Thanks man! Appreciated.

Small week update:

I will drop graphs on Sunday, this will be more of a "mental game" type of post I guess. So lately I'm sleeping absolutely terrible. This is really frustrating. Since the 1st of June I'm struggling with fatigue (more than usual) and it has multiple reasons but now it's because I don't manage to sleep properly. I know how important it is to sleep good, and this is also the problem of it. I want to fall asleep so bad and this causes me to "pressure" it too much and eventually to not fall asleep. I also wake up way too early and after that I can't sleep anymore. I'm currently doing a bunch of research on it but feedback/tips are appreciated.

I've faced some obstacles but "mental-game" wise I did very well if we compare it to how I sometimes act when facing coolers. Also the winning days are very big winning days because I'm slowly pushing through my winners tilt and I just keep playing when I'm up a bunch (also playing the same quality).

Now the weekend is coming up again. I'm starting to recognise a pattern when it comes to my depression on the weekend. I've mentioned before that on the weekend my depression affects my mood a lot. Probably because it's more confronting to live such a lonely lifestyle on the weekends when all my friends are doing fun stuff. I also tilt way more on the weekend because I have this "I don't care attitude" a lot of the times on Friday and on Saturday. I'm aware of this for a while but I keep making the same mistakes. I was planning on not playing but I'm in such a nice flow. I'm trying to think of rules I can make to myself to prevent me from screwing up. Last weekend I tilted a bunch as well.... I think the best thing I can do is just be honest with myself, when I feel like **** just don't play! I think sometimes it's okay to not be productive for a bit. I'm very glad I found something that fits me very well and something I want to give my everything. I really enjoy working, but I don't need to overcompensate for my party and bullshitting years.

Hand of yesterday:

Villain is taking this line a lot with hands like 87, weak heart combos, we unblock a bunch of Q9/QT combos that also want to take this line so I went for the herocall:

PokerStars - $0.50 NL FAST (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by Holdem Manager 3 : http://www.holdemmanager.com

BTN: $65.11 (130.2 bb)
SB: $126.10 (252.2 bb)
BB: $49.75 (100 bb)
UTG: $57.38 (114.8 bb)
MP: $50.00 (100 bb)
Hero (CO): $50.50 (101 bb)

SB posts $0.25, BB posts $0.50

Pre Flop: (pot: $0.75) Hero has 3s Ks
2 folds, Hero raises to $1.25, 2 folds, BB calls $0.75

Flop: ($2.75, 2 players) Jh 5c 6h
BB checks, Hero bets $1.72, BB raises to $48.50 and is all-in, Hero calls $46.78

Turn: ($99.75, 2 players) 2c

River: ($99.75, 2 players) Kh

Results: $99.75 pot ($2.00 rake)
Final Board: Jh 5c 6h 2c Kh

BB shows Jc Th: (One Pair, Jacks)
(Pre 43%, Flop 86%, Turn 84%)

Hero shows 3s Ks: (One Pair, Kings)
(Pre 57%, Flop 14%, Turn 16%)

Hero wins $97.75

I'm joking haha. On the table above this one I had a set, but I mixed up the hands in my mind in the heat of the moment so I snapcalled the rejam with my hotkeys (so without looking properly). I should have gotten punished for it :P

Subbed.

Gl on your poker-related goals as well as the life stuff (depression/anxiety)

Pretty sure I've seen you a bit in the 50z pool for the past few days if your stars avatar resembles your 2+2 name

Thanks man! Appreciated.

Hahaha I don't know what you are talking about :P :P

First 40k hands in the 50NLz pool:





I'm really disappointed by the results. Since the first of June I'm extremely tired 24/7 and right now I'm at the point I just can't play anymore because of it. Friday I couldn't play because I was tired. Yesterday I couldn't play because I was tired (lost like 4 bi in 400 hands) and today I forced myself to finally play some volume and in my last 500 hands I just blast off 8 stacks because I can't think properly (because I'm exhausted). Last weekend I tilted the whole weekend. Now this week this bs..... For once I just want to play normal sample so I will finally see where I am in terms of skill and winrate. Mistakes are there to be made ofcourse but I just start donating from one moment to the other because I'm so ****ing tired.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor for the third time for this fatigue ****.

(sorry for being so toxic but this is next level frustrating)

Follow up to the last post:

It's time for a change. When I started this blog almost 6 months ago I tried to work hard on multiple aspects of life.

Some of the good habits I let go off for whatever reason. The coding course (I started this with the start of this journey) for example, I managed to finish the course. But after that I didn't find anything to follow up on it and I stopped with it. I didn't like it anyway so I don't see any problem with letting go of it but ever since there hasn't been any replacement. Also I stopped running on a daily basis, this is the biggest problem for now. I got "extreme symptoms" of hay-fever and because of this since the 1st of June I haven't been able to go for a run. I also stopped waking up early, I really like staying up but in terms of "feeling fresh" I think waking up early again would be a nice step in the right direction. Also then I can start running/excersizing again because the hay-fever isn't that big of a problem at that time. Also in the morning it's more quite outside which means leaving my house would become less of a problem in terms of social anxiety.

Some things I started with the blog that are still going well are eating healthy. I'm still not drinking alcohol but since it's time to start socialize a bit more sometimes a few beers with some friends wouldn't be a problem I think. I also can chose not to drink but I'm gonna be honest, I feel really uncomfortable with all the small talk when I'm the only one sober. I still play guitar. I'm not doing it daily anymore but every now and then it's nice to have a hobby like that. I'm still meditating daily and this is starting to become gamechanging. Mainly in terms of focus. Over the last few months I made big steps in the right direction with being able to focus.

Goals for the upcoming weeks/months:

Wake up max 7am
Go for a run daily
Try a gluten free diet again and see if it works against my fatigue struggles (ffs this is gonna be hard af because I really don't want to lose weight)
Start learning Spanish (again)
Find a hobby to do on the side next to poker (this is probably gonna be writing non-fiction)

While a lot of things still aren't going amazing, poker is still going well. I'm not satisfied with the results I posted in the post above because without tilting and being a zombie I can do better. But overall how much I improved over a space of 6 months is great and it makes me feel proud of myself. And I feel like I'm still getting better by the week. It gives me confidence that I can say that I play poker professionally and that I can pay the bills playing online poker. But at the same time, It's still crucial for the process to maintain the patience. When I'm tired, I just need to study instead of playing. The world is not gonna end if I don't hit my 100k hands volume goal in order to make $4k monthly. At some time, I will get to the point where the money is coming my way and there is no need to go blood sweat and tears with my fatigue to make $4k monthly right now. It's time to see the process in the long run again. I just have to be patient and keep working hard and keep enjoying the process.

Goals to study for the next 3/4 weeks:
BB vs BTN SRP Turn probing
BB vs BTN SRP XR Flop
BTN vs BB SRP Turn overbetting
OOP vs IP 3BP turn betsizing after flop bet (mainly on tt boards, also look at different sizings for different hands in this spot, compare to ip PFR)

In order to change my sleeping schedule it's gonna take a day or 2 to adjust so I will be studying those days and on Thursday I'm planning on going back to the working hard!

I felt like I had to make this post after the toxic post (and **** feeling) of yesterday. Also Sort of to organise everything in my head. Writing down goals and things to do, help me a lot to rest my head for a bit.

Thanks for reading!

Keep it up man it's not the end of the world, I'm still down quite some over 30k+ hands, I also have played terrible volume so far this month

Hi!
Hey-Fever: It can make you extremely tired and brain clouded. Make sure you find the right medication for you (some pills make you even more tired) - I have the best experience with Levocertirizin (not the plain Certirizin) or with Fexofenadinhydroclorid. On days with heavy symptoms (nose, lungs) i add Budesonit (Cortisol) spray.
Running & Hey fever dont go together well, it may affect your lungs badly and make you even more tired. While having hey fever I recommend to stick to the gym and even do cardio indoors and do a lot of swimming.

Socializing: Try to base your social life around shared interests / activities (hobbies, music, nature, sport, tech, food, travel, poker ......), there is nothing wrong not being comfortable with having mindless smalltalk

Downs are part of life, without them one cant have ups, keep your head up & glgl

Cheers
Lock

Finally managed to get a nice night of sleep. I also went for a run since more than a month ago. Very nice start of the day!

Yesterday I woke up at 8, today at 7 am and I was planning to keep this sleeping schedule this way. But I just played a bit of poker to see what's the pool like around this time. And it's not amazing to be honest. What I like about the 50 pool is that I have this battles with a bunch of regs (like 5/6 good regs). I try to put people in horrible spots and they do the same, I learn a lot from it (reviewing this spot, counting combo's etc.). Also this makes poker 10 times more fun IMO. But now the pool is kind of dead I feel like. Also it's crawling with nits and supernits (With our rake structure nit is like 16VPIP and supernit like 12 or below). The fish/rest-of -the-pool ratio is relatively high so that's not the problem. But I rather wake up a bunch of hours earlier to enjoy some better action in the pool. So I think I'm slowly gonna change my sleeping schedule to around 5am.

I'm still meditating daily. Since the start of this blog I have been pretty inconsistent with it because at first I didn't actually believe in it. Since the start of June I've been pretty consistent with it and it's very interesting to see how my focus is growing.



I'm currently meditating twice a day with his video. In the morning my mind wonders off constantly and I have a hard time to finish it. In the evening it's going quite well lately. Sometimes I even add 5 minutes of counting down backwards from 100/200(by 2) to it. My goal is to be able to meditate (and go in deep relaxation) for like 25 minutes.

I highly recommand people with focus issues to at least give this a try.

Allright so tomorrow I'm planning on taking shot in 100z. As you see above the plan was always to move to 100 and stay there for a while. After 46k hands my evbb/100h is 4.73 in the 50z pool but because tomorrow it's saturday (which should be a funplayer heavy day) I'm gonna start with taking shots there tomorrow. I'm gonna go for a 15bi shot. If I'm down 15bi at some point I will move back to 50z and grind another 50k hands there.

Wish me luck

Glgl!

Really solid winrate over this sample man, GLGL at 100z!

Thanks mate!

-

Appreciated man

-

After a night of sleep I realised I don't have to take "the shot in 100z" in such an "official way". I rather just play like 1k hands there every time I feel like my game is on point. I'm pretty confident in my game but the difference between my a-game and c-game is slowly becoming too big again. I play so incredibly loose when I play my c-game and I don't think it's a good idea to start donating Benji's.

-

Recently I'm trying to work on growing my poker network. I have some poker friends and a study group (which is kind of dead lately) but that's about it. If anyone wants to talk hands or whatever just hmu on discord:

Joost#9738

First shot in 100z completed. As you can see I lost a bunch of flips haha. I was down a bunch at some point so I allowed my winners tilt to take over after two short sessions. I decided to play 50 for the rest of day. Tomorrow I will try to aim for 1k hands in the 100z pool! I will most likely post results/graphs next week's Sunday because I'm trying to be less focussed on daily results.

This was one of the first hands in the pool. V tanked his whole timebank. NGL, I was tripping hahaha

PokerStars - $1 NL FAST (6 max) - Holdem - 6 players
Hand converted by Holdem Manager 3

BTN: $163.94 (163.9 bb)
Hero (SB): $103.27 (103.3 bb)
BB: $55.00 (55 bb)
UTG: $100.00 (100 bb)
MP: $100.00 (100 bb)
CO: $77.36 (77.4 bb)

Hero posts SB $0.50, BB posts $1.00

Pre Flop: (pot: $1.50) Hero has A K
UTG raises to $2.10, 3 folds, Hero raises to $9.00, fold, UTG calls $6.90

Flop: ($19.00, 2 players) Q 2 6
Hero bets $5.96, UTG calls $5.96

Turn: ($30.92, 2 players) 4
Hero bets $19.68, UTG calls $19.68

River: ($70.28, 2 players) 3
Hero bets $68.63 and is all-in, fold

Results: $70.28 pot ($2.50 rake)
Final Board: Q 2 6 4 3

Hero wins $67.78

Since I still struggle heavily with fatigue and I think it's partly related to allergies I started with Levocertirizin today. Also I'm planning on starting to go to the gym on the 1st of August.

Thanks for your advice Lock!

Now I will stop the spam for the next couple of days, just wanted to post the "official 50k hands 50NLz overview". I'm pretty confident I can do better because I still tilted a bunch in this sample, but I think this shows I'm on the right track skill-wise. I had to withdraw a bit for life expenses so I will probably grind another 50k hands in the 50pool and I will take shots in the 100pool every now and then. When I have around 45bi on my account I will make the move permanently.

''I can do better'' (?)

Ok, I can confidently confirm my extreme fatigue that I had last for the two months is sort of gone. Since Sunday (when i started the anti allergy pills) I'm not 24/7 exhausted any-more! I have been very productive last couple of days and I feel relatively good.

I have doing a lot of work in PIO recently together with a poker mate. I did a a ton of studying in general last few weeks and this is really starting to pay off. When I'm playing my a-game I feel like a lot of things makes sense. Whether it's going ridiculously out of line to exploit opponents or knowing which sizing which turn wants to use. I'm obviously not there yet and I'm far from knowing my theory well but I feel like I'm on the right track and that I'm starting to learn what "the line" actually is. Feels good to be very driven for now. When I'm playing my c-game on the other hand, I still try to implement my recent study work (like for example I digged pretty deep in flop x/r's) but I'm experiencing trouble implementing later streets and I'm ether over/under bluffing. I want to stay away from using an RNG as long as possible (because my approach is mainly focussed on exploits) but in spots like this it can be usefull.

Results from the last couple of weeks:



Results from the last 2 days:



Yep, the RNG is against me last 2 days. I'm doing relatively well in terms of mental game but today I started complaining a lot again while playing. While writing this I'm tempted again on complaining how much I got ****ed in 3bp's with my AA being cracked but I think it's best to just be happy that I'm dealing with it Ok-ish. I would have said amazing if I didn't punt away a stack or 3 today....

Goals in terms of studying next couple of weeks/months:

OOP PFR vs IP flatter SRP
SB vs BB SRP
BB vs SB 3bp

Peace

Nice update man! Good to hear that your health is getting better and that you're feeling good.

Results looking sharp and your study plan sounds good! Can't wait to see you crushing the nl100z pool vamooos

Results and work ethic been fine last couple of days. But I'm experiencing trouble dealing with the new "GTO knowledge". I'm starting to wonder if a lot of things make any sense in the pools I'm playing in (I'm obviously not applying anything against whales/recs). Also I'm starting to overthink common spots and this makes me play slightly confused sometimes. This results in my confidence dropping.... Hopefully today I can start playing my a-game again!

Anyone who experienced the same in the beginning stages of his "poker career"? Advice would be appreciated. If this continues I might stop studying theory for a bit until I'm at 200z.










H1 Run a sim for this. Solvers wants me to jam a lot OTT. I can wrap my head around that.
H2 I'm not hating my play to be fair. I allow you guys to tell me it's terrible
H3 On saturday I decided to flat more against recs as an experiment. I ended up paying 8.3bb/100h rake after playing like 6k hands that day. obviously completely ridiculous. Atleast I learned my lesson.
H4 Again not hating my play. But I'm having trouble playing against IP flatters in general. Today I started with SB vs BB srp and after that I'm gonna look at some flops and runouts for MP vs IP flatter.

What's up my man!

Losing confidence or doubting yourself is such an easy thing to do as a poker player imo. Since it's a game of incomplete information and with high variance, it's easy to start thinking that maybe you're not good enough etc.

Imo your recent results should give you the confidence needed to keep going, the evbb/100 number is the true measurement of your skill level. With more than 5bb/100 ev over your last ~70k hands (based on your last update) you're very likely a winner in the pool imo.

Re the whole GTO considerations, imo don't stop studying as I know you've been doing. It will for sure make you a better played if correctly applied. If there are any thoughts that I could share on that, it's that maybe try not to change your game too much at once. Keep doing what you're doing, it's going well, and slowly start introducing small aspects from your studies into your game.
For example if you've been crunching on a lot of BTNvsBB SRP flops, try to implement what you learned there into your game, but don't change everything at once.
Maybe also step away from GTO once in a while when studying and start looking for pool tendencies that you can exploit. For example do a DB review and if you find that the pool is massively overfolding some spots, maybe run sims for those spots but use your range vs a tighter-than-GTO range for player two and see what adjustments the solver suggests (probably betting/raising more often ) Just my 2c

TLDR; Just keep going man, you got this! Vamooos!

With regard to your poor sleeping, I dont know if you are taking medication already but try Mirtazapine if your doctor will prescribe it for you.
Its classed as an antidepressant and also will help you to sleep, of all the medications I have tried its proved to be by far the best.
I used to suffer mental breakdowns which are when you just cant do the simple things and are shattered all the time.
Since taking Mirtazapine I've not experience the above at all in 3 years and now sleep much better than before.

I know medications affect people in different ways but give it a try I dont think you will regret it.

GL.

you're not going to improve by not studying. You're not going to increase your winrate by not studying. So it makes absolutely 0 sense to stop. Poker doesnt just magically change once you get to 200z. Its the exact same game. The theory you learn to beat 200z will win you more money the lower you play (youre essentially saying a 200z reg will lose more if he drops to 50 because hes learnt theory?). My game wont change if im playing 1k/2k compared to 50nl. exact same thought process, exact same ranges (within rake), exact same barreling, exact same bluff catching, exact same betsizes. There might be some small tweaks on the fringe of ranges but "theory" (or 99% of hands i play) wont change at all.

if you're misapplying theory now, think how costly its going to be when you start misapplying theory at 200z. better learn and get your mistakes out the way asap.

gl

I would be very suprised if someone plays the same in 50nl than 1k-2k. I understand where your comming from and going for the argument poker is poker. The rest is theory. The game stays the same. The guy is getting confused because all the new information as no time to be processed. He wont quit study obv.

Hello sir, thank you for your comment and help. It's typical for me to be so short term minded, but lately sleeping goes quite well! If sleep problems occure in the near future I will consider something like this (but not after I tried everything).

Hey man!

I"m basically saying I have problems with processing all info and implementing it in my game. In the last 4/5 weeks I've drilled a lot of spots like a madman and it's far from autopilot in my game which is causing me to make too many mistakes and overthinking common spots.


What I meant by maybe stop learning theory untill 200z is basically me saying that I give myself time and space to implement all the "new learned concept".

Also I don't want to get in the classic poker debate , Bute I don't agree with your approach to play similar in every pool. I'm sure you can print money by exploiting villain types and exploiting pool tendencies, But at the same time not getting punished enough for it.

Well, if we purely look at playing a balanced theory based strategy. I'm pretty sure an exploitative strategy will make you more money in the 50z pool.

Besides me disagreeing on some things you said, your comment has been useful. If I keep making this mistakes I won't stop studying and I will take the mistakes for granted. Since I'm planning on aiming for the moon when it comes to poker . And you have a good point that I rather want to make the mistakes at 50/100z than in some later state with higher stakes.

Thanks for your comment