Holy fing **** I am a mfer of a tilt box. That initial anger to buckle down and focus has worn thin and its been a steady progression downward in self control.
Absent the social aspect it’s just me clicking buttons. I’m being extremely self critical and not finding any fun in what I’m doing.
Things like making bad barrels, worst card in the deck syndrome and tracking my sessions are affecting me emotionally. All normal poker ****
+$200 in 4 OR 8 hours of two tabling 50nl is really good yet it’s the little things that are bothering me and I’m not focusing on the results.
The results so far it’s been one losing day in 3 weeks overall. My hourly has been $24-$30 the entire time and currently sits at $28 even. Since the reboot $500>>>$3.8k (thanks dealer).
Yet I know I’m running excellent because I have punted so many stacks in hands where I’m just tilted. That’s the most frustrating part. I feel like I should be winning more and that’s causing me to lose the max.
The pattern has been grinding it out is the only thing that assuages my annoyance and uncoincidentally that works until I inevitably start tilting again. Rinse and repeat.
I’m not following my quitting rules because it’s been ineffective; I come back trying harder not to **** up. On the positive side I’m aware while it’s happening, I’m just currently emotionally incapable of stopping it. This is probably residual effects from a poker lifetime of grinding for months only to blow the rolls in a few hours. I’ve developed a complex while not correcting the problem and it’s festered into everything.
Also life tilt affects poker tilt. Never liked talking like this but it’s apparent that substances were an emotional crutch. Interesting to look back on how that came to be, but at least ventanalizing puts it into perspective.
Me complaining is at least motivation to fix it. Good luck, run good