Yes I run on a daily basis. I also need excercise for my focus issues.

Haha I'm not planning on joining a stable.

Thank you for your reaction, hopefully you are doing well rn

So finally some good news, since my last post things are going pretty well. I'm back working hard again on multiple aspects of life.

I found my motivation. I"m very structured again. I started running, meditating, I'm scheduling my day and I'm sticking to it, waking up early all on a daily basis. As I told you guys, since this week I finally started studying. Mainly with equillab, GTO Wizard and free content on yt/internet as a whole. And in the beginning, I thought it was pretty boring. But learning GTO is actually kind of fun. And I'm getting more and more motivated to do it. I focussed mainly on sizes and hand selections BTN vs BB SRP Flop and I think for the most part I approximately know what to do and what not do (Especially in the hand selection I make rough estimations). I'm very confident about the way I exploit the pools I play in with my current strategies so I'm not planning on implementing it anytime soon. But ones I'm gonna hit a brick wall with the way I play I better be prepared to play strategies which are slightly less exploitable.

Since the beginning of this blog I went for a run everyday (I skipped a few times in the last few weeks). With my terrible focus, and currently (also because Covid) not going outside as much as I used to I just need this. When starting out with this my stamina (hopefully this is the right word lol) was awful Today I set a new record for myself: 5.5km/3,42 miles in 23 minutes.

In order to move up to 50NLz I decided I just need to prove myself on last time I can beat 25z on a 20/30k sample. Because I'm spending most time studying I don't put in that much volume. I already beat NL25z around 11.5bb/100h over around 22k hands. So I'm tending to move up slightly earlier. I think I'm gonna make it 18k hands for now. Here are the results of the last few days:





Also a reason I didn't play that many hands is because I'm trying to make the sample in order to move up to 50z include not too many mistakes. So I'm trying to play very focussed. So far I'm playing my A or at least B-game. I think I only made one big mistake where I lost 70bb. And yes I'm obviously running good haha.

This blog is really motivating me. Thanks for commenting and reading. Next update will be after 4/5k hands I think. I might post some cool hands in the meantime.

Edit: I'm also in a study group with 3 other guys I met on 2+2 to discuss hands/strategies/study. This is really helping me to improve my game. So shout out to you guys.

Well done on finding your motivation!Is your life so if you're not going to fight for it no else will! Solid result,you're def going to crush 50 NL ! GL!

Allright, 7.3k hands in of the final sample of 15/20k hands (still haven't decided) in 25z in order to move up to 50z:





It's going all right. I feel like my mental game is evolving. But then again haven't faced any moments where it really has been tested. I was up 20 bi at one point but I had to swallow a few coolers today; Lost my KK vs QQ and in my last hand of today I rivered a straight on an A high board and I fired the 3rd barrel and he woke up with the NFD.

I'm still studying a lot which is going well. I'll try to put in some more volume the next days if I'm less stressed. Last 4 days I'm experiencing a lot of stress and I'm overthinking everything. I'm not necessary feeling down but playing poker is hard when you are under a lot of tension.

Hey man,solid results as always!!Well done!! Did you tried anything to be less stressed? I feel like meditation is so high value..to be honest it always calm me down,relax me and puts me in a good place..maybe it can be good for you aswell..

Must be f'in nice

Yes, I meditate of and on (Same as running, last 4 weeks I have been slacking a bit). I have been trying to meditate ever since the start of this blog. And I'm really having struggles with it haha. It's so weird but it's really a pain in the ass. And I know the key is just be aware when my thoughts are getting off, and try to get back to the breathing etc. But sometimes I meditate for like 5 minutes and I have the feeling my thoughts weren't longer than 15 seconds at the breathing.

Maybe you have some advice or a good YouTube you recommand me watching? Thanks in advance.

Yes man, pretty happy about my game right now

Today I decided to use my study time to continue reading "the mental game of poker" by Jared Tendler. Since I'm a complete mental game whale I hope this will help me with the following issues:

1. Low confidence - If I'm on losing streak of a couple days I start to doubt everything I do and eventually I start doubting the whole process and if poker is the right for me.
2. Overconfidence - If I'm on a winning streak I think I'm very talented and that I will be playing 200z by the end of the year, and that I'm insanely good in exploiting the pools.
3. Can't except a losing day/session - If I have a losing day I keep playing until I made up for my losses or that I lost so much that I start doubting poker is the right thing for me because of my terrible mental game.
4. Losers tilt - When the process mentioned above is happening I'm in no shape to play anymore. I play impatient and terrible. I punt and make major mistakes in my game. I start gambling all in the hope of binking a few stacks to cover my losses.
5. Winners tilt - I don't know how quick to end the sessions if I'm up 2/3 stacks. My volume really drops if I have a winning day of let's say 6 stacks. If I'm starting a new session and lose 2/3 big hands straight away I say this to myself: "I told you, you should have just quit for today"
6. Focus - This by far the biggest issue,not being able to focus. It can switch so quick from being focussed to thinking about what I'm gonna have for breakfast tomorrow morning... Then I make major mistakes.

So funny pattern in this journey:

2. I'm overconfident, I skip some of my rituals to grind some more volume
6. I lose my focus and while my focussed is lost I make big mistakes.
3. Then step 3 comes into play
4. Following by this.
1. Following by number 1.

Anyway, today as an experiment I'll start up my hud and completely close my holdem manager so I can't see any results. Also I'll hide my balance from my account. I'll monitor every session by rating my performance and emotional performance. Also I will only count results in EV from now on (so also in the 25z challenge).

Any advice on this topic would be highly appreciated.

PS. Inb4 "variance is a part of poker" cliches hahaha

lol

hmm - old man advice might be: set your goal only on incrementally getting better at poker, be realistic that each step can only be tiny. force yourself not to look at winnings, only ev in bb and even more if you play right by your own best knowledge. dont focus on what stakes you reach how quickly ........ money and stakes will come automatically, and this way imho they will come the quickest.

my example from mtts: i often focused on first price money when deep, and then i overplayed spots being horny for the big bink and busted or crippled my stack.
now i force myself only to try to play the next hand best possible.

glgl

All right, update of month no. 4 of this journey.

Let's start off with mentioning I'm really experiencing a lot of ups and downs lately. Last 3 days I was really down again. I was spending a lot of time in bed feeling terrible. Yesterday evening I managed to get myself together. One thing that is frustrating me a lot is not being able to work hard. I Always feel so tired and being in my own world. Than when things don't go my way (Mainly outside the poker tables) I give up mentally and I find myself in bed again feeling terrible. Getting myself together is a real struggle but when I do I feel way better.

Before the month of may I set a bunch of goals.

These are the goals I Failed:
-Max 3 tables of zoom
-Keep track of sessions and other things as food and preparations.
-Play 80k hands
-Try to be around people more often
-2k profit

These are the goals I accomplished:
-Start with a solver (start studying in general)
-Take shots in 50z
-Gain weight
-Make +$500 profit (This wasn't the goal but I still want to mention it)

Yes you read it correctly, I have taken shots in 50NLz. I'm still not tracking results (to work on my mental game) but It's really going well! I'm almost 100% sure I'm up a few buy-ins there and I feel like I still have an edge in that pool. This is great news. All though not everything going perfect right now my abilities to make a good living in poker are growing by the minute. This is something to build on and feel good about! On Wednesday I withdrew a bit so I'm not able to make the move completely. But for now I will play weekends in the 50z pool until I have 25 bi on my account again.

This was really a month of ups and downs. But the month of June will be mine. Tomorrow I will write about some goals about the month of June.

Peace.

Keep your head up mate! I'm sure you'll crush 50nl, also maybe try not to set a profit goal since that's also related to variance and that's nothing we can influence

Poker seems like a really difficult thing to do when you're struggling with some mental things. I'm generally a very level headed person and poker can **** my brain up so hard on certain days, especially if anything else in life is stressing me out. Hope you're ok dude, poker results look good, but don't neglect yourself in other areas.

-Try to be around people more often


^ This point seems important when you're struggling. Reach out to family or friends, they will want to do everything they can to help you feel a little better I'm sure.

glgl

Thanks man and good point on the "profit goal" part, I won't set a goal like that it the upcoming month(s).

Thanks a lot. I will set a similar goal like this and this time I will try to break through the social anxiety that I'm experiencing. The Covid restrictions are decreasing in my country so that should help a bit too. Pre Covid I already had issues with depression but I always had been a very social guy. Hopefully I can pick this up again as soon as possible.

I know it's 31th of May haha but for me the month of June starts today. I came up with some goals. Last month I failed a bunch of my goals. This month I will try my hardest to make sure this doesn't happen again. I already made a daily schedule and some sort of food schedule.

To tackle my mental game issues I started with avoiding to see my results and bankroll. I'm not gonna lie, this is pretty hard haha.

Goals for June:
-Look at results once a week on Sunday night after playing (and post here)
-Look at your bankroll once a day (before playing) and then hide and avoid it
-Play at least 1.5k hands a day
-Play 50k hands this month
-Post weekly results here on Sunday, also when I had a sh*t week
-Go out of my comfort zone once a week to be around people
-Finish "the mental game of poker'
-Continue the study grind, everyday at least 1.5 hours of study
-Don't play poker after 12:00 AM
-Wake up at 9:00 AM max
-Meditate twice a day, in the morning and evening. Atleast one of the two sessions "concentration meditation"
-Read one book (non poker related)
-Start with going to the gym again (3x a week)
-Continue learning Spanish

I will be mainly playing 25z and on Friday, Saturday and Sunday I will be playing 50z on stars. The upcoming weekend I won't be able to play 50z just yet because my bankroll doesn't allow it. I got $400 rakeback coming my way next week so from that point I will be playing 50z in the weekend. I will make the move completely when I finished the book "the mental game of poker" and when I have 25/30 bi on my account.

Good luck for June fella!

I'd just stick with the meditation even if you feel like it is tough. It's got proven benefits and will help you stay present at the poker table which is vitally important.

I like the idea of hiding your balance and not checking up on your profit/loss figures so much. I think sometimes we can get into bad habits of constantly checking it which not only wastes time but also can maybe influence us in negative ways. I always say best to just focus on playing good poker and constantly improving, the profits will take care of themselves.

So you're the player who found me in the zoom pool! Nice thread btw, gl, you seem to be crushing. I know you've already tried it, but for me, the cold showers do definitely have a positive effect on mood and concentration. In some ways, I'd say they're even better than exercise for that. Been doing them for a couple of years, and I did go about 2 weeks without them recently, and I was starting to get some brain fog, and overall being a little less optimistic and energetic. Completely disappeared once I started them again. Cold water swimming is even better, if you have access to a body of water where you can do that. Just my 2 cents on the matter. They won't get rid of depression completely, but if you do them everyday, I find they improve my baseline mood. Which will then fluctuate.

Funnily enough, I've actually got some hand histories vs you for all stakes 2nl-25nl, except 16nl. I tried to see if there were any interesting hands in there, but I could only find some pretty standard spots. gl at the tables!

Thanks man! I'm currently meditating twice a day. In the mornings I'm experiencing trouble going in deep relaxation mode. In the evening before bedtime on the other hand, It's going great. I count backwards from 300 by 3 (with some spa music in my headphones) or something like that and after that I feel really relaxed. Is this okay to do twice a day? (In the morning I try guided meditation). After reading you can train your focus by mediating I'm really motivated to try this for a long time!

Haha yesterday I had struggles not checking my results. It's a nice goal to be able to not think about it at all at some point.

Ola! Thanks for the advice. After reading this advice yesterday I started this morning with a cold shower and I will be doing this everyday for the month of June (and probably for a longer period of time).

Haha, yeah we have played a bunch of hands actually in multiple stakes. Nice to see we both moving up. Gl at the tables mate!

a cold shower is good, a daily swim in the (still) cold sea is better - ol man flexing / bragging whenever he can

No worries. Dunno how much reading you've done on the cold exposure thing, but I did do quite a bit when I started. Once I was convinced of the benefits, I couldn't really give up on the cold showers, so if you haven't yet, definitely worth reading up on them. Plus, the placebo effect is a real thing, so if you believe it will have an effect, it increases the effect, for certain things. If you fancy reading up on it, I think there is a subreddit. Also, this article (https://www.theguardian.com/global/2...g-in-ice-water) was the one that made me decide to give them a go, and I later tried cold water swimming, which provides much stronger benefits. This other link is for a radio programme discussing this potential benefits, although I don't know if you can access it from your country (https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/art...g-cold-showers). I haven't listened to it, but I'm sure it will be of at least decent quality.

Just thought I'd share those in case you haven't had the chance to look into it further, although seen as you're from the same country as the legend of cold exposure, I'm sure you're already well aware of them.

If you want any more suggestions on how to deal with depression or even move past it, I do, unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), have a decent amount of suggestions. Feel free to give me a shout if that is the case.

Hahaha I would have flexed with it too. I have a river nearby (kinda dangerous to swim in it so I have to figure out a spot where it's possible) and I will give it a try after my morning run!

I will check out the info/links you send me. Thanks

I'm very interested in your suggestions and I will messages you this evening or tomorrow morning.

So I'm gonna complain for a bit and after the complaining I will try to think positive again:

For the second day in a row I'm not able to play or study poker(function at all). For some reason I'm just way too tired. I slept decent last couple of days (not amazing, not terrible). I've eaten good I guess. I've been exercising, being active all-day & meditating but I'm just way too tired to function. This is extremely frustrating. Yesterday I tried to play but I was just way too tired and I was playing mindless. I think this plays a huge roll in the tilt issues. It's so hard to accept that after a whole morning (& begin afternoon) of preparation I'm just not able to function. Especially if this happens two days in a row. Then I end up playing and after making brainless decisions I get more and more frustrated about the whole situation.

Over the last months (since the start of this blog) I keep coming back to problems like this. And I can't figure out the source (for example the blood-test showed everything is fine). My whole life I had this fatigue and focus problems what resulted in me dropping out of college multiple times and ****ing up every shitty job I had. Now at age 24 (just turned 24 but in the beginning of this blog 23) I finally found something that fits me, I'm trying to give it a 100% but I just can't seem to work hard with the issues I'm facing. Yes, the progress I've made so far in the 4 months is great (Skillwise + 2-50NLz) but things like this are mentally ****ing with me really bad.

Okay enough complaining for now. Tomorrow I will make an appointment with my doctor to talk about it. The search for a solution will continue. I will also completely quit coffee (haha this is really weird maybe, but coffee has a negative effect on this while it should be the opposite. It makes me slow). For tonight I will just study for a bit and search the internet for a possible solutions.

It's time for the weekly update of the first week of June.

So I'm not planning on complaining too much. But this week was heavy. I think I'm ill. Otherwise I have no explantation for this extreme fatigue this week. I Also had frequent headaches and I had a light cold. The fatigue was by far the biggest struggle.

The reason I still pushed to grind this week is
1. because I NEEDED to clear this rakeback challenge. (I completed it five minutes ago, I had 2 more days so perfect opportunity to take two days completely off of poker)
2. This whole process is not going smooth enough for my liking. One week my depression is too much and I can't play, the other week I'm stressed out. Then I can't focus/lack energy. I just want to work. So yeah, I kinda had to push myself.

So this is the rb challenge I just completed:



All though it was a bit of a grind I'm very happy I've completed it.

So because I was ill and tired af, I was playing far from my a-game. Under the circumstances I'm happy relatively with the results:



I've played some 10z, 16z, 25NL and 50z but I played most hands in the 25zoom pool.

So one thing that I noticed this week, and something I'm really happy about. Me playing bad is way better than me playing bad 1.5 months ago. My c-game is really improving. I still played terrible and I made countless of punts haha. But at least it's "OK'. I will share some hands on in the following days. I took going out of line to another level on multiple occasions.

Throughout the week I have checked my BR more than I agreed to with myself. This happened because of two reasons:

1. On Wednesday when I realised I was extremely tired for the third day in a row I had a tilt sessions where I punted a few buy-ins. I had to check the damage.
2. After this I managed to get on the right track with not checking my results until Friday. Where I lost around 6.5 bi in my warm-up session in the 10NL pool. Ever since then I'm checking my BR more than I should and even some winners tilt occurred.

Goals for next week:

Play my warm up session in 5z to prevent something similar from happening.
Pick up the habit of not checking my results at all again. Only check my BR once a day (in the beginning)
Pick up the study grind again (I studied for a bit but not enough for my liking)

As said I'm planning on taking two days off of poker. On Tuesday I might do a tiny bit of studying. But my plan is to rest completely. Hopefully on Wednesday I feel better again. Then on the weekend I will start with playing 50NLz as my main stake. Although I'm being negative in a lot of my post I'm very proud of myself of the progress I"ve made so far. 4.5 months I started out as a complete whale with $17 in the 2NL pool and now I'm playing in the 50 zoom pool.

Thanks for reading everyone and have a nice evening

Hey man nice results. Dont push yourself to hard. When i dont feel like playing I just study instead something that still need a lot of focus, but isnt as stressfull. The stress and the pressure of performance takes so much energy.

Its important to be totally honest with yourself when playing sessions. Do you feel like you are making the most of your winning hands and cutting losses with your losing hands? At low levels its super hard to beat the rake right now and would personally look at switching to playing sit'n'go or tournaments for better value at low levels.

Absolute right. Currently two days off and I will take it in consideration next time!

Im playing cash games for five months now. Ive beaten all stakes I played with great winrates (as you can see when reading back in this blog). Since Im new to poker this is all a learning process to get better (mental game + skillwise) and I dont expect to make 10.000s of $$$ monthly after playing 5 months of cashgames. Im more than happy to take this route in the learning process as the start of my pokercareer. And just to say it straight: All though the rake is high its still very beatable. As I proof in this blog.