Got to go to the jungle and catch my own fish again .

I play High-stakes again but only on one site

Minimal emotional attachment

Have to have the battles outside of poker

in glgl

Allright . Time to stop writing because hard to control if get started .

This year I will do some things which I would not expect myself being able to do

Both in poker and in my life

Next update 1.1.2023

I eat my word a bit , updating sometimes .

Last month had a good run but lazy volume and not studying , not pleased with efforts and had lazy habits , did log 45km running but not going to gym , still drinking alcohol etc.

May results : https://gyazo.com/58f8adb0bd6e918e389e4741f7d7d7e6

This month start the run bad but getting out of it slowly , results : https://gyazo.com/2355c51f59e284e7bb0d1a3b450f9596

Running bad is what it is not really much to say about it else than in bigger picture definitely have no understanding for pro players who have done poker more than a year or two full-time and who complain a lot of bad run as it does not make sense to do so . Personally I take losing kind of hard / seriously and start doing bunch of studying nowadays and also work on habits and just put in a ton of work because it is what helps and gives the results.

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Following a program with running and also started the gym after 10 year break . Enjoying it a lot . I was quite serious with weight-lifting during my younger days and I guess got a bit burned out and needed the time to just do cardio and home work-outs . Now doing both feels good but have to watch out with getting enough rest (sometimes I get excited and start putting in two work-outs in a day and it easily shocks the body as I am def. not at athlete level with fitness .

Diet, eating , drinking , sleeping and exercising habits are at where I want them to be , not going to discuss in detail what I do and what I don't do but am fairly happy of those areas at the moment .

Started to play on stars zoom 200 a bit for practice again and I really enjoy playing zoom , however its easy to get carried away logging crazy hours which I obviously love doing but which easily means spiraling down with habits due to wanting to somehow compensate the burn-out it is leading to . So have to watch out on that a bit and keep taking 2 D off / week .

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Did drive today to the city , haven't taken any driving lessons, just observed girlfriend driving and kind of picked up on that and trying to take bit advice from her as she has the license already . Did go really well with driving , felt really happy of having had the courage to get off comfort zone and JUST DO IT . Thinking its important in life to get to learn new skills , improve and grow which leads to moments of feeling proud (happy) sometimes .

Happy summer and good luck amigos!

During times of worst mental struggle I was actually at the point of realizing what its all about in life and that is Faith .

It was a very strange moment , I had been on a heavy drinking stretch (and heavy poker grinding on 2021) , my lifestyle was horrible and I was quite manic and desperate , so much that I needed to move back to my parents (just for a month) and needed to learn how to live alone after that ...

What I mean by Faith is having acceptance and trust on who am I and where are my options realistically speaking if I have any .

This goes really deep to all the bad stuff that has happened in past (traumas) and also being able seeing mistakes as lessons .

Here in the Philippines people are very religious and one can make many arguments against it from a fundamental point of view (institutionally lead religion being a human control procedure)

I view believing as believing in Faith and Faith one can call God or by any other name one would want to be calling it , but one thing I am sure any atheist can not disagree with is you can not fight the Faith .

Whatever happens to you is going to happen to you.

Who the **** ever you are that is what you are .

Aren't these the absolute measurements when we are discussing self-esteem / self-confidence?

If you can identify yourself being in the situation you are right now with the acknowledgement of who you are as a person should it not be enough to be perfect?

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Aaron's Blessing

…24‘May the LORD bless you and keep you; 25may the LORD cause His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; 26may the LORD lift up His countenance toward you and give you peace.’…

I have a close person who has a wife and a child and the mothers father of the child is a priest who wanted the child to be baptized .

The person I know is strictly atheist and denied this by saying he has no business to interfere .

I find it very harsh and uncompromising .

Same time I do have understanding on taking such a stand of not letting outside people to interfere .

Personally I would have got the child baptized but cut the contact with the guy irrespective to all these things because trying to control something outside of your range is angering .

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Soon its going to be the blessing of my girlfriends family's new house and the same time I let the priest give his blessing to our car as they have been asking when do we get our car blessed .

I have very few issues with the Roman Catholic religion the Philippines is following , (the Pedophile Popes maybe ) but generally speaking I think they are happy with what they believe in and that's really all that matters .

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CDlBLvc3YE

Being an upper middle class male and not letting your own child get baptized can only mean being at the wrong place at the right time .

Being an antisocial poker player and letting your car get baptized means being at the right place at the right time .

Winners win and losers lose .

Discussing religion as got the mood

I did try wash my girlfriend to become an atheist , told her that God does not exist .

She had palpitations , screamed to me stopping saying such things ..

Years later being with me she is perceiving things differently and is more normal so to speak .

If there would be a super power would the super power be interested if people "believe" in that super power when not having proof of the existence of it .

For sure not .

Therefore what matters is only if you believe in super power .

So , leaving fear , and institutionally forced believes aside yet believing in Life what is left is Faith .

Having Faith and believing is a miracle by itself

It leads to an unmeasurable amount of good consequences compared to not believing (in anything) and therefore being pessimistic by default

As far as I know the Jews believe that its written to a stone how much money annually a person can make and there is nothing to ever be able to change it

This is a solid fundament to a poker player I think

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geOYbxEvYFQ

^^

this one was one of the most on point and most insightful videos of money / life I have ever seen , found it by myself

just ignore when he says "god" this or "god" that , he is just doing his job

a person can not speak of God but God can speak to a person

strange judgement

I think its the truth .

Whatever

I stopped drinking but habit of writing stayed same .

Mimicing the same .

Today I drinked .

But not same as before .

Same same but different .

She does not tolerate drinking .

In other words she supports me .

I don't go insane anymore if drinking

reason is I have nothing to avoid

therefore alcohol is a pleasure to me among other pleasures

addiction among other addictions

sickness among other sicknesses

no one is perfect *

productivity and perspective to life is different if not drinking alcohol which is why I don't want it

being at this point means it is easier to not drink it

talk the talk walk the walk

She is crazy at me about things

somehow refreshing

almost like a western girlfriend

doubt them being very different by nature

just incentive on keeping someone can push person being more submissive

I give no carrots

I give negative statements and pushy questions and demands

^^

way to support partner

I need to work harder .

Things are at the right coordinates , keep going on ! Win the losers beat the stakes!

Shoot to kill! ( if you see a russo )

Bad joke ,,

Apologies.

Keep updating. Nice May results. Still lot of time in June and trend is in right direction. It looks like volume will be also better this month.

My view is that lack of belief in super powers is rather optimistic. World without superpowers is more ordered and reasonable. We can study it and explain with science.
“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”.

Happy summer

Played with you a bit at 200z and 500nl reg tables on stars a couple years ago. Good luck with your goals. How is life in the Philippines these days?