Gg

I mean I don't care it's not big money I just feel trapped lol I dominated the stakes I'll get there unsure how maybe I'll get lucky and find a backer I'm to good to just not play and have good head on my shoulders about the game I just feel like I'm playing only for the money which sucks like I need more joy in my life from other things to have a more solid mental about the game.. but anyway big bandanna unsure if that's a sarcastic remark or but if it is lol at you I don't care truly. Unsure what your mo is but like said I don't give a shid

you needa relax, dno why everytime i post u think im mocking you? im not.

You're gonna put him on tilt big bandana!

I'm sorry man... my mistake. Snappn out of a depression and not thinking clearly. Sorry again.

Can we hear some of your rap music?

This was always going to be the result. Phil Galfond would have busted, as well. You definitely should get a regular job.


It’s going to be very hard to find a backer if they think you’re going to be reckless with their stake.

Think you would benefit from a full time job op.

Not just the monetary security from it but also mentally. Meet new people and try new things etc. in 6-12 months you might not care about poker

Unfortunately, the reality of trying to be a poker pro (or semi-pro) is that you need to have a solid mental game. You need to be able to control your emotions in order to protect your roll, which you seem to have a lot of difficulty doing OP. Are you required to work with a therapist in order to be on benefits? If not, imo you really should consider seeing one. It's gonna be pretty hard for you to get your life to where you want to be if you can't learn how to manage your emotions better, regardless of whether or not you ultimately want to pursue poker

I think you have a lot of insight when you say you need more joy from your life in order to have a solid mental game - your life definitely needs to be decent enough to not let losing bother you. And I think the only way that's going to happen is if you take your mental and emotional health as seriously as you possibly can. That was certainly the case for me

I definitely understand the feeling of being "trapped," especially if your living and financial situations are not great. That was me for quite some time, before I really started to turn a corner after a few years of therapy. It sucks sometimes, but you really can't force those things. You need to make money to improve those things, but it's hard to make money unless you can control your emotions enough to not let them hurt your long-term goals

If OP could legitimately work a full-time job, he most likely wouldn't be on disability benefits. He needs to start with part-time work

If you go on tilt, just lean the other way slightly. Works like a charm.

Whitemares, I feel like it's not to big a deal and I truly enjoy poker. I mean of course in my position getting a job and meeting people would be a positive thing but I have a pretty happy existence. From a detached perspective I am just having problems from other life challenges that are hindering me from playing consistent poker. Skill wise I feel confident in my game I just need more positive things going on in my life to be a successful player. And it's a learning experience I mean if I want to play I learned from this last shot that I have to have more regularity in my schedule. 8 hours of poker/day than have exercise and just fill my day with balanced things to do in what I aspire to succeed in. Which i cant right now because being in a shelter that a little compromised so like said having other things i like to do and not hinging my entire identity on poker will be relaxing. I've been dominant last 2 months at plo100 I turned $110 to $950 one session then made $375 at plo$60 yesterday so I'm remembering that I'm a pretty dominant player when I play my game. I gotta set constant goals micro/macro and REWARD myself on a daily basis. I am a big family person and like to be really close to the people in my life so my.mom passed away 3 years ago and she was my best friend my little sister to and she got a bf and doesn't talk to me really much anymore so I feel like getting in shape and like said rewarding myself on a daily basis will set me up to meet a gf. That's what I want. 8)

Urban waste I have aspirations of creating an album but go through different levels of inspiration with it. I made up a line a few days ago listening to the I strumental of lil dickys hahaha and said something like my "talent levels floors... flaws, floors" and strung it togeather with another line.. so.. as the last floors is like "flooring" somebody so lol "the flaws within the my talents floor could floor somebody"... ... ...so the worst of the worst of me could still floor somebody lol but yeah I love playing words

I made the beat dumb it down by lupe fiasco about 3 months before it came out in Dec. 2007. I would zone out to the 4 notes of the song for like 20 mins and enter like a trance I love producing to just never did anything with it I'm so lazy and have weird moods about inspiration. But yeah kendrick rapped over that beat so did currency and Mac Miller it's just the four main notes with some drums I didn't do the drums but it was weird because I would like said enter a trance for like 20 mins a night I'd get lost in those 4 notes than I got the cd as soon as it came out and I heard the song with the four notes I would go into a trance to be played over and over again in the beat with the drums like I would do lolol I first started enjoying weed at 22 years old and was at my all time "cool" I started to enjoy smoking weed by myself and was listening to the song after playing through the entire album and enjoying his cd as my favorite album I ever listened to or rather the Mos ti ever in my life enjoyed listening to a piece of music and all off a sudden I head the beat I was going into a trance playing come on and I just played through it and went on to the next song but I started bugging out again like after a 3 week period of time of loving to smoke weed and went back to my u cool self and was like wtf that was the 4 notes I've been going into a trance for months I first started hearing voices when I was playing those notes and going into a trance like state... but anyway I want to make beats for the album if I make it as well as rap on it I enjoy both.

I'm super like unconfident in my voice though like it's weird I used to have so much anxiety about rapping but I feel like going through honeless shelters and being close to what hip hop would consider "gangster" people made me more comfortable with my rapping identity I think Mayne I'm going to focus on rap and just play poker as very serious hobby it's my passion in life I love rap so much and being around members of Gang members made me come out of a depression THATS IT! because I've been wanting to make music but just how the world is didn't feel comfortable with myself like my dad was really gangster my uncle is a known mobster vincen asaro but anyway that's nothing like my father was against gangster people he wanted me to be a good person. Which I am but like lots of time people think of gangsters as mean people but the love I felt from people in gangs over last some years now made me more co.fortable in my own skin since my thoughts are from being raised by my father is gangster in a way but I wasn't FEELUNG as I thought because my father passed away when I was 12 and my town wasn't very gangster so being around real gangster type of love people like how I was raised and seeing how true and real they are in a way made me feel like when my father was alive like when I was small... so anyway idk what I'm going to do music is a passion of mine a big one but I don't care to much I just want to be happy and enjoy life so may just stick with poker normal stakes like 12 5 bringing plo at aria once I get a bankroll somehow and get back to what's important luke family and friends and than I have so much time left about half my life to move up to 5/5 plo. 2 plus 2 has been such a deep meaning to me and I'm glad to be a member of the forum and have a better perspective new found respect for it after not being as depressed as I used to be but anyway I love yall have a great day

Mornin' John!

Thanks for being so open and honest about your situation and backstory.

There's been a handful of folks in my life that were either high functioning or not so high functioning schizophrenics over the years, so I was pretty sure that's what was going on after reading just a couple more recent posts before starting from the beginning and eventually finding your post admitting your diagnosis. Self awareness and honesty with self are absolutely required if you want to succeed at your goals, so that's a good start.

One of the most intelligent, perhaps even the most intelligent human, I've ever met was a not so high functioning schizophrenic. I'll refer to him as, "Edgar." Edgar was honorably discharged from the Navy at a young age due to his untreated condition and replaced that routine with sneaking into college physics lectures all over the Carolinas in his twenties. He was never able to maintain a regular medication schedule and remained homeless the next 40 years largely because of that. He would occasionally pick up a regular job but inevitably lose it due to an angry outburst. He still barely hangs on to his relationships with his three sons, largely due to those angry outbursts and continued failure to regularly maintain his medication routine even now.

I know we don't have schizophrenia figured out yet and I know the medications are generally hit and miss with a good number of less than awesome side affects, but I also know that every schizophrenic I've known can trace most of their worst problems back to times they've been off their medication. All of them were capable of being pleasant to be around and responsible enough to take care of themselves even if they weren't able to maintain regular employment while on meds. It's surely a difficult condition to live through.

Just wanted to drop a quick note to let you know there's at least one more person in this thread who "gets it" and empathizes with your situation. Keep focused on that self awareness, do your best to create a routine that calms you, make it a daily habit to note your mistakes in life, poker, and music, then make a second daily habit to focus on improving upon those mistakes by just 0.1% every day. Keep at that routine, keep on the meds, and eventually you'll be 1000% better.

Hope you have a great day. Be well, sir.

Thanks for the support! That sounds cool to focus on your mistakes with things and than improve them. But I don't really feel like I've made mistakes I More so like to look at what I did right in a bad situation and improve on those strengths that I have. 8)

Like if I misplaced a hand than I'm just self wired to be honest about it but I'm extremely adamant about not being wrong in any type of relation I have with another human. I feel like I'm a very real person and was brought up that way and that I have a very firm grip on reality, my reality. I know what I have to do to succeed its just "feeling" that way to like I said in a prior post aligning my feelings with my thoughts. I think very high of myself because accomplishments aside I feel if your a nice person than you realize accomplishments of money etc are just blessings to be enjoyed with others in life.

So I don't really make mistakes in the way you worded it lol at least in a way that matters to me (human relations) everything else I don't look at as mistake. I'm like said coming out of a depression and feel like my feelings about myself are aligning with how I think of myself. I should be successful at whatever I decide to do in life once I'm fully out of it! 8) Which is hopefully soon but I went through a rough patch my mom died very unexpectedly and I didn't know at the time till after the fact and was in himeless shelter with nobody close to grieve with. So it's baby steps thoughts align with feelings and than my emotions should get on track.. gotta "attack" life in a way BUT still be aware of the lessons from patience but attacking and being aggressive runs paramount to being to patient. On the table if your aggressive it just makes everything easier if you play solid fundamentally than everything comes togeather. My range is to wide and this makes other players ranges be to wide as well. I made $350 profit at plo60 and $100 at plo $20 I'm pretty dominant and I am very confident in my play also turned $110 to $950 last month. But my life isn't conducive to making right decisions I don't feel it's the schizophrenia playing any part in that. Poker is still poker for play money and I feel like my skill level (mental part) of the game is there but money and bankroll decisions have more to do with your emotional state and how you feel about life which I have been having problems with as my mom passing and sis not being as close to was a sudden thing for me but I've grown more mature and wiser last few years from it and after slowly coming out of a depression that anyone else would feel rather than "schizophrenia" being the cause of my problems.

I can bankroll u any amount of cash with the proper collateral

What do you have

*edit*

P.S...... nevermind u have no ability to manage bankroll.

P.P.S. Hope u were joking about vpip

P.P.P.S. 90% vpip is considered high btw, even in PLO

Damn bruh we never even heard the rap single yet make up your mind...back to page 4 brb

Haaa.. rap and poker I need to build my aura up through my rap persona to have an adge at the tables

Watch out for NoMirrors (OnlyGodCanSeeMe)

Exercise and fresh air is the best thing for mental health... Overburdening your mind with Risk causes stress, which is the worst thing for mental health

I am a stranger, but i recommend having steady things in your life, and regular routines, like a job.

Not moving locations in a desperate attempt to have more money to gamble with.



My advice: take your poker bankroll and buy a kayak

The potential win of gambling is not worth the stress it causes trying to get there


Bankroll management is the #1 key to playing for a living
#2 is studying
#3 is studying
#4 is studying which will inform you about vpip
#5 is playing poker

Just wanted to second this post, very thoughtful and well-intentioned. I would not have the success I’ve had so far in poker and elsewhere were I not medicated for my schizophrenia and, when I needed it, in therapy. Don’t underestimate the importance of routine and good health habits like diet exercise and sleep. They’ve served me as well as my meds have. Wishing you the best too John. - John/DT

I know what I have to do to succeed in life... I'm not looking for advice. I appreciate it though!. I want my peace over everything it allows you to think clearly which I feel I do and like said for bankroll management I'm just not playing in an environment conducive to feelung as much peace as I'd like to make those proper decisions but mentally I'm there but again getting my feelings aligned with my thoughts before my emotions get back on track it's a process.. waking up out of a depression. No need to worry guys!