You are so right man. Clearly you know what you posting about after your Crazy awakening forum stuff, we have to get back to our retreats..

The alcohol, arch-enemy.

Can it be fully stopped and life be enjoyable?

If do that I would have no vices.

I feel it would actually drive me crazy, like being in a cult, like crai and his friends, meditating and eating vegetables on some isolated island just to not confront any dislikeable thoughts

Why you attacking him after he just said what's common sense, doesn't make difference if he has leaks / is crazy in other way if you have terrible problem

What makes you think he is crazy?

Read his thread of spiritual awakening - compare to videos of these Indian mystics on YouTube and see by yourself how much they know about much but caring of their likeability as being the gurus

...

My issue is I dislike the alcohol behavior too hard because of being raised that way which caused it to unfold into disliking all kinds of things a lot (but mostly being on point, the clever guy I happen to be)

Is there something that much fundamentally wrong?

Drowning to alcohol and posting online is always a problem that crosses to many areas and aspects of this life. Have to take it seriously.

Yeah Ahti, you're right. I was on a crazy awakening trip, and unfortunately I did not have anyone who would confront me with honesty and sincerity to snap me out of it. So I had to crash and burn and deal with it myself. And I did, but it was hell.

Listen, Ahti, it's early in the morning and you are here on a poker forum talking to yourself, you've been talking to yourself for the last two pages. Other people are scared of writing in this thread. It looks like you've completely lost it. And if you didn't, which I hope you didn't, then it certainly look like you are about to.
If you want something out of this life you HAVE to change your behaviour.

I'm going to assume that you are drunk right now, and probably didn't sleep very much last night. If you want to change something, then go and throw away the remaining alcohol you have in your place. Write yourself a note about your commitment and that you want to make a plan to get out of this, and then go get some sleep.

I likely won't be posting here anymore, but I wish you good luck and much courage. It probably is very difficult, but you can do it.

Thank you for posting, takes courage to admit such things. You are awesome.

I am progressing and willing surely to confront some things more with myself. This was just like a snap back to something I was doing too much in the past.

I am a fairly shy person and never want to really bother anyone unnecessary, which just somehow shifts to easily drinking to a bit of a lonely feeling rather than talking to a friend or something else I could do.

Enjoy your day and thank you for a very valuable post Crai. Let's get some rest.

Cried a bit. Too easy to go crazy.

lmao this thread is the best

Haha finally on point.

I mean let's not take stuff so hard. Took a shower and brushed my teeth, tomorrow grindz again

One thing is just a fact, I love to write and work on stuff but need to find just something useful to do, that always makes happy

Craibaby actually made my day with his post. I started thinking a lot why need to write so uncontrolled and drive myself with alcohol to such a mental state and why not just admit I can't drink much at all and if I drink then close pc / phone / forums.

I used to post some drunk rants to other people in private but one day I felt that it's enough and took pen and paper and reflected on my behavior very deeply, finding the reasons behind it. After that I never drunk wrote to anyone in person because it's just disrespectful. Lots of times to guys who have some issues everything they say starts with trolling / joking / just being out of line somehow in generally. This is very much a question of attitude and respect. It just is time to be a better colleague to myself and keep those in mind.

Tomorrow will post interesting hands and make sure they don't get lost in text.

We thank for continuous support during this difficult time and look forward having you on board again!

Following

Ha, I know you. Take a deep breath man, you're going to be fine. Clearly you're a dude who does things to the 9's --- just figure out what you want to devote yourself to (what's that thing about "addict" coming from a word that means devotion?) and then build a life that you can manage around it. Alcohol seems like a waste for you and a thing that'll get in the way, but you'll have to be the judge of that. I'm looking forward to seeing you do well here. I'm battling some of my own stuff, as most of us are, and it's always good to see people overcome themselves. Good luck dude.

Yeah .

Devotion & discipline area is certainly interesting , getting things done the right way can change life. Alcohol is a poison and so are actually many foods . We are having a clean and healthy diet which certainly helps a lot and is something I used to overlook in past.

Back to work today, having a large sample of this and how things played out I try to reconstruct it : 1) having a period of not drinking alcohol and things going good 2) starting to feel bored about it 3) developing a narrative I can drink normal small amounts of it 4) drinking "normal" but increasing amounts daily 5) feeling stressed emotionally and overwhelmed -> hoarding beer and waiting for perfect moment to "self-reward" and boom, few beers and can't really stop / control.

So now there is two way's with how things can play themselves out -> either 1) start exercise very heavily & stimulate with working huge hours and develope the narrative of being a hardworking man -> manic drinking -> crash , burnout & repeat.

I'm not going to do that but take it easy for first few day's , walking stretching , moderated poker , caffeine and things will be on healthy ground and I won't be even wanting to touch alcohol for long period of time .

Also worth thinking what are triggers to unnecessary stress 1) reading news (particularly western news) Asian news are more direct and have less of an agenda to try to wash to something on average . 2) just in generally uncontrolled time spent on reading forums, looking at some bitcoin charts or youtube all this time could be spend better with just doing something more relaxing that makes a bit happier .

Lets try to not over-think stuff . Also listing things which I don't do the right way easily is demotivating and as always laying some perfectionistic expectations is what creates a personal prison , so best is to do things the right way but try to just take it more easy .

I am again talking to myself . Is that a bad thing? If you ask Craibaby it sure is , bcz he knows always very well what other people do wrong and finds it easy to jump into conclusions as we can see in James thread . With the high ability to present manipulated truths , he could be a very good lawyer but a terrible crime investigator . I'm a bit of the opposite, trying to stick to factual things in this life .

Don't be so harsh on your guardian angel.

Took things more seriously again. Fine grinding day and dong into studies quite deep. Had a walk with girlfriend and was thinking, made mistake when booked anything in Bkk, gave it thought and realized this pandemic wasn't in Thailand when booked everything. Could it been predictable? I'm not sure .

I'll be looking to play more 1k/2k next month and do more studying. I can't do it (play those games) if I mess up my life , so I won't be doing that .

So the question is what should I do for fun as my interests are in generally quite limited? I'm not sure , guessing renewing visa and looking for villa and being with the girlfriend is kind of fun already? Not really but life is not a cakewalk so better make friends with boredom and maybe make some friends in Koh-Samui then.

Friends? Do you think having friends is some kind of answer to your personal problems ? You have many friends.

Probably it is not.

Just the struggle to find balance with things and not go too hard...

Bad mood. Overthinking painting devils to walls , have to rest, few days and will feel different of things.

Figured it all out.

Best is to think of nothing when not in a good mood. It only causes rumination (over-thinking).

---

Hand of today : 1) https://pokeit.co/public/324V2fylF/r


lose the minimum when you are beat.


2) https://pokeit.co/public/224V28Va0/r

Extreme fold but certainly arguable .


3) https://pokeit.co/public/3q1bL15Q/r

Closer to a fold in these positions preflop I think. Flop this combo should always fast-play even it feels not super natural to fast-play many hands there. (small mistake) , river 100 chip mistake to not bluff. As for him to not bluff KJs also relatively large mistake but nothing compared to mine.

you should make some new friends at soi cowboy or nana plaza.

They are all closed and I don't like night-clubs / bars too much.

Idiots waste their life to nightclubs/prostitution.