A few thoughts:
- This was my graph last year:
I can see that I was accustomed to smooth sailing for most of the year, and started to only see some swinginess when I was moving up and playing some 5/10 the last third of the year. As I try to play more volume this year, that means a little less cherrypicking of my spots. Also, at higher limits my expected winrate is a bit lower which increases expected standard deviation. Also, pots at 5/10 are just kind of big and I haven't won or lost several thousand in a day enough times yet to have it feel totally like nothing. All stuff to be self aware of as I grow my mental game.
- I made the CHOICE for this lifestyle and career. It's not always going to be smooth sailing, and the tough days will be tough. That's OK, that's just part of the job, and I need to really EMBRACE the bad with the good.
- Choking vs Panicking.
skraper linked me to this video:
http://bigthink.com/videos/talent-ma..****olm-gladwell
The choking vs panicking stuff made a lot of sense to me. Choking is failing, but with preparation, such as a basketball player who has practiced a free throw thousands of times getting into a bad headspace and failing to execute under the bright lights. Panicking is failing with a lack of preparation, when you have no idea what you are supposed to even be doing, such as a new young driver hitting an ice patch and skidding out of control for the first time in their life - they have no experience and no preparation and don't know what to do to correct the skid and they panic.
Choking we see all the time, and it is normal and fine and part of the growth process. A young pro gets into contention at the Masters for the first time and falls off down the stretch. It's not that he hasn't practiced his putting, it's that there is no real way to recreate these extreme conditions in a practice setting. Next time he's in contention he draws off his experience and does better.
I think that when I fail at the poker tables it's a similar concept. I don't have a wealth of experience dealing with multiple 5k+ downswings in a month. It's OK and expected that I falter along the way, as long as its not from a lack of preparation. This is real world experience that I can't recreate in a classroom. Improving how I deal with losing increasingly large sums is a valuable skill, and these "adverse conditions" I run into are such hugely valuable growth opportunities for me. I need to embrace the tough times and leverage the situations as opportunities for practice, growth, inchworming, etc.