If it can make you feel better, I laughed...

My parents hate that I play poker. My dad has long wanted me to be a school teacher or a care taker for the elderly or work at a hospital. He says those are great jobs.

I take full responsibility for my failures in life. But really it’s no wonder I turned out so weak my dad guides me to be an emasculated version of myself

It seems there are two polar opinions on the potential problems of being a grown man
1. Being a jerk, too mean, selfish, not kind, unempathetic Ahole. Some ppl think that’s the problem with masculinity. But the opposite can be a dark problematic man behavior too:
2. People pleasing, wussy, doesn’t stand up for himself, lazy, poor, shy, soft, weak.

I argue it’s worse to live as 2 than as 1 but nobody in society can say it out loud bc they want you to be 2.

It’s my birthday and I’m excited to be with some fantastic company later today. In particular a newish buddy who’s been like a mentor and my rock. They (the experts) say your personality will become a blend of the 5 people people you are closest to. So that means I’m at least 20% better than I was last year.

Despite having lots of dominant alpha traits, I have never heard him (I’ll call him Ninja from now on) use a chest voice and speak above a 40db volume or get worked up at anything. Now I’m a pretty boisterous person and when I tell Ninja about a hand or about something in my personal life, I become animated and wordy with the details of what happened. I’m typically hoping to get a response filled with sage advice or hoping he congratulates me on a win or gives some commentary on how smart I played (if I won) or how unlucky I am (if I lost) or how insane and omg crazy the story I’m telling is. But the bastard always placidly responds to anything I say with, “ok so what are you going to do next?” Exactly like how a ninja takes care of his business.
Sometimes I wonder if he is paying attention or even listening at all but I think what he’s telling me is lay off the adderall, get back at the grind with discipline, focus and commitment, and the past doesn’t really matter.

I’m reminded of a quote I heard recently, “Everything God gave us points forward: Our feet, our eyes, our nose. The only thing behind is the hole we sht out of.” He’s definitely teaching me exactly what I need to learn.

Ninja is the kinda guy who goes on those 10 day silent meditation retreats, travels the world, makes tight friendships with strangers easily, seems to never gain a pound, look old, look unhappy or look flustered. All qualities I’m jealous of and aspire to. Really, I have no choice but to follow his example because if I were as self-aware, emotionally intelligent, cunning, and calm as a Ninja with the ability to control my thoughts, control my emotions, and not let things cause me to act out I’d have a hellava better life.

Yeah I think most men aren't compassionate enough to be good nurses/caretakers etc so don't force yourself to do something like that if it doesn't come naturally to you. I think women are generally better cut out for those sorts of jobs being kinder and more nurturing. Just make your own way in life and try to appreciate your emasculating dad he'd still beat up my dad because my dad is dead. So things could be worse. And someone who's not a jerk isn't necessarily a pushover either. Good luck and happy birthday.

When a football GM puts pieces together for a championship team they have a bunch of boxes to check: kickers, receivers, qb, linemen, runners, tacklers, special teams, coaching staff, etc

I think so should a poker player have a list of boxes to check when needing to improve his own game. River bluff catching, river bluffing, playing turns with high spr, turns with low spr, cbetting, barreling, playing reverse implied hands, TAG, LAG, deviating, physical tells, trapping, isoing, x betting wars, reg wars, managing money, picking rooms, scheduling sessions, preflop stylistic options, etc etc

Making an awesome play here and there doesn’t mean we’re great players nor does running well. #Igotworktodo.

Showing up hoping to run good or hoping to read someone’s soul in hands are terrible thoughts to have. The best trains of thought are “even if I run bad, I’m still likely to win bc if I focus on every hand many good spots will present themselves while I won’t be giving any opportunities for my opponents to see spots.”

💯 Facts brother -

If all hospital employees were scantily clad ladies illnesses would heal much faster and the world would be a better place.

This upswing is like a drug. I feel strong, confident, happy, worthy, optimistic about my future and confident in my ability to care for myself in the future.

This upswing is tricking me into thinking I’m special, tricking me into thinking I’m talented, tricking me into thinking I can unstress as my entire mind/body/soul is basking in a glow of serenity and peace at the moment. But the reality is it’s due mostly to a string of favorable river cards.

This upswing is feeding my addiction, “enabling” my messy life, and this upswing is blocking me from going to back to school and searching for a stable career.

People like to use the analogy of how when a cookie crumbles, it disperses in a manner out of your control, suddenly, quickly, and against your will. But sometimes we make cookies too people! Hole cards are the flour, flops are sugar, turns are vanilla extract, and rivers are our chocolate chips. This week I’m baking. Bankroll 6,300

What stakes do you play? What sites?

There’s only 1 decision every gambler makes when he’s on a heater in his home town and that is:

Take it Vegas

It’s a 2-3 hour drive if I speed. But I’ll do it in 5-6 hours driving safe and taking lots of pit stop.

After a grueling and brutal 15 hour come from far behind session I’ve showered the blood off my back and counted my bankroll. It’s at 9,400

post a pick of the racks

Tournament poker - The chance for glory, public prestige and quick big wins to combine to feed the ego, feed the family for a while, feed long term addiction, feed long term delusion and boost self esteem.

It’s exactly like chasing huge parlays as a sports bettor - Risk a little, must win every gamble (1 loss makes the whole ticket dead), and if successful receive an awesome exponential payout.

I’ve played 3 events in Vegas in the 200-600 buyin range. I haven’t built up a stack in any. Although it’s very normal for everyone to frequently go 10+ events without a cash, and although I haven’t played bad and have mostly been running poor, I’m going to be hard on myself.

I’ve been playing sloppy and loose in the wrong spots, hoping people overfold to aggression or hoping I can smash some runouts. And I’ve chickened out in spots I probably should have gone for it. We know those plays are losing strategies. So I’m going to trim my thoughts down to the following script (kinda like hypnosis or manifestation or meditation or something):

I WILL MAKE THE BETS THAT GIVE MY HOUSEHOLD THE BEST CHANCE TO BECOME A POWERFUL HOUSEHOLD

I've made all the mistakes there are to make in poker and playing too many tourneys on a limited bankroll is one of them. Tournaments are stupid. Sticking to cash games at this juncture in your life would be the wise decision.

Although I got my butt whooped in Vegas I’m grateful to have learned a few things:

1. Kbbq (in Vegas and Los Angeles) which used to be run by Koreans and catered to Korean families (occasionally with their daughters’s western boyfriends), are now run by Mexicans and serve mainly western gym rats after heavy lifting. That unlimited high protein, medium vegetable, low carb meal with fermented sides found in traditional Korean fine cuisine is apparently what researchers, dietitians, athletes and psychiatrists all are coming to agree upon as the ideal meal for a person’s whole wellbeing.
2. Tournaments have inflection points, minefields, reversions out of minefield and etc. I must mentally switch my game ahead of the stages. Hoping to take down the blinds during minefield stage is a terrible agenda. Winning allins are the goal. Later, taking small pots become the agenda again and later knocking out players is the goal again. Or something like that. Whatever stages a tournament goes through, it’s vital to be a step ahead not reacting a step behind. I must do pregame visualization, analysis and contemplation in a dark room the night before to implement my peak performance.
3. I’m mostly an adrenaline junkie playing for the instant rush of immediate wins. I’m impulsive, lazy and entitled. And those qualities have set me back repeatedly over recent years. I need to have a romance with calmness. Feeling absolutely nothing in any given moment must be my favorite hobby and my favorite high. Truly believing there’s nothing important happening while important stuff is happening right in front of me will be the secret to my success. Peace and calm are better than any drugs out there
4. I suck at poker often so I have to try harder to be stronger, smarter, prepared and ultimately more determined. Passion, dedication, preparation, discipline love and work ethic must be combined for me to succeed. Otherwise - I’ll continue being the fish I am. Bankroll 3800

how did you just lose 2/3 of your bankroll?

It’s Father’s Day. I’m traveling with my kid to visit my father. 3 generations together.

My father is very kind. Extremely kind. I have never heard him yell or show anger or attempt to harm me or anyone. However when I was a kid he was always gone working, absent, and the typical conversation with him was a quick “hey” in passing by. I don’t blame him. I was the golden kid in school, getting great grades, captain of sports teams, and never got in any trouble in school so he saw no need to get involved manufacturing a fatherly bond. But now as an adult when my life crashed and I was facing homelessness he has been extremely involved offering me guidance and doing anything he can to help.

Giving love to a child is the only action in the world that doesn’t have an ulterior motive. Every other relationship has some fakeness, some personal agenda, some impurity. True altruism can’t exist except for the act of giving your child the best possible life you can. Today I’m celebrating being a loving present father. Because being a loving caring father is the greatest opportunity in the world to me. It’s the only pure and selfless act I’ve ever participated in. It’s a gift to be a father.

What kids really need is help making sense of the world around us. There are many stimuli and realities in the world. Some are obvious, some are somewhat hidden, and in some cases society lies to us, intentionally deceiving, masking or withholding information from us. And it’s a father’s responsibility to open his child’s eyes to what’s really happening in the world. Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers on this forum.

Bankroll is at 4,700 at this moment

Here’s a pic of the Father’s Day T-shirt gift my dad is receiving: