Some Frustration

Poker's not going great right now. Obviously losing is no fun, but the problem feels bigger than that right now. I just have no motivation to put in the time. I'm getting stressed thinking about moving out, paying rent each month, and using this as my main source of income. I know in my heart I'm still going to do it and still going to give it my all, but the way I felt when I sat down to play yesterday was worrisome. I just didn't feel like doing it. It's certainly possible that not having a winning day in a while has just got me down. It's also possible that all the running I'm doing is exhausting me and making me want to just relax all the time. The house hunting also has me stressed because they ask for employment info on every single application we fill out. They often want to know boss's name and references, and every time I'm filling this stuff out I'm forced to revisit the idea of how risky it is to try to be doing this for a living. It makes me feel like I should just shut it all down and go be a real person. With the way the poker economy is now and the bleakness everyone speaks about online poker with, I start doubting myself, wondering if I really am good enough to do this for a living since I imagine only the best of the best are going to be able to thrive in the future of this game.

But in the end I know I have to try. I have to give this a year or two, and if I fail at least I can say I tried. I've done pretty well for myself this year and despite that I seem to never give myself credit. I have a very tough time admitting when I am good at something and am always looking to discredit myself based on how far behind others I am. It's not hard for me to do either given I've known both the WPT and WSOP world champs from 2015 for several years now. "If people I know are winning the biggest tournaments in the world how can I expect to succeed in this game with zero live success at all??" But I have to find a way to step back from this type of thinking and give myself some credit. I have over 250K in online earnings and probably have one of the quickest math brains in the game. I've always loved strategy games and game theory and the direction poker is headed in is going to favor those who are good at wrapping their heads around complex theory. I think I can do that. I've built up enough money that I can survive a downswing for a few months if need be. These are some of the things I need to start focusing on when the doubt creeps in, rather than focusing on the accomplishments of those around me and the relative lack of success I have had. The only way I can expect to succeed in this game is to take the necessary steps in improving and putting in volume. By doing the right things I at least give myself a chance to have the big success I've seen others have.

I did run 7 miles yesterday in 48:53 (6:59/mile). Longest run in quite some time. Total distance up to 57 miles for the month now. I busted Parx after grinding all day without getting a ton of traction. Down to 32K at 1600BB got 55 in vs AA of guy with 20K or so and hit a 5 to bump up over 50K. Grind back down to 36K at 2400BB get AK in vs KQ and queen hits the turn (when people spike the turn on me they always seem to punch the table for some reason). Came home that night and entered the $100 high roller, ran 5K up to 35K really fast for a big CL and then lost like 5 flips in a row to bust 10th with 6 paying. Lost a flip in the WSOP major yesterday for 21K (5K SS) and played poorly on both bullets of the 50K on Party. Played a few sngs and the Party 10K and didn't feel good enough to keep playing so finished up after the 10K. I've gotta do something about the motivation level. Probably gonna take off from running today and hope I have more energy to put in a solid session.

Just wanted to chime in and say that "being a real person" entails many of the same stresses you have now. Your income, while theoretically fixed (if you are on salary with no bonus) still leaves you subject to getting fired/downsized etc, which is a big and unexpected income hit and most people don't plan for. If you get a yearly bonus, be it tips, holiday or performance, you might get one that is lower than you expect which is similar to coming in 4th in a tournament 6 times without winning one, or running cold for a few weeks and losing a bunch of money.

That's a very good point; regardless of what career path a person chooses, there are going to be stressors and unforeseen circumstances that lead to hardships. The only difference with this career path is how unconventional it is. I really like that metaphor you used in your last sentence. I tend to think a lot about everything (to a fault sometimes) but it's led me to see how much variance there is in everyday life that people don't seem to realize (like a bigger or smaller yearly bonus). Sometimes I miss a green light by a second and have to stop and get frustrated, and then think "maybe if I got through that light I would've ended up in a car accident that I'll now avoid." So even though missing the light felt unlucky, for all I know it was actually really fortunate. Since we'll never know, there isn't much point in thinking about it or even feeling good or bad about it, unless it would somehow help my decision making when approaching traffic lights in the future. Which of course is the same in poker. Losing tonight's tournament due to a horrific beat might be the fuel you need to study harder and get better and make you more money three months from now than just winning tonight's tourney would have. So maybe that bad beat was actually not as bad as you might have thought. Even from a more direct and immediate standpoint: I've had situations where I lost 1/4 of my stack because of "bad luck" and then doubled the next hand in a spot I wouldn't have gotten into if my stack had been as big as it was the hand before. Which results in me having more chips than I would have had I won the first hand!

Anyway, I went on quite a tangent there but I appreciate what you said in your post and it is of course very true. When I was a student teacher I was stressed a lot of the time and that didn't even have anything to do with income! At the end of the day you have to do what you love and trust that things will work out. That's what I'm trying to do now

I think it would be healthy to try not to stress too much about what your profession is, sure maybe a certain land lord won't be keen on it, but you have a record of income, provided that you have some credit and are looking for a year lease I think it should be fine. While I think it's not a huge deal to lose sleep over, I think you should at least be considering the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't mean it in a sense of "oh no I can't play poker anymore, what do I do" but at the same time many professions are difficult to just wander into after playing professional poker for (fill in blank) number of years. That doesn't necessarily mean too much because provided that you are successful at poker and are at least decent (seems like your quite good w money from this thread) you should be able to make a job for yourself. This is of course only if poker doesn't continue to be your career; whether by interest or other influence.

Good luck ! Cool thread, def crushin

You can gain a good amount of emotional stability from looking at things in a positive(or non negative) light. The butterfly effect explains how changing one thing can effect every other things down the line. I believe the saying is "a butterfly flapping its winds in India causes a Hurricane in England."

I had a very fun part time job that people would pay good money to do. Everyone enjoyed it immensely, yet there were still the same complaints that every other job has, namely customers, coworkers, hours, preferential treatment etc.

"keep on keeping on" - joe dirt

Yeah you're absolutely right, and my girlfriend pointed something out to me yesterday that goes hand in hand with your points here. I'm probably not going to ever be getting a place completely on my own. This apartment is with two friends (who both have "normal" well paying jobs) and at some point I'd move in with my girlfriend (who just got a major promotion to a full time job yesterday!! So happy for her ). So even if I ever have someone to rent / buy a house from who is very concerned about specifically what it is I do for a living, I'll have some backup from whoever I'm with.

As far as what I might do in a few years, I got really encouraging news about that a couple days ago as well. I got a call from the principal of the school I student taught at (I also attended this school AND both of my parents have taught there at some point, with my mom teaching there for the last 20+ years). She asked if I was interested in filling in next semester for a math teacher who needed to take some sort of leave of absence for that semester. She said the head of the math department (who was so sweet to me the entire time I student taught there) said I was absolutely top of the list for who she'd want to fill in. I was really touched by this, and the principal seemed to know that I was moving and wasn't going to be able to accept, but still hinted that if 2-3 years down the road I was in need of a position that I should give her a call. Even though I realize that things change and a position might not be open in a few years and all that, it was really one of the most touching and encouraging phone calls I've ever received. While I was dealing with this doubt and worry I got this call that seemed to just say "go ahead, try this poker thing out, there will be other options if it isn't for you."

Mindset is so vital and it took me a long time to realize that but now that I have it has helped immensely. I think the uncertainty of my immediate future was what was causing me to feel as bad as I was, but I got a lot of that out of the way yesterday. I finally made it clear that anything more than a one year lease (with the exception of the house we were currently looking at) was just not gonna cut it for me. And my friends, as always, were understanding and tried to be as accommodating as possible with that request. So while I still don't have a 100% answer with where I'll be living, my buddy was able to tell the realtor that 12 months was really what we were looking for, and we'd do 18 months on this specific house if that was the only possible way they'd let us live there. With that and several other things feeling more or less resolved in my mind, I was able to put a good session in yesterday with a clear head.

Wise words Norman. Hey guys fwiw this poster officially busted me from the Parx $550 get your pitchforks out!

Last Night's Sit n Gos

Put in a good session last night. A lot of potential got crushed out in big spots but I felt like my head was where it should be and my confidence was in the right place as well. I didn't have the "feeling of dread" I've had in the last few sessions and I once again was trying to win rather than trying not to lose. I started the session off at 7PM with a ton of sngs and felt like I was in flow the same way I used to be when I'd grind them on Stars pre Black Friday. I had 9 going at one point which doesn't sound that crazy, but when you factor in they are all 6 max and I was 3 handed or heads up in 4 or 5 of them, it does get a bit hectic. I felt I was playing well though, embracing variance, and taking every spot I was supposed to. By the end of the night I'd played 27 sngs with an average buy in of $35 (lots of $10s, some $25s and $50s, 2x$100 and 1x$200). Ended up with an ROI of around 28% which is a good session. Got 2nd in a $100 and in the $200 which obviously tips the scales but that's how these sessions are often going to be--if the bigger buy ins go well I profit, if not I don't. Which is fine because the smaller buy ins are constantly generating small profit and that's why daily results can't matter in a professional's head from a mental standpoint.

I'm currently 3rd on the high sng leaderboard. 1st has 340 points, 2nd has 336, and I have 317. Fourth is 100 points behind me. Today is the last day for the leaderboard this week and with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd getting $345, $195, and $135 respectively, I think I'll grind these pretty hard again today. I'd imagine the top 2 on this leaderboard are going to be in almost every sng, and another guy who is 100 points behind me will probably be in every one as well. So I'll have to just hop in everything and hope I run better than them! Top 3 of each 6 max sng get points toward the leaderboard so volume is huge for this promo.

Last Night's MTTs

After starting at 7PM with exclusively sngs I fired up some MTTs around 8. Because of how quickly and instinctively I was acting while playing the sngs, I didn't feel any of the usual pressure I put on myself for the tournaments, which was awesome. In the $100 high roller on WSOP I spun up a stack and then lost AK to AJ for a big chunk (guy said "let's go yankees" as soon as the pot was pushed to him. Cool guys on these sites). I kept my head in it though and was able to grind it back up and eventually get into the money with 6 left. I then played KK in an unorthodox way that I think would have won me more chips than just playing it standard pre, but the higher variance line led to an ace on the river losing me the pot. I got AQ in vs AJ for the rest of it and lost when the turn was a jack. 6th of 36 for $270.

I didn't cash in any of the other MTTs but feel I played well. Had a lot of chips in the WSOP 10K, lost a few in standard spots, and then got my last 15BBs in with ATs and got snapped of by T8s. After he flopped a flush he immediately wrote "why not flat and take a flop and then dump it after that ugly one?" I'm not sure what it is that makes people feel so inclined to try to piss me off after they've busted me in nasty fashion. It'd be one thing if we had history and I'd said stuff to them before, but I have no idea who they are and have never come into contact with them. Getting lucky and winning the pot isn't enough though, the extra salt has to be thrown in there. I really truly do not know why.

It shouldn't bother me but I guess when I think about how I handle sucking out on someone, **** talking them is the last thing I would want to do. Maybe they know I'm a reg and think it would be funny to get a rise out of me? I guess it's naive of me to expect some class from randoms playing poker on the internet. At any rate, I was happy how I handled myself yesterday and think I played pretty well. Busted the Party 10K c/shoving a straight flush draw only to get snapped off by the nut flush draw (grr). Busted bullet 2 of the 77 to 88, busted the Party 5K KK to 88, and as already said, AT<T8 in the WSOP 10K and AQ<AJ in the high roller. Those were all the tourneys from yesterday so today we just try again! It was my first winning day (very small win but we'll take it) in the past 5 days so I guess I can build off of that too.

Running

Another 4 miles yesterday puts me at 61 two weeks into the month. There's a ton of mental game in running too. On the last mile I started feeling tired and wanting to just get to the end. Then I thought about how I'd ran 7 the day before and how I'd still have 3.5 to go if I was doing that run. I knew that if I absolutely had to at that moment, I could push it out to 7 miles. So why the hell was I laboring when I only had to do 4! The more I can control my mind while running the easier it's going to be for me, especially now that my body is in the right kind of shape to be naturally good at it.

When I move up to North Jersey I'm strongly considering joining the Garden State Track Club. They just ran nationals out in San Fransisco, and leading their B team in the secondary race was my coach from college, my little brother, and a teammate of mine from college. They were all within 5 seconds of each other and finished 8th, 11th, and 13th respectively. For perspective on how competitive this race was (despite being the "B" race) and how good the 3 of them are, the race was a 10K (about 6.2 miles) and they all ran right around 32:30. That's 16:15 per 5K, and about 5:15 per mile. My fastest 5K ever was 16:22. All 3 of them have ran under 15:00 for a 5K in the past. And the GSTC picked 7 guys ahead of them to run on the A team!!! On that note, time to go for a run

Total Distance Ran in December: 61 miles

Sounds like you got a solid plan. Def enjoy reading this thread, curious about a few questions. You play, seemingly, 90+% sngs/mtts, do you ever dabble in cash games? I see how it could
Be tough when you make top finishes in leaderboards because at that point you want your volume in games that benefit your position, but just curious.
Also something that seems void of this thread that a lot of others (and a lot of guys I know that make a killing playing poker) is a meditation schedule/habit. Not saying it's a requirement or anything but it seems that a lot of players who get into the habit seem to have some added benefits. Then when I started to think about it more I thought 1 of 2 things... Maybe you already do practice and either I missed it or it's just not talked about (because overall not too exciting) or maybe your high volume of running acts as a mindfulness activity since I'm sure at your level of running it is pretty second nature.

Think we have met a few times at sugar house/parx (I know Scott and Anthony). Going way back but also think one of those harrahs Chester birds that were way too juicy, maybe 2 years ago. I play part time at the moment on the side while having a full time career, but plan to go back to school for dr next year and take time off between and have a look at what it's like to play full time. Haven't decided on doing a pgc thread yet, do you find it helps motivation/focus?

Hey great post Ben, we've definitely met and talked before (and I believe got dinner at Denny's on break of the Chester tourney I met you at?). All of the questions and points you made in this post are good ones so I'll address them each individually.

--Cash games: In the time between me turning 21 (June 2012) and online poker starting back up in NJ (end of 2013) I played a decent amount of live low stakes cash. I did well for myself and managed to run $1500 or so up to about 10K. I think I eventually decided to save some and spend some of that because I remember not having a ton to invest online when NJ started back up. In any case, online cash is obviously more difficult than live. I think if I continue to study and work hard I could eventually beat 1/2 and 2/5 online on the NJ sites but as of right now I'm not confident enough in my game to grind those, and given I'd be 4 tabling (at least) the swings would most likely be big enough to dissuade me if I hit a downswing. Add to the fact that I'm not even sure I'm a winner in those games, and a bad start at putting more volume into those would probably lead me to stop trying. I guess that already has sort of happened before, I 4 table 200NL, have a losing session, and lose motivation to keep trying.

I always would just way rather play MTTs and SNGs than grind 50NL or whatever, but maybe in the future I should try multi tabling smaller stakes cash during the day when those sngs and mtts aren't running. Another issue with it all is that a lot of those cash games don't really run during the day, which is when I'd want to play them anyway, which makes it tough to get the volume in. I just like MTTs and SNGs more than cash as well. So for me to take a night to play cash instead of the rest of my schedule is something I don't really want to do. But it might be more profitable and worth checking out some day in the future.

--Meditation Habits: Another great suggestion. I actually did look up a few meditation videos several months ago and tried them a little bit but did not stick with them. There are a few tiny things that I picked up from them that I'll do from time to time. Just little things like trying to be still and block out all thoughts, deep breaths, etc. I probably should get into a routine with doing something along those lines though. Any suggestions on what videos to watch or articles to read regarding this subject?

--PG&C Thread: I really respect the fact that you can balance having a full time career and playing poker. I had a really tough time teaching and playing; my poker volume was almost non existent when I was a teacher due to exhaustion at the end of the day plus the extra work I had to do at home. It's cool that you're thinking of doing something pretty similar to what I'm doing right now with taking some time to see if you can make this work as a career while still having a pretty legitimate backup plan. This PG&C thread started after I wrote how I was feeling about a session in a Microsoft Word document. I didn't plan on sharing that with anyone but when I got done writing about all the different things I was thinking about I thought it might be interesting enough to post online.

I was in the middle of a downswing when this thread started which is no coincidence; I was definitely writing that Word document to try to better cope with my thoughts and feelings as I dealt with weeks of losing. The thread absolutely has helped me, probably more from a meditation and venting standpoint than motivation or focus, though it helps with those aspects as well. The cool thing about it is there really is no pressure to write, and getting feedback from those reading this has been really helpful as well. I was just about to cite two posts that made me feel a lot better, and when I scrolled down to see the usernames of the people who wrote them I realized one was you lol. The stuff you and "yesman123" wrote really helped me to feel better about taking this on as a profession as a whole. I think I've finally gotten past a lot of the stuff within the game that stresses me out, but I still worry about the actual decision itself to play this game full time. Your posts put my mind at ease, and I never would have gotten that feedback without making this thread. So if you're thinking of making one I'd highly recommend it. If you'd rather not share a lot of info with people then you could even just do what I did and write some posts offline on your computer. If you feel like sharing then do it, otherwise you'll have some of your own thoughts to reflect on in the future.

Just found this thread, seems like a good one going to catch up on it. On the running note the mental part of the sports is nuts amazing how you can feel great doing a tempo run one day and then be dying on an easy run. Having a set training plan you are committed to really helps on the ****ty days. Congrats to your bro was just out there for club nats with some of my friends, the course looked pretty tough

Way too funny, I thought it was Denny's but wasn't entirely sure. When we got back the typically under par harrahs staff broke my table, then put my chips away/out of play. I told them I was at 22.3k from 25kss for some honesty run good and the floor at the time gave me 30k and said sorry about the inconvenience lol. That place was insane most tournaments.

Totally understand about cash games. Pre Black Friday all I played were sngs/mtts on stars. Maybe coincidentally but probably more because of scheduling I mostly play cash now, being able to set aside a full block of time for mtts is difficult now w work, but I still find my way to blowing my bankroll on Sunday majors :-)

I think when I have the time to be full time, I might mess with more tournaments but recently I've been super interested in a lot of cash games spots that don't show up much. The feeling of peeling aces w like 35bbs and there's already a raise and jam in a tournament cannot be matched though!

As for meditation, it can be tough because it's not like a cup of coffee. You don't do it once and instantly see all of the great effects. Sure a 10 minute headspace can help a bunch to calm you down and get you back to being level headed but what interests me a lot (and maybe you since you seem mathy/technical) is that studies have shown that it actually reshapes the connections in your brain. People are naturally survive machines, so much of our wiring is set to have us be stressed out by (now minor) events because 20k year ago humans dealt with life/death events daily. Now we get an F on a math test and we get worked up, stressed, depressed etc. But with meditation/brain training in a way, can actually re wire some of these responses so that we are more aware of true consequences and also be way more present.
I'm still very new to it respectively but I love it. There is an app, headspace, that has a free trial for 10 days. It was really helpful to get me into the habit plus there are all kinds of kinda meditations that are good for when you first start.

A book that isn't 100% meditation but is very much about changing how we think about some things is Buddhas Brain. That was recommended to me by my previous backer/ coach on stars pre Black Friday and I have since recommended it to 10+ people. Very good stuff.
Also just google "meditation studies" etc to get an idea of what it does and then you can foumulte an opinion on whether or not it's worth your time daily.

Appreciate the feedback on your thread. It seems like a pretty no-loss scenario, that at best could help motivate me to play more and achieve goals, and at worst, becomes a never looked at dormant thread. I can def say that I love reading any of these when people do a good job of not just talking poker but bringing life perspective in. At the moment, poker is going very well but it can be tough some weeks where we are busy at work and it turns out to be a 50-55hour week to still get some time on the virtual felt. So seeing how poker fits into someone's life (part time or even full timer like yourself) is probably more interesting to me currently than seein how someone merges there 2nd pair range.

Also after school I actually think professor would be a pretty nutted job. Currently going back to school is mostly a placeholder for me while I continue to figure out exactly what I want to do, but teaching and having Summer's off. Can't beat that! Did you go to undergrad for math/engineering or teaching?

Wow awesome assuming you're a runner yourself? Especially with Oregon listed as your location haha. Absolutely right how intervals can feel great and then 4 mile easy run later in the week can be painful, and sometimes you don't even know why. I ran 5 today and actually did focus a lot on the mental. There's so much time to think while running so I've been focusing on putting that mental energy to good use, rather than just letting myself worry and get exhausted from it. It was funny the day of club nats I guess it was like 50 and rainy and meh conditions in San Fran? Back here in the usually already snowy New Jersey, it was 72 degrees that day for my run! I told my brother they shoulda just brought the race out here

You seemed like a pretty intelligent guy that saw some value in being balanced away from the table when I met you, and it's nice to see based on your writing that my read was right. That's hilarious that they gave you more tourney chips as an "apologetic" kind of reimbursement when that absolutely affects everyone else in the tourney lmao. I'm sure whoever did that though had no idea that's how it works and thought they were just making good on a mistake. Crazy place.

Cash is absolutely better when you can't commit big blocks of time. I probably shoulda done that while I was student teaching but couldn't help ripping the $30 6:06 888 MTT while I was grading papers and stuff . That peeling aces with a shove in front of you late in an MTT feeling is probably the reason I love tourneys more than cash. Chasing that big score is probably a bit of an addictive tendency because you put yourself through a lot of torture just looking for that one shining moment. I love it though.

Thanks for the meditation tips. Not sure how much I'll get into practicing it but I will certainly give the book you mentioned a try. My girlfriend and I actually wandered into a bookstore at the mall last week and then just kind of stumbled into a section with a bunch of mindset books. We sat on the floor for probably a half hour and read through a few, including "**** it therapy" and a "Think Positive" Chicken Soup for the Soul book. I definitely want to get to reading more about topics like those (the **** it therapy book's intro was so entertaining but hit the message well at the same time). So I will definitely pick up Buddhas Brain!

I was including a lot of specific poker hands when I started this thread but then realized how repetitive that can become so I've tried to open it up a bit with stuff about moving, my girlfriend, and running. I'll still throw some poker concepts and results in since this is in fact a poker thread, but I don't think it being purely about that will be as entertaining as it could be otherwise. Been watching a Youtube video recently called "Visualizing Your Entire Range" that I think is going to help me a ton. Involves a ton of math that I probably should have encountered by now but haven't, and I think is going to help me a ton when I play against the competent regs in NJ. Against most opponents I'll just continue to play exploitatively but against the good regs that have probably already started picking up on my tendencies, finding this more balanced GTO type of strategy should help a bunch. Okay enough strategy lol.

I went to Ramapo College in Mahwah, where they have a great teaching program but you don't technically get a teaching degree, just a certification at the end of the program. So I have a math degree from Ramapo with a concentration in teaching (I think that's how you'd say it anyway). Had to do a lot of observations in high school classes as a part of a bunch of the teaching classes I took, and the last part of it all was to do a full semester of student teaching. So it was a serious program and since I declared that was part of my major I didn't have to take as many math classes as pure math majors. While it tired me out like nothing else, I did really enjoy teaching and am glad I have that in my back pocket in case poker ends up not being for me.

Just finished up the WSOP 10K. Had 1/3 the chips (750K) in play with 5 left, then ran A9 into AJ in a standard spot and 88 into KK in a standard spot and was left as 5/5 but still with a workable 20BBs. HJ opens, CO jams, I call for less with AK, CO has a pretty questionable KJ, and the 600K pot is shipped to him after the jack on the flop ends my tournament in 5th for $700. I was having a pretty bad day before that so I actually ended up losing a small amount on the day. With the $3200 up top I not only would have had a winning day but would be in the positives for the month again; instead I am still down about $1700. That all too familiar rage filled me as it sunk in that I was still in a pretty big hole and that temptation to just put my fist through my monitor filled me. I sat there with my eyes closed for about 15 seconds trying to think of something I could do other than beating the **** out of something. I thought of going outside in just my socks and sprinting down the street to get some energy out--might be a bit too crazy. I thought of doing pushups until I couldn't move my arms anymore but I'm in a pretty cramped room and that probably would've just left me throwing my **** on the floor all over the place. I then opened up my internet browser and clicked the bookmark for the strategy video I've been watching.

After about 10 minutes of trying to deeply think about the concepts being explained in the video, I felt a little bit better. I'm still quite frustrated with how many big equity spots I've lost in the last 2 days--feel like I could easily be up 5K in that timespan but am instead down about a hundred--but I know my financial situation is fine and since this is my profession there will be plenty more chances down the road. I'm going to consider today a huge win. Nearly every tournament I busted had me going into the hand with a big equity edge only to go busto, and several of them were very close to the bubble. The final blow came in a tournament where the difference between 1st and 5th was $2500, and winning the pot would have given me the chip lead! But I kept my cool and channeled that rage most poker players are familiar with into studying more. Studying at 1AM isn't going to help me much from a poker standpoint, but stopping myself from feeling sorry for myself or throwing something at my wall is a good enough reason to be really happy with how I reacted to this adversity. Most of me is incredibly frustrated right now, but a small part of me is very satisfied with how I handled today's session.

figured id point something out here. not sure what your individual planned cost per month is going to be when living with your friends, or if it would even be better to get a place by yourself. but as an mtt pro(i am one so speaking from experience) find a place you want to live where you can pay the full year rent on day 1. you lock up the best price and or huge discount on the month to month since there is no risk to the owner. and you eliminate a huge source of stress. your only concern is earning that same amount throughout the year to be able to do it again when the year is up. here in mexico that means dropping 10-15k, and im sure there are many similar priced places in NJ. but i would stay where your cost of living is next to nothing until you have that amount you can put towards your place saved up. i should add this applies to other things like cars or other big purchases, one of the biggest mistakes you can make as tourney pro is getting yourself into a bunch of monthly payments. if there is anything you want whether its car/place to live/luxury item/vacation. try to only buy it when you actually have the funds. its a bit annoying not being able to get some things you want knowing you could swing the monthly payment, but it makes your life significantly less stressful. i, for example only have 2 monthly payments and they are my mainline fiber optic+back up dsl internet, only because it was impossible to contract them any other way.

Hey thanks for the input. I think what you're saying is a great idea in theory but would be hard for me to actually execute based on my circumstances. The area I'm going to be living in is simply going to be very expensive because of how close it is to NYC. Having 2 roommates to split the cost with is actually most likely going to be cheaper than anywhere else I'd be able to find on my own. We're going to end up paying about $800 each per month, plus utilities. I'm not sure how much utilities are going to add. I'm estimating about $100 per month per person but that could be off. So if I'm paying $900 per month for 12 months that's $10,800...there's no way for me to just pay that off instantly since the rent is technically $2400/month and they want that once per month in one check each month. So one of the three of us will pay and then the other 2 will just pay that guy back.

However, I do have almost exactly 10.8K in savings right now which I plan on just not touching at all if possible. I also have a few month's rent in checking right now as well. I still have to pay this quarter's taxes and then any extra I owe for the year, and I estimate to spend about $1000 extra per month on bills and food, so by no means am I set already as far as expenses go, but I think I'm off to a good start, and I wouldn't be moving out if I didn't think I had enough of a head start for rent already saved away. In a perfect world I'd just have all the money I need already but based on the actual circumstances I think I'm going to be fine. I'm very nitty with my bankroll and life roll so I really do wish I could just set everything aside from the get go.

Some Good Life News / Still Slow Going with Poker

Sort of continuing from the response post I just made, we signed the lease yesterday, and the landlord is going to let us move in on Sunday!! It was a relief to finally sign something and feel like we are actually getting going with all of it. I'm not sure what my actual personal plan will be for moving in. I know my two buddies are going to get in there ASAP since their leases are running out and the location is way closer to work for them, so it'd be way more convenient to be there for Monday. I'm in no rush though and Sunday is obviously the big poker day of the week. I would however like my parents to help me figure out what I should and shouldn't move out of my current house, if I should rent a truck, if I should make multiple trips, etc. And since they both work Monday-Friday, we might want to just do it Sunday. BUT with Christmas next week maybe I should just wait to they are on vacation and do it after! They both teach so they'll have a chunk of time off. I'll have to talk it over with them. Either way Kelsey is coming over tomorrow until Sunday morning-ish so it will be nice to hang out with her at my house again.

We signed the lease at 7 yesterday and got back to my buddy's apartment at 8:30 so I hopped into the 2 10Ks. This past week in MTTs I think I've been doing a much better job at trying to apply theory to the way I play when I'm in hands vs good regs. Against the recs I can pretty much just play my cards or throw in bluffs when I know they don't have anything, even if my line doesn't actually make any sense. But against the thinking players I've been doing a good job of really thinking about what hands I'm repping on each street and how much sense everything I'm doing is making. In the Party 10K, an aggro reg opens to 2250 at 500/1000 and it folds to my button. We both have 23K to start the hand. I think in the past I would 3b my top notch hands a decent amount here. But with the way I've been trying to think recently, I don't think I have ANY bluffs when I 3b here. Maybe I should start thinking about throwing a 3b in there with air every once in a while just so that I can 3b big hands there in the future without it being face up. But this time I decide to flat my QcQh in order to keep my range wide.

Flop comes T75ss and he checks. I think I would bet my non nutted hands here, and since he has to be discounting QQ+ from my range, I think a bet is standard. I bet 3300 and to my surprise he raises to 8750. I actually tanked quite a bit on this one. Yes, I am very under repped here so I probably should go with it without a second thought. But wtf can he have?? I'd imagine he'd just go ahead and bet his flush draws. You'd think he'd bet AA/KK here but based on our stack sizes a c/r could be pretty interesting with those hands. I don't think this is often just going to be a pure bluff. I really wasn't sure what hands are in his range at all at this point, so I just decided to focus on my range. I'm pretty much at the top of it. I can have sets but I can almost never have 2 pair, and there's only 9 combos of sets. AA/KK/QQ and even JJ can be somewhat discounted since I flatted pre. So if I'm folding here, he can just c/r me with ATC in this spot and it'd be profitable. So I shove and he snaps with JTcc. It's an interesting line to take with this hand but I guess it makes sense? I guess if I have a FD I just have to go with it and I'm in a dumb spot with 99 or 88 or anything like that. It was a pretty interesting hand. He turned a 10 and I was eliminated from the tournament lol. The game is very cool though when you really think about it. All of that brainpower and thought process is used to get an EDGE, not to guarantee a win. Even after all of the thinking and analysis, there's still a 1 in 5 chance (exactly 80.00% coincidentally enough) that I'll be eliminated.

In the WSOP 10K I overlimped 77 with about 17K at 600BB, SB completed, BB made it 2400, 1st limper called, I called, another player called, flop came J72 and I somehow got it in vs 2 players (they had KJ and A7??) to more than triple to like 60K. I then got owned my Mr. WPT champ Asher and eventually busted to him. The big pot came when I opened at 600/1200 from the HJ w KJo and he flatted button with 53K (I covered). BB flatted as well and I c-bet 3700 into 8600 on J42hh flop. Asher called, BB folded, turn 4x. I bet again, 7500 into 16K and he again flats. River 5h (board now J42hh4x5h) and there's 31K in the middle, effective stacks at 40K.

I'm really not sure wtf I'm supposed to do here. I think Asher definitely has a lot of pocket pairs in his range that I beat (and the 22, 44, and 55 that I don't). I'd think he'd play a decent chunk of heart combos this way as well. AJ, KJ, QJ, JT are possible too, though I think he'd 3b some of those. If I bet he's more than capable of shoving 66-TT as a bluff though I don't know if he would expect me to fold a jack or not. He'd obviously shove his flushes and boats too. I think it is also possible that he might just hero with those mid PPs and call with his Jx hands. The best line might be to just c/c, but I wouldn't be super surprised if he overshoved after I checked and I again have a dumb spot to figure out. As played, I bet 15K, hoping to make it look like a shove had no fold equity. He shoved anyway and I tanked forever before folding. It felt like a terrible line but I really wasn't sure what was best there.

I late open shoved AT for 21K at 1600BB from the HJ, Asher called button with QQ and I flopped a 10 and turned another one for the double to get back to 46K. Later it folds to the button who shoves 20K at 2KBB, I call BB with A6hh and his K9cc flops a king to scoop, knocking me back down to 25K. I think my call is standard there though you could probably realistically argue a fold with the way people cling on to their stacks in these things (all in is almost never light because people just hate busting). A little while after that a 32/17 MP player with 70K limps 2K, I shove 23K OTB with A2o (I've got a lot more fold equity here than you'd think), and Asher just wakes up again, this time with AJ, and this time I do not get there on him. Overall I think I played fine in each MTT but that KJ hand will probably annoy me for a while. I'm down about $1800 on the month (3rd month in a row that's started like this!) and hopefully I can start to turn it around tonight.

Running

Ran 5 miles on Tuesday, finally gave myself a break and went over 7:00 pace with a time of 35:30 (7:06/mile). Took my 2nd day off of the entire month yesterday, running some errands in the day and then driving to North Jersey at night to sign the lease. It's been pouring all day today and I knew that if I skipped today the snowball effect would begin like it always does after I take off multiple days in a row. I got out there and at least got 3 miles in. Finished in 20:36 (6:52/mile) and when I walked inside I realized I wasn't even out of breath. That's a pretty cool feeling given just a month ago or so, a 3 mile run that fast would've taken everything I had. At some point I'll hop in a road race to see what my speed is like but for now the distance grind will continue.

Total Distance Ran in December: 69 miles

Last Minute Edit!

Scrolling through this thread I feel like it's a bit boring and all wordy so I wanna start adding some pictures. Maybe when I get set up in the new house I'll take some snaps. For now, here's the final standings for the high sng leaderboard from this past week, since I just got credited with $135 for 3rd:

The House is Ours!

Drove to Fair Lawn yesterday and got the key from the owners for our house! We've got a year long lease that will end December 31, 2016. I wanted to wait for my parents to help me with moving everything out of my house and they weren't available yesterday or today so I'll probably go get that all done on Wednesday. My roommates graciously agreed to allow me to take upstairs bedroom. The upstairs of the house just has a small hall/room with a bathroom and bedroom connected to it. The plan is to put my desk, computer, and monitor out in that extra room so that my bedroom will solely be for relaxing. In my current house my stuff is all set up in my bedroom and I think having a different room for the online grind will serve me best. Unfortunately since our internet is not set up and I was helping one of my roommates move all his stuff in, I was unable to get any poker in yesterday, which really sucks given there was a 100K on Party yesterday! I think I will feel a lot of relief once I've moved everything in and have gotten everything set up and can really start to consider myself an actual professional.

Some Diamond Card Status News

At the beginning of today I was 503 points away on WSOP from obtaining a Diamond Card for the Total Rewards casinos. I was under the impression I had until the 31st to get that done but got an email today that said I only get until the 27th. That's a real pain in the ass but they at least notified me instead of just screwing me over and not telling me. Given Friday is Christmas and I have to move my stuff in soon I might have to really grind some cash during the daytime. My parents offered to move me in next week on the 28th or 29th but I think it's better for me to get the stuff in ASAP, especially since we're already paying rent on the house. So when I got home today I played a little over an hour 6 tabling 50NL (it was as soft as I expected it to be) and got 4x$10 sngs in (those are the only sngs that ran in that 90 minute span) and a $30 MTT. Mincashed the $30 for $80ish (6th of 37), got 2nd in 1 of the sngs for $20 so lost about $20 on those, but won a little over 2 buy ins at 50NL. All of that netted me 64 reward points, so I'm now 439 away. I might legitimately only play on WSOP tonight to ensure I maximize the amount of points I earn, but I'll almost definitely end up throwing in the Party 10K since I want to get out of this $1500 hole I'm in for the month and that seems like a good way to do it.

Running

Did the 3 in the rain on Thursday like I said. Kelsey came over Friday and we ran 3 together, then I did 4 on my own on Saturday. I didn't get to run Sunday, so I only got 10 miles in the entire Weds-Sun 5 day stretch! I decided to run 6 today to make up for that and when I finished in 41:31 feeling like I could run a 7th if I felt like it, I realized that the "lapse" I had the last 5 days really wasn't a big deal at all. Compared to how I used to just stop running for 5 straight days, getting some miles in even when I do need to skip a couple days will at the very least maintain the shape I'm in. But I definitely do want to make sure I don't take 2 days off in a week anymore and I continue to up the mileage, rather than keeping it at 3 or 4. It will be harder as it gets colder but I'm just gonna have to sack up and do it. I'll also have to create some new routes now living in Fair Lawn, which might be difficult with the amount of traffic and congestion in North Jersey but I will find a way!

Total Distance Ran in December: 82 miles

Back in Black!

I've been grinding away the last 2 days and the sngs have gone quite well. $1800 in returns on $1140 in buy ins in the last 2 days, with a ridiculous 23 of 44 sngs cashed (over 50% in games where 1/3 the field cashes). 58% ROI is a nice little run of games. The only game over $50 that went off was a $100 sng yesterday that I ended up winning. So yeah running quite well in the sngs. Lost about $130 in MTTs yesterday after mincashing the WSOP 10K (lost a flip to be in contention with 20 left, yada yada) but then finally broke through tonight with a win in the high roller on WSOP!

I've been running so bad in that thing for a wildly long stretch of time, and it doesn't help that it's consistently one of the toughest tourneys in the lineup each night given the percentage of regs in the field. Tonight it got 37 runners and a very high percentage of them are at least competent, especially when compared to the fields of the 10Ks. I lost QQ to A2 early to drop to 2500 at 1K BB and found a way to resist the urge to throw anything, type in chat, or let myself even just think negatively. I was probably gonna be busto from the tourney but every day I want to be mentally stronger. Well, I ran good and played well and ended up coming back with those 2.5 bigs to ship it for $1200! So I'm now up $1517 in the last 2 days, which gives me a grand total on the month of $42.66 profit! Gonna have to pop some bottles for that. I'll definitely get a sng bonus this week, imagining it'll be around $120. I'm down $600 on the month in MTTs but have close to that number in profit from bonuses, between using points to buy a $215 Party ticket, all of the sng bonuses I've accrued from each week, and the deposit bonus I unlocked on WSOP. I'm up about $100 from cash games to pull me slightly better than even. Add to that the $100+ I'll get when I cash my WSOP points in at the end of this month and those bonuses really start to add up.

Diamond Card

I've earned 318 points in the last 2 days and am still 185 away from getting there. If $50/$100 sngs went off regularly it'd be pretty easy ($4 rake on $50s and $8 rake on $100s mean 8 and 16 points each, respectively) but unfortunately they do not. So I end up grinding a lot of the $10s and $25s, while playing the bigger buy in MTTs, and sometimes mixing in a few 50NL tables. I've got 4 more days to get those points. Tomorrow I'm picking up a uhaul truck at 8:00 to move all my stuff to my new place, so that could take quite some time. We haven't installed internet yet there either so I'll need to drive home to get volume in. It'd be nice to knock some out tomorrow and then finish it all on Christmas Eve so I can relax on Christmas with my family and then hang out at my new place on Saturday.

Running

Another 6 down today, this time in 40:58 (a shade under 6:50/mile). I just feel strong on these runs now. Today's the first day I took the first mile out under 7:00, and I did feel a little more fatigued than usual due to that but it wasn't awful. The 2nd mile ended up at 6:40 and that's when I realized I needed to back off a little bit. I was running a route I haven't ran in a long time which has an up and down 1st mile, mainly downhill 2nd and 3rd miles, and then you turn around and just do it backwards, so 4 and 5 are uphill. I felt tough through them though which is very encouraging. The goal for the rest of this month since the 100 mile target could potentially go down before Christmas is to run smart and avoid injuries. I'd love to make this my first 40 mile week potentially since college (I consider the start to my running week to be Monday, and I'd need 6 per day for 42 miles and I've done 6 today and yesterday), but with the move tomorrow and the volume I need to get in I might need to take one day off.

Total Distance Ran in December: 88 miles

Redsox, nice reading this blog you have going on. I'm also from NJ and when I play online, it's strictly on the WSOP platform. After reading a few of your posts, then more toward the end, I have realized I've played with you a time or two. I mainly play .25/.50 cash or $5/$10/$25 sNg. I also occasionally play in the daily/nightly tournies but I'm very sporadic in my appearances. Between my job, girlfriend and my live playing (at the sands), it's tough to always get on. In any case, from what I read so far it's a good read.. looking forward to playing with you in the future.

Thanks davabl I appreciate the kind words. If sngs aren't running tonight I'll probably be playing a bunch of 50NL to make sure I get the last 185 points I need for the Diamond Card. See you at the tables!

yay, pics of house

Yeah I run track for UO right now, I hear it's been relatively nice out there the whole winter. My roomate out in Eugene is from Livingston and has complained less than usual and given me a few less "**** yous" when I tell him about San Diego's weather over break haha

Wow running for them is pretty legit very nice. I just got back from a little 5 miler and I was really sweating on the last one...it was over 70 degrees again and it's Christmas Eve!! For perspective, my gf and I built a snowman on Thanksgiving break last year. So this warm a month later is ridiculous but I love it. Livingston's not all that far away from the town I'm moving to (Fair Lawn) so that's pretty coincidental your roommate's from there!

The Grind Continues

Put in some good volume again yesterday and am now within 50 points of reaching Diamond Card. I might focus more on the MTTs tonight and sprinkle in sngs where I can to make sure I clear 50 points. Yesterday I played 19 sngs. 15 of them were $25s, 3 were $50s, and 1 was $100. The higher stuff just doesn't go off which makes getting all these points playing sit n gos a real grind. It'd be nice to just rip off a bunch of $100s but they simply do not run, especially with one of the two guys who were really driving sng traffic putting in less volume recently than normal. I ran hot in the 25s and won one of the $50s but lost the $100 so ended up profiting about $65 in the sngs. I final tabled the high roller again but had an awkward 18BBish stack with 9 left and 8 paying, which had me in 5th place or so with last having about 5BBs but reaaaaaaally taking his time to get them in.

I'm starting to realize that those are the situations that I'm still not sure how I'd like to approach. On one hand, busting before the shorty would be pretty awful ICM-wise. On the other hand, when we finally reached the money I had 7BBs since I hadn't won any pots and the blinds had gone up twice (the guy folded down to like 2BBs before getting it in--pretty frustrating for me to just sit there and fold but I'm not sure what else to do). I end up at the mercy of the cards, and with a super aggro guy on my direct right I had no way to fight him shoving every time it folded to him with all the players on his left being below 12 bigs or whatever. Eventually I found an ace in the SB and was able to get my last 7 bigs in when he jammed, he had K7 and I did not hold to bust 7th. Don't get me wrong, I'm not folding big hands just because we're on the bubble. But I am passing up on close spots that I might be taking if we weren't on the bubble with a very short stack left. For example, I'm probably folding 12BBs OTB with A2o when there's a guy who has 3 bigs still left. It seems like it's correct, but ending up with a nub of a stack after the bubble bursts is always frustrating. Maybe I'm just being RO and if my A6 had held vs the K7 I wouldn't be questioning anything and would instead be confident with my decisions and realize you just have to gamble at the end of MTTs structured like this.

At any rate, I lost about $125 in MTTs yesterday. The Party 10K is still kicking my ass. I busted and fired a 2nd bullet before getting AK in vs AQ and 99. 99 was shorter than me to the point that if I lost to him but beat the AQ I'd have about the same stack as I started the hand with. The first card I saw on the flop was an ace, but there was a 9 behind it, and the river was a queen and I was busto! Stupid tournaments.

I did get my sng bonus for getting 4th in the high leaderboard and 16th or whatever in the mid leaderboard for a total of $120 in cash and tickets so that was nice. I'm up about $100 on the month now which is sweet given I was down 4 figures a couple days ago. The more I play though the more I realize that thinking about how I'm doing for the month is stupid. I almost have this urge to grind to really try to show some profit for December. But why should my urge be higher now than it is at the beginning of the month?? I need to learn to keep that fire alive at all times, not just in order to put a nice number down at the end of the month.

I don't think we're getting internet installed until Tuesday at my new place, but since I'm going to achieve Diamond Card after tonight's session, I will go there tomorrow in order to see my girlfriend on Christmas which will be a lot of fun. I'll spend some time with my family at home in the beginning of the day and then head up there. I think the previous owners must have had a cat because I feel like I can't breathe when I'm in the rooms that have rugs. I'm gonna need to either replace those rugs or find a way to really clean the crap out of them. I'll probably do a bunch of dusting at some point too since I think I react way worse to dust than most people do. Since we don't have internet in the house yet I think I'll drive home Sunday to put in the session, and then either go back Monday and hang with the roommates/girlfriend or put in a session that night before going back Tuesday to be there for them to install everything. I forgot to mention--my parents and I move a bunch of my stuff out (bed, dresser, desk, etc), loaded it onto the UHaul truck which I drove from Hamilton to Fair Lawn (fun times with a truck on the Turnpike for 50 miles!) and then unloaded. We did that all yesterday so while I still have some stuff to bring up, the main big things are all moved in. It's a cool feeling to realize I'll be paying my own way now, exclusively with the money I've made from poker. It really makes me feel like an actual professional, but I know there's a long way to go in order to really make this a sustainable job.

Running

5 miles today gets me to 93 on the month. I took the 1st mile out easy again (7:16) and by the time I hit the 4 mile mark I still hadn't brought it back down to 7:00 pace (hit around 28:15 for 4). Since the last mile begins on a downhill I decided to let myself loose and go as fast as I felt like. A lot of the time I really hold back but this last mile I opened my stride, really grinded with driving my arms on every step, and finished the 5th at 6:36 to get the total time back down to 34:51 (6:58 per mile). It was a nice feeling because even with that pickup, I still wasn't sprinting or giving it everything--it was a very controlled increase of speed and I could tell I still had a lot in the tank. I need 7 miles to hit my goal with 7 days left in the month, so I think I need to revise that goal a little bit. Rather than 100 miles in the month I'm now going to try to hit 125. That's 32 miles for 7 days, or a shade over 4.5 per day. If I take a day off it'd be 5.4 per day. With the holidays and traveling back and forth from Fair Lawn there's a chance I won't hit that, but it's good to stay motivated and keep striving to do better.

Total Distance Ran in December: 93 miles

interesting thread

i am in