Poker Ramblings:

We've all been in study groups where a hand will get posted in which it's a river call or something and people are divided on their opinions leading to heaps of discussion. Ironically, the hands that generate the most discussion are those that are rare outlier type hands where the difference between xyz options is menial. A couple players might discuss over several messages and simulations meanwhile they are defending Q6o vs a UTG open 30bbs deep that is costing them heaps of EV...but they aren't posting the hand when they check fold the flop or get stacked on a Q high board because they think it's "standard". Ironically, the mistakes costing players the most are the ones that they have no idea they are making; opposed to the one off river hero call vs an aggro fish or whatever.

For a long time cash game players loved shitting on tournament players from some high horse with lines such as "tournament players suck", and usually that is true as far as when tournament players play cash games. Inexperienced tournament players are drawing dead in 100bb deep cash games where the pros have mastered pre flop ranges and ran thousands of sims for common spots at 100bb deep. Literally drawing dead over a big sample.

So if these cash game hero's were so good...why are they not winning every tournament? Well, it's actually pretty common to see cash game players transitioning to tournaments and making massive short stack and icm mistakes (shocker). In MTTs there is a plethora of factors at play/variables that can make one option printing in cev, but burning money with ICM.

So wouldn't experienced cash players have a massive edge at the start of deeper stacked tournaments? Well, yeah, they're probably printing BB/100 when 200 bbs deep. Thing is that tournament pros just playing like nits and trying to play against and stack fish isn't too bad of a strategy. The stakes are so small at the beginning of an MTT that making a high BB/100 is much less relevant than a reg printing money in the late stages of a tournament because they have extreme skill at leveraging their chip stack and icm dynamics. The majority of the money in MTTs is made on the deep runs when stacks are shallower and big ICM is at play.

BB/100 debunked:

Let's say you play the big 22 and some fish piles in drawing dead against your top set on the river for 100bbs at level 2 of the tourney. This will result in your bb/100 skyrocketing, but it really only translates to like ~10$ in stack EV. Whereas, if you decide to raise/call A9o for 30bbs with 10 left in the Sunday Million BTN vs. BB the evbb/100 will be barely changed....but calling off vs a nitty range etc etc might be costing 40k in EV.

Anyways, not trying to throw shade on the cash players as they are beasts in their games and a lot of them have had success in tournaments as well. Also not trying to **** on bb/100 as it's an effective metric for gauging shorter term results, it's just important to look at the bigger picture...just because you have a high bb/100 does not mean you are a solid winning player in an MTT...but it definitely would in a cash game.

Btw think I got this idea to talk about this off slayerv1's pod with bencb although his discussion was about hypers.

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Bad Beat

Took a NASTY one pretty deep in the 2650 Venom boys. After getting sucked out to win a 2k bounty and a bunch of chips near the bubble I was handcuffed to limp ITM and do a tonne of folding and eventually got this spot aipf

https://gyazo.com/94f84cebe68725a810c74d50816a5214

Was like ~130 left or something and really wanted to win this one. Poker is kinda like life, sometimes unfavourable results happen and we just gotta take it off the chin and move on. All we can do is our best. I was pretty tilted after this and turned it into a positive and went for a tilt run on the bright side of things, turned the tilt into a positive action and felt a lot better.

That's all I got for now boys. You can bet your asses I'll be on the grind tomorrow.

have been lurking for a few years off and on, really have enjoyed ur posts about everything (life, poker, etc) glglgl with the weight loss bet and keeping it off

About off peak schedule: Always get on the worst downswings when I avoid the evening donkfest. I used to have this mentality that if I was down for the day I would keep firing and surprisingly frequently would have a run in the evening BB44 or Hot44 and make it all back. Since I stopped doing that mostly to free some time to actually eat at normal hours like a normal person, review my sessions / be awake enough to study after I am done playing and hang out with the gf once in a while, I am winning a lot less money even if I am playing probably a lot better as well as improving more at poker and living a more balanced life. Hopefully it pays off in the long run. Pretty interesting as well that there is not that huge a difference in terms of sharkscope ability score between peak and off peak but a huge difference imo in competence of the players. Probably the player pools are segregated enough that it’s like comparing apples and oranges.

About EVbb/100: experimented with a bunch of filters but pretty happy with only considering 60bb and under for mtts. Gives me a decent idea how the session went while not giving bigger stacks too much importance compared to bread and butter shortstack play.

ty bro

yeah i mean it's a personal case by case basis what schedule we should play. i really enjoy the low stress low variance/soft fields after getting all my other stuff done in the morning/early afternoon but could definitely see why that would put stress on a relationship or cause a lack of life balance.

yeah the stakes are so small when its like 100-200 bb stack it's obviously costly if you're making huge errors/punts but for the most part the early stages are the least significant and gaining some tiny edge in a spot is pretty irrelevant to overall results

Hey guys

Haven't had much time to post here lately as I've been busy grinding. Well, actually, the real reason is that I've been going through one of my night time weed phases after my sessions and when I do that my mind gets quieted down and I can't be bothered with writing.

Last weekend was feeling pretty bogged down and flustered so I took a few days off in the wilderness at one of my favourite places in the world, I snapped a few pictures for the lurkers:

https://gyazo.com/011f4d7c48141e50693da65c961bb1b7

https://gyazo.com/edb64b9f9133c769dda644ffaf8e6a6a

Gambling: Can't really remember where I left off but I believe since some of my previous whines I'm on a really nice personal upswing between poker/dfs/btc etc things have been going very well and I'm happy to have stopped the hemorrhage of money (no idea how to spell that word). I know I don't really have any right to complain given any type of winnings but ****, if a couple all ins go my way/a couple of events happen differently in dfs, this would be a huge upswing. That's the business though and I'll take what I can get

Random Story

I thought of this story randomly just because I had something irl happen recently that reminded me of it. I also find it pretty funny to look back on now and it definitely taught me a life lesson:

Flashback to 2011 and it was one of my first nights living @ university in a far away town. This was still that awkward phase where everybody is anxious about meeting new friends at their school and in their program and drinks their face off in attempt to drown out the awkwardness.

That was back at a time in my life where self confidence was at an all time low, and I was genuinely terrified of not making friends early on as I thought that would somehow translate to being a loner the rest of my university career. Anyways, I ended up drinking with some guys in my residence building and we went to some outdoor keg party where you pay ~10$ and get access to unlimited beer or w/e.

I was never really a big fan of loud/crowded boisterous parties but copious amounts of alcohol helped me forget about that. Regardless of drinking probably 15 beers that night, I was still feeling super anxious. I waited in line to get a refill on my beer and got to the front of the line and this **** handing out the beer decided to basically ignore me and say something to one of his friends and walked away/give a beer to someone else.

Already feeling unwelcome, and by such a stupid event, I felt like a big jab struck my self-esteem. I proceeded to leave the party and walk home feeling like a loser. This was a very vulnerable time in my life and stupid/small things like this would trigger very deep and intense emotions.

I won't get into too much depth there, but things have gotten a million times better over the years. I very much pulled myself out of that negative thought space and now realize that events like the above are more of a reflection of other people, and I don't take it personally. It's amazing how much better my social skills and self confidence are in 2020 just from learning about and changing some core beliefs. I wish I could re-live those early uni years again to the fullest

Anyways, one day in 3rd year uni just when poker was really starting to go well for me and some of my friends were taking notice to my ~20k profit in one semester playing 2.50$ 180 man SNGs, and word was starting to travel, my friend told me somebody was at our door asking for me. I was grinding a few tournaments in my room and told my friend to send in the visitor.

This guy walked into my room and I immediately recognized him from somewhere. He came in to my room and said "hey buddy I've heard you're doing really well at poker I have a lot of questions about it and would like some help or w/e"

About 15 seconds into the conversation, I realized it was that dick from the party a couple years prior.

Always be kind fam. You never know what type of **** somebody is going through. People remember small acts of kindness or the opposite, and you never know if you might need help from them down the road

-Day off for me tomorrow but I'll be back grinding on Thursday. We got some weight to lose or else @egption is gonna be a very wealthy man from this bet.

Hope that you ignored that d*ck like he ignored you at the keg party

the opposite shows a lot more character actually

haha nahh didn't ignore him just wiped the slate clean and talked about poker for a while. in hindsight i would have brought it up and told him it was a pretty shitty move and i still remembered it etc

hey guys

Been busy with poker/life last couple weeks and didn't really have the time or a reason to be posting here. A couple weekends ago I went to a friend's cottage and tried some PEDs which led to an extremely powerful meditation and ultimately waking the **** up and looking at my life from a more unbiased lens. I was flooded with some super intense emotions and had some flashbacks to memories I didn't even realize I still possessed.

If 2020 has been good for one thing it would be that I've found the answers to a lot of the questions that I spent my whole 20's trying to find. Due to the quarantine measures my exposure to social scenarios has been at an all time low, I've probably met less than 50 new people in 2020 (maybe a slight exaggeration). As a bi-product of the decreased social interaction I've actually been drinking much less by osmosis, almost none. Whether it be playing poker, video games, hiking, driving, or whatever, I spent a HEAP of time alone pondering everything from existence to the pandemic to modern poker theory.

Paradigm Shift

I've told this story before or at least some parts of it.

I wouldn't say I've ever been the most confident person, but high school was definitely when confidence peaked. I was in the best shape of my life, playing on the school hockey team, and I was hooking up with girls almost every party I attended on the weekends. I sort of built a name for myself and had no insecurity about almost anything.


Time passed and towards the end of high school I started getting pretty bad acne and that's where the insecurity started. I felt essentially flawless but now I had this chink in the armor that I was deeply embarrassed about. My energy in social situations lacked the unwavering self-confidence that I once possessed.

I went to Uni and it was basically the same girls, except now I was just a nobody. I didn't have my friends or hockey team around me for social proof. The first night at Uni I was super anxious as it was just me so I got HAMMERED and tried to go out and meet people. The first girls I approached were some german girls that were SEXY and shot me down or ignored me for whatever reason. That rejection stung like hell because on a subconscious level it just re-affirmed the self-beliefs that I was developing. I snap went home to my dorm and didn't try to pick up another girl for a couple years.

A couple years went by of being broke, getting extremely overweight, bad skin and just overwhelming loneliness and all time low self worth. As you can see, a vicious cycle ensued. I'd ignore the demons by eating, drinking, gambling, sleeping etc....all which further contributed to the size of the other problems.

I eventually got a girlfriend around 3 years into Uni which ultimately became a super toxic relationship. I was a large contributor of that. We broke up and I was back to square one.

A friend introduced me to some pickup technique/dating videos on youtube and I was HOOKED. I probably watched 20 hours a week of content. I got convinced that insecurities are the reason why results with women are poor. For example, one's lack of results with women is caused by the insecurity with being overweight-not actually being overweight.

I thought I had a huge epiphany. "It's not because I'm fat, it's because I have no self-confidence because I'm fat". That night I called up my buddy and said "man I've had an insane epiphany we need to go out tonight." So on a random Wednesday night in Sherbrooke Quebec, two English chaps stumbled into the nearest bar that a google search brought in. It was a very French speaking area and I told him "any attractive girl in here I'm going all out for".

As you might expect, this pool hall that we ended up in had maybe 5 people in the entire bar....4 old French dudes shooting pool. No girls. I was pretty disappointed because I really wanted to socialize when I was in this state of conscious. There was one girl in the entire bar...the bartender. Let me tell you, she was the definition of a sexy French girl. Long story short, she loved my company and was always texting me to come hang out at the bar. After a couple hangouts I decided I needed to escalate this and ask her out on a date. I shot out a text asking if she wanted to meet up for drinks and that 10 minutes waiting for a response was the most anxious I've ever been for a text. "Yes" she said.

I had a couple days to prepare for this date and because of my lack of results the past few years with women I felt like I didn't really deserve this girl. "Why does this girl who could easily date some male model want to date some fat/broke uni guy?" Leading up to the date I psyched myself out completely and went out to buy new clothes etc. The definition of cringe.

The day of the date anxiety was peaking. I skipped class that day to mentally prepare myself. Eagerly watching the clock I started to feel physically ill from the anxiety. Literally could have puked.

Here's probably where you are thinking "damn dude he did it good for him, he got laid by a 10/10 like some type of dream". I wish. The date went terrible. I had no confidence, literally trembling to take a sip of my beer. The conversation was awkward and forced. When I sensed it wasn't going well I started trying to qualify myself further about having money/a car etc which all contributed to the size of the hole I was digging for myself. Cringe cringe cringe. The date ended fairly abruptly after one drink, no kiss, no sex, just us awkwardly saying goodbye and getting into our respective cars.

I didn't hear from her for 2 days which was unusual and I tried reaching out via text. GHOSTED (picture WASTED appearing on the screen when your character dies in Grand Theft Auto).

This whole story just reaffirmed to me at the time, that looks don't matter with women. I wasn't happy with my own looks so I looked for evidence to feed into that narrative that they were irrelevant. When you search for the evidence you want to find, you can find it.

------

Years passed by and I sometimes questioned my belief that any guy can get any girl if he possesses the right mental state and correct tactics. Eventually I came to the realization that looks do matter, in fact, they are the most important thing. I got sold on a belief because some company benefits from convincing an average Joe sitting at home on his couch that he can have 10/10 results if he buys their product. How didn't I see this before? It was so obvious lol. When all of the "in shape guys with 6 packs" were picking up girl after girl it was because they were confident with themselves and physically appealing to females. I was neither of the above.

Anyways, since I've returned to being single after recent break up I've been revisiting a lot of the dating community stuff and trying to learn/touch up on what makes a good tinder profile etc. I'm not becoming obsessive with my appearance but still working to lose weight/stay well groomed etc because at the end of the day, looks aren't everything but they are vital for attraction and feeling good about yourself...and feeling good about yourself is everything in dating.

In a way too long winded way of saying it, this was one of the lessons I've learned in my 20s. Hope you guys are still awake after reading that

It's kinda cringey to write about this stuff and reflect on how ridiculous my mental state was. This is the type of thing I think a lot of guys struggle with but never talk about it because it's embarrassing or perceived unmanly to talk about mindset struggles. Hopefully someone out there benefits.

Thanks for reading homies and GL at the tables

Hey man, was playing the late 215 with you just now on Pstars and while searching for you, found this thread. I was more focused on this thread than the FT... Great content man, I relate to pretty much everyting you say... Love how you put yourself out there, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, which is a great sign of maturity and self confidence. Continue what you are doing cause am sure you can inspire many people! See you at the tables, Phanteidos1

hey man, thanks for the kind words much appreciated. GL out there!

hey guys

Been a long time since I've made a post in here. To be honest my motivation and attitude towards poker just isn't what it once was, and that's leaked over to my desire to update this thread. Perhaps it's from getting my ass handed to me and losing for a year straight, perhaps from the exhaustion of giving the game everything I've had for a decade, or perhaps just recognizing the industry is declining and being ready to seek new horizons...more of a coming of age so to speak.

I've been studying harder than I ever have and keeping table counts down but the average skill level of opponents nowadays is astronomically higher than recent years and the variance of tournament poker is really representing what a cruel mistress she is in the worst way. For the most part even a lot of the fish play reasonably well nowadays, at least they aren't making the same glaring mistakes they once were. The game has gotten extremely tough and even if you do gain a decent edge, it's still a gamble whether you realize the earnings of that edge or not.

Not to be a negative Nelly here but it's been a rough go and definitely the worst of my career. On the bright side, I've had the luxury of experiencing the opposite of this run in my career, something a lot of guys never have. For about ~1 year prior to covid I was printing money in about every way possible. As soon as the pandemic hit I had no idea for the stretch of bad run I was going to incur over the next year. Said run has really left a bad taste in my mouth and a big dent in my net worth/liquidity.

You're probably thinking right now "what a whiner, has anything went well for this guy?"

Well, things aren't all that bad boys. I forced myself into the online dating pools a few months ago after breaking up with my ex. I didn't expect it to go well and found it pretty uncomfortable but grinding through a couple youtube channels I learned a lot of helpful **** and implemented it into my profile/dates and had some really positive results. I was beginning to worry that poker desensitized my emotions so much that I couldn't feel connections/emotions with people that I once did in my pre-poker days. I'm happy to say I've found a girl that I connect with on a very deep level and love being with her. Couldn't be more happy about that.

It's ironic how when poker was going the best I felt I was struggling or unhappy with my dating life and now at it's worst I feel satisfied on a much deeper level with my dating life. I guess we can't always have our cake and eat it too

So What's the Plan?

I talked with my mom tonight on the phone about all of this and sort of reflected back to the days when everybody was telling me to "quit poker" and "get a job". Ironically, I think I was right in ignoring them and pursuing the game but now when they're telling me to keep pursuing the game, I think they're wrong again, and I should probably hang up the proverbial mouse and keyboard sooner rather than later.

The opportunity cost of staying in the game is getting quite high when I'm 29 years old. Time is our most valuable asset and another year of losing money at poker is a year lost where I could have been building on a more sustainable living with a higher ceiling and floor.

Maybe just feeling stressed after another bloody Sunday, but this feeling has followed me after every session lately. It's time to take a step back and start evaluating other options and take some serious thought about where my next steps will be. It's been a long walk to freedom lads...just a little bit more to go.

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Thanks for reading (if anybody even goes on 2p2 anymore) and I don't want this to discourage anybody from playing poker or working towards their goals. I talk only on a personal level that I think is relevant/optimal for myself. Everybody is different. Probably time for at least a few days off to let all of these thoughts sink in. Don't be surprised to see me at the tables here and there

Mike

Which sites are you playing at and what's your ABI if you dont mind saying?

Anyway, if you feel like you're burned from poker and want to move on, that can't be a bad thing. Wish you gl in your future endeavors!

Glad to hear real life things are going well. Sorry to hear about the brutal downswing. Large field mtt's for a living is just really hard to be sustainable as I'm sure you know. Sure the above expectation runs are fun but when you're doing this for a living being able to actually realize your ev fairly often is important. Do you have any ideas for other things you'd like to do? As we've talked about before in here I completely feel you on the burnout with poker and it's definitely a declining industry. There's still a lot of money to be made though currently so if I were you I'd base the decision on whether you have another career in mind that you'll actually enjoy and also on what your financial situation is. If you think you can make enough from poker over the next few years to have yourself set for the future I'd stick it out. If you stick with poker you should seriously consider switching up your grind though. You can probably make the same or similar yearly ev grinding lower avg buyin with higher roi/smaller fields while being subjected to way less ridiculous variance. Gl with whatever you choose to do!

just on the top ~5 sites for the most part majority volume being stars/acr/GG, can check later but ABI been pretty high last year or so maybe ~130 if i had to guess. Thanks man appreciate it, i'll be in the game until there's something worth transitioning to but I'm passively looking for that.

Thanks man. I'm really not sure tbh. Investment/crypto stuff seems to be a reasonable transition for a lot of poker players I've sort of been dabbling. I've thought a lot about what would make me happy etc and gambling doesn't really feel like "it" anymore. The freedom and autonomy that poker brings is something that is hard to find in other careers. I can't say the exact career i want (wish I could) BUT I do know what I want:

-produces reasonable $ to allow for financial comfort and options
-mostly self-directed schedule: I'm ok with 60-70 hour weeks here and there but want the ability to take off for a few days/week at a time as well
-hours/job that promotes healthy and stress free lifestyle
-something I at least moderately enjoy doing.

^yes I prob sound like typical millennial and would be willing to make some compromises. always open to suggestions if anyone reading has any btw

Please don't take this the wrong way, but crypto/stock market is imo very very dangerous for amateurs to try to make a living. We're 10+ years into a market expansion, with unprecedented policy from central banks. It's possible we're in a huge bubble that's waiting to collapse and retail investors are about to lose huge. Young people who have done well and believe trading/investing is easy and free money may learn a tough lesson the very hard way.

If you do decide to go that direction, try to grow your investing/trading roll organically. Don't pile in your life roll on leverage, you could lose everything.


If you don't have the fire for poker anymore, better to get out now. It's not getting any easier. 29 is still young, figure out what career you want to do, and imo make a plan of action. If you need to go back to school, do it, invest in yourself. Plenty of people start over in their early 30s. Sounds like you need to dig deep and figure out what you want to do, far from easy, but until you figure that part out, moving forward in a productive way will be very difficult.

Unfortunately, if you want a steady paycheck, you're going to have to compromise a lot on these job qualities. As far as I've learned, the only way to achieve good (>150k salary) and have freedom is to take risk AND succeed at it. You need to start a successful business or speculate (poker, dfs, trading, crypto) to get the best of both worlds. But then you have to tolerate no guaranteed paycheck+possibility of loss.

Sorry if this comes off too negative. A few years ago I went through a similar period, I ultimately decided to keep going with poker. I don't regret my decision, but still worry about what happens if poker dries up.

Think Arb pretty much hit the nail on the head. I wouldn't go down the path of trying to become a profitable trader. To each their own but I personally pretty strongly believe passive investing and not active trading is the way to go. I'd encourage you to do your own research on passive vs active investing but imo the data pretty much shows you have little to no shot of it making sense for you. Even if by some miracle it is a higher ev return for you, the amount of time spent for that small extra return would have just been better spent on some other income stream. There are definitely some opportunities in crypto currently due to the manipulation and inefficiency of the market, but it'd be impossible to actually quantify whether you have an edge. And if you are looking for lower stress than poker that's not it.

It definitely is going to be tough to find a job with those qualities for sure. Trying to start a business that has low overhead costs could be a good low $ risk way to try to create what you are looking for, however you are extremely likely to fail (just the reality of starting a business) and that wasted time has value. Off the top of my head I'd say coding or a similar career is probably your best chance at good $ with more flexibility, but who knows if you'd like it. This is why it really depends on your current financial situation and how you envision your life in the future. Think about what your yearly expenses are for your life now/how you'd like to live in the future if you started a family etc. If I remember correctly you own your condo outright and live in canada so minimal health care costs to worry about?

Those are good points that you made. Not negative at all just the reality for the most part. I agree that I need to do a bit of soul searching and go through some discomfort of trying something new. Not necessarily thinking that trading is optimal for me just something a lot of poker players seem to have transitioned to (and ran pure it seems). Agree that all the factors coming together it feels like the perfect storm for a huge economic crash but I'm no expert. I think the best way for me to check off all the boxes is to start my own business of some sort...I'm just lacking passion/ideas for it right now ty m8 appreciate your insight

Yessir I own it and health care costs aren't a super big concern atm. Yeah i agree with u i don't think trading or w/e is really a great fit for me personally. Just gonna take some time and reach out to some mentors and hopefully get some ideas/guidance on how they think I should proceed with poker etc. Regardless the opportunity cost of everything feels high. The thought of having another losing year makes me slightly ill lol.

yoyo

Have been feeling great last few night sessions with a very "at ease" and "focused" mind. Made a few adjustments to my schedule/piece selling and have been grinding through the new Pads course which is bringing some confidence etc back to my game. That being said, I thought I was going to start taking a chunk out of my downswing with a couple chip lead spots final 18 on ACR and a couple KK into AA later etc and the dream was RIP. Oh but wait! We had a nice spot against a couple whales on FT of the nightly 530 bounty on Stars! https://gyazo.com/7098e5b16c961a661121de126766eee7

And just like that, the nightly dream was RIP as the bankroll bled a little lower and as a few more bills were piled onto the growing stack of Sklansky dollars.

Without turning this into a pity party, I just wanted to vent a little bit. Thing about poker is nobody gives a fk really about how bad you've ran or how much EV$ you believe you were entitled to. As my best friend (who is a non poker guy) says: "Mike, you can't eat your EV". Grinding tournaments for a living we make the conscious decision that we're ok with grinding a full year and losing money...I made this bed and I have to lie in it. My complaints are the equivalent of an airline pilot complaining that he hates flying.

Anyways, I'm so fortunate to still be in these streets in 2021. During these type of downswings I think a lot of players lose motivation to grind or don't manage bankroll accordingly and are forced out of the game. A lot of guys have disappeared from the game for one reason or another over the years. In a weird way, during these tough times I've always been extra motivated to win and another gear gets activated that I don't have during my upswings. See you guys back at the tables again tomorrow

PS Sorry about the whine, I'll give a nice upbeat post or something one of these nights haha.

Hey guys,

Have mostly been a ghost with 2p2 and really just any type of "grind" at all if I'm being honest. Not too sure what traffic is like around here anymore or if anybody will even end up reading this post but I'm bored and feel like writing a bit, for old time's sake.

Quick Update:

Poker: Haven't really enjoyed playing poker for quite some time now. I tried forcing sessions to try and regain motivation but usually they just ended up in me getting bored/frustrated/tilted/spewing and regretting it during and after my sessions. I've been digging deep for answers and trying to reignite the flame but it's just not there right now and I've accepted that by forcing myself time off.

Life: Biggest change for me is starting a new relationship around the start of this year. Have nothing but good things to say about my previous gf and she was a really great person. I just wasn't really passionate about the relationship and it was a disservice to us both to stay in that. With relationships I strongly feel if you aren't "all in" you should be "all out" for the most part and it's so easy to fall into the "comfort trap" and stay in a relationship you aren't happy with for too long.

I expected to be single for quite a while and have struggles dating during the pandemic but it actually went pretty smooth. Never dabbled with online dating much but actually really enjoyed it for the time I was grinding it. Ended up meeting a girl I really clicked with relatively quickly which transcended into what's been an amazing relationship thus far. Big shoutout to some of the online dating content that I watched on youtube that taught me a lot of lessons that I didn't have to learn the hard way. If anyone is interested shoot me a pm and I can share some really valuable links.

Aside from that life is just going really well the last couple years. I've made large improvements in almost every area of life since rock bottom in ~2014. Almost feel like an entirely different person. I view the world in an entirely different way and that's carried through into strengthened mindset/relationships/quality of life by osmosis. Shoutout to anyone who followed/supported the journey along the way.

Other:

I'm getting old now and can't bust out those post-midnight Stephen King novel length rants anymore but just wanted to say that the only thing I'm struggling with right now is not having a definite career passion. I know exactly how I want my life to look (literally to the tiniest of detail) but I'm just not sure what type of career I want to dedicate myself to.

Regardless, I know I'll find something. I'll be back to the poker tables full-time in a few weeks when I'm feeling ready to give my best effort again.

Updates are infrequent last year or so but just know things are going really well on my end and I hope the same for you all (if anyone actually reads this thread anymore haha)

Til' next time. -Mike


"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new" -Socrates

For whoever still uses this site and stumbles upon this: long time no talk! It's been ages since I've been on here or updated but I hope everyone is doing well despite the relative unease of society the last while. I'll give a quick update at the end of the following post.


My 30th birthday is this weekend and I thought the time was fitting to make this post:

It wasn't long after my 20th birthday and I was meeting a friend for coffee. We just talked about how crazy it was that we were entering our 20s and a whole new decade was at our fingertips. We speculated about what our 20s would bring: maybe kids, crazy business success, travel, buying a house etc. After our meeting ended he linked me to an article that stuck in the back of my head called something like "The Top 20 Things I learned in my 20s". It's always interesting to hear the perspective of somebody who's ahead of you on the same path. In a way I'm still the same guy I was at 20, but also wildly different. I like to think I've matured and am a better/more refined version of myself, but who knows. My 20s were a crazy adventure to say the least and was full of ups and downs. Navigating the last decade has been a wild journey of self-discovery and learning about the world. I guess I'll summarize as briefly as possible before writing the actual article:

-I started the decade being in very good shape playing a very high level of hockey and other sports through my childhood/teenage years. I played poker recreationally for a few years at this point but was obsessed with the game. Whenever I had a night off from stocking shelves at Walmart (or any remainder of a pay cheque) I would deposit 25-50$ on PokerStars and try to run it up.

-I went to University in a French speaking place (I was 100% english) to pursue a degree in Business. I started off on the wrong foot there and found myself deeply unhappy and lonely. I hated being so far away from all my friends and family and didn't really make any good friends first year. I drowned out the unhappiness by getting blackout drunk a couple nights a week and mass multi tabling 2$ SNGs when I had any spare time or money. I tried a little bit in school but my head wasn't in it. I failed a class for the first time in my life (Linear Algebra lol). I started packing on weight which really hurt my self esteem more and a vicious cycle ensued.

-Went home after first year Uni a completely beaten down version of my usual self. I was really depressed and social anxiety was becoming a big problem. I wanted to transfer schools but my parents convinced me to stick it out. I worked the summer stocking shelves again at Walmart.

-2nd year Uni commenced and I didn't save very much money at my summer job. I could only afford being at school maybe 1-2 months tops. A friend set me up with "a backer" for 2.50$ 180 man SNGs. This was a big turning point in my career because I was finally introduced to the frame work of what it took to be successful. My coach helped me out with some leaks and soon enough I was crushing those games. Within a few months of grinding I was put into some higher stakes SNGs and the occasional tournament. I was now forced to be disciplined with bankroll management (as per our agreement), and my decisions were being made objectively by a coach, as opposed to my degenerate self. I funded my year at school through micro stakes SNGs. I failed another class...embarrassingly enough, the same one I failed 1st year. There isn't anything more humiliating than being a 3rd year student in a class of 1st years, for the 3rd time, with the same professor. In my defense, I had an extreme difficulty paying attention in classes and if I wasn't interested would retain 0 information. I was a mere ghost of myself that would only show up to class to appease the professors, to support the illusion that I was trying my best. (First and second time around I barely went to class FWIW.)

-One random night I went against the staking agreement and played maybe a ~55$ tournament and bricked. I was ashamed of myself and told my backers that I will repay that (and did). They told me that was a very honourable decision and they would give it back to me one day. At the end of the school year it was time for Summer and my parents told me I needed to have a job or pay rent if I wanted to live at home (I wanted to play poker). I had 0 money to my name so my hand was forced: It was Saturday, and my new job paving roads started Monday. Conveniently, after ending my staking deal the backers gave my money back and told me to "buy myself a nice dinner for my work". Being a degenerate, do you think I bought dinner? Nah, I took it to the hot 33 on Sunday and got maybe ~5th for ~8k or so. I called the job and told them I'm sorry but I won't be accepting it. I grinded online poker the rest of that summer.

-Third year Uni came quick and I was starting to get a small bankroll running. I met a new GF and moved in at her apartment while she did exchange in Spain. We lived together and dated for maybe a year or two. Neither of us was in a great spot with mental health and it ended up being a very rocky relationship towards the end. She kicked me out of her place on a Saturday when I didn't really have a place to go. I slept on my friends couch that night and still remember tearing up that night finding it hard to sleep. It was the first real break up that meant much to me in my life.

-The day after I woke up and grinded a Sunday session online. I chopped the Sunday Million from my friend's couch for 165k USD. For the first time in my life, I had a 6 figure bank roll. I never even had more than 5-10k up to that point. Now that I finally had some money to my name I was able to comfortably pay for the rest of my schooling and dedicate a lot more effort to school and personal life. I was temporarily ecstatic and as far as I knew all my problems had been solved. I rented a small apartment in this French speaking city and 2 things happened for an entire year 1) poker 2) school. I got really used to being alone and started getting in the habit of going on long walks at night and thinking about existential stuff. Around this time I started writing about random thoughts/struggles/successes here on 2p2 and to my surprise, started getting some regular readers. It meant a lot to get some dialogue going with guys that supported me or just wanted to offer advice or read about the journey etc.

-My final year of Uni they told me if I failed another class they were going to kick me out of the school. I had come too far for that to happen and sacrificed too much time, money, and mental health to fail. This was the first time in school that I ever remember applying myself fully. I went to every class and did all my homework. Finance, the class I ended up getting 7% in the first time around, I aced the final exam and got 100%. My best friend and I won the graduating class business competition and I'll never be more proud. I don't think there was a bigger underdog to win. To this day, that trophy is the proudest one on my shelf.

I felt like Andy Dufresne from Shawshank Redemption...crawling out of that **** pipe after escaping the prison and just being so happy and yelling as the lightning and rain poured down. I did it, I made it through. I was halfway through my 20s now and moving back home. I didn't have to live in that place that I hated anymore. I bought an apartment with my poker winnings and have lived in Waterloo, Ontario to the current day. The last 5 years here have mostly been about enjoying life, travelling a bit, and enjoying the process and poker. There was a bunch of ups and downs in poker and a couple years ago my liquidity hit 0$. I wasn't going to sell my place and decided maybe I should quit poker. My best friend (the same one who let me sleep on his couch before winning the Sunday Million and funded my account with pre paid visa cards early in my career) told me "dude you can't quit you're a ****ing sicko, how much money do you need?" -he snap sent me 10k. So that was it, I had a 10k loan with a local tournament series coming. The bankroll was down to fumes and I vividly remember fueling up my car before heading into the tournament...worst case I'd have gas to drive home if I went broke. Somehow I ended up winning the tourney for 250k. I mean, the timing was so ridiculously fortunate. I was so blessed to have a second chance at poker and so blessed to have a great friend that believed in me since day 1.

-I now have found a GF that I'm really happy with and life has been really good as a whole. I'm happier than I've ever been and really learned a lot the last 10 years. I've been grinding a lot of 200z online and actually doing really well and enjoying the game. Online poker just got GG'd in Ontario in the next 2 months I'll have to figure something out. With this whole poker thing, to make another Shawshank reference, I now feel like the old man who's been in jail the whole time, when he gets released into the new world he feels like he doesn't fit in and commits suicide. (No I'm not suicidal). I just feel like this is all I've known the last 10 years or so and it's maybe a fitting time for a change given that I'm almost 30, and online poker is getting restricted here.

-Anyways, I have no idea. I'll figure it out. I meant to keep the summary brief but it ended up consuming all my spare time tonight. I'm exhausted. I'll write the intended article in the next couple days, "The Top 20 Things I learned in my 20s".

Thanks for reading (if anybody lurks this forum anymore). I wanted to make a little bit of a summary of the last decade just for memories' sake. Til next time!

In b4 you ship half a mill on your last day of playing lol

In all seriousness though, that's a nice friend you have

Could you provide a link to the original 20 things learned article please?

Nice post, 2p2 seems to be dying out but I enjoy reading your updates and it's good to see things are going well for you, despite Ontario gg'ing poker. I look forward to your next update.