Made 593 today. Two hands that I can remember: 3 handed Qh2h in Sb straddle 6 I'm first to act. Go 15. Straddle raises 35 I call. Flop adksac I donk lead 20 button calls. Turn 7c I go 40 get min clicked to 80. Fold. Villain shows AA. I was trying to get lower pairs to fold but ran into a bazooka. Another same guy opens utg 20 I have AA opt to gamble by limping. 5 callers. Great. Flop qd5d3s I go 45 someone with a diamond draw folds 45 into 205. Button calls. Turn 3h I shove 120 effective. Button calls with aq draw line dead and river is a boarding setting 3. Was up 725 at one point so I left when I started losing. Smart. Bankroll now at 2390 after some expenses socializing with 3 peeps I haven't hungout with in years.

Down 970 plus 130 for skiing tomorrow bankroll 1300. Games were really tough. I ran 2/10 played 7/10. Should have left earlier oh well. One hand of day. Utg raises 10 unknown looser player I go 35 with ak everyone folds he calls flop 345 he checks I go 30 he shoves. He's been bluffing alot so I call he has a6 turn 7 for straight and we don't chop river so there's a 500$ pot going the other way. I think the dream is officially dead but we will see.

Two more hands pro raises 10 to mp I got 1010 on button go 35 its heads up. Flop 4h5s6h he check I go 60 he goes 175 I fold cause he could have aa or kk or sets or straight or combo draw were I'm either even money or slightly behind. He said he had hearts. One last hand vs life long pro. I open 87spades mp to 15. He from sb goes 60 I call putting him on aa or kk. But he had aq. Flop 9s7c2h he goes 60 I call. Turn 10c he goes 120 I call with intentions of bluffing r hitting river. River qd he checks I go all in 250 effective he calls. When I checked I though he could have ak or kk thsts scared of a set or straight.

I loved the game but the game doesn't love me. I don't know how anyone does this. It's too much for everyone. Thanks to my friend in Vegas for helping me select the right words. This is my poker funeral. I'm too autistic. I didn't study hard enough, I made excuses. I'm gambling addict this is causing damage to me and my life. May god have mercy on you all. I'm officially done. There's no point beating a dead. I have no ill will or bad feelings though. I actually feel free and happy to pursure something new. I'll probably still make a few more updates just not to leave everything in the dark for my benefit and yours, thanks for reading.

Take care of yourself, and wishing you all the best in your next endeavors.

Hello everyone I've basically been working last 3 months keeping my nose clean. Grinding building fences, working as a groundskeeper, doing security work, climbing, Exhausting my body every day for bull **** pay. Slowly saving up building better habits more appreciation for the value of a dollar. Hope to spend the winter in America and play poker part time as a hobby whilst finding a cash job. That's latest update, still love poker and you all. This break was wonderful.

I forgot to mention a few mistakes that I was too myopic to see earlier. One Proper bankroll is mandatory so my goal is to have 20 buy ins plus a years living expenses saved before playing, And another is having a better attitude towards winning and not celebrating wins either. So Plenty of meditation mindfulness and practicing gratitude combined with having a great attitude and enjoying the journey and the process. This goal helps motivate on days when I'm completely exhausted and need motivation to push through the hard times.

don’t play poker part time as a hobby man, play leagues of legend or something where you can’t lose money at least

Today after working almost everyday for 12 weeks straight and not playing any poker I woke up went to the gym and decided I have a day off its a beautiful day i will bike the 60 km round trip and head down to pure poker. I was depressed thinking about going and anxious, what if i waste my money? it takes 15 hours to earn 1.5 buys and i could lose that in a single hand essentially throwing 2 days of life away. but I knew if I applied everything I've learned in the last 3 months I would have a good shot. I had already built a very solid system on how to beat the game in the last 6 months, I just needed time away to regain perspective. I had become myopic due being entrenched in the casinos without adequate reprieve for too long. but somehow i picked up where I left off skill wise and my mind actually filled in my biggest weaknesses while I was resting. Rest and recovery is the most powerful tool. One mistake I made was combing life roll and poker roll (never again) keeping too small of a bank roll (never again) and also having entitlement tilt. While I can never say never in terms of conquering that dragon.

one thing I've done is work on my character defects, greed, laziness, comfort seeking, lying...
built a couple fences, worked very hard at every job i had which included throwing 200 bags of garbage over a 10 ft bing and each bag weighed 40-80 lbs which was very humbling and also the hardest job on my body i've done and 12 hours days.

I practice gratitude every day now which transforms me from being pessimistic into optimistic and pessimists' sound smart optimists get rich I always say.

Im just grateful someone trusted me to build them a fence and i was conscientious and competent enough to create a quality product.

I also practice humility my goal is poker is 10$/hr win rate.

I gameify everything now I tactic I learned on podcast, how long can I go without watching porn? focusing on every action in the game? without sugar? doing a few more things at work? going to bed early? basically with everything I don't want to do, I turn into into a mini game that lasts a few seconds each time to keep pushing past hard parts.

Pure has a promotion where if you play roughly 400 hours you get 850 rake back and entry into a free roll. I may just try to do that until oct 1. or go for a smaller rakeback time bracket. could use that to fund my trip to usa this winter and pay for half a months rent. luckily with every job I've chosen they are all independent contract roles so schedule very flexible.

I also discovered this therapist called healthy gamer on youtube and watching him consuel people has worked wonders on helping increase my emotional intelligence and my unresolved childhood issues such as fear of rejection and low self esteem.

so yes I'm very optimistic right now. I made 152 which included a meal and generous tips.
0-100k challenge starting over right now at 152$

also it was amazing to see everyone at the poker room
as Andrew Weil says reconnecting with old friends is one of the healthiest things you can do
as long as your friends are healthy and emotionally available enough to permit such a thing.
as I was biking to casino
6 people walking in two rows of 3 on sidewalk
not paying attention to me at all
I don't say a word I stop and let them pass me by then as im leaving they say "you cant ride your bike on sidewalk"
which is an absolute lie.
seems people won't hesitate to vilify you in order to absolve their shitty treatment of you and take no blame for their mistakes.
way back home 8 hours later it was only 11 pm but didn't see a single person out on the pathways
from a month when stampede was in town and hooting and hollering of drunk people to deafening silence today was surreal.
Felt like i had the whole city to myself.
Anyways I'm just grateful to be alive and healthy
Stay Classy Two plus Two

Not going to celebrate the win cause I could have easily lost today and was on track to
but I literlaly called my shot like babe ruth right before I left.
I said Im gonna double within the next nine hands then leave.
and so I did.
with 34off vs ak I open 10$ button bb raises 30
call flop aj4 bb lead 20 I go 55 he calls
turn 10 he check i go 65
river 3 bink city he check i go 120 he calls
funny thing is I was in Vancouver last summer I pretty sure I blogged about during my 4 hours there I played this villian and beat him there too and he just happened to be visiting in this exact moment and we played together again, thanks to my photographic memory I remembered him. he got pretty salty at the hand though.
i would have been completely content losing today cause I didn't tilt and had a good time and the cards didn't go my way in 4 key allins and I still grinded back. and I know if just one or of two those go my way next to which they should cause i was always 65% equity or better then good things will come eventually!

Went back today as I haven't committed to any other jobs as of right now and It was a nice day for a bike ride. We don't get too many of these in Canada so I'm taking full advantage whilst I can.
Today I noticed a huge flaw in my thought process. I never would have noticed it if I didn't gamify eliminating all distracting. I noticed myself instinctively reaching for my phone and opening instagram and facebook to doom scroll without even being conscious of doing it. very scary how automatically I do that ****. but as soon as I open the app I caught myself and closed it immediately, So to give the game my undivided attention. First hand i ran a all in bluff into top set on a k72 board so I was down a buy in with bluffing with 5% equity and had a real **** start. I convinced it was a fine play and was back in black within an hour. mostly just flopping nutted hands on limped pots and not betting too big to scare opponents off. Yesterday was tougher game today was better. Most of my hands held and I made 555$ for my br total 707$/100000$. Another thing i've done is too increase my emotional intelligence by constant observing my emotions and realizing they are not me. maybe most people already know that but to me it was a revelation. when i'm winning i feel good which distracts me and causes me to think about going to Vegas and not that the opponent in front of me is never bluffing in this spot and fold is the only play. But now I can reel my positive emotions (winners tilt) in quite quickly and keep playing my A game. Good things will come eventually!

Down 910 not sweating had some coolers mixed in and understand that swings are part of the game. Last hand of the night ep raises 15 2 callers I suss weakness. Shove 155. Folds to the last guy who calls with 55 and the board Runs out 532aq. Nothing to be ashamed off. Tried to play with the best and they got me this time. Current bankroll-203. Hiking tomorrow with a friend. Completely reseting the slate and keeping the growth mindset strong.