Quote:
Originally Posted by leanPocketPair
For the monthly graph would be cool to have your opinions on how you ran, periods where u had doubt, what u think ur real ROI could be and what u hope your next monthly graph will look like, if you will change you average buyin etc..
I love following blogs, especially MTT blogs since I play MTTs, because reading the victories but also struggles and discipline of others inspires me to try my best. I know something is possible now, why can't it be me living it?
As for your question about private life, from my perspective i don't mind reading abt the private life of others, why would I haha? after all private life always has an effect on career and poker results its a part of the blog, but don't feel obligated to share everything, it's your blog tell us what you want.
Good luck on the tables mate
So quickly to answer a few things: How i ran no clue. Verry horrible at the end but at alot higher abi than rest of the month and Periods where i had doubt from the first to last mtt of the month. Its just constant atm, but im working on it, this thread being a part of that puzzle. I have no idea what my real roi is and given the volume i played this month its just always going to be lower, its so silly but i see why i fell in to this habit (i once played like 2k games per month 5 months in a row, probably not a coincedence that i had some mourning to do which i avoided by just numbing myself by playing non stop and not thinking about the one thing i should have focused on.This time was less of a traumatic experience but still something bad happened, realized i havent really gotten over it/faced it and probably atleast partly because of that i went ham with playing).
The fact that it can inspire others like yourself is more than enough of a reason for me to feel motivated to continue, add to that the people ive connected with/helped out and also how many uncomfortable situations ive conciously put myself in by for example posting pretty private stuff. Its not like i like to do it, and im always afraid of sounding like im the crazy one, but deep down i know thats usually not the case (but for sure not 0% of the time) and i need to keep strenghtening my belief in my self, my motivations/reasons for what i doand what matters the most to me which in short right now is basically helping others when i can (although i tend to overcommit and get too invested so need to realize you cant do everything for everyone. Out of 5 sessions ive had (well 5 ppl, more sessions) only 1 did i not go through with it due to far too many red flags l ike not preparing in 5 days that u know how to send hands, share discord screen, want to play 4 tables during our session (????). Last one was probably the most mindblowing to me, first of all if someone at 14x my abi is willing to sit down with me and teach me stuff about studying, theory or whatever i would be ****ing grateful and triple prepare everything i can, focus only on them and what they are telling me and making notes, asking follow up questions etc. So sometimes you just gotta go with ur gut and say this is not something i can or should have to deal with. Im taking time off my own studying or resting or walking or whatever the **** i do to do this for you, the absolute minimum you can do is show up somewhat prepared and show interest/take initiatitve when simple problems occur.
In terms of what my monthly graph will look like and abi etc. The only expectations i have are how many mtts i will play absolute max is 999. 1k+ is not allowed. Abi should be closer to 50-60 again and study more so hoping for improvement in my playing habits and study habits, have 0 expectations for winning/losing. I started around 60ish where im pretty comfortable and the hellswing was 90 abi (playing alot of small field 215s, looked at stats and had very good (for me) winrate, ran decent, just had like 7 215 fts and nothing better than 5th or something like that. But i ran good to bink a 2nd on a sunday which i usually dont play for 9k to even put me in the position to mentally be willing to take some more risk. Plan was always to take the shots, get experience and either keep running hot or learn some lessons. Well what ive learned is that u dont have to make huge jumps abi wise, just as with everything else small, consistent progress is not only enough but all i need. But heatering for a while and then (i think anyways) unconciously choosing poker as an escape means i probably didnt choose an ideal timing to fire away, but i wasnt aware of that at the time and also it looks like i played alright. To comfort the (for now) mental fish-brain i have i got comfort from seein i won on stars and just maxloss on every site, 4.5k coming from by far the softest one. Sold some % in 100+ on gg too so not sure of exact results but with 2kish+ in rb close to or around a 5 fig month either way. Doesnt look very pretty tho, and belthazorrrr if this doesnt prove its possible idk what to tell ya, was probably an avg of 8-10 tables:
Btw i think u summarized it pretty well in the sentence that i chose to bolden. Its my ***** thread and i will post whatever comes to mind here. I wont proof read like its a university class (not that i proof read there either lol), will not update if i dont feel like it and keep it from feeling like a chore and view it more as a tool where i can improve my comfortableness with uncertainty, self doubt, self-judgement and also kind of get a journal of my progress to look back at and strengthen my belief in what im doing and that im on the right path.
Someone told me a bunch of things but the one thing that stuck was "you were already on the right path, just needed a change of perspective" and since then it really feels like something has started to happen. Like i am more accepting of my flaws (played too much, too bad etc. what u gonna cry about having a 9-10k usd month? Its ridic. Instead i focus on the things i do have control over and the one must-instafix is the volume & study. Ive been playing too much and doing pretty consistent study but it will become better because a) more energy 2) more time. I have confronted some real life and online things that i wouldnt have before, so i feel like atleast in some sense im growing. And my db reviews suggests we are slowly but kind of steadily making progress which is literally all i ask for in any goal i ever set. Small, consistent improvement + time = yes.
So for the first two sessions this month i cut alot of higher end bis and had a pretty solid start to the month (1 sesh at 60 abi, 2nd smaller one at 45 becuase bad sleep).
- This month non-negotiable goals. I wont share in detail the exact sched or anything (still havent quite fixed sleep rhythm so its gonna be mostly table count + session length + days off = less than 1k games) rather than start x time each day end x time, even though im working towards it, wanna start around 02.30-3am for now.
- I will basically keep the same goal of studying around 30 min each day with high levels of focus because usually it ends up being multiple hours if the energy is there, which is my responsible to make sure it is. I have a clear road ahead of what to study and fix, and will get feedback on it so just staying consistent is key. On my days off study should always be more time spent/mass running icm spots etc.
- I started with the standard super harsh self judgement omg what a ****** i am why did i do x and y and z but realized at the end of the day i fell in to an old habit, caught it 5x as fast and am making sure it can not possibly happen again this month.
This is a great opportunity for me to prove to myself that i am the guy that does what he says he will, and doesnt let uber luxury issues like boredom, too boring tv shows to watch etc sneak in as negatives. Oh the worst u have to do is take a day off and do a lil study? Seems like a ***** sweet deal to me.
I am looking in to renting a server for mainly hrc so that i can 1) build bigger trees and 2) run much faster, but is it possible without paying alot? Like few hundo is fine but doubt id go over that right now. If anyone has recommendations or one to share please do tell.
Pretty fakking tired now so might have missed something, written something twice or anything. Well as a wise man once said, this is my ***** blog. The only way is uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup.
Blommmmmmmmmmmmish