I just got home after the 2/5 session, I'm just going to type what I'm thinking and feeling, so I am not sure if this is going to make any sense; TLDR:
All I know is lesson learned, or at least for a while I won't make the same mistake.
Bankroll management was created for a reason, its to keep you from becoming a degen and ruining all the hard work you grinded up. Last night I just about learned this in my hardest poker lesson yet. Night started off great, doubled up with AA vs TT pre vs my friend for $500, now sitting on a 1k stack. After about 5 hours of nothing, I got hit with a string of bad hands that resulted in me down $1500. I only brought $1500 to the game as I thought I'd play standard 1/3, but come to find out it was a 2/5 and it was an uncapped game (like 90% of the games I go too). After I was down to my last $300 sitting in front of me, I see everyone else sitting on 2k stacks and I felt like I wasn't even a factor on the table. I could go home and grab my roll and come back but the game would break because we are playing 5-6 handed, I wasn't going to leave the game stuck 1.5k, no way. I eventually get the guy running the game and tell him to give me $4k in chips, he looks at me for a few seconds, and then tells me "I trust you man, how you want the chips". I tell him it doesn't matter and walk back to my seat with a fake smile acting like the money doesn't phase me, heck I am sure I even lied to myself enough where I half believe it.
Almost every degen knows that feeling when you lost more than you are comfortable, a painless burn, a mixture of optimism and helplessness that just occupies your mind. You don't get this feeling until it crosses a good chunk of your net worth. Like where if you lost the money, your lifestyle could change temporarily or permanently. Thats where I was, sitting with with 4.5k in front of me, most I ever had in play at once and I am just another guy on the table, not even the biggest stack. Very weird when I am used to being the big stack. If I take one bad beat, lose a flip, whatever, I am basically back to grinding at my stomping grounds, at the 1/1 capped game and maybe some 1/2 with my remaining $2-3k when I am feeling ballsy. I have another 5k in the bank from work, but I vowed to never use that for poker. I'd probably just lose the motivation to play anymore if I bust my poker roll that I built strictly from grinding. Then boom it happens.
Run bad, play worse. I have TT vs a aggro guy thats running hot as the sun. He raises from UTG, I call. flop its 642. I bet, he c/r me and he is repping pretty narrow considering how wide he is. He then barrels turn and river and I bluff catch with the turn being Q and river J. he opens 53 and Im down $800 in one hand.
TT again I open from MP and the tightest guy on the table 3 bets me from the BTN. I call and the flop is:
8
6
2
I check and he bets, now my read and everything in my brain says he has JJ+ or AQ+ of hearts for value and AKo for his air. So I call to keep his bluffs in (which I am not even really ahead enough to call his barrels) but I guess no point in raising. turn is a 8
I check he bets. Now I know he has a flush, as he won't continue with a weak range, Yet I convince my self I should reraise for 550 more so he can fold his QQ+ with heart draw. Nope, he snaps with AQ
. Now when he calls, I motion to muck my hand because I thought I was dead, I kind of show my hand to the table then throw it face down but it flips back up somehow. I reach to throw it away for good but some guys say "bro your still live" and I also just at time and realize I am indeed still live and do a quick "oh ****" and flip it up to run the river. If the guy wanted too he could have said no you mucked and called it dead but he let it run so I am right now realizing that that took some class on his part. I was definitely embarrassed somewhat as I just felt so weak in the game for some reason. Well brick the river, and a couple hands late I am down for a total of 3.5k. At this point I pretty much get up from the table and go to the bathroom.
I think about if I double up with my approximate 2.5k stack (verryyyy unlikely) I can be +500 for the night or if I bust Ill be down 5k. I decided that the pain of losing most of my roll and not being able to play uncapped 1/3 anymore is greater than trying to get even this session. So I sat back down, folded two hands and told the house to cash me out. Now everyones like yeah cash me out too then.... yeah me too... My friend says hey lets play for like 15 more minutes, till 3 AM. I was already racked but say F it lets go. I also propose a mandatory UTG straddle to $10 so now we are playing 2/5/10. Hell yeah. I do some aggro monkey bets and also wake up in a few hands and get back to around $3.5k, down about $2.5K. Then me vs this other aggro guy get in a pot at 2:59 AM.
Raise pre to 35, Hero calls with 33.
Flop
8
T
7
Villain bets 50, Hero calls.
TURN
3
Villain bets 90, HERO calls
RIVER
8
Villain checks, Hero tanks for about 2 minutes, Bets 350, Villain raises to 850, Hero calls.
Villain shows A
9
Now I was quite disappointed that I didn't have the heart to reship and make it nice, but I was, simply put, scared money I guess. I did see this guy call a 5 bet preflop with 6
7
and stack someone for 2k so I put some of the T8 full houses in his range and scared myself. I did the overbet to induce a raise because I know that guy was wild and he raised it, but I figured hes only bluffing so just called. I did contemplate 2.2x raising to induce a 4 bet ship by him on the river but like I said I got cold feet.
So I scoop the pot and when all is said in done, I cash out and am only down
$1140. You know your messed up when you lose that amount and you feel like you won. I think this was a good experience despite the result, and now that I see it in writing, its only 2BI at 2/5. Super standard. But even 2 BI losses hurt right now so that tells me that I am playing too high. I have to move down to 1/3, which is sick because its almost like 2/5, I still buy in deep for like 1k. If I do play anymore 2/5, I will buy in for 500 and just play standard 100bb poker.
Anyway I got work in 4 hours so I'm going to try and get some sleep, I'll probably cringe at some of the things I wrote and it likely reads like gibberish but if anything I can always look back at this post for a reminder in BR management. I'll be back on the grind tomorrow night, GL at the tables everyone!