July has sucked balls so far👎
Time to start traveling though and turn things around playing lolsoft live pokers. Heading to Sacramento today and staying for about a week. Then heading to Vegas on the 11th and staying there for a week or two. If you see me, come say hi!

Got crushed again today. Both online on PPP and live at Stones Gambling Hall in Sacramento. ~$2300 downswing now. I know this is completely standard but it just sucks because it coincides with me spending a **** ton of money. Liferoll well below 20k again. Sigh... oh well, I know I'll be fine as long as I keep a strong mental game and don't tilt or degen. I have enough of a bankroll, to where, I should never go broke again. As long as I'm smart. Still, it's a bit stressful. Wanted to play a lot of 2/5 here at Stones, but with the way things are going the last few days, I think I will stick to the 1/3 streets for now. See how that goes and move back up when I'm more confident.

I say all of this, with compassion, as someone whose made/makes a pretty good living from poker and has had some degen issues in the past and has found a way to move past that and have a super fulfilling poker/life balance in my 30s, that even includes some pit gambling from time to time:

You seem super unfocused and flighty. That kind of attitude won't help you get over your compulsions. You have to figure out what motivates you and play towards that.

You are taking cold showers because...why? You think that punishing yourself will help you not degen? Yet it hasn't helped any of the times before. Nor has meditation or 48 hour fasts or hot yoga or healing crystals or repeating things you read on the back of No Fear shirts. Those are all quick fixes because you want your problems solved right away instead of doing the work. Gotta do the work. It's like going on a crash diet and saying "I'm skinny now" and then going back to eating like crap.

What are your goals? To make money, I assume. To do what? Get an apartment, that's step one. Buy a house? Retire? Making -ev bets delays all of that. Open shoving 200bb delays all of that. Tilt is dumb if you're a professional. You've never lost hands before? You don't understand math? Getting full of yourself when you're on the positive side of variance is equally dumb, by the way.

Traveling around doesn't turn things around, it makes them worse. You're spending money. Money that you don't have to lose. Wasting money on hotel rooms and plane tickets and eating out. You're playing in games where you don't know how anyone specifically plays and don't know the meta. You're playing in random tournaments when you probably haven't done 10 hours of MTT/ICM study. Does that mean that these games are -ev for you? Probably not. But you should be looking for the way to maximize your equity, not maybe make some money.

Stop seeing poker as the fun thing. It's an enjoyable, exciting, and complex way to make a living. But it shouldn't be your pastime. Find a hobby. Make non-poker/gambling friends. Get Tinder. Try to make a life that includes poker, not have poker be your life.

Make a plan and stick to it. Monday/Wednesday you get on the apps at 3pm and look for 100nl games and play them while they are good while birding Bravo for good live games that are higher ev. At 11 stop adding tables, at midnight wind down with a goal of being off by 1am unless there's someone blind shipping every other hand. Friday/Saturday get to the casino at 3pm for the 2/5 game with a goal of racking up around 1am unless the game is very juicy. Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday you do **** THAT'S NOT POKER. Obviously that's something off the top of my head, it shouldn't be your literal schedule, but use your knowledge of your bankroll and when/where the games are the best to craft a loose schedule of when you want to be looking to play poker, and where/what you want to play, and when is your non-poker time. I know it's counterintuitive because we got into poker because we didn't want bosses or schedules, but honestly it helps to have times when you don't have that pressure of searching for games or "I'll just have a couple tables up while I eat" or "Oh I shouldn't be watching this movie, I'm down 800 on the week I need to be in grind mode."

Sorry for the novel. It seems very likely that you have the skills to do this long term, you just have to figure out your goals and work towards them.

I appreciate the advice GhoulPatrol. Be careful reading too much into a few paragraphs of text though. Some of the things you said are pretty accurate but a lot of this is just wildly off base lol. I have a plan and I'm sticking to it.
Edit: There is some good advice in there though and I will take it. Thanks.

Big +1 to the part about making your life harder by adding travel expenses to the picture. Don't underestimate how quickly that stuff adds up.

Agreed Tyman. I love traveling and one of my goals is to become a poker nomad. Traveling the world, playing poker for a living. But, that will have to wait until my BR is healthier. Now I need to save. I'm only in Sacramento this week because I had other responsibilities that brought me here. And I'm getting paid to go to Vegas because of my past degening lol.

You're RFB AND they are sending a plane?

No but a round trip ticket is ~$70. I get free play, food comps, and a free room. The $70 plane ticket isn't a life changing sum of money to me lol..

What's RFB?

Taking a shot in a $5-$5 ($500-$2000) PLO game at Stones now. This is either going to be really good or really bad ��

I will reiterate what has already been said ITT, as I would hate to see you fail/that BR dissipate itself... Playing high variance games like 5-5 PLO might not be the best idea until

A) you get a bigger BR
B) resolve those tilting issues

Increasing the variance might just contribute to you open-shoving 200bbs again. Disclaimer :

GL friend

Game is 5/5/10 now. I'm firing up to 2k. This game is too good to pass up. If I lose this I'll move back down stakes and grind it back up. I'll be fine either way. My tilt and degen tendencies are much better these days. 0% chance I torch the roll.

I'm chip leader now

vamooooooooooooo !!! Good luck !!!!

Picture is side but when we click it shows normal .

From what I read here I agree your tilt and degen tendencies are getting better but remember : fordegens like us it is easy get excited with money flying and booom !!

Good shot if you stop at $2,000 stop loss but terrible if you keep playing after that .

Ps: Saying this is so easy !! hard to do it lol .

This game is legit. 20 dollar straddles and 25 dollar bomb pots. And only 1 other good player at table.

Thanks my degen brother <3
I will definitely stick to 2k stop loss. But the way things are going so far I don't think i need to worry about it

You are continuing to reinforce bad habits but it's your life/money and I hope you run well in the game.

I mean I feel like shot taking with a stop loss in mind in an amazing game and being willing to move back down in stakes if you lose is different than gambling/degening. But yeah I feel you. It's pretty reckless and high variance. I'll make it back if I lose, though.

Well that sucked. -$471. I keep getting put in tough spots and making the wrong decisions lately. Nothing is coming easy. Last 2 hands. 1st hand) 5/5/10 straddle on B. I pot AAxx sb. BB folds. B calls. Flop: 888. I memebet $10. B calls. Turn 10. I bet large B calls. River 10. Board is now 8881010. I bet $200. V pots it to $865. I am leaning towards fold here but I keep thinking V may be spazzing vs the memebet. I level myself into calling. You already know what he has. Memebet cost me $665

Next hand we fold. Then literally very next hand after that we see a 4 way bomb pot with Q246r. $100 in pot and flop is A35r. Old guy pots flop. I call B. Sb is the only other good player in the game and he calls. Turn 6d bringing bdfd. Sb checks. Old guy checks. I bet $330. Sb pots to ~$1400 or whatever it was. He's only ever doing this with the nuts or 44. I fold. He shows 44.

I snap leave after that hand. Was about to tilt so I got out of there. Shot taking didn't go well so I'll just move back down and grind back up. Sticking to the plan. I know a lot of people read this thread because people love to see trainwrecks but it's not going to happen in this thread. Sorry to disappoint.

Edit: I was up at least 1k in EV. Lost 2 $2k pots with ~45% equity where we ran it twice. Lost both run outs both times. Couple other sick spots. Flopped the nuts in a 3b pot. Pot flop and get the 2 whales of the game to call. $800 going to turn. Turn is a flush card and they gii. 2nd nut flush vs nut flush. 7 outs between them. They both 100% would have called turn pot on a blank. Just stuff like that. Could just never get too much momentum going. Was up 1800 at one point but after that it was just swingy AF. Between stuck 1k and up 1k the whole night.

I feel like saying "Shot taking is no big deal, if I lose I'll just make it back" is a negative mindset to have for someone who is struggling with degen issues. How do you think your mentality is different from in the past when you punted off bankrolls? Not just "Well I don't play pit games anymore", I'm talking about your mental approach to poker/gambling. Because if it isn't different, then you shouldn't expect different results, even if at this moment you aren't sitting at a BJ table.

I'm not going on tilt and punting off bankrolls/Degening off bankrolls anymore?

You missed the part of my post where I specified I was talking about your mentality, not about the results. You not punting off your bankroll doesn't mean that you won't punt off your bankroll, anymore than an alcoholic abstaining from drinking on Monday doesn't mean that he won't drink on Tuesday. Without a solid foundation, you not tilting/degening can only really be choked up to positive variance.

I don't know how to explain it. It's just different now. I'm in the midst of a 5k downswing right now, for example. In the past I would be obsessing over it 24/7. Itching to get back to the casino to try to win it back at BJ or poker. It would consume my thoughts, all I wanted was to get back to even. Back to even. Now? It still hurts don't get me wrong but I'm not worried about it. I don't even have any desire whatsoever to go play poker today. Again, in the past, that would be my first thought upon waking up. Going to the casino or online and trying to get even. Right now I'm so fed up with poker I don't even want to think about it lol.

Also I'm going to move down in stakes when I start playing again. In the past, the bigger the downswing, the higher in stakes I would move. Because that's the only way to get back to even right?

Yeah Idk how to explain it well. And you probably think I'm full of crap, just another degen rationalizing their degeneracy. But, everything is different for me now. Just my entire thought process and mental approach. I attribute it to the meditation mostly. Degens are impulsive. When you stop being as impulsive and can observe your thoughts without acting upon them, it becomes much easier not to punt/tilt/degen/torch rolls.

Idk though. I'm still a work in progress. Maybe you are right and I am fooling myself. Maybe this has been a temporary moment of strength that will eventually lead to a moment of weakness and a huge crash and burn. I sure hope not. And I'm working hard every single day on my self discipline to make sure that doesn't happen. Only time will tell.

10%+ of the net worth on a 1 buyin plo shot is just super high variance and a big chunk of the time you lose 2k. Even without the degen past it can be super easy when you have a smaller net worth for things to snowball in a negative direction between downswings and expenses. It wouldn't be that hard to lose 2k in that game, continue to downswing for another few thousand over the next month or two, and spend a few thousand during that time on life expenses. And all of a sudden the pressure is really on and the back is against the wall. I just personally think if you want to be successful long term it's important to go about things in a way that is sustainable and doesn't depend on fading running super bad. But that's purely my opinion and everyone has different risk tolerance.

How much meditation do you practice daily/weekly?

No, what you're saying makes sense and I don't think you're BSing. I think for people prone to punting it's probably prudent to set self-imposed safeguards like not playing in larger than normal games, but like Tyman said, everyone has different risk tolerances and goals. If it's working for you, and you're in a better headspace and enjoying life, keep doing what you're doing.