Quote:
Originally Posted by BlazinAces
It appears I have allowed myself to let everything I was ambitious about fall to the wayside in recent months.
How has this happened?
I suppose being enveloped in a form of self pity has been the culprit, or perhaps something more destructive has begun to emerge.
I've been pondering for some time now what to do with my life. While being overly aware of the way other people may perceive me, I feel as though I have allowed an omnipresent fear of failure to intrude upon my life.
I know deep down I'm letting the "simplicities" of life overwhelm me because I wish to be in control of my life, and it has been hard letting this go. It has been hard to follow through, to stay positive while a very real cloud of doubt is hovering above my head.
I believe that while I have accomplished much in these past months, I have this urge to overshadow them with anger and resentment.
Troubling thoughts cross my mind regularly. Thoughts such as "You were fine living life the way you were." and "What was really so bad about the life you lived?"
Ha.
As if there is a little demon whispering in my ear, telling me all the things I don't want to hear.
*sigh*
I have been through so much in my life, and yet the most difficult thing for me to go through has been acclimating to a normal life.
With the absence of the thrill in surviving, there has been left an emptiness. It's funny actually, when I really think about the perplexities of my contradicting thought process. Wanting and not wanting something at the same time. Being stuck in between a seemingly endless contemplation. I feel as though I've thrust myself into limbo. I know it was the best move to make, I'm just unsure of if there will ever be a resolute outcome.
This is life though, with endless possibilities full of intrigue.
Ah well, I'm beginning to wonder myself how this all turns out.
Hey stranger - been a while....
What you've written is actually very common.....
I've battled things in the past - and while you do feel a sense of accomplishment when you battle back from whatever it is that ailed you- the big void is left for being accustomed to running around mach 10 with your hair on fire...
I associate it similarly to say Peyton Manning announcing his retirement today
Athletes struggle with life after sports because they miss the comradery, the competition, the years of preparedness of training camp, having a mission where all their hard work pays off and they can go win a game and compete
This is really no different - the key is finding things that fulfill you more
Try to take time to go do something you have always wanted to do but haven't.....
Try to add some diversity to your schedule - change things up
It can be something as simple as "Well, Tuesdays I normally shave my legs..."
Well, this week do it on a Thursday
Okay - strange analogy, but you get the idea
One of the hardest things to do is overcome any addiction - but it can be even tougher when it gets less rewarding and you feel there is no means to the ends
Dig deep - find ways to change things up and know just because you take one day at a time, that doesn't mean all days have to be the same!!!
Hope you're well
I'm around if you need me
Scott