Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann3
This is beautiful. You know what I see in you is someone who took the hard times and has decided to take these times and experiences and grow stronger. AND to use those experiences to encourage others, like here where you remind parents to treasure the time they might take for granted. That’s incredible. I just want to encourage you that even when it is hard, which you and I know it will be, don’t lose heart, don’t lose this amazing insight into yourself, your worth, and how much you love yourself and your son. Again, we are cheering you on. You are a Warrior.
Learning and growing from all the mistakes, and struggles I have has been my number 1 ambition for most of my life. I think it’s my biggest strength, and as a strength it gives purpose to my weakness.
I have always wanted to share my story with others, and have always wanted my ability to overcome my issues to be an inspiration for others to overcome the things they’ve gone through or are going through.
When I was younger my mother use to say that she wanted me to learn from her mistakes, but the one thing she never did was learn from her own mistakes so I went through a lot of stuff without having any idea how to get through it or avoid it.
It took me a very long time to learn that a lot of people go through the same stuff I’ve been through, and maybe not all of it or in the same way, but certainly there are people out there who are going through parts of what I have.
The biggest reason I’ve had this thread for so long is because I’ve had many people reach out to me and thank me for my honesty and openness, as you have, and many people who have said that my strength and persistence in growing and bettering myself has given them hope. The fact that these experiences I am going through help other people is why I keep coming back.
I’ve had this blog used against me many times, been told that I should delete it because of what people might think, and I’ve always chosen to keep it.
Some people might see this as a vulnerability, something that will come back to haunt me, but I see it completely differently. I see this being a story of how someone completely lost, became someone unbelievably strong.
With every new chapter of my story, I am growing and learning. And being able to share that, and leave the opportunity for someone who might feel as lost as I do sometimes be able to see that they’re not alone has more meaning than words have the ability to explain.
Having a place for people like you to reach out and encourage me has been a huge blessing. I’m so grateful for your kindness
It’s been very much needed recently, especially since this transition has been super stressful, it feels like I don’t have enough time for anything and I’ve felt like I’m running behind and not doing everything that I need to, but am also realizing that I have set the expectations for myself way to high, and am doing my best to be proud of how well I “am” doing, and just continuing to do the best I can.
This is a post I made a bit ago on FB:
First and foremost , I’ve been so happy since Malakai has come home, and I’m determined to do everything I can to make our lives as stable and joyful as possible.
But I’ll be honest, adjusting to having Malakai come back home has been super overwhelming and stressful.
As you all know, I’m a single mom. What you may not know is that I have no family support, and my son has never met his father or had any financial support from him. It’s a long story, but the point is, I have very little outside help.
I’m under strict requirements for my work schedule due to CASA, CPS, Ad Litem and daycare restrictions. It’s been a juggling act just to be able to balance the travel time to work, getting Malakai ready before and putting him to bed after. Getting enough sleep myself, while also having to take care of his health needs which right now are several doctors and a bunch of medication to help figure out why he keeps getting so sick.
He started running a fever at daycare on Friday, so I had to leave work to bring him home. The fever didn’t break until late last night, so I also missed work yesterday. I’m gonna be working overtime this coming week to make up for the lost hours, which I’m beyond grateful that I’m able to do so, but it’s gonna be a long week.
I have to say that even though I have a lot of stress and that this adjustment has been hard, I’m proud of myself for being able to do it. I feel like sometimes I don’t give myself enough credit for how much I have been able to do and for how far I’ve come. I was blessed to have Malakai come home after only 8.5 months in foster care, which is significantly less time than most CPS cases.
I am trusting God to help me get through this every step of the way, and have never had such a strong bond with my faith as I do now.
When it comes down to it, even though this has been difficult, it has been amazing all the same. I may not have the traditional support system, but there are many people in my life who have been there for me through this entire experience, and people who have helped me succeed when I felt like I was failing. People who let me know that even though everything isn’t “perfect”, I’m still doing great and am growing and learning how to be better with every trial and every test.
For the first time in my life, I can say that even though I have worries, I know that everything will work out and everything will be ok, and I truly believe that.
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And a lot of the confidence and peace I have comes from the support you guys have given me here
I can’t wait until everything smooths out and I am able to play poker again. Right now though I’m perfectly happy focusing on Malakai and getting our stuff straightened out and stable.
I have court at the end of the month on the 31st. There is a good chance that my case will be closed then if I have everything taken care of by then, but the case isn’t set to be closed until June. They can close it at any time, and I’m hoping it’ll be closed before June just so I can have the peace of mind. Until then, I’m using the support I have from them as much as possible. I never thought I would say that I appreciate the support from CPS, but with everything coming to an end, I am going to make sure to get the most out of this so I can be in the best position possible when my case does close.
Here’s to the ending of one chapter, and the start of a new one