Thread is locked for a week. Kilju says things we don't want to hear and he hurts our fragile egos and is being hyper active and dislikeable when he drinks.

- The moderator.

To look at reality. Did the ground work with how to live a disciplined but kind of happy life. I can be a 100-150k / year player if I don't drown myself to alcohol on a regular basis. The price to drink is way too high for highly cappable player and I dislike myself very hard when doing it.

...

^^ I'm less judgemental, more tolerant guy nowadays while the same time I can't tolerate weakness in nearly any forms. This leads to compromising the lack of empathy and understanding with some form of chaos / anarchy kind of a mindset.

^^

Take it from there, think making any money is enough, do not scale / compare / judge and the desire to be anywhere else than in reality with the ordinary will just keep fading away.

Childish to talk about money and health so much in a same sentance if not planning to finance a kidney replacement / heart surgery.

It is.

There is nothing but discipline to do alright with things and there is nothing but boredom to be awaited. This is how results are being made. Some day can sit in the sun after swimming in the sea and think did the right thing. Can have a family and be responsible. Lots of things to be happy about but the intention to do the right thing even if it's boring just needs to be there.

I look forward to it. The feeling of doing things right way irrespective to any results is the greatest blessing in life. Best is there is no need to super achieve anything to get there.

People grow to different environments, I need to consult some American friends about appreciating things in life I feel they are on top with those things and happy to share.

That's a really good idea and I'm on the right track for sure. Turning thoughts to coordinated, healthy ones in a matter of hours after drinking.

But let's not bother anymore when drunk but just ask when sober after a week.

Thread is locked for a week. Kilju says things we don't want to hear and he hurts our fragile egos and is being hyper active and dislikeable when he drinks.

- The moderator.

Finns are very similar to Thais, a bit suffocated / shy mentally. Struggling to even exit an elevator first.

Nothing wrong with being a private person and polite.

Honestly I started this thread when was being drunk, everything I wrote was more or less insignificant and could be written on private diary. This opening and revealing the flow of thought in not the best mindsets is really not being best to share. Time and energy consuming for no result.

^^ well it doesn't cost anything and helps to realize how it's best to never play poker if things don't really click..

But have to find self control.

Yeah.

The Aj hand, calling river with turn bluff is cool though. It got sadly sinked somewhere into endless text.

Lol, writing like a fish. Life is hard its a struggle.

It is, some people just have talent with ignoring factual things and write in the most beautiful format about the sickest life they are living. Who do they think of fooling!

Changes are, some are more happier / optimistic since birth and have different views on things. We northern Europeans from countries and cultures where we spent the winters freezing our balls outdoors are just being ****ed with a kind of cold reality mindset and high taxes since we are born.

Don't say too many things, be a gentleman.

I'm just thinking, how did I keep calm when the girlfriend was rejected boarding her flight to here - I was drinking champagne on Finnair business class completely stressed out and giving just GTO answers to the flight attendants. Wrote one post about it to here and did exit the forum.

Time to take things seriously again.

I need this guy here who wrote on the Cambodian players thread a strong post . He knows stuff, recovering alcoholic also.

So what did I mess?

Drinked a lot of alcohol .

How often this happens?

Not often anymore.

How is the overall trend ?


Declining but falling to sticky habits of buying beer to house and drinking in evenings.

^^ have to just stop doing that.


---

This needs to be the last post.

I confessed to girlfriend I'm unhappy with my forum habits and the drinking . She gave me an hug and said it's okay. Girls mostly know stuff a lot better .

Yeah, wish I could have many girlfriends but those things just don't really work out nicely .

Have you tried?

No. And not going to try .

You OK buddy?

Hey friend, sense of deja vu here I feel like I’ve told you this before but just in case you can call me whenever if you want to talk. Please do

what volume do you have in mind for this?

I’d imagine your expectation could be way higher in a perfect world with lots of quality higher stakes volume mixed in when it’s good?

Yeah, thank you.

Alcohol is really bad trigger somehow, obviously difficult to discuss / think just about anything too seriously if get hyper active. I do mostly feel very good and normal as can see since writing this thread

I play 1/2 million hands online / year, kept with about that pace for long time . Currently am 50-75k player depending on time zone but getting more volume at 1k would make it possible to shift for 100k+.

...

With manic writing / thinking, just feels like nothing really helps but to NOT doing it. I've felt really stable but also very bored throughout this year and guessing it's just how it had to be. I dislike saying having some AdHd / putting blame of unhealthy behaviour to something that is not in my hands, but certainly my tendencies with stuff aren't something I really want to be having. So yeah I will try not write anything , at least not spamming anyone in person which is progress.

Quite crazy what that stuff does to mind...

Jesus can someone help this guy?

Kilju you need to get your **** together. This looks terrifying. You gotta figure out a way to stop this behaviour, it looks like it's killing you. Ask your friends for help, set up some failsafes. And most importantly ask yourself if you actually want to stop, confront the part inside of you that clearly does not. If you just repress it and act like you want to stop this, you will just continue repeating this kind of behaviour.

The uncontrolled drinking is just overall very expensive waste of life and energy which makes me tilted and then when it gets started its hard to stop.

^^ thinking too much about that is just over thinking and another energy sink, like teaching advanced poker concepts to a complete fish . As the real thing is can't drink alcohol, need to sleep properly and have a decent diet