A few weeks into following the strongest impulse of my life, the one that told me to build a band from the ground up, I’m utterly lost. I can write decent music for what we were trying to create but I couldn’t sing or birth creative lyrics. Still one out of three ain’t bad, and I continued to hone the niche talent I had found. I wrote a lot of songs back then, heavily influenced by the likes of Blink and Fenix Tx. Speaking of being under the influence, Chris and I began drinking alcohol at this time.

I recognized why alcohol had such a mass appeal very early on. It made me feel good about myself! In situations I would normally shrivel up in, I thrived. I was sure of who I was, and I began to lean on the liquid courage very often, falling into the same pit my family had fallen in before me.

Quick poker brag if for nothing more than to show what I wrote in an earlier post is true and crushes these small stakes. New player sits down and opens 12 in cutoff. He’s “new” but I know him from my time living in Nevada. He’s a chain smoking, scared money 55 year old Italian. He usually plays 2/5 but will play 1/3 while waiting. Ok enough padding word count, get on with it.

I make it 30 from button with 72o out of a combination of boredom and a dozen drinks in my system. To my surprise, BB cold calls. He’s a tough young Asian who cold 4bet me earlier in the night. Donkey Tracker reads him at 25/20 over 95 hands. Very solid numbers in a 6 max game for my opinion but then again, what does my opinion matter, I’ve never even risen to become a 5/10 reg. (For self gratifying reference my numbers are 26/24 over 250 hands.) See, I raise more than him! That makes me better! Ok enough 3D thinking.

We take a flop 3 way with me having ultimate position. Approx $90 in middle, flop A J 3r. They both x, I fire $50 and take it down. Yes yes yes, results oriented, I know. TRACK IT!! This stuff is ******edly easy guys, and that must be the way I was caught in the ripple for so long.

Another “present” hand I wanted to throw in for fun. One limp, I raise to 16 with red KQo in cutoff. Button calls, limper calls. Flop K 3 4ss. Limper checks, I bet 20, button clicks to 40 and I call. Turn blank. I x, button x, river blank. I intend to bet 75, better yet I have an IMPULSE (lol) to bet 75. But as my chips pass the line and I cut them out in stacks of 5 just as everyone else does, the villain announces call. Well wait a minute. I wanted to bet 75. Ive only cut out 50. I have most likely 110 in my actual hand. I’m ashamed to admit in past situations I’ve just let go of my hand and made my bet even BIGGER than my intention. That has felt dirty each and every time. We surely have the best hand here. I understand about protecting against angles. But to take a more passive approach, does it really matter?

I asked the best player I’ve ever met (he will be included in the story of course). He’s radio silence. I assume he’s busy at the moment. He normally helps me a lot, with no expectation of anything other than true friendship. I admire him greatly for his poker skills and even more so, his ease at connection with others. I have nothing to offer him other than friendship and maybe the odd line I might throw out against weird randoms. Usually wrong in theory but I can’t help that. I’M NOT A POKER GUY!

I left the $50 as it were and he shows K10o to give us the scoop. I joked to my much better friend that I hope that extra $25 gets credited to my soul.

It's really given me some food for thought, how you described a livelihood as "a way of existing".
I generally live under the apprehension that my livelihood is a means to my future existence, ie retirement, holidays, days off or whatever. Never have I considered it 'a way of existING'. If this is the case, then I should dramatically reconsider my approach to livelihood and life in general, seeking the highest quality of life in the present rather than using the present as a means of a high quality of life in the future.

Sorry to venture away from you story, but I hope this makes sense and it's a very interesting perspective.

What livelihoods provide the most pleasant, healthy and enjoyable way of existing, regardless of earnings?

I’m sorry for such a late response, I’ve put this thread on the back burner for a few weeks because I only like to write in it when I feel truly inspired. I read your question the same day you posted it and I didn’t have a reply that felt good enough. I would recommend the immensely popular book The Power Of Now to you and to anyone feeling a little lost or unsure of how to continue with their life. It has no mysticism to it, which I think most people appreciate but I have to admit, I’m a sucker for more “esoteric” writings. Friends and family would most likely describe me as extremely gullible, and I wouldn’t argue or be offended by that label.

If you resonate more with the mystical side of things, I don’t think you can go wrong with Bashar’s suggestion on how to live life. Keep chasing every thread of excitement, keep following every impulse. If you’re not happy doing what you’re doing, you should follow what you DO enjoy doing. I’m not advocating quitting your day job, (after all I’m still doing mine aren’t I?) but making a conscious effort, preferably every single day, to chase your passion and impulses.

There’s no need to apologize for reaching out, I genuinely enjoy the interaction. It’s felt pretty lonely in here but that’s ok.

This weekend has been a fun one so far. I was able to talk Chris into driving out with me to Nevada. After 5 hours and no traffic, we get to Pat’s house and grab some Hawaiian BBQ. First time I’ve ever had a Loco Moco and I had to make a joke that I’m sure has been made 100,000x before me. “Loco Moco, which roughly translates to crazy booger.”

After eating I drove to Bellagio and was shocked to find a sign outside the path to the parking garage saying “Garage At Capacity”. I reluctantly drove down to Venetian even though I hate that poker room more than anything. I was pleasantly surprised to find they now spread 1/3 as their smallest NL game instead of 1/2 which they’ve done for as long as I can remember. I was not so pleasantly surprised to see the waiting list falling off the screen. I called it a wash and drove back to Pat’s.

While I was out on my quick excursion to the strip, Pat and Chris took a trip to Costco to grab a rack of Truly. (This post sponsored by Truly. Get Truly drunk ™️.)

All jokes aside those things are actually stronger than you might expect. Patrick chose to not partake and instead picked a bottle of rum as his drink for the night. He has suffered from a deep depression for as long as I’ve known him and it only has grown worse over time. It is very hard to see someone you love and admire hurt in a way you could never understand. In my opinion the most frustrating thing about this world is having to accept that you cannot change anyone’s perception of themselves. I have attempted to uplift my wife countless times (she does not suffer from depression but still had a very negative self image for years.) You can try all you want but you CANNOT change someone’s opinion of themselves. That’s been my experience at least.

A very gold lining to that quick aside is that my wife has very recently stepped into a place of self-empowerment. I am extremely proud of her decision while still slightly lamenting the fact that it had nothing to do with me. She finally stopped telling herself the same negative story. It does not take time to become the ideal version of you. It is a decision made in less than a second. What takes time is our IDEA that it MUST take time to change. You can change right now if you want to. It’s a split second decision.

Glad to see you back. If I was a friend of Pat's I would tell him to do some research on psychedelics. There's been a lot of clinical trials done in highly respected medical facilities and universities and they have come to the consensus that psychedelics can possibly cure depression, anxiety, addiction, trauma etc in people.

Food for thought. I'm currently microdosing LSD and it does seem to help. I've struggled with the same issues as Pat so I understand how it feels. Much love to Pat. I hope he finds his peace one day.

3 for 3 with 27o today lads. My biggest leak, and how I got completely punished in my 5/10 shot, is my tendency to overbluff. No matter what you read, overbluffing prints at the micros live if you know your spots. Not so much against somewhat balanced pros.

I played in a big pot about an hour ago that I wanted to write about. New guy sits down and opens to 8 UTG with 100 eff. Couple folds and we’re in MP with AQss. Now I’m 100% with the camp who writes “lol 3bet ainec”. I have no issue saying that calling is most likely not META here. And I would definitely 3 bet if he’s just even $200 effective or more. One of the reasons I chose to not 3! (other than villain is super short) is BB is splashy pre but not so much post. And splashy in the sense that he’ll call 90% of hands for $8 but shrink down to a more reasonable 20% for $30. I also could be way off, I only have 2 hours of playtime with the guy.

I trust in our post flop skills even though it’s most likely burning money, but let’s be honest, isn’t it a much more interesting hand if I call here? I call. SB calls and BB calls. Perfect.

Flop Ah Qh 10h. SB jams for around 150 and BB calls. PFR folds and the BB is only at $300, we cover easily after a nice run early. I jam, BB calls and I feel reasonably good when the board runs out bricks. SB shows QQ for middle set, wow. Never would’ve guessed he has QQ here. And BB shows K9hh for a flopped flush to scoop. So much for our “superior post flop skills”.

Appreciate the kind, well thought out post. It’s funny you mention psychedelics because Pat is very much into them through no help of my own. I have had middling to bad experiences with them but they seem to help Patrick. He microdoses mushrooms once in a while and it seems to be his only refuge of peace. I’m happy he has something that can help at times. Thank you again for your input.

“Nothing’s gonna change my world.”

“Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.”

“There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done...Nothing you can make that can’t be made, no one you can save that can’t be saved, nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time, it’s easy...There’s nothing you can know that isn’t known, nothing you can see that isn’t shown, there’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be, it’s easy! All you need is LOVE.”

“I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together.”

“I look at you all, see the love there that’s sleeping...I don’t know how someone controlled you, they bought and sold you. I look at the world and I notice it’s turning, every mistake we must surely be learning.”

“And when the broken hearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will SEE, there will be an answer, let it be.”


As many others before me have, I’ve talked ears off of friends/family about how every Beatle (yes this includes Ringo) was an enlightened master. Most notably John Lennon. If you want to talk about a man who changed his identity or better said “remembered Who He Really Was” there’s not many better examples than John Lennon. As far as I understand he grew up in a fatherless household (which many of us can relate to), and chased his passion while still retaining so much anger inside himself. His original impulse grew much larger than he ever could have imagined. Still LITERALLY immeasurable success could not cure the story he continued to tell himself. Imagine being the biggest act in the world without a doubt and somehow hating the sound of your own voice? If you go searching you will find many accounts from various producers of John Lennon PLEADING with them to change the sound of his voice in any way possible.

A self proclaimed woman beater, and yet with a touch of Eastern philosophy and who knows how many psychedelic experiences, he remembered. He remembered Who He Really Was. He spread the message of love. He championed for peace. He and all of the Beatles are no different than any one of us. They are not superheroes, they simply made a choice. What’s beautiful is no matter what choice you make, you are loved. That’s what I choose to believe at least.

It’s 2019. I despise tipping. I’ve been getting more and more stringent on my qualifications for tipping, especially since moving back to California. Could you believe that they pull $6, no percentage, doesn’t matter if it’s me and you heads up in a limped pot, Commerce pulls $6. I tell myself in pots I pick up without a flop call that if the casino wants us to compensate dealers, they should reduce the take. I tell myself this even though I never tipped on the same situations in Vegas despite it being a % type system.

With zero self awareness I ask myself, these dealers? The quality of work has dropped DRAMATICALLY off a cliff. They don’t care, they don’t even seem to speak English most of the time. The floor is just as unaware. Even when they do sparingly make their presence known, it’s the opposite ruling for the same scenario as yesterday. I feel secure and good in my decision to sparingly tip. For the time being.

Great example about how being authentic will not only win you friends and lovers but also money as well. This particular lesson has been reflected to me many times across many environments not limited to the poker table. I come back from a bathroom break and post in MP. Again, not the META move but I’m bored and can’t be asked to wait the 3 hands till it’s my BB. I pick up J3o and barely even see what it is before jacking to 12 after the first 2 players fold. I’m a firm believer in if you’re posting in MP and you’re ALSO first in, you should raise 100% of hands. Take a courtesy glance just to show you aren’t playing blind but auto raise in these small stake games. Your knowledge of textures will make this an auto profit spot for you. AT WORST you break even for the middle position post which is a gigantic win when looked at from a higher perspective. I end up delay c betting a wet board against two opponents with full intention of ripping river for $150 on most rivers, knowing that I will get called less than 10% of the time on most runouts. This is a general estimate with no hard data to back it up, but remember we only need villain to fold a shade over half the time to show profit, so we have a lot of wiggle room here.

Opponent folds turn without us having to put up the “big bet” river, and I jokingly show my neighbor my hand for some much needed social interaction. He laughs and writes me “Nice Play” on his phone. A few hands later I have the fortune of winning yet again with 72o, and if you’re keeping count at home, we are 4/4 on the day with the worst hand in poker with most of the credit being given to advantageous textures for us. I again show neighbor for fun and if I’m being completely honest, approval. I tell him in jest if he wins with 72, I will throw him $10. He jokes back, “Will you pay for 82?”

VERY next hand he raises cutoff over one limper to 15. We are button and have QJss. With the general public being so weak and scared money in 3 bet pots, I’ve been known to run “weird” 3bet merges with these types of hands. It’s a legitimate exploit and I’m so convinced of my edge in 3bet pots (mostly due to the numbers I’ve accrued that REINFORCE the BELIEF) that I’m just happy to have an actual hand here other than K5o.

With all that being said, I choose to NOT 3bet here. I’ve gotten away from these heavy exploit type plays almost 100% because of my shot take at 5/10 in LA. I cannot lie that my experience there has affected my game overall, most likely in a detrimental fashion.

I flat and BB flats. Flop Q 8 2r. BB x and pfr/neighbor bets $20. I call and BB fold. Turn blank and neighbor bets $40. I call again. River another blank and villain thinks for a moment. Meanwhile I’ve already decided as many of you probably have as well that we will call any reasonable bet here. Afterall “villain” is a young foreign type but obviously has some chops after 90 mins of casual observation. I would not be surprised to see him at 2/5 tomorrow, comfortably chipped up. I’ve noticed over time that foreign players like starting at the lowest level on their first day to become accustomed with the room. Not a bad strategy at all.

Villain surprisingly checks river and I check back. I show my hand first to help neighbor save face on an obvious half hearted failed double barrel. He laughs a lot and says, “I don’t want your money”. He tables 82 for the win and I throw him the $10 which he very generously throws to the dealer. Did I have to offer him the $10? As you already know, absolutely not. But being fun and authentic actually saved me at the very least $50 (and on the less conservative end, closer to $100) I’m more than happy to hold up my end of the gentleman’s agreement.

If you went to the store and they were offering good friends for $10, wouldn’t you be fool to not partake?

Hello all, back again to juggle the multiple storylines while simultaneously documenting my eventual end as a “professional” poker player. I cannot lie, most of the reason I’ve taken longer breaks in between writing is I’ve painted myself into a much bigger corner than I originally expected. It might sound silly to the reader, but this has become a very daunting task for someone like myself who has zero actual WRITING experience. To be completely honest, if I had realized how much I had to say before beginning this, I would have never started.

Nonetheless I’m ready to continue, and I think the perfect place to pick back up is at the meager beginnings of the band. For a short time we had a friend of ours named Brad on drums. It was a very fun time, and neither Chris or I minded that Brad was less than stellar at his instrument. We would jack ourselves full of this energy drink that had a yellow cover on it, called Amp. Hey they were 2 for 3 bucks at the time, plus we thought it was a gas that its name related to what we were doing.

Chris posted ads on Craigslist for a singer and a man named Justin came for an audition one day. He was older than us, much older actually. I think he was around 27 at the time compared to us being juniors in high school. We covered Dammit from Blink to hear his voice and we thought it was ok enough. Before he left that day he explained to us that every other band he’s played in he was the drummer. Of course our curiosity forced him to hop on the kit and wow this dude could play. He was incredible, you could instantly tell he’s spent much more of his time on drumming than singing. And that statement is not ragging on his voice, it’s more complimenting how masterful he had become at his central focus.

I remember Brad joking that day, “Hahaha you guys are gonna kick me out and have this dude play drums instead huh?”

In the “present” I am at Commerce for the first time since it has originally closed. For those who haven’t played there recently it is 100% outside. Actually just outside of the front door. Very strange. As I walked up to the check in “desk” at around 4pm I saw them only spreading ONE 5-5 game. I see four 5/10’s going and decide to get on the list while waiting for the 5/5 to open up. I sit down with $1200 and there are zero, count them, ZERO pros. I decide to give myself an approximate $1500 budget and immediately begin to visualize multiple times per orbit myself with 2 huge white ($100) chip towers along with 3 giant purple ($25) towers.

The outside is only a reflection of the inside. Visualize your desires and dreams. Do it daily for 3 weeks. What do you have to lose? It takes no courage to be cynical. Unfortunately there is no upside to a cynical attitude either. You don’t believe you can have what you desire and therefore you are never able to possess it. It is a classic lose/lose situation. At least try. Try for a small amount of time and you will be surprised how much control you actually have over your “waking” life. Believe in your imagination, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Although I’ve lived in California for virtually all of my life, I did spend a small amount of it in Idaho. I have three extremely vivid memories. The first is me playing out in the snow. Running around like a mad man, and making a snowman of course. The second is me alone watching Tales From The Crypt in the basement/den area. I wanted to say for clarification all of these memories are BEFORE the house I previously presented. The house I mentioned earlier that my great grandparents built is located in California.

The last memory I can pull from this time is riding in the front seat while my biological mother was driving. It was still winter as it was in my other two memories (this must have been an extremely important time in my development). We were on my way to preschool and we stopped at a gas station. In the midst of me getting out of the car and her pumping gas I eventually slammed the car door on my index finger. Bleeding, crying, and screaming profusely while she tried to console me is where the memory ends. Im approximating the year at 1996 putting me at 4 years old. My biological mother was good at consoling and taking care of me, even up until I was “taken away” by the state. At least as far as I can recall. Perception is so very strange and simultaneously EVERYTHING.

I own the hardcover copy of this book and I read it to my young son at bedtime infrequently. It is a parable from the book Conversations With God. It sounds like a religious book but it’s really not. This is what really started my spiritual awakening. I read this book about a year and half at the very location I’m sitting right now, Commerce Casino.

I cannot read the parable I linked without coming to tears towards the end. Give it a look and see if it resonates with you. “What part of special do YOU want to be?”

http://www.sapphyr.net/largegems/littlesoul-thesun.htm

Consciousness is the ultimate miracle yet also such a confusing experience we find ourselves stumbling though. At least from my point of view. How can we remember such insignificant moments and at the same time forget the most important ones. “What’s essential is invisible to the eye.”

Meaghan and I begin a relationship. The first REAL relationship I ever had up to this point. I really loved this girl, at least as well as I could. As I hinted at earlier, I was getting deep, DEEP, into alcohol around this time. We became closer and closer, I never divulged my past to her. As far as she knew, I had a similar upbringing to her. She was just my type, we loved the same type of movies, music, and humor. Looking back now as an almost 30 year old man it was puppy love. I say that even despite us almost spending a year together as a couple. I remember marveling at our 10 month “anniversary”. “Wow”, I thought. This is the girl I’m going to marry.

If the average person views themselves as unbelievably unworthy, how do you think a person who has been adopted views themselves? Especially at an age where you can still remember traces of your “actual” family? As a child up until most of my adulthood I have felt dirty and unwanted. Even as a young teen I understood that it is illogical for me to feel this way. I would tell myself it is not my fault for what my biological parents chose to become. Still I would lament my starting point and blame all of my shortcomings on it. It is because of THIS why I am shy! It is because of THIS why I am angry, sensitive, and closed off!

I realize now that it was my greatest gift. My uncommon beginning has left my mind open to other ideas about how this whole place works. I’ve told my wife multiple times when she asks about my childhood that I can’t explain it, I just know that I had help during that time. I was never alone. I am not unique in that sense. None of us are ever alone.

The 5/10 session went very well on Friday. Despite the outcome not looking exactly as I visualized (I was imaging really big heaps of chips) I still ended up winning a tad over $3700. I lost very few hands overall and they were all in minuscule pots. Probably one of the easiest sessions I’ve ever played at any stake, and I have to believe that my visualization, my “feeling of the wish fulfilled” contributed to my success. I’ve never done anything like that in regards to poker, but sure enough it worked just the same as any other visualization I’ve practiced. The skeptics will say this is heresy and merely coincidence and that is perfectly fine with me.

Still after waking up in the morning, I didn’t much like how Commerce was set up now. Not that it was much better before but it’s honestly unbearable now. Playing outside in miserable weather was too much for me to handle, so I decide to hit Vegas again. Sitting down in a very soft 2/5 lineup and I begin the process again, feeling myself well up with self pride while imagining myself with towers of black and red chips in front of me. Again a very easy session with zero difficult decisions, every check raise bluff gets through, every thin value bet called by worse. Up just shy of $1900 over 5 hours of play time REINFORCES my belief in visualization, in the idea that we create our own reality whether we choose to realize this or not.

It makes me believe even more strongly that my time in the poker world is coming very close to an end. Additionally that my other much stronger desires that I’ve been meditating on and visualizing are right around the corner from manifestation.

Finished last Sunday with another great win playing the Bellagio 2/5. +1900 in 7 hours, also ripped another off last night, +1700 in 6 hours. It’s official, in the midst of a great heater and the visualization before and during every session is the main culprit in my mind.

Played a hand about 15 mins ago where utg opens 15, cutoff and button both call and I call out of Sb with 89o knowing this BB will only squeeze here 1/20 times at best. BB predictably calls and we see a flop of Q 2 2r. I check and am resigned to just move to the next hand. Flop checks through and turn is a 3. Again I check just trying to move on. Pfr x again and now the cutoff bets 15. He’s big action but can find folds in places where the public underbluffs.

Button calls 15 and I think about how clean (read: nitty) my image looks. We’ve been playing about an hour and I’ve picked up Q2 virtually every hand. I look like a gigantic rock, I haven’t done a thing. All of a sudden I find myself check raising to 65 and taking it down very quickly. Cutoff says “2 is good, 2 is good”.

Back to the band and as you could’ve guessed, Brad was relieved of his position shortly after Justin’s audition. But it truly had only a small part to do with his actual ability. The majority of why we asked him to step away was he was nowhere near as dedicated as Chris and I. It was a pain even getting him to come over and practice once a week. Brad’s lack of true commitment is the real reason we moved on. Still love the guy.

So now with our shiny new bandmate in tow, we began our hunt for another drummer. In between auditions we would practice as an instrumental 3 piece and again I can’t say enough about how much Justin’s drumming impressed me. We stumble onto a kid our age named Nick. Chris and I immediately fall in love with the guy and his drumming is a noticeable step up from Brad. Justin says Nick is not good enough to continue with after a few full band practices. For me and Chris it wasn’t even a decision. We got along so much better with Nick, not that Justin wasn’t fun to be around but sometimes we could really feel the age difference. Justin now becomes the next person let go in pursuit of our dream.

After 2 weekends off to enjoy the holidays I find myself again at Bellagio in a soft 2/5. Button opens to 15 and is 44/19 over 60 hands. I 3 bet to 55 with black A8o and he calls. Flop A Q 3hh. I check call 65 and turn reads A Q 3 7hh. I check call 125 and river brings Qd. I check and he moves in for 225. I exploitatively call as Im virtually positive we don’t truly have to in terms of math but then again I haven’t run it through my phone. He shows K7o and we scoop. Definitely find a fold here against a less bluffy villain. Just my opinion.

Moving backwards again and I’m 7 or maybe 8. My biological mother has begun dating a new man. They become serious and for reasons unknown to me at the time, my grandmother kicks her and subsequently myself out of the house. I would go on to find out years later it was because he was a drug dealer. Not many memories of living out of the car are in my mind other than playing the paint off the cartridge of Pokémon yellow. I know this for sure, no matter what my mother and him were doing, I never went hungry. I felt loved. I was given various toys I asked for. Reaching as far back into my mind as I can, I never was physically or sexually abused in any way. Of course I understand this is not the way I’d personally prefer to raise a child but I want to stress how things for me were nowhere near as dire as some of the other stories you hear of children from addict parents.

One night we stop in to stay at a hotel. This was a somewhat regular occurrence, we weren’t stuck living in the car every single night. Not that it really mattered to me. If you can remember your own childhood at all I’m sure you’ll agree that you were much less picky and resistant to anything compared to how you view experiences now.

My mother and her boyfriend bring home Mexican take out and we eat and have a small amount of family time afterwards. They end up leaving for a while, which is nothing new to me. As I said earlier I’m used to spending a lot of time alone despite my young age, I prefer it even. I end up falling asleep and am woken up to the door being busted down and police rushing in. I have awoken to a police raid.

To the present again because I don’t want to be known as the guy who only posts winners. A pretty good for the stake player opens in MP to 15. He’s 28/20 over 80 hands. I call out of bb with K7dd. Flop 10 7 2ss. I check call 20 and turn brings 10 7 2ss Q no back door. I xc 50. River brings front door flush reading 10 7 2 Q Jsss. I lead 110 which is honestly pretty dang unbalanced by me because I’m rarely leading flushes here but villain shouldn’t theoretically have any idea about our game plan after less than 3 hours together. Something to note is I have been ordering drinks at a somewhat slow pace, not getting crazy but obviously inebriated. I also have a god like image in that I’ve won pretty much every pot I’ve played. Villain quickly raises to 400 something and I make no bones about it and muck right away.

Sure enough shortly after I post a loser my ego will not let me not post the following hand. MP limps and forks her range for some unknown reason. Shes 30/15 over 32 hands and I raise to 20 in cutoff with A8o (hand of the night?!). Sb calls as a brand new player and MP calls. Flop 762r and sb leads 20. MP calls and I raise to 60 knowing this will require multiple bullets to win. In a vacuum this is not a profitable play. This is a mistake I made a lot as a beginning to somewhat middling intermediate player (I say this not proclaiming myself to be an expert in any way, simply just better than I once was). I would make a raise here early on in my learning but not have the confidence/knowledge to follow up with barrels. This is a losing raise without continued pressure from my experience. SB of course calls and that brings along MP as well. We are planning to barrel off every time if a 7 doesn’t show on turn or river, and probably half the time if a 6 eventually shows. Turn reads a beautiful 7 6 2 J no back door and it’s checked to me predictably. I fire 125 and win while having the lesson reinforced to myself that you should never lead into PFR and even more so than that, you should basically never call a lead and then back call a raise because your range is even more face up than the lead bettor.