One of my favorite threads on 2+2. I struggle with a lot of things you seem to struggle with. Hopefully the next couple of months life will tread you better. Also looking forward to skyhigh graphs again

I hope things improve buddy.
You can only do your best, life consists of many things that are out your control.
GL

Hehe a bit late but thanks mate. Appreciate it!

As a poker player youd think accepting things that are out of our control would be somewhat natural, but not only did i learn thats not the case at all, rather i think i and many other dont accept variance at all, everyone is trying to reach a zen like mode where the devil can just slap you with 3 outer and your smiling through it, well thats what i thought if nothing else. I now see the ideal as being able to accept frustration, anger, and let it pass so i can focus on what i am doing. Focusing on what we can control is just so simple yet so complex too, and ive seen and have struggled myself with that.

Its been a while. A very low low and having to deal with grief, anger and a bunch of non-wanted things. Looking back at my year (not poker wise, but overall, and i might be a bit vague here but it doent really matter what happened exactly) i did learn alot (after being semi busto, newly graduated and very depressed, also think i won like 1/5 months or something, whilst feeling like i couldnt beat 2$ mtts. This type of mindset eventually with some perspective is just entitled little ***** who doesnt put in the effort and tells himself he is working hard by half listening to a group session with 340 people. Once i realized this is my responsibility, and everything except the runouts is in my control. Even the things that are "out of our control" we still have a choice in how we respond to any situation.

I tried a therapist that as offered to me during a period of hospital visits and ****, but that was like talkin to myself, but 9 in the morning over the phone. She was nice and didnt really do anything wrong except it as pretty clear it as her 799th day of calling people who are basically breaking down mentally, and i get it, but its just not good to speak to a therapist who isnt good/doesnt really care. I remember she kept sayin its all about acceptance, but gave no actual advice on how. When i asked things like how do i even begin to accept something that is unacceptable (yeah, wasnt good), she would just keep saying you just gotta accept it. K thx, tried twice and didnt answer 3rd time, never heard back really and have been trying to deal with this **** pretty much on my own and by the help of both online friends but even more so my best friend really stepped up. A friend through poker helped me get my **** together, set up a plan (i followed it 0%, but still ended up working towards getting back to "being myself".).

I have been recognizing the fact that i struggle alot with taking action, and the book atomic habits (along with other books) have really really helped me to break down some of those things and slowly started really trusting the 1% rule. Even when i tried cash and insta dropped 40 (!) bi on nl25. Told myself to win them back and then move up, i beat nl50 reg tables, then zoom, then 100 zoom & have been playing some 200z (not so great results over small sample) but winning decently on 200nl reg tables. Played 3 mtt sessions since the last few days and insta shipped 88 special for 6.5k, some marathon thing twice in a row for just under 1k each, chopped up an apl series event for 2k today and just now took 4th in 88 special for 2.5k. Have decent sample of winning on nl100z & feel comfortable on 200nl reg tables, will probably mix that and mtts for a while, as cash has really helped me move towards healthier routines/habits due to the flexibility, and i have put in a bit of postflop work which i hope is whats showing in the recent mtt results as well. Not sure on total for month and dont wanna count it up rn, will probably summarize the month later with some graphs etc, cant be bothered to post all stakes and all mtts etc, so will try and show the whole graph in bb since day 1 on cash, an mtt graph etc.

This pgc will mostly be used as a kind of self-teraphy and i will probably ramble (often stoned and worried it makes either too little sense, or way too much). For now i am very happy with my prospects and how im playing, and i have to thank blakkman aka t8ofdiamonds for a big part of that. He really opened my eyes to alot of things in poker and is an all around great guy (and pgc hall of famer). Also shoutout to unnamed poker friend for dragging me up out of the hole i found myself in. From here on out i hope to only continue focussing on the process, my systems and how i execute things daily. Like James Clear says in atomic habits (but better put together):

Goals are not important for deciding success, everyone at the olympics wants to win, everyone on a job interview has the same goal etc. Therefore goals can not be the deciding factor for success but rather our systems which we have and create to make the path to success possible. Too tired for any graph of any sort, but ill post a month summary and as i wrote this took the massive effort for a mtt graph of the last few days Up quite abit in cash too so month really looking amazing.. GL out there.




Still cant post a **** video, but here is a funny comedian with a really great author who wrote one of many books that has helped me alot. Strongly recommend looking in to mark mansons books, esp "The subtle art of not giving a ****". Pz out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BKbtGFI5ZE

Keeping up the trend of winning an mtt every time i sit down, hopefully starting to see some resutls of the studying but realistically running hot and maybe playing a bit better. Still got loads of work to do in and outside of the game, esp outside w/ things like food, sleep etc. I also "struggle" ith playin too long sessions because of a lion. Today was bricking all day til i shipped some random 25 for 2.5kish and 2nd in some small 10 deep for 700 or so. Two other binks from the last few days:






For now reading atomic habits and taking notes again, and looking for more mindset/self improvement type books to read as well. Will give the power of now a go after this one.

Been allowing myself to make mistakes and rather than being too harsh for not doin everything perfect 24/7, facts are ive been slowly (1% rule) taking steps towards improvement, strict written rule sjust doesnt work for me so im trying to introduce more habitual behaviors that serve me rather than harm me. Gl in the streets, blom out

So just did my only "new habit" im 100% accountable for every day, which is to instantly when i wake up (esp after a sunday, looks like a crackhead lives in my small student apt ) 1) Clean up apt quickly, throw out the trash just laying around, then go to the store and buy food for the day. This has a negative of spending more than i "should" on food if i were to go with a exact list weekly or whatever, but the way i see it is by 1) Learning habit implementation 2) Not ordering munchies for 2x amount at 3am every day, but have good and healthy things to eat/drink. 3) Getting outside to some fresh air and starting my day out like that feels really good (down the line i hope this habit for example turns into me doing the first part, then running 2km, then store, then home) etc. Habit stacking i think is how its referred to in atomic habits (seriously, read it like your life depends on it if struggling w/ getting rid of bad habits, probably benefitial for anyone though).

Now, to the part of today that was a little different, in my car home from the store (like 5 min drive) i put on Ed Sheerans new (?) song visiting hours and holy **** that song hit some nerve, i dont cry much in general to movies/songs or something but **** if it doesnt feel both awful and ****ing fantastic. I feel so alive to start today, i will read some today and everything else (grind, study etc) will decide based on how im feeling. I feel like its impossible that i dont perform a+ game in this type of mood/mindset, and generally i dont want to be as impulsive and **** as i usually am so i am enjoying my good mood and will chill out. Here is the song and a great podcast (and channel overall), SO much good scientific information that can be quite mindblowing. Peace

My clean sunday with outright binks in 20e for 1.8k usd, daily 33 1.5k & gg125 for 3.1k. Fted ggs 55 for 700 and some other stuff. Mtts have been frustrating but the great sunday made me alot happier

I am playing a little bit too much, studywise im doing ok, definately improving. Any improvement is good. Dont have much to say but hopefully the journey towards bettering myself keeps leading to better results as well. Gl hf fellas

sick Sunday mate - congrats

Thanks man!

Things are moving in the right direction. Im slowly improving myself and my habits. Ive kind of found my "philosophy" on how to approach poker and life (those can be hard to separate sometimes). Slowly i am improving my daily process with longevity in mind. Had a mindblowing review today where i literally was overwhelmed with how dope it was Afterwards i was so excited to grind and ended up with a bunch of fts. 6th 84bh for 1kish, ft bubbled 125 marathon, 6th 55 turbo, yada yada. Eventually found myself on the ft of the 126 BH w 130bb and 2nd place had around 70bb. Felt played very well then ust couldnt hit a flop hu and lost a 4k hu, obviously in honor of blom96 spewy fund blasted of 5 high to bust, but i thin im fine with it, and happy with my play overall. Onwards and upwards.









And ill leave a video i enjoyed, alot of good **** in there and i realllly like mark manson and his approach to mindset etc.

Ikea by any coincidence?

-----

Nice to see you back crushing mtt's mate!

Not this time, switched it up and went to a regular store this time... appreciate it broski

So... Heat is real. followed up my best sesh in a WHILE with another amazing session setting the month up real nice. Sick first week. Shipped 84 BH outright for 6k, shipped daily 88 for 1.7, 4th 55 masters for 1kish kk<qq for 20/24m chips in play day 2ed things, won ticket to gg masters, took 6th in 250 special for 1.1k, and a bunch of other cashes here n there like 6th 126 pko off peak, 10th 105bh yada yada.










Not much to complain about, as you can see. Honestly did not see this coming but i think its (albeit a bit better than avg) a result of what ive been doing to better myself in important areas in and outside of the game. 1% rule, compound effect, call it what you want to call it. ive put in time studying (aloooot compared to before, maybe nothing compared to some. I wont compare myself with others in these areas though, i can only focus on me and how i am improving, if that improvement never stops, sky is the limit. I think its important for me personally to hae a kind of belief system in what im doing and it has helped me make better decisions more often, and also overall gained belief in myself and confidence, without being arrogant at all as every day i learn more about how little i know about this game. And it used to intimidate me, and still does in a different way i guess, but its mainly motivating. There is infinite to learn and its up to me how much effort i put in. I am going to make sure to study atleast as much as i have been but preferably more on such a upswing as its easy to let ego take over etc, i have done a good job at what i can control, and wha i cant control has been nice lately Preparation + opportunity = luck. Funny how luck and effort seem to correlate in poker

Grind music & good (great) pod:

Plan today was to just fire absolutely all higher end games i viably shot take normally, and it was pretty rough for a while, then gg crashed and got some decent refunds as i was deep/big stacks in 200 6max, 125 mara etc etc. Made day 2 o mini 22 wpt on party, figured why not try and get in for sunday, but nope. Its monday

Binked ticket to 215 wpt, brick. Binked ticket to 105 bounty millly which im currently 2-tabling along side a 33 hyper ft. Nvm flush over flushed as im writing this Got over 1k inn refunds for my stacks when gg crashed too, so all n all a ok day, shouldnt have played as much as i did, but live and learn. Will do better next time. Also managed to ft some bowls like big 40 etc, and ended with this semi bink (pretty big jump, dont think u can even deal on ipoker?) in a semi sitngo, played pretty poorrly towards the end as i played too long, which has been a reoccuring behaviour and at times pretty big issue. Havent been that bad lately but just feel completely wrecked right now so will light up a bad boy, watch something interesting and take saturday as study day, then grind sunday and study/play **** 22 day 2 on monday. Ev bb keeps getting higher & higer, have doubled what it used to be on gg (small sample though) which is ridic. Actually managed a small 2nd in the hyper for some well needed $ on party. GL out there fellas, may the flips be with yalllllll. Gn

One more bink for the good guys.

Well, what can i say even. Month is o to an absolutely unreal start and i am st enjoying the ride right now. I have basically never played omaha but my rungood doesnt seem to be limited to holdem as i won this 63 supersonic omaha thing for 650$ whilst in bed writing a summary Made day 2 of the 215 wpt on party which plays monday (?).Also made phase whatever numbe it is w 90 tickets to the 1.1k wpt, hopefully sunrun there. Since ive been collectin sunday mtts on gg durin the week i tried sattying in to the 1k as satties were hugely overlayed and you know i have won every time i sat down etc, turns out i won, but it was for the 1k today Blaste off A8o in 3bp on some bricky runout and am quite fine with the play, which is a feeling im unfamiliar with.

I know earlier this year when i was moving up i basically got near quitting poker, felt pointless. I felt like i couldnt win anywhere and went semibusto. After todays sesh i look at the steps ive taken (mindset) towards healthier thinking an improvements o myself, no matter how small, and say that it seems like how ive been doing things is working out pretty well right now. The compound effect is real. Ths time i will not allow myself to get complacent/arrogant/callitwhatuwannacallit, but i will keep working in the way i am, slowly getting closer to playing the perfect amount, studying not too littlee not too much yada yada. I have no end goals, but i try to focus 100% on my habits and the processes that will take me where i want to be. Quite ironic name o the thread, would dfinately not have named it the same today. Going to bed, first day 2 is in 11h. Will grind a big one tomorrow, and then have 2 day 2s on monday too, so will probably play a short one there, and then its time for a break i think. For now, gl out there and may you all run hot, focus on the things that you can control. The better you get the more lucky you seem. Oh well, stoner thoughts. Im off to bed, this waiting or us tmrw already, including everything in my bi range and i will sleep well, shop well for the day and get in to the zone. gn

Delighted to see you are on a roll, keep it going pal.
Future GL.

Thank you man, appreciate it.

Feeling sick or semi ill but have d2 in 215 & 22 wpts, so will play a small sesh w few tables today. Screwed up a little and fell in to old habits over the weekend, but i accept it and try to be better next time. GL out there and pray for #op to spin!

Really nice read man. I can identify a lot with what you are writting and your first post. I am a 23 year old Brazilian student and just like you, don't see myself working on my university subjects. "Ive always played poker and dreamed about going pro when I was 18-19, was in a few stables but was just not ready or committed enough at that point". This phrase has a lot to do with my path, and see me represented completely.

My name is Lucas, and have been playing professionaly for over a year now. Played for one month during the early times of COVID pandemic and had some great results, which leaded me to join a team, and since than I ran up from the ~$5 ABI to ~$60 now on that time lapse.

It's really good and inspiring to see your current roll, and looking forward to read more about it.

On my poker journey, routine is the most important thing that leads me to a great performance in & out of the tables, and now I am starting to add this journalling and engaging stuff on mine. Looking forward to your next posts, cheers!

Identified a lot with your last paragraph. I am currently on a downswing and feeling bad and just like I can't win, and this leads to several problems and reappearance of bad old habits. IMO, routine and habits are everything on a poker player life, and when those things are aligned with our goals, success is just a matter of time. Congratz on your awesome month!

Hey Blom!

Happy to see a fellow swede running well again.
I’ve enjoyed following your journey in this thread with it ups and downs and I think that it’s really cool how you’re open with the mental struggles that come with this path.

Anyway, good luck going forward and I hope to not see you at my tables!

/Baradavid

Hey man, appreciate the comment and i totally agree with you. Its alot easier said than done sometimes though. I constantly battle the "improve to perfection NOW!" and "Take it easy, trust the process" in my mind, but it really is as simple as this: If our habits/systems are good/effective sucess, depending on how you define it, is the only outcome. Thanks man, hope u turn it around!

Hehe thx man


Had a pretty ridic day today. Won 7 mtts outright (out of 8 fts i think?). 3k, 2.4k, 2.1k, 1.4k, 650, 700 and something else im sure. Fantastic day and month back in excellent shape:

Wow that's insane... Both volume and results are on another level, congratulations mate!
And yes, this blog is always a great reading so keep it up

Thanks bud, its the comments that make me bother to post so i appreciate that. That being sad drunk tilted post incoming:

Today i took a day off, went out for some beers with 2 close friends. Had a great night until we go to this bar where a security guy who asked me to "take a lap" a year ago when i was 0 drinks in, aka sober. Today i have maybe 3-4 beers in me, my best friends are around 10-12 and waaaaaaaaay more drunk than me, same ***** guy lets them in and then starts questioning me about how much i drank etc, my shitfaced friend says hell take care of me and guy asks "How are you doing, a bit drunk?", i answer "Im fine, barely drunk", he looks at me for like 10 sec and lets me in. Could not let it go and was just sitting in there, i could not enjoy myself as i had to let this ****er make me be fake--friendly so told my friends im just not in the mood and went home. Sometimes feel like i just dont look at things like anyone close to me, and i dont get it. I cant take having a POS in a security suit being a cocky ****er and just play along to get in, so that being said **** beer, bars and everything in between. Poker is the only thing i really can do and i am going to direct my entire attention towards that so i dont have to give a **** about these things, almost feel guilty because my mind is at a point where i automatically dont question POS like this guy was, but i will never accept unfair treatment and hope to never be like that myself. Im not gonna put alarm at 7 to go to a shitty ****ing HR job (what i studied... lol) just to fake smile at people and write emails 8 hours a day to be getting 2.5k$ and hate everything everyday. My friends who i studied with telling me how ****ing booring it is, i will not be an entitled ***** who doesnt study enough, or grind enough. I am all in on poker and to every piece of **** out there, i sincerely wish u hate your life. To the rest of yall, 1% rule and positivity is the only way. Dont give up, dont doubt yourself and 100% dont spend your only (as far as i know) life doing some meaningless **** just to pay rent. If there is a will there is a way, and this post is def getting deleted tomorrow. Just had to get the tilt out, its all luuuuuuuuuuv. Good luck out there

Chopped b109 yday, won these two on gg today. Month looks like this due to letting abi slip a bit :P



Here is how last month ended:



Need to zoom out a bit, play the long game and skip some higher stuff. Improvement wise im doing better than ever, reviewing more, understanding more, and winning more. Wanna get abi around 50-55 for now, grind a month or two then gtfo sweden for 100 reasons. Terrified and excited about the idea of letting poker be the tool to move abroad, but im still gonna be all in on poker, this is just warming up. I love playing the 500s and 1ks and get to battle, despite my small sample and going cashless in 9 1ks. But there is a time and place for everything, and right now mine is in bed stoned reading a book. Felt ****ing good to bink that one fellas. GL out theere

Intelligence and sensitivity usually go together mate, its how your wired for better or worse.
I usually take situations personally, when more often than not they aren't, some people are just ignorant thats all.
Concentrate on what your good at.
Good luck with the poker.

GL with the grind. Nice to see a fellow swede doing well