3:00am on a Sunday morning. All the good people in my time zone are asleep and dreaming. I wish I could be as well, but due to an unfortunate set of circumstances and plenty of my own $hit decisions over the past eighteen months I'm all tweaked out on my last 30mg of Adderall. Yup, they're all gone. And that's the good news.

The bad news is I just flushed my last eight ball of "Washed" cocaine down the toilet. And if you don't know what that means, it means I paid enough attention in chemistry class to carry out the method I learned in online drug forums to get all of the most common cocaine cuts, including fentanyl and levamisole, off our precious Peruvian flake. You do this by putting the cocaine in mixtures of chloroform and acetone where the actual substance separates from the nasty cuts.

In America, on the average, if you are buying your cocaine 1G at a time it's at most 35% cocaine. If you are buying it at 3.5G it's at most 50%. And then if you're buying an OZ at a time it's at most 65%. Actual kilos I would have no idea as my cocaine degeneracy is yet to reach such lofty levels.

And it's bad news that I flushed it because when I sent it swirling down the drain I was just a loser with a drug problem. But now I'm a fuc*ing loser with a cocaine problem, Adderall problem, and no properly "Washed" cocaine to snort if I relapse. So failure here is surely not an option.

In addition to my eighteen month obsession with uppers, another problem has recently arrived. The name for it is "Obesity." Well, borderline anyways. I think. Maybe some of you can tell me? 6'0, 240lb, late thirties, can't run a mile in under thirteen minutes, maximum squat 165 4x and maximum bench 225 4x. I don't go for 1x maxes at the gym because I've actually had sex before in my life.

Anyway, I am sure some of you are thinking? "How can you be addicted to uppers and be fat?"

The answer to that is simple. The last few months in order to sleep I've been taking marijuana edibles. Within one hour of eating them I can eat an entire large pizza to myself or two dusty ass crusty ass combo meals from the Mcdonald's late night drive thru. Or wait, who am I kidding? You know I'm too god damn fat and lazy to drive to get food. I "Doordash" that ****. Good read to those who caught the fact I was full of $hit for a minute there.

So I'm fat, lazy, drug addicted, and haven't played any meaningful live poker in a couple years now. So I thought perfect time to get back into it! I saw a fat lazy looking dude named "Moneymaker" win the World Series of Poker back in 2003 and I figure it would be an even better story if some fat, lazy, drug addicted loser who can't even run a mile in under thirteen minutes wins it. Fukkin A right, huh?

I have experience at live NLHE and PLO up to $5/$10 and was a full time player for over five years at one point in my life. I also have experience being a fat slob as I have went from 240lb-255lb down to 185lb two times in my life. I have zero experiencing with acknowledging I am doing more drugs than I should and successfully quitting while also trying to lose weight final table my first World Series of Poker event.

So for those who want the TLDR...

Borderline obese middle aged idiot man who just flushed his purified cocaine down the toilet even though he is currently addicted to cocaine who has never had any success at poker tournaments is challenging himself to get down to 199lb, run a mile in under ten minutes, back to only partying recreationally, and also have financial success at this year's World Series of Poker in Las Vegas and all the live poker games leading up to it.

Selling shares at 1.5MU for the Main Event!

Get in while the getting is good my 2+2 forum friends!

nah, this ain't it.

It's been over a half hour since you $hit posted and I still haven't done a mood or mind altering substance. Things are looking on the up and up brother. I think you should reconsider. Strongly. Bigly.

reserve 10%

good luck sloth!

The results of my bloodwork to test my overall health and see if I qualify for "TRT" have came in, I am going to leave these images here and my current measurements below them. The gym and poker start tomorrow and as of today the only drugs I've done since I made this thread is caffeine and marijuana. I'm sitting here listening to AC/DC's "Who Made Who" and I'd be lying if I said I haven't been thinking I should do this more often.





6'0, 238lb, 38 inch waist, 15 minute mile run, 225 4x on bench, 165 4x on squat, arms too small, look, but don't walk like a ****ing penguin.

Tomorrow we do something about it.