With much tilt but even more love,

yours truly,
blommish

Whats up amigos and amigas

No results yet because graph isnt updated from last fts. I guess i will do some monthly recap but idk how much effort to put in to it? just a graph? Any opinions? I dont mind putting in some effort but if no one gives fk i rather just spam away lol



and a bunch of other fts/f2ts, probably lost a little or made a little will see, 3rd in 85 bh for 1.3k was 2nd best.



If i should keep this thread, why?`
Well, i thought about it and what ive gotten from it so far. Ive kept up the habit of updating (and trying to be honest to the point of feeling extremely embarresed on purpsose, to show my self that its literally nothing embarassing about it, its just a mental thing that i need to overcome, and the only way is to take action and do it. No more bullshit excuses, not for myself or accept them from others. Like what you read? Feel free to holla because im not quite zen enough to be comfortable with this yet, dont like it? That i am comfortable with. Go elsewhere.

Ive had 2 sessions (and then some) with people who reached out, very cool actually to be answering questions to some curios american girl who showed alot of appreciation whilst i felt like i provided nothing, this i think helps make the gap between my own self view and the actual objective one smaller/closer to each other. So its a win win. I was about to say everyone loves a win-win but thats definately not true. Some just want to win themselves, and that annoys me alot i guesss mainly due to personal experience with people close to me (was close. Or so i thought. bye)
The other guy who posted recently i still do some stuff with and will help him out to the best of my ability for now, and am doing 1 more session 1on1 for one of my old stables due to last candidate not really being a fit. So still open for hourly to charity but will focus on these for now.


Losing when running good overall is still not fun
So ive realized (got some great insight from others) that, for me anyways, it works best for me to work on how to accept my emotions and accept them, observe them and let them pass. Obv sometimes its still not enough and it spirals but so what? I cant expect to work on something for a short period of time and remove all problems in life, all bad habits all anything. Small, consistent progress is all it really takes. Sounds simple but you really need to believe in it for it to work i think.

Having 6 straight losing sessions even during a sample when you are running hot bigger picture is not enjoyable. Its not supposed to be. I always hated loosing in football, i would rage and i think anger made me play better which OBVIOUSLY is not the case in poker. So i need to keep it in check, maybe dont have to fire every 215, just play the best ones. There will be 215s in 1 month too. And 1ks in 1 year too etc. Dont worry bout nothin.

This surely has atleast bigger than 0% chance if being a result of me doing things i have fear of or dont want to do
I feel like i dont care about what other people think now. If i feel a bluff ill take it and look ***** ******ed but ill find out why after. Care about nothing about myself and my effort when i am playing, tag hands etc etc. Ofc i still fall back to omg everyone hates me im stupid this reads stupid but i dont listen to it, i just kinda laugh and say not today kiddo.

For now thats about what i have to spew out, need to do some review preparation for tomorrow.

For the monthly graph would be cool to have your opinions on how you ran, periods where u had doubt, what u think ur real ROI could be and what u hope your next monthly graph will look like, if you will change you average buyin etc..

I love following blogs, especially MTT blogs since I play MTTs, because reading the victories but also struggles and discipline of others inspires me to try my best. I know something is possible now, why can't it be me living it?

As for your question about private life, from my perspective i don't mind reading abt the private life of others, why would I haha? after all private life always has an effect on career and poker results its a part of the blog, but don't feel obligated to share everything, it's your blog tell us what you want.

Good luck on the tables mate

Appreciate the input. WIll put together a monthly recap either today or tommorow and put some effort to it!

So quickly to answer a few things: How i ran no clue. Verry horrible at the end but at alot higher abi than rest of the month and Periods where i had doubt from the first to last mtt of the month. Its just constant atm, but im working on it, this thread being a part of that puzzle. I have no idea what my real roi is and given the volume i played this month its just always going to be lower, its so silly but i see why i fell in to this habit (i once played like 2k games per month 5 months in a row, probably not a coincedence that i had some mourning to do which i avoided by just numbing myself by playing non stop and not thinking about the one thing i should have focused on.This time was less of a traumatic experience but still something bad happened, realized i havent really gotten over it/faced it and probably atleast partly because of that i went ham with playing).

The fact that it can inspire others like yourself is more than enough of a reason for me to feel motivated to continue, add to that the people ive connected with/helped out and also how many uncomfortable situations ive conciously put myself in by for example posting pretty private stuff. Its not like i like to do it, and im always afraid of sounding like im the crazy one, but deep down i know thats usually not the case (but for sure not 0% of the time) and i need to keep strenghtening my belief in my self, my motivations/reasons for what i doand what matters the most to me which in short right now is basically helping others when i can (although i tend to overcommit and get too invested so need to realize you cant do everything for everyone. Out of 5 sessions ive had (well 5 ppl, more sessions) only 1 did i not go through with it due to far too many red flags l ike not preparing in 5 days that u know how to send hands, share discord screen, want to play 4 tables during our session (????). Last one was probably the most mindblowing to me, first of all if someone at 14x my abi is willing to sit down with me and teach me stuff about studying, theory or whatever i would be ****ing grateful and triple prepare everything i can, focus only on them and what they are telling me and making notes, asking follow up questions etc. So sometimes you just gotta go with ur gut and say this is not something i can or should have to deal with. Im taking time off my own studying or resting or walking or whatever the **** i do to do this for you, the absolute minimum you can do is show up somewhat prepared and show interest/take initiatitve when simple problems occur.

In terms of what my monthly graph will look like and abi etc. The only expectations i have are how many mtts i will play absolute max is 999. 1k+ is not allowed. Abi should be closer to 50-60 again and study more so hoping for improvement in my playing habits and study habits, have 0 expectations for winning/losing. I started around 60ish where im pretty comfortable and the hellswing was 90 abi (playing alot of small field 215s, looked at stats and had very good (for me) winrate, ran decent, just had like 7 215 fts and nothing better than 5th or something like that. But i ran good to bink a 2nd on a sunday which i usually dont play for 9k to even put me in the position to mentally be willing to take some more risk. Plan was always to take the shots, get experience and either keep running hot or learn some lessons. Well what ive learned is that u dont have to make huge jumps abi wise, just as with everything else small, consistent progress is not only enough but all i need. But heatering for a while and then (i think anyways) unconciously choosing poker as an escape means i probably didnt choose an ideal timing to fire away, but i wasnt aware of that at the time and also it looks like i played alright. To comfort the (for now) mental fish-brain i have i got comfort from seein i won on stars and just maxloss on every site, 4.5k coming from by far the softest one. Sold some % in 100+ on gg too so not sure of exact results but with 2kish+ in rb close to or around a 5 fig month either way. Doesnt look very pretty tho, and belthazorrrr if this doesnt prove its possible idk what to tell ya, was probably an avg of 8-10 tables:



Btw i think u summarized it pretty well in the sentence that i chose to bolden. Its my ***** thread and i will post whatever comes to mind here. I wont proof read like its a university class (not that i proof read there either lol), will not update if i dont feel like it and keep it from feeling like a chore and view it more as a tool where i can improve my comfortableness with uncertainty, self doubt, self-judgement and also kind of get a journal of my progress to look back at and strengthen my belief in what im doing and that im on the right path.

Someone told me a bunch of things but the one thing that stuck was "you were already on the right path, just needed a change of perspective" and since then it really feels like something has started to happen. Like i am more accepting of my flaws (played too much, too bad etc. what u gonna cry about having a 9-10k usd month? Its ridic. Instead i focus on the things i do have control over and the one must-instafix is the volume & study. Ive been playing too much and doing pretty consistent study but it will become better because a) more energy 2) more time. I have confronted some real life and online things that i wouldnt have before, so i feel like atleast in some sense im growing. And my db reviews suggests we are slowly but kind of steadily making progress which is literally all i ask for in any goal i ever set. Small, consistent improvement + time = yes.

So for the first two sessions this month i cut alot of higher end bis and had a pretty solid start to the month (1 sesh at 60 abi, 2nd smaller one at 45 becuase bad sleep).



- This month non-negotiable goals. I wont share in detail the exact sched or anything (still havent quite fixed sleep rhythm so its gonna be mostly table count + session length + days off = less than 1k games) rather than start x time each day end x time, even though im working towards it, wanna start around 02.30-3am for now.

- I will basically keep the same goal of studying around 30 min each day with high levels of focus because usually it ends up being multiple hours if the energy is there, which is my responsible to make sure it is. I have a clear road ahead of what to study and fix, and will get feedback on it so just staying consistent is key. On my days off study should always be more time spent/mass running icm spots etc.

- I started with the standard super harsh self judgement omg what a ****** i am why did i do x and y and z but realized at the end of the day i fell in to an old habit, caught it 5x as fast and am making sure it can not possibly happen again this month.

This is a great opportunity for me to prove to myself that i am the guy that does what he says he will, and doesnt let uber luxury issues like boredom, too boring tv shows to watch etc sneak in as negatives. Oh the worst u have to do is take a day off and do a lil study? Seems like a ***** sweet deal to me.

I am looking in to renting a server for mainly hrc so that i can 1) build bigger trees and 2) run much faster, but is it possible without paying alot? Like few hundo is fine but doubt id go over that right now. If anyone has recommendations or one to share please do tell.

Pretty fakking tired now so might have missed something, written something twice or anything. Well as a wise man once said, this is my ***** blog. The only way is uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.

Blommmmmmmmmmmmish

Im totally not religious in any sense of the word but this song just ****ing resonates

MTD



3/3 winners so far this month. 4th? in a 215 40k for 3.3 or something last session was nice. Taking day off for rest and review, may or may not play tomorrow.

Lets make it 4/4 while we are at it. Tomorrow off for study and improving sleep a little, then back at it again.

Cant stop listening. Real emotional today for some reason

Hi IÂ’m new to 2+2 thread happen to see ur story. would like to say can related so much to ur journey as u can see my graph above . would like to share some insight of having success too early and being complacent. I have success early in my online career 2.5k games Abi 40ish I was +40k++ usd but leads me to be over confident and taking too much shots esp on wsop events . which can see lead my graph to huge swing for another 2.5k and basically breaking even or slight losing for last 2.5k+ games . having consistency mentally is really impt regardless winning or losing days. now I finally wake up and took up mental coaching and fix my day to day grind structure really well. the journey ahead is always gonna be tough but exciting . thereÂ’s two type of route to success which is being miserable huge swings and hit a big score success or being happy day in and out no matter win or lose and consistently getting good small/med wins and lead to success. I always love the first one but time proven that human mind/body/emotion will get destroy over times .I been through and is was really a disgusting period .so unhappy everyday. so IÂ’m suggesting always lead to the 2nd option now . Good game selections, lower field mtts, avoid hypers, late reg more on 50-70bb. Save hands history 10-30 study it on the same day and make sure never play next session without reviewing last session. Also reviewing all bust out hands. IÂ’m like yourself wanting to be really stable financially and really enjoy poker without worrying about money. so I guess the best solution is to really grind volumes with lower variances up to a good bankroll maybe 150-200k ? before we can really take off have fun and taking big shots once a while. But core values of bread and butter will always stick inside us because of the long term habit we have. I believe this is the way to route to success in online mtt poker without risking too much on bankroll. I believe thereÂ’s always many ways to success but one or another way wonÂ’t suits every individual. but thereÂ’s always one worst way to fail which is being sloppy. I wish u well and being happy grinding day in and out toward success. GG GL bruh!

Cant pm you, add Blom96 on discord. Having a real bad day so will answer later

Alright added buddy I’m zaiii1886 hope u recover well mate

Thanks mate, responded to everything above on discord.



Today started real bad (irl stuff) and after a insanely long call with the mvp i just realized alot of things and came out super hopeful and eager to do something so did some random studying for like 4h, also a bit of my own direct study but need to up that. Its so insane that i finally feel the change coming and happening, i feel like its the first time in my life where i made real actual good progress wrt controlling my emotions, understanding perspective better etc. I feel so ensured i am on the right path right now. Lost today for sure dont know how much dont care think im playing tmrw, positivity baby

Long time Blom!

Was happy to see a new blog, hope life is good!

Hello there old friend! Cool to hear from u again, hit me up on skype anytime and we can catch up a bit if you feel like it. Hope all is well with you too!

Played a short session today at 09.30 and regged for like 3h, had 4th in 109 pacific turbo, 7th hot 44 and 5th 50 monster stack (just over 1k,) so probably evenish? Not sure, if gg isnt being tracked graphs will be off so not sure how relevant they will be to post. I obv keep daily count of my result there but i try not toreally think about how much i won or lost so i guess i will share less graphs but be able to say what the actual number is.

Then i studied for like 5-6h, was one of those rabbit hole days. Found some stuff ive never seen, spent some time on unecessary things, and looked like ive improved in a certain area which is good, sleep and try to wake up earlier until i wake up at 3am again, step by step. Grind tomorrow then study, will at most play 2 more sessions then take a full day off. (playing).

Monthly volume looking healthy, study habits improving (far from perfect, but zoom out and the goal is just to consistently do it, over time i will become better at spending my time wisely and focusing more accurately on whats important and what isnt. Thats just the way it works). Overall i am happy with most areas where i want to see progress but the most clear and important one is that i feel like ive seen the light, not saying i know the answer to anything but i feel like i am atleast headed in the right direction. WIll keep trying to figure **** out and improve myself, be more accepting of not going from bad to perfect over night and i will repeat old bad habits in the process of removing them. Thats ok.)

Currently reading ego is the enemy again because i feel like i didnt really focus enough last time, any book/podcast recommendations on anything interesting about the brain, emotional control, self improvement etc please share! I know alot of good stuff but im sure theres more, and there can never be too much good information

I dont exactly believe in everything this guy says but i think he makes plenty of good points and is motivational as ****:

On of ex-high stakes HU sng players talked about how during his career he struggled with motivation and vision. Back then and even now all high stakes players were private individuals and you didn't know how much they studied or how they structured their grind/goals/life. So he started to look up to Olympic athletes and how they set and approached goals. It perfectly translated to poker and it worked for him. My favorite athlete is David Goggin's, he holds endurance communities ''worlds hardest men'' title. Been on Joe Rogan podcast 3 times.

Today started real slow, then onetabled this to glory to i guess make money? not sure didnt really check









Hey,

First of all thanks for the insight, its much appreciated. I have read goggins book and listened to probably every podcast hes been on, he definately has played some part in slowly changing how i view things and challenges in life. Quite the ****ing human being he is, crazy when he says he was fat, workign a dead end job and just eating donuts or whatever on his way home and makes that transformation. If thats not proof i can overcome my ***** hurdles i dont know what is, because im not expecting to be a david goggins, i just go for constant improvement and ignore the end goal because the only result of improvement/progress + time is success. He is really good at reminding you that its literally just up to yourself to do it, it may be hard, maybe you will struggle, give up, get back up etc. Thats how that works. All the other noise are just emotions, excuses and other stuff trying to interfere. I think learning to be less self-critical (or be a bit more like a friend when i criticise myself rather than someone who hates everything i do is something very important for me to be more proactive in learning about the how to..

To try and figure some more of this **** out i just noticed this and can recommend before even getting through it tonight:

No one will deny me, no one will define me, nobody will tell me who i am or who i can be. Who am i? I am a champion. Gave me goosebumps 8 yrs ago and still does. Today will be study only, lets go fakin learn some **** ey!

No grind today. Studied alot and had a great (and quite long) conversation with a stranger which is something that would not have happened if not for this thread, and its not the complete stranger ive gotten to know as a direct result of this thread either which i think is pretty cool. Gaining more perspective and seeing how others view things is really interesting to me and i think no matter who or what (maybe a little bit on what ) someone views differently there is always something to learn from someone who looks at things with their own perspective. Idk if that makes sense but neither does poker so who cares.

The last sentence is said as a half truth as its something im slowly but surely accepting, the fact that it is ****ing frustrating when you dont understand something or you cant seem to put the pieces together but over time it will become more and more easy and accepting that you will never know everything and will always make small and huge mistakes every session, sometimes even thinking it was a great one. What else is there to focus on but to keep improving my habits in life and in poker and just dont stop doing that. Why worry so much? It doesnt make sense.

Feeling the same thing when you are genuinely worried about something that has actual consequenses (a friend in the hospital, whatever something that actually matters) as when you think about this card game that you are already doing ok at and can likely do better at. Those two feelings shouldnt be the same, and im working on figuring the rest out but to me that adds up

Oh and in case i didnt mention, this is a good ***** song:

❤️

IM A CHAMPION!

Probably need more details. But well
done in the meantime

just catching up, gl man

Yes indeed.
The video two posts above is a hint. He just gets it. Who am i?!
Ty bro

So have had som rough patch in life, felt a bit down/depressed and fell in a bit to some old habits which just makes things worse so going to take tomorrow of to figure some stuff out. Just wrapped up a good old marathon session that went yay-okay!













Dont know how much posting ill do short term but ill be back at some point =) Be good yall