yoo hows life in mexico?

i'm curious about your mental game off the felt. I think you could benefit from some type of mentor to give you a little help with the mental game. i'd love to chat with you further as a fellow PGC creator. reach out if you want to chat a bit more.

will respond to both messages later, just wanna drop month results so I can give it a rest








Done for the month. With rb +$10k. Will take some rest these next 4/5 days. I went completely over the top in the end wanting more and more and yesterday had a classic disaster day losing like 8bi in NL500. I pushed way too hard and in all honesty it was waiting for that moment. Unfortunately poker was way too stressful this month. Still happy with the results and everything even though I was up $15k at some point.

Will take 3 days completely off and afterwards will start working on mental game a bit here and there, maybe analyse that last session and look for mental game coach etc. Also will stop dropping results for a while because somehow it brings pressure.

ahhh those stressful 10k+ months

the last dip there is understandly annoying, but super solid results! which site(s) are you playing on mostly at the moment? enjoy the days off

Life is good here man, will do more detailed update in the end. Still in Playa del Carmen right now, I paid rent for 1 more month. I just want to stick one more month to solid habits that I managed to pick up (gym, meditation, running, learning Spanish etc.). But afterwards I'm thinking about going to Mexico City. Heard good stories also from people I've met here. Also I'm considering visiting Colombia in this trip but need to check if possible with Visa, poker etc.

I've mixed feelings about Playa del Carmen (where im staying rn). It's a really cool city to meet people, and there is a really chill/lay-back vibe around here. Just walking outside is a joy itself for example. Certain things I like about the culture here. Only thing that's starting to annoy me is that it's a tourist town - and that itself isn't that big of a deal - But sometimes I really feel like a walking atm here. I could go deeper on it, to talk about the cause of it like social-economic background etc. But feel like in general "Capitalism" (very vague description haha don't want to dive too deep on it) is even a bigger thing here than it is in Europe. Same as in the states which I assume is the prime example of consumer culture.

hey man thanks for offer, my plan is to work with a therapist on my mental game issues this month. Feel free to drop suggestions or your thoughts in here if you want.

I understand it's sounds ridiculous, because maybe it is ridiculous. But that's also the reason I'm still sometimes thinking about going rec status/parttime even though it's going so well. Money is nice but being stressed out all the time and on the edge of burnout is not and I really just want a nice life and be full of energy etc. Will really, and I mean really try to work on it tho this month so I won't tilt you again about me complaining about stress when cruising on the tables


Thanks mate I'm mainly playing Pokerstars at the moment. I also have one softer site on the side, where I mainly play when I'm tired (or when fresh and wanting more than 4tables because of stars regtable cap). I mainly play regtables on stars and only play zoom there when having little time or when on tilt

I often feel the same.
GL with mental game

As a decent rec/part time status player who does alright for some side $ I can confirm that there is also mental tilt in the daily grind of a regular work schedule.
Though the stresses of being certain of guaranteed paycheques/$ don’t exist in the same way, the grind of flipping week over week, month over month of the same work routine really just presents a different form of mental stress.
All in all what I’m trying to get at is that it’s easy for all of us to wish for what we don’t have, in a variety of ways. And it’s also easy to overestimate the general level of content/life satisfaction of people who aren’t ourselves. We are all constantly doing this ofc. This isn’t unique to any one person.

one of the better things ive done in the last 6 months was get mental game "coaching" or "therapy" or whatever they want to label it as. ive found just having someone to talk through different poker related issues and hold me accountable / be a good place to discharge emotion has helped a ton. id highly recomend it tbh since it sounds like you focus on while still struggle with it quite a bit.

Hey man, just stopping by to congratulate you on the sick month, gl with everything!

Nice results! Maybe one day I'm where you are at haha

So what I believe in is that those forms of tilt are triggers and they come from ''trauma'' or emotion which isn't released yet. There are many ways to deal with those and to hopefully lessen them. When we have less anger/fear/pain inside us it wont be so easy to get triggered and come up.

Also maybe when you tilt or feel like quitting poker read through this blog, its really crazy how much you have achieved

Love to see that. Seems in better control/ learned from past mistakes. When I read you went back to travel. I said to myself. Oh here we go again. GG man.

ok few days ago I posted result, still in emotion of the disaster session of the day before. Normally I don't really feel significant pressure from posting results here (or sharing with rl friends) but at some point it started to go so well (see heater between 40k and 50k hands) that I kept pressuring myself for more and more. This was the moment I lost myself a bit in it. But yeah I posted it here so that I could "let go" of this pressure. And it worked, afterwards I got my spirit back. I just sat down and was ready to play and fight everyone again I really try to do this for myself, this whole journey and everything. And there is definitely intrinsic motivation. I'm really trying to improve myself in a bunch of aspects. But in terms of money I still have this toxic idea of wanting to get rich for the sake of getting rich. If I picture myself rich I picture myself impressing people (like old friends, my ex etc.) but I don't picture myself buying stuff or making the world a better place or whatever. I'm trying to change this for a while (let go of wanting to become rich, because deepdown I don't NEED to get rich) but it's going with slow steps. I will make a more detailed post about it later. But long story short, at some point I was just playing for the "look at this new best month". And that's why it became so toxic with a doomsday in the end....

In the days after I was "free" again (no fear of losing) and played some absolute beastmode poker:








with rb approx +$13k for the month. For now I will take a break in terms of sharing results. For the reasons mentioned above. So yeah will be a boring blog again xd. Proud of myself. But not because of the results, the results went kind of natural this month. I didn't do anything special other than my habits. I said it when I was running dogshit and I will say it now: My game is on absolute fire (Obviously this is relative to the stakes I play). But I'm proud at when I look at where I was last year. Poker was hopeless, barely had any roll playing 25NL (after going broke in Malta). I was stuck in a raketrap and barely made any money. Still somehow spend 25h/week in PIO that time not even knowing why. Yes, I'm pretty proud of myself for that for pushing through. And sometimes it looks like it was not for nothing and that maybe there is a change I wasn't fooling myself back then....


(saw a bunch of posts in here, will respond tomorrow/later on it)

hi mate.very good job you did.
you must be proud for your self,you are very inspiring to me

Thanks mate! u2

I see what you mean. And I appreciate you sharing your insides. I agree "the grass is greener on the otherside" but it's not that I wish I did something else. I really love the grind and everything that comes with it. It's just that it can be made even better with relatively easy adjustment. But somehow I can't manage to do those and sometimes it's really frustrating. Sometimes it still feels like I'm fooling myself and it's almost like I don't want to improve my mental game or make poker more healthy in general. Obviously I really want to make it more healthy, I try to live disciplined and don't grind 9hour night sessions with pizza boxes and empty redbull cans next to me (xddd the cliche :P ) but still I keep making the same mistakes over and over. Btw I won't just give up anytime soon. More motivated than ever rn to improve mental game (and make poker more healthy like for example not sweating about flips or crazy bluffs or putting crazy amount of pressure on myself etc.)


Allright man, thanks for your insides. Do you mind sharing who you ended up working with? I'm looking for "therapy" right now actually. I'm planning on really committing to it this month! If you want you can add me on discord: Joost#9738 Would love to hear your experiences with the "therapy" and all.

Oi oi Ilsidur96 thanks and hope you are doing well man. Hope you enjoy Thailand, maybe update blog? :P

Thanks mate! I agree and it's an interesting inside. When I started with this blog I also started with psychotherapy and there I learned quite a bit about myself. And to release and do better with emotions. When I went to Malta the sessions stopped and in hindsight I highly regret it. It's a good concept, you re-experience the pain to become stronger. And to acknowledge certain emotions and become OK with them. Some day I will start again with it. Maybe this also becomes usefull when I start to work on mental game like this month.

Again thanks for the kind words

Hey man, old friend of the blog thanks for the kind words. Yes allthough I'm still a fish in certain aspects atleast there is some progress here and there Hope you are doing well too!

Appreciate the kind words lad

Hey friends, back at it again playing like an absolute massive agrodonk with 0 focus. Gonna press the reset button now and do my rituals again before playing and from now on I'm gonna play normal again and treat poker professionally. I never stopped doing the main habits (like gym, meditation, running, learning Spanish (just started xd)) but because on a strict morning routine I burn out so fast I started doing them all across the day (like gym in the evening). And again I just realize I need to do this stuff before playing otherwise I"m just not able to focus nor even think (clouded brain).... Also running is the absolute nuts for me but I've been slacking with it because I'm trying to gain/maintain weight xd the struggles....




Really got carried away, b/e for the month still but could have been a lot worse. Also experiencing some badrun (got some ev back in the end tho ), again I need to acknowledge that more and more and not blame myself 100%. Played quite some 500NL. On Stars it's a lot of fun but when I play there I can't enjoy it because it feels like I'm lying to myself. And I should feel that way, because that's what I'm doing. It's fine taking some agro shots imo but not in my current situation experiencing poker as stressful and going into "panic mode" when losing 5/6 bi there. Also of all the moments I can take a shot there, I decide to play on the moment my brain max clouded with 0 focus playing way too long, just doesn't make any sense.... From now on will stop playing NL500 and when I play there again I will come up with a solid plan to shot it!

But yeah for now gonna get myself together, also take a day off here and there


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In contact with 2 mental game coaches. I'm still interested in hearing some experiences from you guys....any recommendation for a coach/therapist? And what are common rates/h in this business? Would like to know a realistic amount of my br I need to put aside for this. I know every $ will be worth it because the spewsessions are mad expensive and only will get more and more expensive but it gives me some rest to just put that $ aside and move on... Again because of last days I'm really aware I need it and can't wait to start.

Glad to see you're still continuing with the upwards trajectory. Keep up the good work.

Gl with the mental game work, I'm sure it will pay dividends. Sounds like you've got some good routines and are quite clear and what is good for you, which is pretty good.

Obviously I'm sure you've thought of this, but it appears to me that you could do with planning your sessions, and sticking with your plan. Any impulsive decision to do with poker tend to be costly.

Maybe if you're planning a 2-hour session, do 45 min, then a break with 5 minutes meditation plus a bit of journalling to see how you're feeling. Could help with identifying when you're on tilt, and help give you the opportunity to step back if you are. Then, if appropriate, the second 45 min session.

For shot taking, I'd guess plan a day before whether you're intending to do so (if there are appropriate tables available). Only do it if you've gone through your routine to get into the right headspace.

Obviously, these are just some guesses, and you'll be in a better position than me to figure out what works for you. And I'm sure you'll discuss this with mental game coaches. My guess is just that you need some process to follow to help you minimise impulsive decisions, although I may very well be wrong.

In any case, enjoy Mexico and gl at the tables.

Hey man! Hope you are doing well Thanks for the glz


I agree this would be the nuts for me. My poker grind on a daily basis is to play 3 x 1.5/2 hours. I agree scheduling it would be the nuts. But the reason I deviate so much from the plan is because my energy levels fluctuate way too hard. I'm tired a lot (especially begin/mid of the day) and usually the 1st session I quit after 45 minutes and the last session I tend to play a little longer. Also I struggle to get in the zone, I need to work on this. But sometimes I feel like milking it when in the zone is an ev+ decision (so play longer when having this flow state). At some point when I'm in better control of both things (energy and performance) I will try to work towards the scheduled session plan. I think it really suits me. And yes, those impulsive decisions when keep on playing a very costly and I need to get rid of it asap.

This seems like a really good idea. Not sure if it's super practical because I'm playing reg tables, and I don't always have eazy personal table cap action. And to leave all tables after 45 minutes doesn't work perfectly I'm afraid. I like the idea and will try to work a way around this. Journaling sessions is something I should start with asap!

No you are absolutely spot on. I'm someone who benefits from structure and all that whether I like it or not. And the impulsive decisions and emotion fluctuation can be tackled not only by working on it with therapy/self help and all that. But also by living structure and finding things that work out well for me

Cheers lad!

Instead of quitting my game, how about just sitting out all your games for a short break? That's what I do roughly every hour to give myself a break from the computer and mentally reset a bit for the next hour.

Wow, amazing blog! When I first read the opening post, I was thinking that there's no way this guy is winning player, but here we are.

Sounds good, ty for advice. I will give it a try and see how it goes. Need to check how many orbits I can skip without getting kicked off first but even a minute of rest and mentally reset sounds really good!

haha Thanks mate Appreciated

Please someone built me a ****ing preflop script where I'm not allowed to open any ****ing suited connectors from anywhere but the BTN/SB *Not really tho* (its a joke **** cheating **** all rta moralless scumbags)

And also **** playing deepstack poker haha I need to start ratholling again.... It"s not the actual ev loss from playing but it's mainly the pain after punting off 3 buy ins in 1 hand xdd





Was playing flowstate poker this session and now I need to quit it abruptly Nah I'm not that tilted, plan was too give up river but on this river I thought it was good to click it not sure about it, it's w/e.

Atleast I have more time for the gym now (normally I milk flow state poker too much and play longer session)

it's not "w/e" btw I will try to learn from it, now analyzing the hand with a friend (gym procrastinating is real xd now I will really go) and I don''t think this was a good play.... Mainly because of stack depth maybe I should construct my range and hand selecting slightly differently. I have some nice ideas about strategy when being deeper (won't go too much in depth) but those concepts don't really apply in this spot. But just got caught up in the moment. That's the thing (and fun part) about poker, when finding a bluff or crazy play in a tricky node (this hand with this stack depth, this is unstudied territory for me) and WHEN it works, you feel like a genius and it feels like a really good play. And when it goes wrong I feel like an idiot agrodonk (fun fact this is also tilt trigger for me but I refuse to only play comfort zone poker). So I will try to not be too result oriented and think deeply whether it was right or wrong, but besides that I think it was not a good play.

Will also ask professor PIO how much of a fish I am

Since this week I'm in a very positive and motivated spirit after taking some rest last week (like 4 days off). I'm also reading an inspiring book (will post about it later) and I"m planning to set myself some challenges. I will set 2 challenges for myself: Learning Spanish and one challenge into running 20km (12.42 miles) in x amount of time. Will try to work out those to more concrete but I will mostly keep those for myself.

Now I also wanted to do one poker related challenge. I was thinking stars 200z no pool selection 5ev/bb over 100k hands in max 2 months time (because I will partly keep playing my current games which are stars regtables + 1 extra site) with no quiting mid challenge no matter how **** I run/how **** I am. Would anyone like to follow that? If I do that challenge, it I won't make a seperate thread because I already did that like 5 times and always comeback here after 5-14 days xd so will just post it in here

Let me know if you like the idea or have a better idea. For this one, unfortunately & unlike the other two "life challenges" I need some extrinsic motivation for this one but if no one gives a **** I would just try some other poker related goal/challenge that I keep for myself.