Stopped writing during vacation. Lost 2+2 password on laptop and have only logged in on phone.

Rented a nice appartment with very beautiful seaview and direct pool access to 25meter pool from terrace. Unfortunately owen didn't work and we got water leakage , had to move upstairs for couple days as they are working on things.

Poker going good. Around 18k up on stars this month but lost something like 5-7k on untracked sites. Got back to it to finish a bonus grind on stars.

...

I was blowing soap balloons the other day at terrace and girlfriend took video of me. Realized the beer belly got big again so been eating just 3 meals a day and training every day... And obviously no alcohol either past few days. Feeling better but it's a grind with things like that, tilted and grumpy quite a lots of times but it's what it is with dieting...

Took a bit off a "cheat day" with diet. Now back to it . Energy recovered and had really good sleep. I will keep again until saturday this week with 3 meals a day, no sugars, alcohol etc.

Games quite dry on stars past days at my stakes . Soon to finish the bonus grind after that will need to start add other sites way more and make some changes as playing zoom 200 long term makes no sense to me.

Feeling actually great about myself. Did put in a lot of thought to the idea of discipline and how to really have it , what it feels like , what it means to me , why cant have it likely all the time and how and why I always failed with it so badly and therefore started to think I'm not able to be having it. Thinking I know the right coordinates now and am able to work on the thresholds so to speak while staying happy with things at same time.

<3 gl brother

Thanks boss!

Today I had a day off after grinding for 8 days in row a rakeback bonus thing on pokerstars. Tomorrow I will finish it.

Was looking for some meditation retreat on koh-samui online, there is one that is free of charge but can donate when done , lasts 7 days , currently they are not running it because of Covid... Mentioned to girlfriend about it and she pointed me the balcony and asked why I don't meditate there . I instantly responded like well its different experience to go to the retreat and bla bla bla just like I would have done that before and would know already how its so good etc. , when reality is I haven't done much meditation past two years and that retreat would likely feel insanely tough if not preparing mentally for it . Actually its nice there at balcony and she is putting in some yoga sessions there almost every day .

I think its important to do things and if finding it necessary to talk then talk about things that got done. Otherwise everything is just wishy washy nonsense talk for most part.

This brings me to goal setting which I think should work in the basis of having an inner motivation for something and then giving orders to one self and keeping reflective talk up. The difficult part is just how to overcome yourself when its being too much / when it feels like being too difficult to have the needed discipline . I have thought of this topic a lot and I think the answer is that people always seek for comfort / easiness and its for most people meaning different things than the things that are actually helping to achieve and live a "desired lifestyle" . As example Personally I would love to run and swim a lot , lose quite a bit of weight , eat a healthy diet with less meat while at same time I love alcohol , pizza , hamburgers and steaks and I don't find it easy to limit myself with such pleasures as short term they do make feel happy .


I think people who have discipline long term are living in some form of faith , being it a religion or being it that they don't eat / drink something and have some kind of good enough reason for themselves for that kind of self restricting . Some people have discipline and use some competitive goals like doing a triathlon etc. in their favor . With certain sports like marathons etc. its quite nice that there isn't real reasons to compete / there is always someone who runs it in better time . My brother is doing all these (triathlons / marathons etc. ) I'm not so sure what to precisely think about it as a lifestyle but it feels like certainly having the closest of elements with effort + discipline = results pretty much as in poker .


I don't drink alcohol / eat pizza every day / live very unhealthy so this is not like I'm ultimate unhappy with my life or want to turn something complete around but rather trying to get to the roots of how do these affect the part of me that wants all those healthy and productive things daily and how things would be long term without much if any vices .

long text , don't think with laziness and lack of discipline there is any magic pills but finding them again and again.

i agree wtih ur gf, just meditate on the balcony bro

I don't really think discipline exists, everything changes all of the time. I agree people seek comfort and easiness but why is that a bad thing? As you said it's not like you are addicted to any of these behaviors so it's not a problem. Wanting to eat less pizza or drink less is fine but I wouldn't be too hard on yourself about it.

I think meditating at balcony / calming mind is more safe than going to some cult . Been reading more of the retreat and it sounds very much like going somewhere and letting other people have control over your mind , voluntarily getting into some state of hypnosis / wash that they are spreading .

Girlfriend said she definitely wouldn't go there .

https://dipabhavan.******.com/retreat-guidelines.html

...

Actually we have a mosque down the hill from our place and considering the small amount of those guys in this island they do chant with quite some high volume speaker few times a day about the Allahi akbaring us all... But as we all Europeans and Americans know the message these years : have to love and tolerate everything, have to love and tolerate everything, have to love and tolerate everything have to love and tolerate everything.....

Not good to rant / be negative, always means need to focus to mind own business .

Finished points with the bonus, went for a run, shaved .

Taking few days off , then less zoom more normal tables and studying .

https://pokeit.co/public/124VXK67Q/r

had this the other day, was an interesting one. Would post also if had undesired results just lately running good in weird pots (and quite often being correct when getting out of line) .

A Vipassana retreat as taught by SN Goenka is what you want to do ; it is a 10 day course held across the globe and in Thailand, of course. GL

Pretty hilarious hand. I dig it.
Watched ya play some 4-5 handed short pool 500z last night for a bit after my session.

Watched the first two episodes of "The midnight gospel" with girlfriend this evening . She said she really likes it. I asked how she finds the pace and she said its normal. I am more old schooled with things, bit hard to follow if something is that fast . Still somehow felt like being on board when watching comparing to most shows / tv stuff I feel like watching and hearing empty noisy things that don't give really much of an insight and that aren't well acted either .

I certainly have an interest in many topics and have no doubt of being able to get somewhere with thinking about them. Somehow I find poker players of all people interesting as developing the skills of knowing if something is making sense or not with the game however the understanding / caring of pretty much anything outside of it easily remains very shallow as it doesn't bring direct EV/usd to think about much else than things that bring directly the EV/usd in other words the game of poker.

To me remembering how it was tough living alone in Finland this year taking care of all errands + poker , cook , clean try live somewhat healthy ; I think to some people shocking and to some people releasing message / opinion of mine is that things in personal life get easier a lot when can delegate some of the chores and it gives bunch of energy to think of off-topic stuff / drink / play video-games / whatever, its your time . But when living in reality of not having it? time. I think those are being actually the greatest times of a mans life and it means being a man on a mission and I would salute everyone feeling this way.

^^ Such a great honoring speech , but I never feel its a question of time but question of having energy , pretty easy to make time for things but much more difficult to have enough energy for something to be an enjoyable event . This + many other things just bring me somehow to the fundamental point is our life meant to be hard , busy , tough / was this more just some form of a delusion the generation of my parents (in certain areas of this planet of course) may have experienced and we have picked up with .

Awkward question definitely . Starting with people not being in equal shoes in terms of time and energy to get started with is a sad statement but probably something we have to agree to make . But we never discussed the money . That somehow plays way smaller role than personal adjustments I do feel in terms of reaching for ... for what...? .

I don't know.

It's all very complex . I shut from thinking . Because its very complex. There is people who have written books of this stuff . I haven't bothered to read .

^^ If think this hard then its hard to say just about anything. The judgement.

It makes us all losers.

I think its the society that did its harm on me , being a natural born savage.

Its all very complex, its all very complex wtf is complex?

We are ****ed up by control that isn't natural and grown to the world of things that aren't natural and therefore forced to believe in all kinds of things that come along the way .

My automated thinking pattern which I did express here is far from a healthy one . But I believe its the most super common one .

I think we are making science over here .

Thinking is dangerous.

It means you are combining information in your min but the outcome is dictated already otherwise it would not cross the mind to think about it (no rewards).

Where do we get the rewards then?

Of things we believe are in certain way we "know" , taking us from the automated system to an result without any process.

Is there a real process of thinking then ?

I cant tell haven't studied this topic.