Subbed. I love the stream of consciousness style of your journal, it's interesting to read. Take care of yourself

Likewise , thanks .

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I have been thinking of the saying , don't look for success from the wrong places .

Been working to determine what are the right things I need to accomplish in the next 3 years and why .

There is this thing of glorifying higher stake meaning higher reward , which endlessly is not the truth .

To a certain point it does make sense though

Perhaps there is things I don't enjoy doing but I should do, such as adding sites and getting sites that are higher EV by default than stars

Not trying to become The Best Player in the World , but accepting I could achieve higher hourly and same or more income than grinding huge hours of zoom 200 or 500 by trying to learn to multisite

I hate multisite its tough

I have low interest to learn much poker related things anymore

I keep getting elder and this will only get worse

Can it be so tough to say , capped to 1k and just play like 4 tables same time maximally

how will the swings affect me

As bad as before but so it is with other people

How much there is colluders , cheaters and just in general mafia players at the 1k games plus who share everything just as I do here

Endless amounts

Thats the thing ... Zoom is really good , just not the 500 mostly , mass tabling the 200 with my skill is not a bad deal at all , 40/50 usd hourly for long hours plus 5 or 10 from bonuses , guys who play the 1k & 2k mostly slack volume .. Have mafias etc real time solver dudes . Like just imagine be part of some group who keeps you on track of winning at 1k nl and you are the top dude because you put all the hours in , best case your 100 usd hourly is 75 usd hourly worst case something different and most of your day you don't have the games you really wanna play

Who wins at GG poker 1k plus. I have a friend who has done well there.. I know some people do.. I am sure stars is not that different, GG insane rake .. Stars mostly just playing regs to wait .. And for some % everywhere there is a guy who learns the best strategies by paying from his profits to some dudes who run the sims for him , mafias and their calfs.. I had lamb for dinner though...

Success stories or monthly variance is always something everyone is interested in . Long term results or hourly ... hmm..

Likely I need to look in the mirror and ask , how hard am I trying

How big of a % of my bankroll I really even invest to poker

How many sims I do run in a day

How committed I am to get better every day

I could jerk off over these questions , I am really doing next to nothing and still winning at step below mostly

WTF am I doing

trying to invest or stockpick be somehow in crypto

Worst is all of this still giving some mediocre results

Even I go completely insane drunk every once in a while!!!

IMO . this tells me just that the competition is very weak

I need to sell the stocks get my capital together, really do sims , play , dedicate , focus , stay sober

Look

In the area of poker , for me trying to accomplish something like just playing zoom 200 it means passivating myself

In the area of investing looking to do something like selling it all means giving up on passive income

In the area of coaching people choosing to not coach means denying to really give great value to other people and denying to take profit of doing it

Best results come when doing a little bit of everything increasingly but nothing too much

What is the high value stuff around poker I can teach to anyone

Many things however most are so washed by the coaching industry to be complicated that no one can really make them simple anymore

Beer .

Yeah

Definitely recommend anyone playing 500nl or below , drink two small beers before session

Pay attention to what you are you thinking and how you are playing

How big of a part you follow someone elses program and why exactly are you doing that

I have a long history of profitable poker when being drunk playing nl500 zoom it is almost easier when drunk

Think of the ****ing CROCODILE it doesn't move at all is complete ZEN , then when there is a thing to bite he bites on it instantly

Bitcoin ... Went up , went down, went up, went down , went up , went down so here today , this moment it is down .

Will it collapse or go further up and collapse?

Why is this so good asset to even bet when it is mostly based on this kind of mass sheep behavior where there big players abuse the system controlling the market

It isnt at this point .

I wait and take my bites on the crypto when it has collapsed

Many people will be left crying

I could take a bet we will not see a 100k bitcoin this year

I honestly feel like my A+ game is between the 2-3 beer zone. The problem is that beyond 4-5 I start making the odd epic mistake while still mostly playing very well. The other problem is that I don’t find I ever want to stop drinking beer after 2.
Do it just becomes and unsustainable habit for me, unless I really just play sessions before bed and have 2-3 and call it a night.
It is interesting though. My thought process does feel very clear in general when playing poker as well in the 2-3 beer region. Also, the inhibition/fear of doing something risky that I intuitively feel is correct basically disappears. These decisions end up being correct at a very high frequency.

We will not see.

I don't think anyone bets on seeing it.

Growth is capped.

The beers are not the answer but to be able to separate all that isn't really something that is part of your game .

If you really play and constantly drink same time its a disaster.

Having experimented you should know the difference already.

That makes sense, I think I understand what you’re getting at there.

Your game, your thoughts, yourself .

Someone else can teach and give influence

but copy pasting without questioning is easier than it feels

Certain stuff can also be proved with solver however when parameters change they might not be so good

That's why if we teach something we already want it to work out as seeing it working out to convince the other part what we are teaching is a good thing

Same as drug police investigator wants to find a pile of heroine when he enters the apartment of a suspect

You and I as humans are always willing to lie to ourselves endlessly

A good businessman takes advantage of this and tells endless amount of things everyone wants to hear yet remains honest to himself

Such as Gustavo Fring

I don't recognize any other study methods to poker but pen and paper + equilab.

Lets face certain things :

As long as being winning player and accessing beatable games the higher bb the higher the hourly mostly becomes

The higher you play the better your mental game needs to be and technical skill to not be the fish of the game

The higher your bankroll is the easier it is

For me to really put volume at 2k nl with the top regs who have been there for ages I am in a disadvantage with all of those aspects

As getting elder the drive to sit on PC do millions of sims a day and commit whole life to it starts to disappear

If constant 20k+ swings feel bothersome it is not the right place either

Those downswings do make stronger but also makes feel at certain point like not wanting to hit head to a wall so much

Therefore focusing on building up capital , putting in volume with a good and certain hourly and being able to take more investment risk is likely an acceptable approach and also something

that should not be too far from my actual financial goals right now

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Lots of my energy goes to just contemplating , changing mind , being like a worm

I improve with all of this but still feel so often like a worm / snail / quasimodo being slow and weak

Look at the stock market ; USA insanely high, China very cheap , why?

Think about a company like Alibaba, obviously it is a huge winner with the things it does

Is there real uncertainty with technology sector of a world power not growing in following years?

Is there real uncertainty of people not being huge consumers anymore and keep ordering stuff online?

What could really stop that wheel from running?

WW3?

Something horrendous needs to happen for Chinese economy to not really bounce back following years, this feels quite like a no-brainer

So what to do?

Grind 1/2 zoom , get back on track putting large volume

Play some soft games at 1k elsewhere sometimes

Take the risk and trust yourself put the money to China stocks and Vietnam index fund

If the crypto collapses buy - in again


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Other option I contemplated was selling stocks , focusing on poker, playing all the tough games etc. try move up

In the light of knowing better what I want and accepting having certain personal disadvantages (weaknesses) I take the other road and not try become a highstakes player

Playing big and big results (short term) always get glorified by the mind . Plenty of online pros who play highstakes and had a losing year . Plenty of guys who tried to play 2k/5k/10k and lost a lot and got their minds and games messed up .

I refuse to get messed up again mentally so I play my own game and make the rules to it.

I did now put so much thought to it so will just really follow the plan. On friday will sell USA stocks , bcz its blackfriday and free to sell in my platform.

On monday will buy China stocks.

Meanwhile will just grind a lot.

Actually doing decent in poker this month ,12k up or similar... But last month was like -25k and whole year scattered weak results because of taking shots and messing up game .

Otherwise sounds fine but just one thing ... I wont give-up on wanting to improve and get better move up . Things one believes one can do and are somewhere near realistic are mostly doable. Giving up on those is a complete soul killer.

Question is more what do I need to do to get to high-stakes , why did things not work-out previously?

Too small bankroll and too risk reverse to really be willing to lose in poker large chunks of it , habits, mental game etc. not being at needed level

Fair enough , so taking a different road to develop bigger bankroll and evaluating after one year of keeping that approach.

Why do I need to get there in first place?

I don't.

Perhaps thats what's really on my way.

Trying to accomplish something .

Forget about it and just grind.

Forget about it and just grind.

Okay, played 3k hands zoom 200 today .

Played pretty bad.

Its tough when facing reality , having to put stuff aside , decide doing a certain thing because of wanting certain result .

Cant just keep trying to play random games without plan. Lost focus that way.

Its not a fun thing to do but being honest I think zoom 200 value for me is decent considering amount of hours I'm fine to grind it

I should go after it and not try play so tough players at highstakes etc .

I can beat nl500 zoom , I can for surely beat nl1k reg tables but if being on so many different sites and putting more capital aside , getting way bigger swings etc. is really worth it

I cant remember how many times has someone talked about making 10k a month

10k a month is 120k a year , its just a handful of players who are consistent with that category of results for multiple years in a row

everyone can have 30k months and 30k losing months , 10k months and so on jump into conclusions

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perhaps , emotional issues being on the way, not having brake through so far to really do well at 1k .

having a winning sample of perhaps 70k hands but not like crushing or anything .

...

being so competitive.

its not healthy.

...

Is there really something that is enough for me and would really satisfy?

I don't think there is.

What if I'm right of the China economy predictions putting my 100k Eur portfolio to these stocks and over next 3 years it goes 4x ?

Meanwhile making money grinding the zoom

I mean it takes guts to start buy china stocks right now.

What does it take to buy bitcoin now or U.S stocks ?

Don't think guts is right word for that, those just feel like not real long-term plays at these levels they need to collapse at some point

I think they will.

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So trying not really to time a market but value investing to stuff that is likely to do well long-term , being greedy when others are fearful and all of that Charlie Monger stuff .

Thinking if Warren Buffet would be me , would he try play 2k nl or move up to 1k so hard?

I think he would try to play low variance games make as safely as possible as much as possible and invest it to relatively high risk assets but not insane / stupid risk stuff

...

I really think so. 100k is small capital for high-stakes poker . Better to focus on building up capital at this point.

OK, did buy more Alibaba.

15k did put to something safe (and undervalued)

Tesla I will sell in following days and put the money on hold , observe the china stocks

FB I will hold

Holding 92million Starlink tokens

OK

I did my home-work

...

Will leave 2+2 for other big 2+2ers

I know what to work on the next year with

Not good to waste time / spam

My sheets are clean

You're leaving? Sad if true. I'm too scared to buy Alibaba personally... on the All-In Podcast they were saying that you aren't actually buying shares in the company (same with all Chinese companies), but some weird proxy thing that the CCP can pull the rug on at any moment... but I don't have a good understanding of that stuff.

5k run in 40min in rain, avg HR 163 . Didn't run in quite few days , lazy bcz of raining . HR had been normally 150 avg. area unless super sunny hot day. Very slow pace also, quite weak...

Interesting how the body adapts to everything both ways and actually does it fast.

Morning weight was few days ago 94. Started this year at 100 area after last year being a terrible health decline so many ways.

No one is perfect

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James ; I know what you are talking about , owning Alibaba stock for non Chinese person is not possible as its like buying a certificate which gives access to a fund which is like also taking no real world responsibility if it really would happen that China refuses to view these outside country investments invalid somehow. I don't see that happening unless there is some major conflict and even so I think its likely that investors will get compensated at some point but again just speculating.

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Recorded a session of 4 tabling zoom 200 .

My results are better the more tables I play the same time , over significant samples . I know why its that way but not going to reveal . To most people its likely other way around though.

Okay I reveal , the less tables I play the more I overthink stuff . I needed to dumb myself down .