The Long Walk to Freedom: WalmartCNXN
10-23-2019
, 07:27 PM
10-23-2019
, 09:50 PM
1/3 
10-23-2019
, 10:45 PM
11-01-2019
, 03:02 AM
Sup guys hope all is well
The gambling swings have been pretty intense lately. From poker, to DFS, to sports betting, to pit games it's been quite volatile.
Been losing heaps in DFS lately due to the insane variance of the GPPs with thousands of runners and extreme top heaviness. I don't really think I'm overly +EV there, maybe 2-3% ROI but it's just gambling more than anything really. On the bright side my friend and I were running a swap and one of his entries shipped so we're going to the "World Fantasy Hockey Championships" in Nashville in February. Pretty stoked for that it's an all expenses paid trip+cash+compete for 100k vs. 39 others in the final.
Overall, I've just been running so insanely pure this whole year and it's hard to believe I'm the same guy 1 year ago that was having to sell 60% of himself in 30$ tournaments and was close to quitting the game or selling my condo. I've been so fortunate to have another shot at poker because I pretty easily could have been forced into some menial job to make ends meet.
------
The Gambling Paradox
The first time in my life where I recognized that I really enjoyed gambling was when I was camping with my family and there was this "Charity Casino" in a tent on the campground. It was just a fundraiser and meant to be for fun. My parents might have given me a few dollars to go donate to one of the casino games.
Immediately I saw a game that had a couple of lanes filled with water and goldfish swimming in each lane. Players could bet which fish they thought would win etc etc. I was instantly hooked on betting on the fish and watching them race.
As soon as I returned home from the trip I went into my garage and built a "frog race track". While the other kids were out playing "grounders" at the park or doing cannon ball competitions I was there building a ****ing race track for amphibians.
After building the track I set up shop on my parent's front lawn and was ready to start accepting wagers. One of the neighbours came by with her son and asked "can my son play with you and your frogs?" I quickly explained that this was a betting ring and asked if "she would like to place a bet?" Needless to say my frog betting operation was quickly shut down.
The next thing was "play" gambling games for play money. Anyone ever play Pokemon on the GameBoy? If you remember the slot machine in "Goldenrod City"? The amount of time I spent on that stupid thing tilts me...Then there was the Neopets games etc etc.
Something about me just really liked gambling from a young age.
We all know how the story progressed from there. Graduate high school/find poker/play poker with friends/play poker in pubs/find online poker/find casino poker. I can't even describe how much energy/time/sacrifice has went into a card game! It blows my ****ing mind actually and almost makes me a little bit sick to think about.
I think we spend so much time as poker players trying to deflect criticisms from the outside world about gambling addiction. We've all had to explain to our parents, friends, passersby that "this is a skill game" and "it's calculated risk". We have to keep preaching the same song and I think many of us are actually in denial that we're unhealthily obsessed with this game.
It's to the point in my career where my parents/friends have seen my success and what I've been through in this game that they respect my grind and don't pass judgement anymore. The ironic part about this is that the more supportive my peers/family are of this game is that my recognition for addiction within the game and myself grows.
It's like I realize how much this game consumes me/us sometimes but it gets put under the guise of "hard working" or "professional". All of a sudden it becomes "ok" to sit at your computer screen for 50 hours a week because you're a "winning player".
Yeah, I've worked damn hard at this game but I'd be lying if that hard work wasn't sometimes fueled by the addiction of getting a big score. I only have some minor regrets and it's been a hell of a ride!
I guess the point I'm trying to get at, mostly is to remind myself that this is only a game at the end of the day. We can talk wins/losses/70/30s til the sun comes up but none of it really matters. This is a reminder to myself to stop gambling on -EV **** and to put this game to the side on my days off and do other stuff.
This reg is gonna take a day or two off, maybe hit up an NFL game on Sunday and skip the grind
PS: Not trying to make it all negative and say all poker players are gambling addicts etc. Just took a step back and realized how much "sweating" I was doing day to day that it was starting to consume me. More of a self-reminder to get out and enjoy myself in the moment/life live
Cheers mehts
The gambling swings have been pretty intense lately. From poker, to DFS, to sports betting, to pit games it's been quite volatile.
Been losing heaps in DFS lately due to the insane variance of the GPPs with thousands of runners and extreme top heaviness. I don't really think I'm overly +EV there, maybe 2-3% ROI but it's just gambling more than anything really. On the bright side my friend and I were running a swap and one of his entries shipped so we're going to the "World Fantasy Hockey Championships" in Nashville in February. Pretty stoked for that it's an all expenses paid trip+cash+compete for 100k vs. 39 others in the final.
Overall, I've just been running so insanely pure this whole year and it's hard to believe I'm the same guy 1 year ago that was having to sell 60% of himself in 30$ tournaments and was close to quitting the game or selling my condo. I've been so fortunate to have another shot at poker because I pretty easily could have been forced into some menial job to make ends meet.
------
The Gambling Paradox
The first time in my life where I recognized that I really enjoyed gambling was when I was camping with my family and there was this "Charity Casino" in a tent on the campground. It was just a fundraiser and meant to be for fun. My parents might have given me a few dollars to go donate to one of the casino games.
Immediately I saw a game that had a couple of lanes filled with water and goldfish swimming in each lane. Players could bet which fish they thought would win etc etc. I was instantly hooked on betting on the fish and watching them race.
As soon as I returned home from the trip I went into my garage and built a "frog race track". While the other kids were out playing "grounders" at the park or doing cannon ball competitions I was there building a ****ing race track for amphibians.
After building the track I set up shop on my parent's front lawn and was ready to start accepting wagers. One of the neighbours came by with her son and asked "can my son play with you and your frogs?" I quickly explained that this was a betting ring and asked if "she would like to place a bet?" Needless to say my frog betting operation was quickly shut down.
The next thing was "play" gambling games for play money. Anyone ever play Pokemon on the GameBoy? If you remember the slot machine in "Goldenrod City"? The amount of time I spent on that stupid thing tilts me...Then there was the Neopets games etc etc.
Something about me just really liked gambling from a young age.
We all know how the story progressed from there. Graduate high school/find poker/play poker with friends/play poker in pubs/find online poker/find casino poker. I can't even describe how much energy/time/sacrifice has went into a card game! It blows my ****ing mind actually and almost makes me a little bit sick to think about.
I think we spend so much time as poker players trying to deflect criticisms from the outside world about gambling addiction. We've all had to explain to our parents, friends, passersby that "this is a skill game" and "it's calculated risk". We have to keep preaching the same song and I think many of us are actually in denial that we're unhealthily obsessed with this game.
It's to the point in my career where my parents/friends have seen my success and what I've been through in this game that they respect my grind and don't pass judgement anymore. The ironic part about this is that the more supportive my peers/family are of this game is that my recognition for addiction within the game and myself grows.
It's like I realize how much this game consumes me/us sometimes but it gets put under the guise of "hard working" or "professional". All of a sudden it becomes "ok" to sit at your computer screen for 50 hours a week because you're a "winning player".
Yeah, I've worked damn hard at this game but I'd be lying if that hard work wasn't sometimes fueled by the addiction of getting a big score. I only have some minor regrets and it's been a hell of a ride!
I guess the point I'm trying to get at, mostly is to remind myself that this is only a game at the end of the day. We can talk wins/losses/70/30s til the sun comes up but none of it really matters. This is a reminder to myself to stop gambling on -EV **** and to put this game to the side on my days off and do other stuff.
This reg is gonna take a day or two off, maybe hit up an NFL game on Sunday and skip the grind
PS: Not trying to make it all negative and say all poker players are gambling addicts etc. Just took a step back and realized how much "sweating" I was doing day to day that it was starting to consume me. More of a self-reminder to get out and enjoy myself in the moment/life live
Cheers mehts
11-11-2019
, 04:24 AM
I just wanna get it off my chest that I feel physically sick about nut bubbling a PP Millions Bahamas 16k package finishing 7th when I was chip leading with 9 left. Some skill gamer made a horrendous spite call with AQ when i ripped Q9ss and he probably should have been calling like QQ+ or something. Then AK lost to AQ and some other suckout.
Here was the bust hand: https://gyazo.com/f9a02fabbc63aa4ae34ebb25101a3c34
On the nut bubble. Guy to my left was guy who a spite call type player so I sorta felt like my shoves don't have nearly as much FE as other players. Ended up calling and lost to T2. In hindsight pretty sure we need to fold this but I'd be lying if getting sucked out/spite called so many times had me immensely frustrated. Anyways, GL to those guys in Bahamas hope they have fun.
In other non-depressing news your boy was at it again for a ~13k score. 4 left 1st was >30k I open A6o on BTN aggro af guy 3 bets and I sorta spite jammed it in for ~33bbs. ICM blunder etc etc but hey just didn't give him credit it is what it is sometimes reads are wrong
--------------
Hands:
https://www.boomplayer.com/31891903_9F4E9E9060
think this is good. I/other players imo have a tendency to underbluff in spots that there is a reasonable likelihood they will get snapped by nut hands. Seems like a great runout to bluff/great hand to do it with?
https://www.boomplayer.com/31886182_2CE0122A02
interesting hand vs a decent reg here. feel like it's good if we can make some assumptions about his range/his perception of mine?
https://www.boomplayer.com/31859367_BD50AEF8BE
sigh felt gross. feels like a spot villains have heaps of bluffs on turn but they seem to be nitty on following through on rivers maybe I'm wrong. Sorta the nut river to call probably.
------------
Separating From Entitlement
It's damn easy in this game when running below EV to start feeling sorry for ourselves. I mean, I've been so fkn fortunate in this game and ran so pure in so many spots in my career. Every time I've won a tournament recently I coolered or sucked somebody out along the way. If I was to go back in the past and tell my 26 year old self that my 27th year was going to contain this much run good I wouldn't be able to believe it! My 26 year old self selling 60% of himself in the Big 33 every night trying to fend off the seemingly inevitable fate of "going busto"....would probably slap himself thinking it was a dream
Regardless of all of the positive fortune 2019 brought along there I was RAGING about bubbling a package because I got ****ed pretty hard. Yeah, there's no doubt about it. There's also reason to assume I made a huge ICM blunder and that's on me. "Why did I deserve this fate and not the guy making a -10k in EV call off with AQ?"
This whole trap of feeling like we're owed something is a toxic slope to slide down. Wallowing in our misfortunes didn't do anything for our future self other than to provide an outlet of self-pity. "It wasn't our fault, it was the run bad".
It's a pattern I see in myself all too often and makes me cringe. I need to stop being an idiot and accept that this is all part of the game and sometimes mistakes happen and sometimes we run bad and don't get the result that we're hoping for. Ironically, in tournament grinding you actually get negative reinforcement (results wise) most days. If you fall into the trap of thinking you're owed something or get envious of others it's a long, long, looooong way down
Mindset shift: Ever find yourself feeling jealous/envious/hating on others? (ie. yeah that guy's gf is ugly, he prob had a tiny piece of his win, yeah she's hot but prob hates her life etc etc)...we all know it's toxic but almost all of us do it. Does it really make you feel better about yourself?
The book suggested a mindset exercise to "think positive **** for 1. someone you like 2. someone you're neutral on 3. someone you dislike".
For example if you really hate a guy you work with practise thinking **** like "being happy for his new promotion" and picture yourself feeling good in his shoes. It didn't fully cheer me up today and I'd be lying if I still wasn't tilted af but picturing the guys who won that satty today having a nice vacation in the Bahamas and playing poker there etc made me feel a lot better. Hopefully next time it's me though
Don't mean to sound too preachy here but seriously try it out.
----------
Week Ahead:
-Play very little poker. Maybe 1-2 sessions.
-Price out/purchase flooring
-Look for new appliances
-Buy paint for my place
-Start renovations
-Gym like a savage and eat like a non-savage
-Got this plan for my office to have a standing desk and then 3 monitors on adjustable arms (to optimize posture and comfort). Then get a TV mounted above to watch **** or put up sweats when my friends are deep in stuff.
https://gyazo.com/b64f877de661cc40b6466d10e1feed98
(Something like that)
Gonna change this thread up a little bit from massive ranting etc to a little bit more reader friendly/hold myself a bit more accountable. Will show you guys before/after renovations pictures and maybe some other sht who knows?
Thanks for reading and hope you guys have a good week
Here was the bust hand: https://gyazo.com/f9a02fabbc63aa4ae34ebb25101a3c34
On the nut bubble. Guy to my left was guy who a spite call type player so I sorta felt like my shoves don't have nearly as much FE as other players. Ended up calling and lost to T2. In hindsight pretty sure we need to fold this but I'd be lying if getting sucked out/spite called so many times had me immensely frustrated. Anyways, GL to those guys in Bahamas hope they have fun.
In other non-depressing news your boy was at it again for a ~13k score. 4 left 1st was >30k I open A6o on BTN aggro af guy 3 bets and I sorta spite jammed it in for ~33bbs. ICM blunder etc etc but hey just didn't give him credit it is what it is sometimes reads are wrong
--------------
Hands:
https://www.boomplayer.com/31891903_9F4E9E9060
think this is good. I/other players imo have a tendency to underbluff in spots that there is a reasonable likelihood they will get snapped by nut hands. Seems like a great runout to bluff/great hand to do it with?
https://www.boomplayer.com/31886182_2CE0122A02
interesting hand vs a decent reg here. feel like it's good if we can make some assumptions about his range/his perception of mine?
https://www.boomplayer.com/31859367_BD50AEF8BE
sigh felt gross. feels like a spot villains have heaps of bluffs on turn but they seem to be nitty on following through on rivers maybe I'm wrong. Sorta the nut river to call probably.
------------
Separating From Entitlement
It's damn easy in this game when running below EV to start feeling sorry for ourselves. I mean, I've been so fkn fortunate in this game and ran so pure in so many spots in my career. Every time I've won a tournament recently I coolered or sucked somebody out along the way. If I was to go back in the past and tell my 26 year old self that my 27th year was going to contain this much run good I wouldn't be able to believe it! My 26 year old self selling 60% of himself in the Big 33 every night trying to fend off the seemingly inevitable fate of "going busto"....would probably slap himself thinking it was a dream
Regardless of all of the positive fortune 2019 brought along there I was RAGING about bubbling a package because I got ****ed pretty hard. Yeah, there's no doubt about it. There's also reason to assume I made a huge ICM blunder and that's on me. "Why did I deserve this fate and not the guy making a -10k in EV call off with AQ?"
This whole trap of feeling like we're owed something is a toxic slope to slide down. Wallowing in our misfortunes didn't do anything for our future self other than to provide an outlet of self-pity. "It wasn't our fault, it was the run bad".
It's a pattern I see in myself all too often and makes me cringe. I need to stop being an idiot and accept that this is all part of the game and sometimes mistakes happen and sometimes we run bad and don't get the result that we're hoping for. Ironically, in tournament grinding you actually get negative reinforcement (results wise) most days. If you fall into the trap of thinking you're owed something or get envious of others it's a long, long, looooong way down
Mindset shift: Ever find yourself feeling jealous/envious/hating on others? (ie. yeah that guy's gf is ugly, he prob had a tiny piece of his win, yeah she's hot but prob hates her life etc etc)...we all know it's toxic but almost all of us do it. Does it really make you feel better about yourself?
The book suggested a mindset exercise to "think positive **** for 1. someone you like 2. someone you're neutral on 3. someone you dislike".
For example if you really hate a guy you work with practise thinking **** like "being happy for his new promotion" and picture yourself feeling good in his shoes. It didn't fully cheer me up today and I'd be lying if I still wasn't tilted af but picturing the guys who won that satty today having a nice vacation in the Bahamas and playing poker there etc made me feel a lot better. Hopefully next time it's me though
Don't mean to sound too preachy here but seriously try it out.
----------
Week Ahead:
-Play very little poker. Maybe 1-2 sessions.
-Price out/purchase flooring
-Look for new appliances
-Buy paint for my place
-Start renovations
-Gym like a savage and eat like a non-savage
-Got this plan for my office to have a standing desk and then 3 monitors on adjustable arms (to optimize posture and comfort). Then get a TV mounted above to watch **** or put up sweats when my friends are deep in stuff.
https://gyazo.com/b64f877de661cc40b6466d10e1feed98
(Something like that)
Gonna change this thread up a little bit from massive ranting etc to a little bit more reader friendly/hold myself a bit more accountable. Will show you guys before/after renovations pictures and maybe some other sht who knows?
Thanks for reading and hope you guys have a good week
11-13-2019
, 06:21 PM
ty man
---------
Just wanted to come in to post a few hands from my session yesterday. Heater continues with a couple more nice scores.
https://www.boomplayer.com/31902885_F03E2B3AC5
this spot was super gross vs brazillian "reg". theoretically i think we have an easy call here but imo villain likes to think he has tonnes of bluffs here but in reality probably doesnt play bluffs this way? i mean, vs my perceived range i think it's super dangerous cuz I can just snap AA/KK/maybe some 8x bluffs etc. maybe he perceives the flop check as weak idk (FWIW he was opening large from SB into my BB maybe 12/15 things and limped the other 3 or something, i 3 bet him as a bluff once)...anyways what yall think?
https://www.boomplayer.com/31902479_D23DBC4D53
hands from the hood vs. a loose monk. this is probably bad on my end but he folded tens face up to my suprise.
https://www.boomplayer.com/31902271_C7A97994FA
reg snapped me here with red kings. i can have some AA traps here etc but I guess his call is fine if he presumes I'm bluffing JT/KT combos almost always...let's be honest im a nit though and he can call Ax+
https://www.boomplayer.com/31901465_9496569674
ul m8
-------
Thanks for reading homies lmk if u got any thoughts or constructive criticisms. GLGL
---------
Just wanted to come in to post a few hands from my session yesterday. Heater continues with a couple more nice scores.
https://www.boomplayer.com/31902885_F03E2B3AC5
this spot was super gross vs brazillian "reg". theoretically i think we have an easy call here but imo villain likes to think he has tonnes of bluffs here but in reality probably doesnt play bluffs this way? i mean, vs my perceived range i think it's super dangerous cuz I can just snap AA/KK/maybe some 8x bluffs etc. maybe he perceives the flop check as weak idk (FWIW he was opening large from SB into my BB maybe 12/15 things and limped the other 3 or something, i 3 bet him as a bluff once)...anyways what yall think?
https://www.boomplayer.com/31902479_D23DBC4D53
hands from the hood vs. a loose monk. this is probably bad on my end but he folded tens face up to my suprise.
https://www.boomplayer.com/31902271_C7A97994FA
reg snapped me here with red kings. i can have some AA traps here etc but I guess his call is fine if he presumes I'm bluffing JT/KT combos almost always...let's be honest im a nit though and he can call Ax+
https://www.boomplayer.com/31901465_9496569674
ul m8
-------
Thanks for reading homies lmk if u got any thoughts or constructive criticisms. GLGL
11-18-2019
, 04:58 PM
Quote:
-JJ hand imo he can have a ton of "value" combo draws shoving there (not too much boats imo) and u are blocking 0% (for ex T9hh/cc/A7cc J9cc/hh JTcc/hh etc) honestly i dont think he will shove Kx,8x there with thats SPR on that turn
-T7s i think your flop raise vs that sizing without specific reads (that guy is Cbeting pot 100%) if very bad opening yourself for him to shove on you.... but any way on the plus side https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S7xie1EIf0
-T7s i think your flop raise vs that sizing without specific reads (that guy is Cbeting pot 100%) if very bad opening yourself for him to shove on you.... but any way on the plus side https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1S7xie1EIf0
-T7: yeah the villain was super loose/fish and was c betting pot every time. In hindsight I'd just call flop though agree.
Thx for your thoughts and the vid
11-18-2019
, 05:53 PM
Sup lads?
Every time I end up at my buddy's cottage (2-3 hour drive away) on a weekend I end up drinking a bunch and smoking a heap of weed. Yet every time I insist on waking up under slept on Sunday morning and driving home early in a rush to make it home for the Sunday grind. Unsurprisingly, it usually ends up losing a bunch of $ and being tired/tilted/regretting playing.
Bullets were flying everywhere yesterday and ended up down ~4-5k which is probably one of my worst Sunday sessions ever. ABI has been increasing lots this year so I guess it's par for the course really!
Anyways, had a really good weekend regardless and I'd be lying if I said things weren't pretty good right now.
-------
Poker: I mean, this year couldn't have went any better so far. Probably in the top 1% of run good with some live scores and then here is a screenshot of online results: https://gyazo.com/5c920dbe9ef1b0568068fbc8fad4c5af
Graph is missing some results but it paints a fair picture of the run good. I've game selected 28409274x better than I did in 2018 and had some major shifts in mindset and overall strategic mindset. Probably going to wrap the year up with 1-2 good live stops (hopefully somewhere warm!) and a decent volume online/try to satty into live stuff.
Health
If you read this thread with any frequency you'll be quite familiar with this tune: there's been low to moderate progression. I continue to go to the gym regularly, maybe 3-4x/week but my workouts sometimes lack intensity and I struggle to push myself in that atmosphere. Generally do like 20-30 minutes of cardio and then lift weights for ~40 minutes or something. Nutrition has always been the Achille's heel and I go through spurts of "all or nothing" but consistency/discipline REALLY struggles.
Really eats away at me (no pun intended) that I can't get this under control for a 6 month+ span because my GTO life entails being ~60 lbs. lighter. It probably sounds stupid but I think I need a coach or mentor or something to keep me under control for ~3 months because I'm not getting the results I want on my own.
Mindset Shift
Late Summer of this year I went out for a round of golf one morning. The courses usually like it if you are in groups of 4 people for traffic efficiency reasons so they paired me up with 3 other random guys.
Towards the end of the round the one guy was asking me what I did for a living and then I told him "I play cards". The usual questions followed and I was telling him I went to Uni for business and intended to quit playing after I paid for Uni but here I am 3 years later still putting in volume.
The guy was telling me how sometimes we can't really plan for things and life just kind of "happens". It's kind of funny how society seems so obsessed with "planning for the future". Like when you're 12 years old in grade school they're already priming you for University programs and shaping your mindset around "planning for the future". Then when you're in University they're prepping you for a career, and when you're in a career they're prepping you for retirement, and when you're in retirement they're prepping you for uhmm death I guess?
A lot of times randomness dictates our life and we can't really control it. Imo stressing too much about the future or past causes a world of anxiety. A problem free life only exists in a utopia. It actually feels like life is all about problem solving really (in a weird way), kinda like poker. We can dwell, worry, and fixate on problems until the sun comes up but embracing/accepting them as part of the journey seems to be much easier on the mind.
Just gotta ignore the noise sometimes and enjoy yourself taking it 1 hand at a time
Every time I end up at my buddy's cottage (2-3 hour drive away) on a weekend I end up drinking a bunch and smoking a heap of weed. Yet every time I insist on waking up under slept on Sunday morning and driving home early in a rush to make it home for the Sunday grind. Unsurprisingly, it usually ends up losing a bunch of $ and being tired/tilted/regretting playing.
Bullets were flying everywhere yesterday and ended up down ~4-5k which is probably one of my worst Sunday sessions ever. ABI has been increasing lots this year so I guess it's par for the course really!
Anyways, had a really good weekend regardless and I'd be lying if I said things weren't pretty good right now.
-------
Poker: I mean, this year couldn't have went any better so far. Probably in the top 1% of run good with some live scores and then here is a screenshot of online results: https://gyazo.com/5c920dbe9ef1b0568068fbc8fad4c5af
Graph is missing some results but it paints a fair picture of the run good. I've game selected 28409274x better than I did in 2018 and had some major shifts in mindset and overall strategic mindset. Probably going to wrap the year up with 1-2 good live stops (hopefully somewhere warm!) and a decent volume online/try to satty into live stuff.
Health
If you read this thread with any frequency you'll be quite familiar with this tune: there's been low to moderate progression. I continue to go to the gym regularly, maybe 3-4x/week but my workouts sometimes lack intensity and I struggle to push myself in that atmosphere. Generally do like 20-30 minutes of cardio and then lift weights for ~40 minutes or something. Nutrition has always been the Achille's heel and I go through spurts of "all or nothing" but consistency/discipline REALLY struggles.
Really eats away at me (no pun intended) that I can't get this under control for a 6 month+ span because my GTO life entails being ~60 lbs. lighter. It probably sounds stupid but I think I need a coach or mentor or something to keep me under control for ~3 months because I'm not getting the results I want on my own.
Mindset Shift
Late Summer of this year I went out for a round of golf one morning. The courses usually like it if you are in groups of 4 people for traffic efficiency reasons so they paired me up with 3 other random guys.
Towards the end of the round the one guy was asking me what I did for a living and then I told him "I play cards". The usual questions followed and I was telling him I went to Uni for business and intended to quit playing after I paid for Uni but here I am 3 years later still putting in volume.
The guy was telling me how sometimes we can't really plan for things and life just kind of "happens". It's kind of funny how society seems so obsessed with "planning for the future". Like when you're 12 years old in grade school they're already priming you for University programs and shaping your mindset around "planning for the future". Then when you're in University they're prepping you for a career, and when you're in a career they're prepping you for retirement, and when you're in retirement they're prepping you for uhmm death I guess?
A lot of times randomness dictates our life and we can't really control it. Imo stressing too much about the future or past causes a world of anxiety. A problem free life only exists in a utopia. It actually feels like life is all about problem solving really (in a weird way), kinda like poker. We can dwell, worry, and fixate on problems until the sun comes up but embracing/accepting them as part of the journey seems to be much easier on the mind.
Just gotta ignore the noise sometimes and enjoy yourself taking it 1 hand at a time
11-19-2019
, 02:48 PM
11-19-2019
, 05:45 PM
ty man been a crazy run couldn't have asked for much more.
thx! i actually just finished 1 month of one. was getting 2 meals per day. it was decent but there were some inconveniences (outside of the price) that I probably won't do it again.
met with my friend this morning for coffee who is a personal trainer at a gym and he gave me a solid conversation and advice. i think what im gonna do is: 1. hire trainer 3 sessions per week (maybe him) that can make sure i work hard/properly in the gym and hold me accountable for diet, 2. see a nutritionist or a meal planner or something, 3. seek some type of council that can help me work through the bad habits
this is def the most important thing to me right now and i keep ****ing up. i don't even really care about price because imo you can't really put a $ sign on health goals and i often punt $ on stupid **** without blinking an eye yet i find ways to ***** about spending 30$ an hour for training
(sorry for the side tangent but wanted to sorta outline the plan)
met with my friend this morning for coffee who is a personal trainer at a gym and he gave me a solid conversation and advice. i think what im gonna do is: 1. hire trainer 3 sessions per week (maybe him) that can make sure i work hard/properly in the gym and hold me accountable for diet, 2. see a nutritionist or a meal planner or something, 3. seek some type of council that can help me work through the bad habits
this is def the most important thing to me right now and i keep ****ing up. i don't even really care about price because imo you can't really put a $ sign on health goals and i often punt $ on stupid **** without blinking an eye yet i find ways to ***** about spending 30$ an hour for training
(sorry for the side tangent but wanted to sorta outline the plan)
12-03-2019
, 03:11 AM
Sup lads, just coming in for a quick post before bed. Not a whole lot to write home about other than some wins/losses etc. FT'd the big 109 on Sunday and ran AK into AA vs a guy opening probably 40% in the spot so pretty sick but meh. Stayed on the grind and got rewarded with luckboxing the cooldown for ~18k. Today's session was one of the worst in memory straight bricking ~5k in buy ins but did win a 2650 venom seat if that's any consolation...maybe I can spin it up into a millyyyyy?
Hands For Lurkers
https://www.boomplayer.com/32005920_70C1F32706
gut instinct was that villain does not lead this sizing for value on the turn maybe ever? Sizing seems indicative of like weak pair + draw type stuff...might be a punt on jamming over the click back and jamming folds out some bluffs but given spr etc think it's a big win to fold out any holding with equity...just felt like i had the best hand
https://www.boomplayer.com/32005575_C2169D932D
felt pretty gross calling down. fairly poor bluff catcher imo mostly because we block bluffs and this isn't really a spot I see population bluffing. his bluff feels like a huge punt maybe you could make an argument for it being good with certain assumptions.
https://www.boomplayer.com/32002500_8B0A7F6B7A
OOL. value range is 78 and 2 pair not sure we should be going this ham with flush draw holdings but blocking 78/J8 facing a capped-ish range maybe it's not bad. got the tank fold anyways.
https://www.boomplayer.com/32002025_CEFCB3CA40
OOL or decent?
Didn't mark any hands I actually lost which might be a leak. Above hands prob make me look like massive punter but trust me I ain't that aggro haha
--------
Random Poker Thought
After a bunch of beers at a get together this weekend I met a cool dude who was asking me about poker etc. He was saying poker intrigued him but had never really gotten into it/he's much more of a chess enthusiast.
Anyways, he was telling me how he's felt a little hopeless in chess lately because the guys at the top of the game all appear to have these absurdly high IQs but they are dwarfed by modern computers. It's kind of like no matter what you can't ever have the capability to compete with the greats. That's kinda how I feel in poker sometimes like after all this work/time/energy/thought/study I've put into this game and I still have sooo many things separating me from the absolute elite guys. The complexities of this game are so enormous that I don't think the human mind can ever conquer it. I'll keep trying...
Due to a few too many beers my memory is foggy of the exact details of what he was saying but basically there was a program made by grand masters or something that couldn't be beat or smth. Another group put together HEAPS of computing power and made a bot that was given only one thing: the rules of chess. that was the only thing it knew.
The bot ran 24/7 (I think) for months with this absurd computing power and after a while improvements started to ramp up exponentially...and I think now he said this bot crushes the former #1. The new bot has been creating lines that baffle the greatest minds in chess and is changing the way the best in the world play.
Not to turn this into a fk GTO rant or anything but lets put it this way...I think PIO is massively flawed/basic and a "truly optimal" NLH tournament strategy may not ever be built. You could make a pretty damn good one making basic assumptions about player types but the perfect tourney bot might not ever be a thing. our minds are way too inferior to build a strategy that encompasses "the entire true game tree" (if that even makes sense?)
I got got good news boys:
Have a good week e1 and see ya at the tables
Hands For Lurkers
https://www.boomplayer.com/32005920_70C1F32706
gut instinct was that villain does not lead this sizing for value on the turn maybe ever? Sizing seems indicative of like weak pair + draw type stuff...might be a punt on jamming over the click back and jamming folds out some bluffs but given spr etc think it's a big win to fold out any holding with equity...just felt like i had the best hand
https://www.boomplayer.com/32005575_C2169D932D
felt pretty gross calling down. fairly poor bluff catcher imo mostly because we block bluffs and this isn't really a spot I see population bluffing. his bluff feels like a huge punt maybe you could make an argument for it being good with certain assumptions.
https://www.boomplayer.com/32002500_8B0A7F6B7A
OOL. value range is 78 and 2 pair not sure we should be going this ham with flush draw holdings but blocking 78/J8 facing a capped-ish range maybe it's not bad. got the tank fold anyways.
https://www.boomplayer.com/32002025_CEFCB3CA40
OOL or decent?
Didn't mark any hands I actually lost which might be a leak. Above hands prob make me look like massive punter but trust me I ain't that aggro haha
--------
Random Poker Thought
After a bunch of beers at a get together this weekend I met a cool dude who was asking me about poker etc. He was saying poker intrigued him but had never really gotten into it/he's much more of a chess enthusiast.
Anyways, he was telling me how he's felt a little hopeless in chess lately because the guys at the top of the game all appear to have these absurdly high IQs but they are dwarfed by modern computers. It's kind of like no matter what you can't ever have the capability to compete with the greats. That's kinda how I feel in poker sometimes like after all this work/time/energy/thought/study I've put into this game and I still have sooo many things separating me from the absolute elite guys. The complexities of this game are so enormous that I don't think the human mind can ever conquer it. I'll keep trying...
Due to a few too many beers my memory is foggy of the exact details of what he was saying but basically there was a program made by grand masters or something that couldn't be beat or smth. Another group put together HEAPS of computing power and made a bot that was given only one thing: the rules of chess. that was the only thing it knew.
The bot ran 24/7 (I think) for months with this absurd computing power and after a while improvements started to ramp up exponentially...and I think now he said this bot crushes the former #1. The new bot has been creating lines that baffle the greatest minds in chess and is changing the way the best in the world play.
Spoiler:
Not to turn this into a fk GTO rant or anything but lets put it this way...I think PIO is massively flawed/basic and a "truly optimal" NLH tournament strategy may not ever be built. You could make a pretty damn good one making basic assumptions about player types but the perfect tourney bot might not ever be a thing. our minds are way too inferior to build a strategy that encompasses "the entire true game tree" (if that even makes sense?)
I got got good news boys:
Spoiler:
Have a good week e1 and see ya at the tables
12-09-2019
, 03:28 AM
So Long to the Decade
It was either right near the end of 2018 or right at the beginning of 2019 that I found myself stone broke. I was getting swamped by bills left and right and I couldn't even afford my condo fees of like ~300$/a month. Times were dire and it felt like the harder I tried the further poker would push me down.
Crunch time with bills had arrived and if you've ever been in that spot before it ****ing sucks to ask. I had to swallow my pride one night and drive home and explain everything to my parents how words couldn't even describe the run I was on. I really thought they would help me out with a little bit of cash but they told me "if you can't afford to stay afloat it's time to get a job". They wouldn't give me a dime unless I went and got a job. (I thank them for that by the way because that would have been the easy way out...I needed to experience "busto".
I was storming out of the house and my dad said "go get a job!!!" My reply was "you remember this conversation dad! You ****in remember this!"
So I hopped into my car and drove home that night RAGING. I came home and grinded bowl comp tourneys literally all night long until I couldn't keep my eyes open with "Me Against the World" by Tupac on repeat for probably 7 hours. I wish I could say things turned there and I went on a huge upswing that night but nah I couldn't even win in the big 2.20 field. I'd be lying if a small tear or two wasn't shed.
Literally had about 48 hours before a bunch of "mandatory" bills were due and my cash flow was approximately -5k. I called up my friend and told him I was going to sell my condo and go get a job but I'd need maybe 500$ to get me through until I can get a pay cheque. He told me "look man you have your ****ing finger on the pulse of this game. You're a sicko and I believe in you." He snap sent me 10k and he just said "if the roles are ever reversed remember this."
I used a decent chunk of that just to get even with bills or anywhere I owed money. I figured I'd try my hand at live poker and drove to the local casino 1/3 game. 1st session: up 900, 2nd session: up 300..."oh wow this is easy!"...3rd session...-1200. About 30 hours of grinding for a hundred bucks. After calculating fuel and food costs that left me with a profit of about 3.50$.
I deduced that having old nits limp jamming 300$ stacks with AA all day was a waste of my time and I just didn't have the spirits or sanity for this grind.
I pounded sand for a few more weeks and the 10k loan was down to approximately 2500$ and the Fallsview Classic was the following week. The buy ins were 1100,2500, and 5300. I booked my hotel room there for the week and sort of in the back of my mind figured "there's a good chance I go broke here and it's time to move on from this dream".
I was pulling into the casino parking garage waiting in my car to head into the tournament when I noticed my gas gauge was pretty low. I had this thought "welp, if I'm gonna go broke here I might as well have a tank of gas so I'm able to get home. Being stranded here and having to ask friends for money would fkn suck." After subtracting the upcoming buy ins after selling pieces etc I figured I'd have around 200$ liquid left. Getting the gas seemed logical so I did.
I shipped the 1100$ outright for 250k$...DEBT FREE BABY! That scene of Andy Dufresne from "Shawshank Redemption" is how I felt, the one he escapes prison and is so happy to be climbing through a **** infested sewer. https://gyazo.com/f5ad9d980ab05ded1497e156e25b7dd9
That tournament win triggered by far the greatest heater in my career and even until now it doesn't seem real how lucky I was. https://gyazo.com/51d5e3e21413386c9643b686f6b24094
I was that second guy but as I was walking away and ready to get a job when the diamonds started pouring in and that never really stopped the whole year. I went from losing probably 10/12 months in 2018 to winning 12/12 in 2019.
https://gyazo.com/dc1ed634ef3cb6f3cfc8629ca67c77dc
my online results speak for the upswing
Shoutout to one online friend and my best irl friend for helping me out. Couldn't have done it without those guys! Shout out to all the guys who have helped this journey in any way/offered support or even just lurked the thread from time to time. Thanks to any haters out there for providing a lot of motivation as well
Year in Review
Really realized this year who was in my corner through tough times and can't thank them enough. Whether it was going broke or having a huge medical scare and being convinced I was dying the same people were there for me all along.
The whole year I've been dating a girl who's also been there all along and supported my grind. Can't say enough how for poker players it's important that your gf/bf/zf etc respects your grind.
All in all I felt like I cared a lot less about stuff this year and didn't let **** bother me as much. Gym/nutrition are so inconsistent it's tilting but w/e it was my effort that was inconsistent not them. Insert bs about new year etc etc here. 2019 was a great year overall and I really enjoyed the roller coaster/scenery along the way.
Key Takeaways
-A TED talk that said "people who achieved amazing things like Einstein etc did so when they stopped learning and started thinking." That hit hard with me because I realized how much of a sheep I'd become and how flawed a lot of the "pre-conceived theories" about how to play MTTs were. I started re-thinking how I thought about poker and shrugging off "what people thought about my play". I stopped caring if regs thought what I was doing was bad.
-GTO/ICM are highly flawed models. Learning to understand ranges of others and their perception of mine and the lengths we can take to exploit their inefficiencies really started to hit me. It's kind of embarassing when you have to show down 67ss from your UTG open vs BB on AK3Q8 run outs after barreling 3 streets but whether it's printing or not is really what matters. The "true optimal" solutions aren't really known in so many spots and the complexities of them when factors like ICM/table dynamics etc are merged in many spots basically are just guess work. Solvers just help us approximate better or let us know how to play in a vaccuum.
-Realizing how much I appreciate health/life. My stomach sunk when the doctor told me there was a 95% chance I had a tumor on my pituitary gland. My mind was racing for weeks about that and I barely had the drive to do anything let alone play the WCOOP Main I'd sattied into. Starting to dive deeper down the rabbit hole of life and death and having some big realizations there.
-Working to change my mindset about helping others. In our culture it's often "every man for himself" and I'll never forget how **** it felt being busto with nowhere to go. My friends helping me out meant the world to me and I'll try to spread kindness whenever I can within reason. In a game that's all about "taking" it's important to give when you're off the tables.
-The amount of my actions dictated by subconscious beliefs. Many I was/am totally unaware of.
-Stop being an idiot and actually stick to a ****ing health plan for once.
-CBD oil is the nuts
There's probably more but w/e yada yada
-----------------------
Time Away From the Game
We all are aware how much poker consumes us if we aren't careful and I was aware for a really long time just chose to ignore that fact. There's about 3 weeks left in the year and it's time for this reg to shut off the computer and live life for a little bit. I'll limit myself to playing Sundays or if a friend wants to grind a session together/home game. Other than that no poker and just gonna focus on taking everything day by day. Gym/nutrition at the forefront but other than that I'm ready for some time off
Home Project:
With the days off I'm arranging for new appliances and I'm gonna have a go at replacing my floors/painting my place. I don't really like the colour scheme right now and it just needs a nice "freshening up". I guess I never really fully "moved in" here or spent too much time on decorating or office ergonomics.
To Do:
-Floors
-Appliances
-Paint
-Thorough cleaning
-Properly hang picture frames/photos
-Get some interior decorating stuff or smth
-King sized mattress and bed frame
Here's some before pics in case you guys are wondering what I'm dealing with:
https://gyazo.com/41a7b6195b18cf439c4f9d3fe7682d5d
grind station. near desk is mine and far desk I have set up for one of a couple guest grinders that usually come over. Been looking for a good standing desk. Ideally get a TV up in middle for HH reviews or entertainment when the grind winding down.
https://gyazo.com/d218416c8d6b902a7e66c0fb00cd1870
Living room. Very optimal set up for cooling down from tilting sessions.
https://gyazo.com/0399155619f4c84c2b059d477ba6d46a
kitchen and corner of fish tank
Anyways, look forward to showing you guys what it looks like when it's all finished up...hopefully I don't butcher it too hard.
-------------
That's it for me in the thread this year guys. Really appreciate all the guys who said lots of kind words over the year/previous years and believed in this degen. Crazy it's the end of the decade almost which brings me to the most important realization of this year: our biggest asset is time...and we have less every single day.
Thanks so much everyone and I wish you guys a happy and healthy new year/merry christmas. I'll probably just keep posting in this thread in 2020 if I choose to have another PGC but for now it's time for bed and some time off...life beckons...
Oh yeah, and if anyone's ever wondering...I sent my dad the picture of me holding the cheque at Fallsview and said "remember when I told you to remember our conversation?"
Godspeed, Mike
It was either right near the end of 2018 or right at the beginning of 2019 that I found myself stone broke. I was getting swamped by bills left and right and I couldn't even afford my condo fees of like ~300$/a month. Times were dire and it felt like the harder I tried the further poker would push me down.
Crunch time with bills had arrived and if you've ever been in that spot before it ****ing sucks to ask. I had to swallow my pride one night and drive home and explain everything to my parents how words couldn't even describe the run I was on. I really thought they would help me out with a little bit of cash but they told me "if you can't afford to stay afloat it's time to get a job". They wouldn't give me a dime unless I went and got a job. (I thank them for that by the way because that would have been the easy way out...I needed to experience "busto".
I was storming out of the house and my dad said "go get a job!!!" My reply was "you remember this conversation dad! You ****in remember this!"
So I hopped into my car and drove home that night RAGING. I came home and grinded bowl comp tourneys literally all night long until I couldn't keep my eyes open with "Me Against the World" by Tupac on repeat for probably 7 hours. I wish I could say things turned there and I went on a huge upswing that night but nah I couldn't even win in the big 2.20 field. I'd be lying if a small tear or two wasn't shed.
Literally had about 48 hours before a bunch of "mandatory" bills were due and my cash flow was approximately -5k. I called up my friend and told him I was going to sell my condo and go get a job but I'd need maybe 500$ to get me through until I can get a pay cheque. He told me "look man you have your ****ing finger on the pulse of this game. You're a sicko and I believe in you." He snap sent me 10k and he just said "if the roles are ever reversed remember this."
I used a decent chunk of that just to get even with bills or anywhere I owed money. I figured I'd try my hand at live poker and drove to the local casino 1/3 game. 1st session: up 900, 2nd session: up 300..."oh wow this is easy!"...3rd session...-1200. About 30 hours of grinding for a hundred bucks. After calculating fuel and food costs that left me with a profit of about 3.50$.
I deduced that having old nits limp jamming 300$ stacks with AA all day was a waste of my time and I just didn't have the spirits or sanity for this grind.
I pounded sand for a few more weeks and the 10k loan was down to approximately 2500$ and the Fallsview Classic was the following week. The buy ins were 1100,2500, and 5300. I booked my hotel room there for the week and sort of in the back of my mind figured "there's a good chance I go broke here and it's time to move on from this dream".
I was pulling into the casino parking garage waiting in my car to head into the tournament when I noticed my gas gauge was pretty low. I had this thought "welp, if I'm gonna go broke here I might as well have a tank of gas so I'm able to get home. Being stranded here and having to ask friends for money would fkn suck." After subtracting the upcoming buy ins after selling pieces etc I figured I'd have around 200$ liquid left. Getting the gas seemed logical so I did.
I shipped the 1100$ outright for 250k$...DEBT FREE BABY! That scene of Andy Dufresne from "Shawshank Redemption" is how I felt, the one he escapes prison and is so happy to be climbing through a **** infested sewer. https://gyazo.com/f5ad9d980ab05ded1497e156e25b7dd9
That tournament win triggered by far the greatest heater in my career and even until now it doesn't seem real how lucky I was. https://gyazo.com/51d5e3e21413386c9643b686f6b24094
I was that second guy but as I was walking away and ready to get a job when the diamonds started pouring in and that never really stopped the whole year. I went from losing probably 10/12 months in 2018 to winning 12/12 in 2019.
https://gyazo.com/dc1ed634ef3cb6f3cfc8629ca67c77dc
my online results speak for the upswing
Shoutout to one online friend and my best irl friend for helping me out. Couldn't have done it without those guys! Shout out to all the guys who have helped this journey in any way/offered support or even just lurked the thread from time to time. Thanks to any haters out there for providing a lot of motivation as well
Year in Review
Really realized this year who was in my corner through tough times and can't thank them enough. Whether it was going broke or having a huge medical scare and being convinced I was dying the same people were there for me all along.
The whole year I've been dating a girl who's also been there all along and supported my grind. Can't say enough how for poker players it's important that your gf/bf/zf etc respects your grind.
All in all I felt like I cared a lot less about stuff this year and didn't let **** bother me as much. Gym/nutrition are so inconsistent it's tilting but w/e it was my effort that was inconsistent not them. Insert bs about new year etc etc here. 2019 was a great year overall and I really enjoyed the roller coaster/scenery along the way.
Key Takeaways
-A TED talk that said "people who achieved amazing things like Einstein etc did so when they stopped learning and started thinking." That hit hard with me because I realized how much of a sheep I'd become and how flawed a lot of the "pre-conceived theories" about how to play MTTs were. I started re-thinking how I thought about poker and shrugging off "what people thought about my play". I stopped caring if regs thought what I was doing was bad.
-GTO/ICM are highly flawed models. Learning to understand ranges of others and their perception of mine and the lengths we can take to exploit their inefficiencies really started to hit me. It's kind of embarassing when you have to show down 67ss from your UTG open vs BB on AK3Q8 run outs after barreling 3 streets but whether it's printing or not is really what matters. The "true optimal" solutions aren't really known in so many spots and the complexities of them when factors like ICM/table dynamics etc are merged in many spots basically are just guess work. Solvers just help us approximate better or let us know how to play in a vaccuum.
-Realizing how much I appreciate health/life. My stomach sunk when the doctor told me there was a 95% chance I had a tumor on my pituitary gland. My mind was racing for weeks about that and I barely had the drive to do anything let alone play the WCOOP Main I'd sattied into. Starting to dive deeper down the rabbit hole of life and death and having some big realizations there.
-Working to change my mindset about helping others. In our culture it's often "every man for himself" and I'll never forget how **** it felt being busto with nowhere to go. My friends helping me out meant the world to me and I'll try to spread kindness whenever I can within reason. In a game that's all about "taking" it's important to give when you're off the tables.
-The amount of my actions dictated by subconscious beliefs. Many I was/am totally unaware of.
-Stop being an idiot and actually stick to a ****ing health plan for once.
-CBD oil is the nuts
There's probably more but w/e yada yada
-----------------------
Time Away From the Game
We all are aware how much poker consumes us if we aren't careful and I was aware for a really long time just chose to ignore that fact. There's about 3 weeks left in the year and it's time for this reg to shut off the computer and live life for a little bit. I'll limit myself to playing Sundays or if a friend wants to grind a session together/home game. Other than that no poker and just gonna focus on taking everything day by day. Gym/nutrition at the forefront but other than that I'm ready for some time off
Home Project:
With the days off I'm arranging for new appliances and I'm gonna have a go at replacing my floors/painting my place. I don't really like the colour scheme right now and it just needs a nice "freshening up". I guess I never really fully "moved in" here or spent too much time on decorating or office ergonomics.
To Do:
-Floors
-Appliances
-Paint
-Thorough cleaning
-Properly hang picture frames/photos
-Get some interior decorating stuff or smth
-King sized mattress and bed frame
Here's some before pics in case you guys are wondering what I'm dealing with:
https://gyazo.com/41a7b6195b18cf439c4f9d3fe7682d5d
grind station. near desk is mine and far desk I have set up for one of a couple guest grinders that usually come over. Been looking for a good standing desk. Ideally get a TV up in middle for HH reviews or entertainment when the grind winding down.
https://gyazo.com/d218416c8d6b902a7e66c0fb00cd1870
Living room. Very optimal set up for cooling down from tilting sessions.
https://gyazo.com/0399155619f4c84c2b059d477ba6d46a
kitchen and corner of fish tank
Anyways, look forward to showing you guys what it looks like when it's all finished up...hopefully I don't butcher it too hard.
-------------
That's it for me in the thread this year guys. Really appreciate all the guys who said lots of kind words over the year/previous years and believed in this degen. Crazy it's the end of the decade almost which brings me to the most important realization of this year: our biggest asset is time...and we have less every single day.
Thanks so much everyone and I wish you guys a happy and healthy new year/merry christmas. I'll probably just keep posting in this thread in 2020 if I choose to have another PGC but for now it's time for bed and some time off...life beckons...
Oh yeah, and if anyone's ever wondering...I sent my dad the picture of me holding the cheque at Fallsview and said "remember when I told you to remember our conversation?"
Godspeed, Mike
12-10-2019
, 07:22 PM
Quote:
Glad everything worked out! Hope that you made changes to your approach so that you don’t end up back in the same spot again down the road. Even though your parents don’t seem to support your poker they most likely want to see you succeed and thrive. You def seem to have a lot of degen tendencies so hope you are able to keep that in check long term. Gl in 2020!
100% I have some degenerate tendencies not just in poker...working to keep em' to a minimum though! Thanks for following this year!
12-11-2019
, 08:26 PM
nice one, congrats