first one is completely unreachable and I think other members will pass me on Sunday.
That's awesome tbh, I thought I was working hard but I wasn't, there is so much I can do on any given day and those friends indirectly showed me that.

My CFP group is awesome and they try to help me out a lot, especially some of those. Just today with the help of a member, I've realized that I'm putting too much pressure on myself and I thought it wasn't ok to ask for any kind of help both in poker and in life.
I feel like playing a videogame on the hardest mode with a single life.
The problem is... my life isn't that shitty, so why do I constantly feel that way?
I will be addressing this as my main goal for the next week, my brain has to understand that I'm not in constant danger and the worst outcome scenario isn't death. I have to stop to put myself under so much pressure

I'm really just happy and I want to share the giraffe before the autojinx

The obvious jinx come in, lost 4 stacks in 300 hands, but I guess it happens right?
Well, I'm pretty hyped even if I'm lost because:
- There are plenty of fishes
- I got a ton to room to improve both at the tables and outside
- Even if I lose, I can always rebuild and try again, while a few weeks ago my mind would think it would be game over for good

I'm going to work on my professionalism, working on traits that are important. I'm not going to focus on too much at the time so for the next week I think I will work to improving my risk tollerance. I don't have to do anything really besides:
- play the correct amount of tables on each level, based on my roll (move up and down very fluidly)
- respect my redic stop loss (which I've changed from BBs to $)





I plan to increase my money loss tollerance as I mix stakes/move up. Before it was 2BI which was 100 eur, but I cannot tollerate it without getting annoyed/angry. So what I'm going to do is, when I hit the SL, check my emotional state. If I'm ok with the loss, I will increase a little bit

Good luck, brother. I'll be really happy when I see you completely break through.

Hey there, ty for your words, I'll do my best

Road to professionalism - Basic Level

I've realized that if I want to be a professional, with capital P, I have to be consistent with my habits.
What a real professional do?
- He shows up, when he have to work, no question asked
- He pushes himself out of the comfort zone and get risk if he got enough bankroll to sustain variance, but at the same time, he respect his stop loss to avoid suboptimal plays
- He isolate himself from the world when he need to work

I want to achieve my goals/habits on a consistent basis... I'm not too far but there are many things I can do better. For example, I play enough but some times I skip a session for various reasons, other times I conjure excuses to not move up and other times I reset my SL during the session. Probably my biggest leak is to start on time, I absolutely need to work on this, if I have to work, I gotta work, period. If I want to be great I need to build habits that will take in a better position in life, I won't become a monster overnight, so I need to take one step at the time

Weekly Update



I’ve achieved a good amount of volume even if I took 2 days off to go to the mountains. I’ve enjoyed my time with my lady and I’m really grateful for her. I had to recharge my batteries because they were depleted. I’ve slept even this afternoon, which hasn’t happened in years I think.



Since I’ve started to track my professionalism things went better. I missed some session due to number of reason, but instead of being angry I can easily recognize the improvement made

Standing desk

I recently discovered that my table can be elevated way more, so I’ve maxed it out, now my screen is at 1,70m from the floor. I think it is still a little too low, but I’ll figure out something. Meanwhile, I stand on the side of the table, this makes the screen farther from my eyes and it helps quite a bit. My feet are sore sometimes so I’ve upgraded my desk with a yoga mat.
I alternate between standing up and sitting on my Balans, tbh, most of the times I sit like this



Dunno whether my upper back issue lighten because of this new way of working or because I’ve found a very good stretching method, probably a combination of those two.

Minimize the use of the phone
During these months I thought a lot on how I can be more productive and have more time for things that matter. If I don’t waste my time on junk activities I can do more things, like go out with girl/friends and enjoy the moment, pet my dog, etc.
If I have the phone at hand, I usually tend to check it due to boredom or maybe, it is just a bad habit. Instead of relying on willpower, I designed my environment to remove triggers that start bad habits. True achievers do this constantly, if you want to lose weight, you don’t have to test your willpower by putting a cake in front of your eyes and battling with your mind. You just don’t buy it.
I don't have socials and I don’t care about trivial things that are so common between people so there’s no need to be always online or available. In the past, I’ve tried a 1-2 weeks complete phone ban and it was astonishing. If you haven’t tried that, you can hide your phone in a remote place, maybe your car, and stay away from it for the entire day. I cannot even describe the liberating feeling of not being a slave of it anymore.

Anyway, I’ve developed the ultimate solution for my issue.
When I return home, I leave my phone in the car. If it needs to be recharged, a power bank will do the trick.
I usually message my girl and friends in the evening, but I use Whatsapp web to achieve that.
At 9.45 my phone will shut down, preventing me from “wasting” time further.
I’ve bought a new router and I use my phone SIM as my internet connection, that means my phone is always without a SIM.
I won’t take my phone with me when I leave the car, I simply don’t need it. If I go out with friends or if I do another activity I want to be present in the moment, I don’t need to post photos on social media, so I don’t have to be always online

I’ve deployed all this for a few days, which is quite easier than you might think… it is remarkable how bad it is for me to have my phone at hand.
Now I have more time for myself, for other people, and for things that really count.

GL heavy!!! i follow you on RIO and have seen your stories from afar. Keep us POker people updated my friend

I enjoy your blog. I enjoy your thoughts.

Ty a lot, I wish you the best mate

I'm glad to hear that... I will post more than, ty for your time

No safety net - Do you have any advice?



My family struggled with money since I was a kid, my father was blue-collar while my mother, decided to stay at home because she hadn't any willingness to work. With a single paycheck, financial problems were always present and I've sensed it at a very young age. I recall a recurring nightmare where I was in front of a huge pile of money and I had to move it, from one place to another, with haste. When I wake up I was sweaty as hell.

Poverty molded my personality and this issue touches me deeply. Homeless people are the ones with whom I feel more connection, it seems like I can feel their suffering. For that reason, I've always made charity to them, even when I was a broke kid. Many many times I've decided to don't buy my snacks and instead give the money to them.

My life was miserable, my parents didn't provide enough food and didn't care too much. I had to cope with many issues while I was a kid with no experience in the world, it was devastating at best.
Eventually, stress got the best of me, and I had hyperthyroidism as a reaction, a disease that I was on meds for 14 years, but thankfully, I get rid of.
Since my family was a mess, a welfare worker (I don't know whether it is the correct term), was assigned to me, and gladly, he changed my life.
I have begun to eat enough and properly, I also get new dresses instead of the old, patchy ones, and I've also got other perks as well.

Fast forwarding, at some point, I've begun to play poker and got lucky enough to win at the very beginning. I've started with ZERO, from freerolls, and made up a good amount of money, from with I've started to live on my own.
I was very proud of myself, I was confident and my future was bright, but something was always looming over. I cannot address it because it wasn't clear and it isn't even right now, but I think is something related to my parents.

6 years ago I got sick, with an unknown disease, I felt drowning along with other several issues. I've started to play less and less and spent most of the money won on exams and cures.

I've met the best doctors and I still have no diagnosis, but one of them pointed out that it could be something related to my mind. A wake-up call that something wasn't right.
At the time, I didn't pay attention to the comment, but now I do. After I've done any exam that doesn't highlight anything abnormal I have to surrender and be open to the fact that my suffering could easily be psychological.
If I have to be fair, my disease started when I was experiencing many stressful events at once, alone. I think the recognition of being alone in life and have to count only on myself was the culprit. It was too heavy to bear. I've always felt that way, but suddenly, it becomes apparent.

In reality, I'm not lonely at all, because I've friends that long to be with me, but deep down something is missing, and I think it is the lack of a safety net.
I was able to sustain myself for over 10 years with poker, I was never a financial burden for my parents. Right now they got 3k into their bank account, they accomplished to burned 400k on nothing and I had to save their ass once.
The problem is... they won't do the same thing for me, both because they don't want to and because they can't do it because they lack money.
The bottom line is that I've always felt I have no parachute, if I fail in poker or if I need any kind of help, I won't be able to ask.
I know, because I've tried.
I want to highlight that I haven't asked for money, or any help whatsoever. They aren't able to look after themselves and I cannot count on them.

Right now I've got little money on the side and I'm staked for years now. The problem is my staker is going to close the stable down soon, so I have to play with my own money or look around for another stake, which I fear I won't find.
It's kinda funny because I've played 4M hands with 5BB/100 profit and I still think nobody will be interested in me. This insecurity (for no reason) stems from my broken childhood.



I want to join BrPC or Poker Detox but I'm still behind schedule for that, I wanted to have a full year of expenses covered but now I've got 8 months. I think getting accepted into one of those programs will save my life, really.
I will be part of a team, working together for a common goal, it will be a complete life changer. I want to show myself want I'm really capable of.
I've opened up a journal 2 months ago, to open up myself, venting the problems which I've always hide from other people. Right now I'm running really bad for the last 100k hands and my confidence nosedived.

I feel like I'm playing a video game with a single life, at hardest mode.
I cannot thrive, I cannot explore things in life, I'm blocked.
I've read a ton of self-help books, obv, they didn't help.
I had psychotherapy with a very skilled guy, but I've stopped it because I hadn't enough money.
I don't enjoy life, I try to save on everything and this leads me to a life of deprivation. I don't buy new clothes for a year now, I don't go on vacation for 5 years now and I don't pause my mind since my birth.

I also think I lack vision, I don't have a clear goal anymore which makes every day exactly the same as the previous one, a grind, a suffering.
Even if I feel that way, I can assure you, I wake up every day, with a knife between my teeth, ready to fight again and again for a better future.
I'm astonished by that because after many years of this, most would just give up.

I'm also feeling a deep resentment for people that I know, they got everything in life with no effort, they were lucky enough to have been in the right family. I've always wondered what would I be able to achieve with the right conditions. This envy isn't healthy, I know that.
Meritocracy is my religion, I think people who fight more deserve better, the problem is life doesn't work that way. I know it, but deep down, admitting that will just void my efforts.
I admire people who climb up the ladder from the very bottom.

I'm open to any advice, so if you have one, I'm more than glad to hear that.

If not, np, ty for your time, it was a wall of text and I've appreciated you made it to the end

Clearly moving forward

My risk tolerance increased, I've also shot for the first time NL100 and I finally understood that things require time, I won't change my life overnight and I'm fine with it.
If I want to be a true professional I have to tackle the big things first, there's no other way.



A true professional plays when he should, with excuses
A true professional takes smart risks
A true professional wakes up and go to bed at the same time

Before adding other habits, I have to fix my current issues first and I'm sure everything will be easier.
So the goal is to check most of the marks for the next week

In the green at NL50



NL50 doesn't like me a lot but I'm in the green since the start of the RIO blog, but what can I do but trying again and again and again?

I'm starting to play exclusively NL50 (I'm touching my balls right now, because the last time I've said something like that I've returned to play NL25 in 2 bad session).
Even if that happen, I'm confident that I can rebuild and try again since I'm winning at NL25 as you can see



Money wise it could be better, but again, what can I do beside working on the things I can control? Anyway I'm only 45 BIs under EV, that isn't much



I could better with draws in general, but I cannot help that



Next graph update will be at -50 BIs below expected
Have a great weekend guys

Yesterday I've coolered a reg with a royal flush and I had to stand up because I was afraid to lose.
The last 30 days were pretty good for me and for some reason I think good run will stop at the very moment I will shot NL100



This is a biased thinking and I should get rid of that. But I don't want to be hard on myself, if I look at 1 month ago where I was only complaining, it seems to me I'm a totally different person.
Obv it's very easy to be positive when everything in poker and in real life smile at you, but I think something changed in me when a friend sent me this video, and more precisely I've changed at 2:08

I've always lack patience, I'm felt the time is running out in everything, that I was late for everything and I've wanted to substantial change, overnight. It isn't possible, and the moment I've realized it, I felt calm. I know that results won't happen if I don't put in the work, but at the same time, I have to have faith in the process. I have to trust the fact that, everything I do today will results in something in the future. My life won't change tomorrow, but it is likely to change in years from now.

Yesterday I haven't played much, tomorrow I haven't opened up the client and you know what? As Patrick said, I had to celebrate my results and the improvement. Instead of going out for dinner, or something, I just took a day off and I've allowed myself to not feel guilty about this. Probably the best present I could make to me.
Well, I've played Psychonauts 2, but I don't enjoy videogames since years, so starting tomorrow, I will be back on the business

It is important to establish asap my old routines because I was moving forward when I've deployed them



Lastly my whole CFP graph