Oh and actually there is is something i wanted to mention. I dont know about rules or whatever but i have two things/subjects where id like to share my experience (negative ones) and ill start with a little **** called Vlad Kuzin on GG.

This guy is at my table in something and one opponent is a clear rec (no cashes, limping alot etc etc. So the rec makes a call vs idiots turn bet and ends up winning a small pot or something, and this regular (who sells for 1.15 in the lobbies, i would suggest not investing money and helping out someone as toxic as this and who ruins the game for everyone, but you do you im just saying what happened).

So mr invest in me starts saying **** in chat like "Nice calll turn" etc, clearly berating the rec and i tell him to shut the **** up, dont be toxic and keep ur ******ed thoughts to urself. I mean its just human decency basics to not take out your own weak mind on others, but in poker to berate a player we all want to keep in the games is so ****ing mindblowingly stupid and toxic, meanwhile he has a pic of himself in a suit. First of all, why the **** would u need a suit to play off peak mtts and secondly ur not mature because u can put on an ugly tie, grow the **** up stop berating anyone, let alone recs in chat.

This genius explanation was that it was merely a reaction, not toxic. As if reactions can not be toxic or something? Im not sure he knows the meaning of the words toxic or reaction, or he is just so ****ing toxic he doesnt understand it. One of his arguments were "no one else says something" essentialy implying because im the only one who even bothers to tell him hey dude stfu he rationalises it in to me being wrong
or something. Then he suggested id read up on psychology (tad bit of irony here considering i did read it for 3 years in uni, not that i would credit that with most of what i know in psychology tho). The guy went on to ramble about if u see toxicity u are the toxic one, idk if he has been on lsd recently or not slept in 48h but yeah bud, sure im the toxic one for telling you to stop berating someone. Absolute ****ing moron

So what do i want said with this? Well 1) If you value squeezing out a tiny roi (based on his high mu) even tho the guy is clearly toxic and bad for the game. Go for it, your a part of the problem but you do you. If not, stop supporting these type of people.

2) ****ing please make a tiny effort to tell some toxic reg berating anyone but esp a rec that its time for him to behave and shut the **** up. "No one else says anything" as a legitimate argument to why he isnt toxic both blows my mind in how ******ed it is but also a bit sad that for sure other regs/people has seen him do this **** and not even bothered. Try to bother please!

I have now created a slowroll tag and i suggest to everyone to slowroll this guy until end of time, its not toxic its just a reaction right?

PM me or post a hh (on gg itll show u used tb atleast but its preferable if u waste some tb too) where u slowroll him = 50$ to charity

Obv dude shouldnt say that stuff but u needa relax bro

Huh? This was a few days ago and im not very angry at this moment nor was i (well a little but not like angry angry) when it happened. but this is the kind of thoughts he made me think, and so i shared it. Care to explain? I thought this is where i could vent lol, maybe its better i keep this **** in private rather than a pgc, this comment really made me confused, what do u actually mean?

Ive clearly mentioned i struggle with emotional control and go overboard, ur comment without anymore context is just odd. Its like telling a depressed person ey you just need to stop bein depressed bro. Whats your point? Id rather care too much and work on that than being a toxic pos?

if I can give you my humble opinion on your post:

I agree, it's toxic and frustrating. But the slowroll bounty is a bit over the top.

I'm the same as you that I can get really angry/frustrated towards someone - especially when someone 1. Needles 2. Slowrolls 3. just overly disrespectful in chat (talking **** when getting stacked is not included, I think this is more human thing) - and also hold on to that feeling for very long. Yet always when it's my turn to **** him back (I have the nuts otr when facing all in agression, or I make a gangster herocall and can typ chat) I never feel the urge to needle even if they did the exact same thing to me.

I remember once some guy stacking me a couple times and being a complete delusional ******* in chat about it. In the moment it tilted me pretty hard. Now 1.5 years later I ran into this guy again in 200z and playing him for a bit. But this time 1.5million hands and 400hours in pio of experience later. I didn't say anything to him as we battled daily but I promised myself to make him regret his words. This deep motivational fuel of wanting to crush him made me go very hard on him.

He went on passive tilt and kept folding/when he called was a spot where I had too much value etc., I even saw him on twitchchat of a streamer calling me a whalereg because he had to express his despair somewhere (not confirmed it was him btw) Again I didn't say anything but just kept going. One session when I was playing on tilt, I was sort of steamrolling him (variance was in my favour). At some point he had enough:



This felt like a W and I felt no urge to respond. He got some back a day later when I tilted like mad in 500.... (sad ending )

I know this works different in MTT"s, but I hope you get the moral of the story.

Also what works for me is making it less personal...

First of all thanks for making an actual effort to provide some perspective/advice other than "you should relax", no kidding sherlock. I think ive mentioned atleast twice in this thread that i am trying to figure out how to actually work on my emotions and emotional control etc, i react very strongly in both directions (negatively, and postively), so reading a oneliner to a long random post i made just is annoying, i think theres alot of assumptions going in to what i am actually upset about and also the language i use does in no way correlate with how angry i am, i just like to ****ing swear alot. And i want to make it very clear that i stand by my opinion in this situation, the problem is how strongly i react (because it literrally ends up being a net negative due to it affecting me too much)

As for the slowroll bounty i mainly thought it was funny because its giving him a taste of his own medicine whilst finding more reasons to contribute to charity which during these times i try to do somewhat regularly. I expect exactly 0 hhs to be sent to me, but if someone does it id obv hold my promsie and donate. It was meant as a way to show just how ****ing much of a pos i think he is/acted as (is), same with the suit thing its half serious but mostly i just think its a funny thing to be upset about.

Well yours are very personal due to hands played, this is where the situation differs. I totally see what you are saying but i think the two are not really comparable.He didnt do anything to me, he didnt suckout on me, im not on a downer (poker wise, last months terrible ending was made back in like last 2-3 sessions. So there is no tilt for me before this situation occurs, what causes me to start to tilt is seeing someone who has the stomach to call themselves a professional just berating a fish in the chat. This is just unjust and its bullying and its all due to his weak weak mind because he probably is on a downer and instead of looking himself in the mirror he chooses to take it out on others. Its variance fault. Its the fish that makes a bad calls fault (i mean... a fish donating to u but variance stopping u from getting the $ is not a bad thing, like how insane is it to start berating someone in chat due to like a 4bb call w eff stacks off 100bb early game in an mtt. How ******ed do you have to be?

He can handle variance however childishly he wants but as soon as it goes to taking it out on others (who have done nothing to u) its beyond unfair and i dont understand how i am the only one who thinks its not only reasonable but mandatory to step in and let the moron know that its not ok to behave like that. I mean the guy literally said no one else says something when i do this except for you. Thinking this means my behaviour is ok, and he followed it up with something like your opinion means nothing to me. But surely its not only my ****ing opinion that being a toxic ******* is bad? I dont care if he agrees with my opinion but its the only one he gets because no one apparently says something when this moron consistently berate recs/opponents. And it upsets me that everywhere i look there seems to be an ******* ready to exploit anyone and approaches the world with "me, me, ME!" as a mindset. And when the oneliner brushes over the entire thing that made me upset in the first place, and also is the actual moral wrong thing (he did insult me after the rec too, i may or may not have said something back but just like fighting i dont hit first and i dont ever insult first, you need to really deserve it for me to go out of my way to try and insult you.)

I have for a long time had problems with unfairness, bullying, unjust behaviour etc etc etc and without saying too much since i dont really want to drop a life story and get one linered thats rough brah, and im not looking for any sympathy or whatever either. But i grew up up (until i was 16 ish) in a very bad place for a kid, it was violent and alcoholic and ****ing pathetic looking back. I used to feel angry about that until i realized no one can **** up what i do from today and forward except for myself and feel almost sorry (but def not sorry) over how miserable a person has to be to do what my dad did for example.

But however no one thaught me this ****, my brain is definately negatively wired due to growing up in such extremely negative environment from 0-16, and then a little better and now im adult and how the **** do you adult?and i sound negative alot (both when i am negative but also when just talking normally) and all im trying to do is figure out how to unwire it, a big part of that is trying to find what triggers certain things, tracking my thoughts/journaling which i used to do in private, decided to give this a go but feel like going back to private now lol I, unlike mr mental game master aka chat berater dude know and accept im flawed and try to identify my flaws and figure out how u go about improving in those areas. Yes i have toxic thoughts, yes i have regs who i cant help but to call a fkking nittard even tho i under 3b, under barrel, under raise, under bet rivers etc etc etc. But i am aware that these are just that, thoughts. My thoughts are not who i am and i do not identify with them, so when i spam a wall of whatever its just thoughts and feelings, and i realize the whole it not being 100% serious but still meaning what i say maybe wasnt super clear.

Do i think i did the right thing to not just sit there watching him berate someone? Yes
Will somoeone like him ever even consider the chance he is wrong? Probably not
Am i wasting energy by getting so emotional about certain things? Id say partly yes partly no
Will i stop believing in what i think is right and wrong and stand by that? No, and it shouldnt be a very controversial take to not enjoy someone berating someone else, because i realize i have to do that prove to myself over and over again that what i actually know i believe and think is who i am, the gap between self-view and actual me is too big at the moment.

Its not personal, well it is, but sometimes i just feel very little hope of our society given how we treat each other, how corrupt it is etc and if you as an individual aint making atleast an effort to do your part (i.e say hey ******* STFU when someone berates someone) then you have no right to complain about how things are because you are not even trying to do your part, i know i cant change the world but every day i get multiple opportunities to try and do MY part, whether it be helping someone with something, helping myself out (mentally), or whatever. And i cant control the world but i can control what i do, and i choose to do my part. I am not perfect and i never expect to be, i just hope to keep bettering myself consistently for the rest of my life and i think things will work out. Apologies if i missed something and just rambled finished a loooooooong session falling asleep any sec.

Btw cudi like i said elsewhere youve come a much longer way than you sometimes seem to think, its very noticable from the outside so keep it up! The struggle is a big part of the journey.

Blommish

I think when banana says to relax it just means don’t make this a bigger deal than this is, absolutely fine to call him out but unnecessary to dwell on this, if anything you’re getting yourself worked up and it’s just adding extra stress to your day

anyway not much else to add, you seem to be doing quite well poker wise, take care of yourself buddy

Yeah, i realize its not an personal attack or ill-intended (most likely anyways, but again i tend to act emotionally and respond emotionally), also i think (because i see my mom do this alot and i share alot of traits or whatever u call em) that i do sometimes assume someone is trying to make me upset or taking things too personally/as personal attacks when they are not. I have alot of things that i would want changed tomorrow but its not the easiest thing in the world, our brains are fakkin complicated things

However in this scenario he said what he said and not what you said, i completely agree with what your saying and even in hindsight i dont know how im supposed to interpret his post as what u said. I am fully aware of this being an issue where i get so emotional about things that its just clearly making me less happy/further away from happiness and thats why im trying to work on it, but also appreciate that you pointed out that im not ool for actually calling him out, because i guess thats what the one-liner made me feel like, that i was the one in the wrong and i shouldnt even bother/i am the one who is in the wrong for being too vocal about it or whatever the ****. Again i agree 100% with you on that i shouldnt dwell on it, but that is a bit harder than it sounds sometimes.

Like, yes, i who clearly have stated i struggle with emotional control and react stronger then "normal" both positively and negatively, need to relax. I clearly (or atleast so i thought) have problems with "chilling out" or "relaxing" and this is the whole point of trying to figure out how emotions, thoughts and our brains work so that i can begin/continue to unwire or rewire the parts that i need to. It felt snarky and very non-constructive to me. Maybe again i read too much in to it, but there is a clear difference in how i interpret your post and his, for whatever reason.


I think everyone has toxic thoughts, egoistical thoughts, controversial thoughts (racist, homophobic or whatever, just examples, not a check list ). The big thing the way i look at it is whether you realize when thinking "omfg another 2 outer i run the worst" or "**** this shitreg he is so bad" that those thoughts are bad/toxic/not what you stand for, you cant fight every bad thought but you can let yourself know that thoughts doesnt decide who you are, which i try to do by behaving in a way that aligns with what i believe is right/wrong/ethical or w/e. If our thoughts were who we are as a person we would all be dead or in prison lol (me anyways!)

Appreciate the post. Ill try, I think im good at taking care of just about anyone but myself, but i am working on it!

been following your thread for a while this one and the one in 2021. you are a real inspiration and you should be proud of what you achieved so far.
been recently trying to ''copy you a bit '' and grind off peak / smaller field and its been better for my sanity lol

quick question do you avoid sunday grind ? since basically everything becomes larger field. or you still play it ?

also does your offer for coaching still stand ? i can donate to ukraine charity hehe :P

anyway i hope you keep updating. i refresh daily but been a while since last update .

Haha hey man thanks for the very kind words, i appreciate that alot.

Yes i avoid sunday grinds because high variance really doesnt align with anything im trying to do right now. Doesnt mean i never fall for the temptation to play something that is higher variance than id wish but i am doing better and better and thats my only goal.

Yes we can set up coaching for charity i will send my discord in pm

And as for results its pretty boring that gg isnt included in the graph but month is going amazingly, im up probably around 6k on gg aswell so probably right over 20 in total. Still playing too much but atleast im also studying a **** ton.

my dude is making my yearly salary in 17 days XD what a dream srsly you crushing it ! yeah 571 mtts ( without GG) is huge volume indeed , whats even more impressive is that its quality volume. when i play as much as that, i become a passive losing bot lol

Haha it aint exactly quality volume but working on that part...

Month (can now include gg!):



+2k rb for a tad under 30. No complaints. Avg entrants at 107 (!) . Only 2 cashes over 3k (biggest one being 5.1k or so), ev bb moving in the right direction but so much work still to do, excited to keep building on this.

The biggest game changer for myself was definately the regular db reviews ive been getting (not an ad, i gain 0 from recommending this, if anything its -ev for me) but this guy is the best value for money ive ever gotten in poker:
https://www.mttdatabasereview.com/. I would however say that you need to be prepared to put in the work yourself, but this gives u all the direction you will ever need.

As for anything else, im still open to coach for hourly (to ukrainan charity), havent had any takers on that except one which im going to see if we can set something up soon.

Blommishh

Just wanted to add that i dont really have a fixed rate for this (its less than if i would charge just a regular hourly, and if u are a low stakes guy and feel like it might be expensive dont be afraid to reach out i am flexible, i just like the idea of coaching for charity, tryna do my part etc etc)

hey im the one who took him on his offer ( coaching for charity ). was a first time for me either the charity and coaching.

i didnt know what to expect, and i dont wanna go too much in details. But i can say it was a pleasant surprise and dont regret at all, on the contrary. pretty sure its something i will keep on, as long as the offer stand :P


oh an OP, keep on the good work!

.

Thx buddy Really happy to read that!

I will say i asked him to post but also was very clear that what we did/quality isnt the focus as long as he is happy, but i feel that it might help others to reach out and do a little more good charitable stuff, i really put effort in to everyone i work with and i want to keep doing good stuff so this offer is still standing for anyone reading this.

So today i didnt play much but won 2 pkos and 3rd in a 215 because i just seem to have good days right now, very aware thats going to stop but for now justtttt under 30 and with rb well above for the month. Starting to get too high on mtts played (over 1k :/) but studying is peaking to. Did like 7h and ofcourse its no where near 7h extremely effective study but some things are really going well and i think the learning to learn thing is just something i have to accept.

Funny that today i was working on bvsb and doing some on 50 confused me until i realized i ran in to the same bug/weird sim i reported to poker academy 2 months ago. Maybe im the ******ed one but it just doesnt seem correct in certain sizings there so using their app reminded me to buy one of their competitors lol. Gonna try out dto for that kind of stuff now that they have their package mtt thing, even tho its so ****ing ugly i feel like they are trolling with the interface i obviously will choose quality over comfort in these things, pre flop academy has such a good interface its a shame they dont use it fully.

Was wondering for a while if it was unhealthy to do what i was doing but im slowly fixing some terrible life habits, becoming healthier and the alterntive is to lie watching youtube doing nothing for 7h so how can it be unhealthy if thats the option that is most likely if i choose another one? Ill just stop worrying and caring so much, just gotta figure out how i guess..

Will post a monthly recap i guess after this month. grind tomorrow

its all love

blommish

Howdy,

Another session (a little more peakish but a little off peak too, won a 215 entry in to a 150k which i didnt realize i thought i was playing for a 215 ticket (play some satties when there is taable space) but obv not gonna throw that 215 away so tried napping (i personally am ****ing fascinated that some people have such an easy time napping, what the **** is the point of sleep if u wake up after not enough and still tired, just a little less. Just man up or change plans to catch up on sleep, no more ****ing trying to nap, if it works for u great for me its just a pointless tool that i dont find effective so i will try to stick to my offpeak schedule a bit more strictly moving forward and get in to that good ol sleeo routine. Anyways im rambling, i obviously just kept winning. Ran so disgustingly good in the little 22z on stars im sorry cwirek u didnt deserve that Won it for like 700 so it wasnt a massive one but it plays so deep and i won every pot above 5bb from 5handed to bink it felt like (obviously an exagarration). Also chopped a 109 5k for 1.5 and a 215 10k for 3.3 with a friendly isreali fella, some table talk which i am a big supporter of but usually end up talking to myself and losing focus, so that aint great!

This, however is great. Over 30 pre-rb (i guesstimate rb at like 2-3k atleast) and have a day 2 in the 5 milly gg thing w 55 bb which is worth something atleast. Studying alot, slowly improving my habits and kind of going with the flow, now that im doing so well i try to remind myself that this is where complacency comes whispering but i gotta stay aware every day to tell it not today kid.

Sesh:


Month: (rb not included, but havent had many 30+ ones before (1 or 2, and more due to binking esp one 36k one, now its not relying on huge cashes and im playing ***** 100 man avg fields, its like an sng grind back in the day but its just mtts lol.



Study is going well (meaning better and better, all i could ever hope for and exactly what i am going for. Always did i make small consistent progress (depending on how you define progress for yourself). Yes? good, u passed. No? Well learn about why a remind urself to do better. Bang. Thats progress, so getting back on track is making huge progress because its easy to fall off and just stop. I am so ****ing ready to never again be entitled, lazy, not trying to better myself. I have a long way to go but i am on my ***** way i feel like. And if results wise this is the best i can do that gets me a lot of freedom to figure out what to do next, but im not even thinking about anything beyond poker because im all in on it, and my health, and this winter will be a long cold dark period of constant ****ing progress. Imagine the blommish playing poker 6 months from now if i just keep it up and find the balance, dont lose motivation or hunger (i dont see that happening) i wil have progressed so much, and already my db reviews is showing alot of improvements, also everytime its humbling to remind urself just how much u suck at so u dont even have to give ego a chance, sometimes it pops by but it doesnt drive me and my actions, i see some where it very clearly does and i think its pretty.... not so good to be runnin on ego and u dont even realize it. Im not a very physophical guy (i think, dont really know what it means, but that probably means im not right ) but mindset and finding something you believe in then lasering in on the day to day process, week to week, month to month, you will figure it out.

There are a few things i can think off (in bed tired stoned whatever) that are absolutely critical things to work on/be aware of, i was thinking of some other stuff but i forgot so ill just list a few things and my thoughts:

- Ego
I see people who basically only care about being right so that they can get the validation that they are the best and the smartest just for a little bit. It becomes addictive i guess and the ironic thing is these type of people (im not saying i think ego = bad, but where ur ego is driving ur behaviour and defense mechanisms and u dont even know it, i dont think thats a good place to be).

Mtt-poker (and cash im sure as well, i just dont play it really.) Is a really fun thing to get to do and try to challenge urself and compete whilst also not being degenerate but making good decisions for the future, not forgetting to have fun while ur alive and everything else Drop the ego, realize if ur up at my times playing offpeak because u cant stand peak variance u are in a vacuum not a great poker player,, stop believeing your assumptions (because you are not an expert, so what u feel or what u want to be right is not relevant). I hear so many bullshit arguments which have no actual fact or logic to it and no proof, like finding excuses not to shove 4x pot because ur scared its a punt so u tell urself its good to go 150% pot and get snapped, fear of being wrong and looking stupid has no place in a mind of someone trying to really do something and learn this game (poker) and the other one (life).

I have a process, its still constantly improving but im working different topics that are pointed out in my db reviews and i always know what i should or could look at next, and i make plans for what i am going to do, what is the goal with what im doing and stuff like that. Basically if i lose my train of thought i can read in my word document and instantly be reminded of what to do next. Like create a step-by-step plan for how to execute ur study (where to start, why, what to do, how will i learn it, drilling it, grouping it whatever).

Its so ****ing funny i went to school almost my entire life, passed uni (but left 1 tiny thing to not take the degree because i really didnt want that plan b. Ppl tell me its good to have a plan b, well if plan b ****ing sucks lets focus on plan a, how do we do that the most? We give ourselves no other options. If ur plan b is a realy good paying job that u enjoy and woulndt mind doing, thats ****ing amazing. If its getting a terrible job with the most boring people ever with personalities like brickstones, doing braindead tasks for money to pay for rent, some weed, some food and thats that? Euw. I have no monetary goals but obviously i expect that if i 1) increase my skill (saw ev bb last 70k was around 8 which is definately a winrate id take. Its also significantly higher than i had when i started getting to work and that was at maybe 35-40 abi, now i play anywhere between 60-75

sick volume man. Love your work ethic.
What would you estimate is your monthly or weekly nr of hours spent playing poker? excluding studying time, just pure poker grind.

Thanks brother. Im ******ed thought, its unsustainable and im working on it. 8-900 a month would be ok.
I dont even know tbh, probably 6x10-12h so 240h+ grinding for sure and my study goal is 30 min daily havent evne been close to having to track it due to crushing that so say maybe 50-60h this month but idk really. Alot of everything poker, working on fine tuning and efficiency

Probably playing 1more small but month (+maybe 2-3k rb so call it 35)

Yday (won 4 mtts and ended by binking 88 superstack gg for almost 5k)


Month



Coaching for hourly to charity, if not that i focus on me and my 1 cfp guy and next month ill **** play less than 1k mtts =))

Be good ppl
Blom

you make poker look easy, sick results congrats

You mean my recent graph does?

Theres alot of behind the scenes that i dont post because i think i kind of wanted to be super open and honest and try to get input but except for some encouraging posts like yours (which are very appreciated, i only bother posting graphs because sometimes im reminded ppl want to see them!)

This month was basically daily struggle everywhere except in the results. Nothing about this **** is easy and i am definately not the personality type (unorganised, bad at putting thoughts in to words, poor emotional control etc etc) not to mention im still **** at this game, so there is ALOT of work going on and all i can say is as long as i keep my progress focused mindset and continue to build on it and create a belief in myself there will probably be some good things that come from that! If i can make 35k in a month of poker 2023 than just about anyone can i feel like, but it requires so much ***** effort beyond just playing and studying poker (for me) and its not something i maybe was willing or realized i have to put in, and keep putting in despite feeling ******ed, its hard, embarassing, etc etc etc. Every day is rough, and winning doesnt change that so its something i have to work on because no money or success in the world will give me a good self esteem.

Also last time ill say it because i genuinely dont get anything for it and i think ive made very clear what i think of them, but my db reviews give me so much direction and also track my progress so those are very very helpful but the work starts when u finish the review, its not a magic pill that makes u good, but it gives u full control of becoming good, but its also realizing we can change so many of the things we dont like about ourself, it just takes time, effort and consistency and thats harder than it sounds.

Winning is more of a relief than it is euphoric if that makes sense.And results arent how i track progress at all eithger way, its just hopefully what comes from the work i put in.

Sharkscope has it at 330hrs but i doubt thats reliable, i just saw they have those stats when looking at avg field and i think its not exact but 250-300 seems more accurate. This month im considering capping tables rly low, plaing under 200h for sure and studying similar amount but hopefully that means way better.

So far so good. Playing less and upping mainly study quality, trying to not overdo hours there as well. Month was just tough first few sessions (ran like 12bb under, but instead of focusing on that i noticed some passive stats that i had been letting slip and corrected it. Think ive ran well in terms of bricking 200+ that i sell for and binking only **** i didnt sell for so should be up a bit more but hard to say rly.