http://www.twitch.tv/blazinaces/v/14866232

Me playing micro stakes PLO and PLO hi/lo on Bovada

^^ OK.
I got it. Sry that you had the impression that I take you for incompetent. That is not the case. Obviously you can take care of yourself.

I'm just tired and cranky, sorry :/

Everything is OK. Don't think about me.

Going to the beach today with a bunch of friends, no better way to relax

message me if you want a good link for work!

Today was much better than yesterday.

I spent the day out at St. Georges Island with friends. It was great to get away from the city and relax on the beach. It rained for a little bit which was cool, have never swam in the ocean while it rained before!

We had dinner near by after we left the beach, where I played tic-tac-toe and hangman with my friends daughter. She's a cutie! <3

Wound up talking for a bit at the coffee shop with one of my friends about everything that's been on my mind lately, and was given some reassurance that everything is gonna be ok.

You know, life isn't easy but I must say that changing the way I outwardly react to the way I'm treated by people and the way I feel about the way I'm being treated is relieving.

I've also realized that no matter how much I might wish for someone to understand, it is not my place to push them to if they do not get it.

Just because someone runs their bike into me doesn't mean I have to run my bike back into them to get even. Maybe they didn't mean it, maybe they did. Either way, if I do what I can to help them get back on their bike and leave the situation, it's done.

I don't have to make it worse. No matter how angry, hurt, lonely or frustrated I am, I don't have to make it worse.

I'm gonna have to let life happen on life's terms. I can not control anyone or anything in this life aside from myself and the decisions I make. No one is making those choices for me, no matter how much they may want to.

If I want something I've never had, I'll have to do something I've never done. I'll have to make a change to change my life.

I will have to grow up, and I'm ok with that, since I really want to lol

Just grateful to be alive. Grateful to have this opportunity at a new path in life. I know I'm doing what I need to be doing, and I doing it right this time.

Stronger everyday! Huh great goings. You got it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PvN7ujfj2w

"How often do you think we write our own ending before the story is even finished? How often do we give up on ourselves when our lives are just starting? Things get hard and we immediately back away and assume that means we’re going in the wrong direction, doing the wrong thing. If anything, when the waters get thick, that’s our sign to keep going."

-Rachel Van Dyken

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for I am the baddest mother ****er in the God damn valley.
Patton and Me when ever i walk into a poker room.

Lolol love it

that's pretty f**cked up about the way the roommate was acting regarding your living situation, much less the kittens.

On you overall life, there will be ups and downs, don't get too discouraged. You will be able to look back (soon) and see how far you have come.

Got a call from the district attorneys office in Las Vegas yesterday and called back today to talk with them. Apparently I had been subpoenaed for the charges pressed against the guy who threw me into the elevator back in June. I had moved and was unaware of the court date, which is on Monday.

I'm not gonna lie and say that I'm not nervous about what's gonna happen. Now that I'm sober, and live in Florida, it seems as if it happened a lifetime ago, yet I still have strong resentments about what was done to me.

The district attorney had asked if I'd be willing to testify, which I responded with absolute certainty that I do. I informed her that I would not be able to afford travel expenses in order to make the court hearing on Monday, to which she informed me that she will ask the states attorney about of the court will cover the costs. Now, I just waiting to hear back from the states attorney.

I can't help but think back to the state of mind I had been in after the incident happened. I know that I have yet to give detail on what actually happened, but feel as though it was in my best interest not to do so.

All I can do now is pray about it, as I have no idea how this will affect me, nor the repercussions he will receive.

What a weird week I am having.

Watched a GG Allin documentary with some friends, then had some smores

Last couple days have been good, nothing super monumental. Played some N64 last night and watched Guardians of the Galaxy

Got 6 weeks sober at this point, so that's a ****ing miracle <3

Staying positive and such

So I broke my phone yesterday, so I don't know if the district attorneys office called back about the court case today... This makes me upset :/

Give them a call?

Should be open for another 45 mins today.

(702) 671-2500

I did call, thankfully I wrote the number down from the voicemail. I left a message with another number she could contact me with.

Should have a new phone tomorrow sometime, and i'll be able to check any voicemail that was left if any.

TAO TE CHING
- EIGHT -

The highest good is like water.
Water gives life to the ten thousand things and does not strive.
It flows in places men reject and so is like the Tao.

In dwelling, be close to the land.
In meditation, go deep in the heart.
In dealing with others, be gentle and kind.
In speech, be true.
In ruling, be just.
In daily life, be competent.
In action, be aware of the time and the season.

No fight: No blame.

---------------------------------------------

Over the last couple months I have come to understand that I have been one selfish by nature. That through all the days, and all the words I have experienced, it has been the necessity that I alone become satiated when all is said and done.

Though in many instances I have felt justified in self pity, and have gone on about my reasons to justify the actions I have been prone to take, the foundation for all of these nuances has been forged from fear.

It is only when I truly am willing to objectively look into these actions I instinctively take on regular occasions that I can see these faulty thought processes. The ones that have caused immeasurable amounts of pain, guilt, and self-loathing in my life over the years. Only when I am willing to look into the mirror at myself, to see who I really am, can I begin to mend the deficiencies of character I have acclimated to accommodating.

To be able to feel freely without intention nor expectation of actions following circumstance is intriguing.

To be humble and honest is of exemplary peace.

To grow from shame is of courage.

To know oneself is of innovation.

“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend.”

― Bruce Lee

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqHSbMR_udo

apkrnewb can you try a little less hard. It's painful to read.

Lol

Become like water my friend.

Hi.. I've been reading this thread lately and can relate to the not drinking part as I'm trying to stop myself..

just thought I'd pop in with a book u might like (or already know).. it's really entertaining and helpful.. I have the audiobook read by the author and I would recommend it.. it's so so good

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Blackout-Rem.../dp/1455554596

anyway, cool thread.. I hope you keep writing

glgl

So I got a new phone yesterday, which is good.

Gonna go to see the Orioles play the Rays down in Tampa on Saturday, I'm excited about that...

Found out that the case got dismissed concerning the guy who hurt me because I was unable to make the hearing on Monday. -____- Honestly, I don't think it's fair, he already thinks he's untouchable and can do whatever he wants, and I guess our Justice system just ****ing sucks and lets people who actually do ****ed up **** get away with it while often punishing people who do nothing wrong.

I ****ing hate the government.

I'm kinda pissed but whatever.

Like it was on video. wtf. How does that get dismissed?