Mastering Mental Game and Mental Health
01-01-2021
, 01:21 PM
2020 Results. (TL;DR - you have been warned 
)
Yooo. I decided to do a yearly write-up because instagram has limited word count. 2020 was my best year in terms of poker results. I put this down to;
1) Corona virus. Being stuck at home for basically 2/3 of the year forced me to put in hours.
2) Running damn not at my highest limits
3) Intentional/time effective study. As many already know I study with Clanty. We do 2 sessions a week and this year has truly been ridiculous in the amount we have both learnt. I've gone from playing like a fish, to playing like a semi-fish.
4) Striking a balance between poker, work and life. Now this of course contradicts #1, but I still feel I have found the crème de la crème of routines:
Monday: See 'real life' clients for psychotherapy. No grind.
Tuesday: Work with poker players with mental game coaching and/or psychotherapy. No grind.
Wed+Fri: Bouldering.
Wed-sun: Grinding.
With time to socialise and spend time with my gf.
Interestingly, I definitely haven't had as many hours to grind this year, but because my week feels so evenly balanced, I wake up excited to grind every single day, even during periods of downswinging which means my monthly volume is very consistent.
Results
Graph in $
Graph in bb
Such a weird year. Plain sailing for 6 months, then BANG, bottom percentile run for a period, before top percentile heater all the way to the end of the year. I ran extremely well at my highest stake (basically all the EV coming from 2knl) and put in the best 3 months of my career in the back end of 2020! Here are results by month:
With a bit of staking and some results that didn't track, i think i ended almost exactly +200k.
Well-being for poker players
During lockdown, I went back and read some early posts from 2013/2014. I cannot believe how much I used to complain about losing, running bad and making adjustments such as not checking results as a way of avoiding the very natural feelings that arose around losing money day in day out.
Working with poker players on their tilt/motivation/miscellaneous issues has illuminated just how far I have come with my own journey of mental game. I attribute this almost entirely to my psychotherapy training and having had weekly therapy (my therapist knew NOTHING about poker before he met me). Although out of awareness at the time, my need for a non-judgmental and reflective space; to really grapple with what happens for me on an emotional level, not just in poker, but outside, was absolutely imperative in allowing me to continue to pursue poker successfully. I 100% believe that this is all any of us need in reaching the mental game we desire.
I've loved every minute of working alongside poker players and I'm really excited for what may happen in 2021. One of the things I've considered, is creating a workshop (a half day) where up to 10-20 people can join. The varying workshops will have different topics with exercises, take away homework and an opportunity to interact with me and ask questions. The main reason I wanna do this is because I have received a LOT of requests, have a full client load, and have a waitlist. It feels like more people could access my service and also pay less that 1-1 sessions. It's in the pipeline anyway so we'll see what happens.
Personal development - getting serious for a moment
Continuing on from the above, I ultimately feel that the work I have embarked upon in my therapy this year has solely been around my relationship to poker and psychotherapy; the role poker serves in my life: my desire to remain in control of my own vulnerability through playing poker, and psychotherapy, perhaps an internal way of 'evening things out'. I explored this in my dissertation and will put a snippet of one of the sections for reference:
Regardless of whether I have won or lost money in a game, I come away feeling almost nothing. There may be a faint sense that justice has been served if I win, but almost nothing if I have lost. Seldom a thought as to who I may have won money from. Later in that same day, I may be sitting with a client. I have reams of empathy for the person sitting in front of me, and yet, seemingly no compassion for the avatar sitting across the cyber poker table. I wonder what sense I can make of this apparent dissonance? When I try and feel into the notion that I could be sitting with a vulnerable person at the poker table, I simply cannot make an emotional connection with it. Perhaps this is because of the dehumanizing element of being unable to visually see my opponent. I can objectively identify this as a reality, but the perception is entirely cognitive. It is clear to me that there is a need for me to remain dissonant so as to allow myself to be a successful poker player. Wallin (2015) eloquently captures what I am unable to articulate by sharing, "that which we cannot verbalise, we tend to enact with others, to evoke in others, and/or to embody". Of course, this is just one example that demonstrates my need to remain emotionally suppressed while playing poker. I have no doubt there are many more unconscious needs that I am currently unaware of.
As mentioned in the last sentence, I am still journeying toward uncovering and understanding the unconscious fragments that may well reside under the surface. This is an ongoing goal for 2021 and beyond.
Throughout training it was a requirement to be in weekly therapy, but since ending my training I decided to continue. Probably the best thing I could have done and as always, something I recommend everyone to give a go!
Anyway, that's enough of the heavy af section
Mental health and looking after myself
I'm not gunna lie, I went pedal to the metal this year. Doing a 2 year MA in one year + corona + grind + poker study feels to have taken a toll. I didn't take enough breaks, mainly because I couldn't, but also because there was little else to do with lockdown. In 2021 I'm going to be more mindful in taking proper breaks for holidays and to recuperate often.
When it was allowed, I was bouldering twice a week and made some super sick advancements. Climbed a v6 slab (paging @cammycouch which was my personal best by a long way! In fairness slabs are my style and I'm still weak af on any type of overhang haha.
Other cliffs include turning 31, shaving my head (midlife crisis), fostering 2 cats (cue crazy cat couple), and took up skateboarding for the first time since I was 15. OK, fine, I've obviously lost the plot.
2021
Already covered some of this already but the goal for 2021 is to maintain my workload and study at a constant while taking breaks more regularly. I'm playing a lot more 1k and 2k, while playing multiple sites (500z still my highest volume by a LONG way), and am aiming to continue playing these games for the foreseeable future. The swings (albeit, there haven't been too many), particularly 2x-16k days, will take some getting used to, but I can safely say that I feel relatively un-phased by the increase in $ swings.
All in all I honestly feel an abundance of gratitude to still be able to perform at a level that allows me to make a sick living from this game while also pursuing another career I love equally. Long may that continue!
Oladipo made an epic post on just how much money there still is to be made from poker (check out his 2p2 post). I know that people have been saying poker is dying since the year I started playing (2008-2009), and yet I see so many people reaching new heights. It just goes to show that hard work and dedication really is all you need to succeed in poker. I imagine there are still several years left for those who are able/willing to prioritise it.
I'll leave you with a pic of my new setup ready for 2021.
Here's to a year of more freedom, crushing, prosperity, and less fkn corona virus.
Good luck and take care!
)Yooo. I decided to do a yearly write-up because instagram has limited word count. 2020 was my best year in terms of poker results. I put this down to;
1) Corona virus. Being stuck at home for basically 2/3 of the year forced me to put in hours.
2) Running damn not at my highest limits
3) Intentional/time effective study. As many already know I study with Clanty. We do 2 sessions a week and this year has truly been ridiculous in the amount we have both learnt. I've gone from playing like a fish, to playing like a semi-fish.
4) Striking a balance between poker, work and life. Now this of course contradicts #1, but I still feel I have found the crème de la crème of routines:
Monday: See 'real life' clients for psychotherapy. No grind.
Tuesday: Work with poker players with mental game coaching and/or psychotherapy. No grind.
Wed+Fri: Bouldering.
Wed-sun: Grinding.
With time to socialise and spend time with my gf.
Interestingly, I definitely haven't had as many hours to grind this year, but because my week feels so evenly balanced, I wake up excited to grind every single day, even during periods of downswinging which means my monthly volume is very consistent.
Results
Graph in $
Graph in bb
Such a weird year. Plain sailing for 6 months, then BANG, bottom percentile run for a period, before top percentile heater all the way to the end of the year. I ran extremely well at my highest stake (basically all the EV coming from 2knl) and put in the best 3 months of my career in the back end of 2020! Here are results by month:
With a bit of staking and some results that didn't track, i think i ended almost exactly +200k.
Well-being for poker players
During lockdown, I went back and read some early posts from 2013/2014. I cannot believe how much I used to complain about losing, running bad and making adjustments such as not checking results as a way of avoiding the very natural feelings that arose around losing money day in day out.
Working with poker players on their tilt/motivation/miscellaneous issues has illuminated just how far I have come with my own journey of mental game. I attribute this almost entirely to my psychotherapy training and having had weekly therapy (my therapist knew NOTHING about poker before he met me). Although out of awareness at the time, my need for a non-judgmental and reflective space; to really grapple with what happens for me on an emotional level, not just in poker, but outside, was absolutely imperative in allowing me to continue to pursue poker successfully. I 100% believe that this is all any of us need in reaching the mental game we desire.
I've loved every minute of working alongside poker players and I'm really excited for what may happen in 2021. One of the things I've considered, is creating a workshop (a half day) where up to 10-20 people can join. The varying workshops will have different topics with exercises, take away homework and an opportunity to interact with me and ask questions. The main reason I wanna do this is because I have received a LOT of requests, have a full client load, and have a waitlist. It feels like more people could access my service and also pay less that 1-1 sessions. It's in the pipeline anyway so we'll see what happens.
Personal development - getting serious for a moment
Continuing on from the above, I ultimately feel that the work I have embarked upon in my therapy this year has solely been around my relationship to poker and psychotherapy; the role poker serves in my life: my desire to remain in control of my own vulnerability through playing poker, and psychotherapy, perhaps an internal way of 'evening things out'. I explored this in my dissertation and will put a snippet of one of the sections for reference:
Regardless of whether I have won or lost money in a game, I come away feeling almost nothing. There may be a faint sense that justice has been served if I win, but almost nothing if I have lost. Seldom a thought as to who I may have won money from. Later in that same day, I may be sitting with a client. I have reams of empathy for the person sitting in front of me, and yet, seemingly no compassion for the avatar sitting across the cyber poker table. I wonder what sense I can make of this apparent dissonance? When I try and feel into the notion that I could be sitting with a vulnerable person at the poker table, I simply cannot make an emotional connection with it. Perhaps this is because of the dehumanizing element of being unable to visually see my opponent. I can objectively identify this as a reality, but the perception is entirely cognitive. It is clear to me that there is a need for me to remain dissonant so as to allow myself to be a successful poker player. Wallin (2015) eloquently captures what I am unable to articulate by sharing, "that which we cannot verbalise, we tend to enact with others, to evoke in others, and/or to embody". Of course, this is just one example that demonstrates my need to remain emotionally suppressed while playing poker. I have no doubt there are many more unconscious needs that I am currently unaware of.
As mentioned in the last sentence, I am still journeying toward uncovering and understanding the unconscious fragments that may well reside under the surface. This is an ongoing goal for 2021 and beyond.
Throughout training it was a requirement to be in weekly therapy, but since ending my training I decided to continue. Probably the best thing I could have done and as always, something I recommend everyone to give a go!
Anyway, that's enough of the heavy af section
Mental health and looking after myself
I'm not gunna lie, I went pedal to the metal this year. Doing a 2 year MA in one year + corona + grind + poker study feels to have taken a toll. I didn't take enough breaks, mainly because I couldn't, but also because there was little else to do with lockdown. In 2021 I'm going to be more mindful in taking proper breaks for holidays and to recuperate often.
When it was allowed, I was bouldering twice a week and made some super sick advancements. Climbed a v6 slab (paging @cammycouch which was my personal best by a long way! In fairness slabs are my style and I'm still weak af on any type of overhang haha.
Other cliffs include turning 31, shaving my head (midlife crisis), fostering 2 cats (cue crazy cat couple), and took up skateboarding for the first time since I was 15. OK, fine, I've obviously lost the plot.
2021
Already covered some of this already but the goal for 2021 is to maintain my workload and study at a constant while taking breaks more regularly. I'm playing a lot more 1k and 2k, while playing multiple sites (500z still my highest volume by a LONG way), and am aiming to continue playing these games for the foreseeable future. The swings (albeit, there haven't been too many), particularly 2x-16k days, will take some getting used to, but I can safely say that I feel relatively un-phased by the increase in $ swings.
All in all I honestly feel an abundance of gratitude to still be able to perform at a level that allows me to make a sick living from this game while also pursuing another career I love equally. Long may that continue!
Oladipo made an epic post on just how much money there still is to be made from poker (check out his 2p2 post). I know that people have been saying poker is dying since the year I started playing (2008-2009), and yet I see so many people reaching new heights. It just goes to show that hard work and dedication really is all you need to succeed in poker. I imagine there are still several years left for those who are able/willing to prioritise it.
I'll leave you with a pic of my new setup ready for 2021.
Here's to a year of more freedom, crushing, prosperity, and less fkn corona virus.
Good luck and take care!
Last edited by BenaBadBeat; 01-01-2021 at 01:34 PM.
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