Just to update, I lost the remaining money then deposited £10 ($13.7) today. Went down to 90 cents at one point and said to myself if I lose this, im going to start applying for jobs and looking away from pro poker (not completely final but will be starting to accept). I am now at $4 playing 2NL fast forward. I'm not sure if it will last or I'll be able to build up again due to my tilt issues but let's see how it goes. I'll update here if I lose it.

Bankroll - $470

I’ve done quite well the last week or so and I thought I would give you guys an update. The more I play the better I get and I’m tilting a lot less. I don’t have much else to say, my sleep has been funny lately so I’m just pretty tired and so will try to post more often once I’ve sorted that.

Im sorry I haven’t posted here in a while, I wanted to update that I am still going. The past few months I have periodically tilted and lost most of my bankroll. However on the plus side, I’ve read a few books on it and it’s starting to improve a lot.

I’ve, for the first time, managed to stick to my BRM and not move up stakes tilted. I started from 10NL and had to attempt this 4 or 5 times (busting each time) but I’ve finally got to $1000 using 20 buyin BRM. The plan now is to play 100NL until I have $2.5k when I will reassess.

I’m intending to post here a bit more but wanted to get to a point where it looks like things are moving in a positive direction. It’s been mentally draining honestly and I still have a way to go but I’m starting to see some results

Hey man gl! I'd advise you use a little safer brm though, 40-50 buyins or more, as KidCudi already said it's all up to you ofcourse

Hey man,you moved up quite fast!Well done! Is it possible to go a bit deeper in your studying throughout the stakes and what did you use? If you don't mind of course Well done and i'm not going to say anything about brm..if you feel confident to play with 10 buy ins..just do you! but be careful as variance is way bigger than we actually comprehence !

Your comments turned out to be very appropriate as yesterday I lost 4 preflop jams in a row. Then I tilted off another stack. It's gutting but part of the game there's always a risk with using agressive BRM. This time I am going to try 15-20 buyins instead of 10. The reason I was using the previous strategy is due to being very keen to move up in stakes fast as I feel I have the ability and also because 50NL FF doesn't always run so I skipped over it fairly quickly.

In terms of study, I am doing a lot of mental work at the moment for tilt management. I think it's really important. Involves goals setting, tilt/variance evaluation and resolution/rewiring techniques. The main way I study is through hand review/range analysis using an equity calculator. In each hand I think about the different lines I can take, note how I can improve and what % of his range I can get to fold for example. Having good preflop ranges is very important. When my bankroll allows it, I want to buy a training site like Runitonce. I don't think GTO applies heavily at the stakes I am currently playing but as I move up further I will start doing solver work also, starting with GTO+ then probably PIO. I've looked at some sims and watched training videos on it so know the basic principles and apply them but believe that if you start higher level study too early, there will be a gap between your in game capabilities and theoretical knowledge.

Bankroll - $495

Following my last post I had a big tilt and lost my bankroll again. It started off with really bad variance which then developed into desperation to get the money back. I did this 3 times in May and it's all to do with not following stop loss or BRM I had set or not setting goals/warming up each day. Following each, I had about 4/5 days where I wouldn't want to play at all. Overall this resulted to me losing 2 further weeks of playing. Last month wasn't great but I have recognised and focused in on this as my big leak and am putting in place some techniques to prevent this and also to recover quicker if I do tilt. What happens is I just avoid things and wallow in self pity. Because I have been evaluating and keeping a log last month, I was able to review and see exactly the affects of these mental "issues". I think highlighting them and seeing the full damage is a big step in solving them. I will talk about this further and techniques I use but I don't want to turn this into an essay.

Anyway I made $380 back in the last couple of days at 10NLz then 25NLz, had some decent variance. I think I am going to continue 25NL to $1000 and then decide whether to move up. I may even go to $2000. The issue with moving up in stakes is at the beginning I have a lot of fear and it makes me cagey while playing so I want a bigger buffer to make me feel a bit more safe. Also at 25NL I can now 3 table and am a very comfortable winner (over a large sample size). I am not looking forward to learning a new stake and being bad at the start aha it's effort!

Bankroll - $400

Tuesday - Thursday ran the bankroll up to $775 playing 25NLz. Am gradually managing to put more hours in each day. Played quite well and as soon as I recognised tilt I would go into it, wrote down why I was tilted and why that logic is faulty. Friday.... not the best day. I went out with some friends and played live but was a little bit drunk before and lost $250. Also withdrew about $125 for general use. Was nice to play live because I hadn't in over a year but will wait until my bankroll is a lot bigger and definitely will not play drunk again. I didn't play spewy or anything but was a little fearful and cagey. You process everything different live as you are dealing with chips rather than numbers on a screen.

Had targeted making $1,000 by the end of the week and am dissapointed as this is a setback from what was very achievable. Normally I would not play for a few days after a big loss but I'm going to train now and get playing later to make some back.

Profit - $225 Bankroll $625

Played quite well Saturday and Sunday despite some bad variance. I am hoping to get to $1,000 and crack on with 50NL by the weekend. I am finding that tilt is calming but occasionally I get impatient because I want to play higher stakes and make more money (although I understand that I need to stick to my BRM).

I am going to the gym every 2 days and set about 4 hours after I wake up where I won't play poker - just work through the mental side/study or exercise. It reduces risk a lot being in a good mindset before I play.

I am wondering how to make poker a sustainable lifestyle. The thing that worries me is that the best times to play are in the evening and on weekends, when everyone else has their social time. I also want to work as hard as I can to be the best player I can be. Ideally I will get to a point where I can play 5/6 hours a day 5 days a week and make good money (6 figure/year minimum) but I guess that would only be possible at high stakes. It would also be nice to find a group to study with or a coach to keep me on track/share experiences. I've avoided it for so long because I wanted to see how far I could get on my own and it's hard not having people to talk about it with regularly.

Weeks Profit - $390 Bankroll - $1015

Allright week, had 2 days where I tilted and hit my stop loss but didn't blow up. Moving up in stakes from 25NL. 3 tabling zoom absolutely fries your brain after a while. I had to be taking regular breaks or I would just lose focus it's really a case of process optimisation once you know how to beat a stake.

Glad to see you didn't give up and still out there grinding

I pm'ed you about maybe talking strategies/hands etc.

GL

Hey, would be down. It's not showing my replies to dms so just checking here if you got it?

Bankroll - $1329

50NLz barely runs on PP so I've been playing 100NL. Had a great day on Sunday, good variance too and then on Monday was up but lost right at the end which is gutting. Had aq over kq twice, ak to kk. I was up at about 1.75k and possibly felt overconfident. I am gutted but for 2 days/3500 hands at a new stakes it's not a bad start and I am learning. The main thing I can compare it to is my last attempt at 100NL which went much worse so it's an improvement.

Been ill so haven't played this week, will update after weekend. Actually felt pretty bad for not playing although it was somewhat out of my hands.

Weekend profit - $400 Bankroll - $1500 (withdrew $200)

Had a mad weekend. By the end of Saturday I was up to 2300 dollars. Then on Sunday I tilted and went to $500NLz and spewed of most of it. I mean... I had $450 left at 6pm. However afterwards I made it back up to $1.7k (3 tabling 100NLz) by the end of play. I would consider this a blow up as was so frustrated about losing time when I was ill last week. I set a target to make 5k this month and I think this was a desperate attempt at making that goal. So - mixed feelings because I won money overall but could have won a lot more. This month has been better than last but I’ve missed a few weekends being ill or out drinking which hurt my winrate a bit. Also moving to 100NL takes a bit of time to get used to the stake.

I get this blog has been a bit haphazard and will try to think of some more interesting topics to discuss in future. Atm I’m at a crucial point in poker where there’s quite a lot of pressure and when things start to normalise I’ll put more attention into this. For now mainly just updates

You better stop doing stupid stuff like this if you want to be able to make it with poker, if you feel any tilt just stop playing. Don't set $ targets as you can't influence variance. Also if you continue with this bankroll management eventually you'll end up broke anyways, if 50z doesn't run just play 50nl regular tables I guess? You should also have a higher winrate there

Hi, I would also recommend to you, to strictly stick to the brm you set for yourself and obviously to not chase losses on higher limits. 10 BI's to move up seems very aggressive but if you stick to it (also move down if you have <10 BI's) it can work and has worked for people, but I think it is very taxing mentally and I guess depending on your edge it might be worse ev than moving up with 20 or 30 BI's. Since you mentioned, that the mental part of poker isn't your strong suit, why make it extra hard for yourself and choose such a mentally difficult brm?
I understand, that poker can be more exciting the way you approach it now and I guess it is fine to choose that route but also be aware that similar approaches often end in tears.
GL Ruben

It’s been a while guys. When I last spoke or soon after, I had my bankroll up to $6,000. I got too cocky and ignored all the mental training I had been doing and lost it pretty much in a couple hours. Next few months we’re bad, I was finding it really hard to recover from but I did, built one up again and lost it after I got ill. I could go deeper into stuff but want to be brief. Anyway the past couple weeks I have been playing 25NLz and built up to about $1.5k. I have gone back to mental preparation that helped me before and have a strict sleep plan. I’m probably gonna move up to 50NLz at $2,000. I’m gonna talk a bit here and catalogue any progress because I think it’s good as long as I don’t over-pressurise it. I stopped before because I just didn’t know if I would last, but there are some promising signs. It’s not set in stone but I have stuck to BRM for the first time and am adapted to tilt stronger through techniques I am using. In any case if I lose it again I’m getting a job, I pay rent so no choice now. See you in the next update!

Appreciate the advice I definitely agree. It’s nice waiting a bit at a stake I am finding, quite relaxing when you know you can beat it

To update - I made about $600 this week at 25NL and am going to be moving up to 50NL. It doesnt run on party so will be playing on GG - will be interesting to see whether the standard is any different.

I had a weird week - starting in the morning I was almost always playing bad and also mentally bad - bored, not wanting to play, tilting easy but later on in the day the complete opposite and idk why! Could be that I psychologically perform better when the end is near, could be that having done badly initially my expectation is lower and therefore I am happier with results. Usually i prefer playing late but this causes me a lot of sleep issues and I need a few hours of relaxing time before I go to bed. Something I am proud of is that I am not moving up stakes on frustration which is also often due to lack of sleep and day structure.

After a couple of weeks layoff I am starting gyming again which usually has a positive mental effect on the rest of the day. Still trying to find my optimal time zone, I have been trying waking at 4am but may switch it up. I have a lot to talk about but don't want to write essays and bore people so goodbye and good luck!

May god bless us!

Will not forget! Goodluck to all the buddies here!

Restarting this again as am in a similar spot to when I started. To update, I have been playing mainly 100NLz and in the past couple weeks started proper study using a solver. Started with gtow and running a few of my own sims. ItÂ’s fun and IÂ’m learning a huge amount in a short space of time, kind of stupid that I havenÂ’t used these before. I find it helps when IÂ’m tilted to return to a baseline strategy despite the fact these tactics arenÂ’t optimal vs fish. IÂ’m still having a lot of mental game issues but am started to improve, the main one is motivation but studying with other people helps a lot. I still wanna find a proper crew but have put off joining a CFP for one final go as things could be looking better as IÂ’ve managed to change a few habits IÂ’ll talk about). I got a bit of advice from a HS reg but I honestly feel bad messaging people like that who are so far above me 🤷🏻*♂️ With not much to offer. Feels like IÂ’m being an annoyance.

IÂ’m winning at about 2bb/100 at 100NL with loads of days where I tilt and blow up. ItÂ’s annoying but also keeps me going that I could do a lot better than this. Rent hurts and IÂ’m barely making it. When I go to 200NL I freak and spaz out 😂. Sometimes I feel like IÂ’m way better than people at my stake and at other times like I am an imposter whose getting lucky.

I donÂ’t know if anyone is gonna watch this IÂ’m rly doing it to vent how I really feel or things I canÂ’t say to other people or donÂ’t want to bother them with. I see it as another way of motivating me not to **** up.

SoÂ…IÂ’ll set off with my plan for this week. I have to pay like $400 in rent/expenses and also have to catch up on it a bit. Really I need to make at least a grand to keep going without bitching out to a staking group 😭😭.

In terms of study I wanna do about 3/4 hrs per day in the week and a bit less on weekend when games are soft. I keep burning out so will take the rest of day off and begin again tomorrow.

IÂ’ll try to post here daily - at least a short message or update, donÂ’t expect any rigid structure. And yeah if I stop IÂ’ve probably given up because this is rly the last push IÂ’m gonna do before needing to get a job or getting staked.

The ONE THING I HAVE to do is not lose my head and gift people money. If I can do this itÂ’s plain sailing. See you tomorrow!

glgl

Thanks

So to update.

The day after the last post I had another tilt. I’m so sleep deprived because I go to bed when it’s light.

The last two days I played well, didnt **** up and made sure to take more breaks especially when I’m feeling negative thoughts. First day made a BI and second day lost one but I was 450bb under ev it was crazy bad variance. So…still alive and it’s a good sign I haven’t tilted yet. Each day that happens I get stronger.

I’ve been feeling pretty **** and aimless despite doing more work than ever before, maybe because of the bad variance today it was a little soul destroying. I can’t help but feel I need help, and have less and less motivation to do it on my own. I think these are just feelings but it’s really frustrating. I like people I was social before getting into online poker �� and I miss always being around people you can relate to. But it’s also kind of scary trying to meet new players

I would write longer but I *need* to get to sleep. I feel the urge to come here when I’m down which maybe isn’t the best representation but it honestly helps ����*♂️