100% in obv. . bad luck so far but this a sikk thread mate,glgl

Unless he's a complete go-off artist, a lot of shorthanded fixedlimit mix has to be written off as advertising expenses. I suspect the long run may be too long to ever come home. There's gotta be a way to do a cost-benefit analysis on this but I don't know what it is

Thanks much!

Eh I mean he was fine in the game, and I think he'd play anybody happily in these two games, but I think I was slowly discovering averages and exploits, and would feel fine taking my chances. Def ran worse than average outside of the learning curve.

This was a pretty important post for me, so hang tight through the TL;DR

Day 7:

It sucks I took so long to update this thread, especially as it would've been great to keep the momentum of the mood coming into this post. I had hoped I could just post daily totals for some of these sessions on my busier days, but it turns out I like going into some detail, so when I got a little behind, sadly the blog sat idle. Hopefully I can find a compromise over time.
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For the sake of reestablishing the appropriate headspace, to this point we are jumping through hoops to get in a game where the main attraction only plays an hour or two every night, most of the players whether they're friends of mine or not are miserable to sit with, there is relentless walking on difficult line-ups or select games, I've nearly gotten into two separate fights ( something I've omitted ) which is far from normal of me, and I've managed to win a grand total of one hand at showdown playing 800/1600 where I was all in on 5th street.

So why am I even playing in this ****ing game? I guess because I like to compete? The adrenaline rush that comes with playing higher stakes? I probably would've sat if I were up against 6 John Monette's so long as I had headphones with me; at least I would feel confident that the game is on the level.
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So it's Friday, two days from my last post. By now I've given up on the idea of getting in the early game, and have decided to just show up around 4pm or so and hope for the best. If nothing else I'll play PLO or smaller mixed, and not sweat the hustle of getting a seat in the big game. I play one hand of 25/50 PLO before I'm called over for the 800/1600 mix. Vladimir Schemelev has reached his daily quota of calling everybody at the table a pederast and a few spots have opened up.
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In spite of all the bull****, I'm feeling relaxed, and am prepared to settle in for a long night. I win my second hand at showdown ever playing 800/1600, 2 hours into my session, where I find myself already down $29,000 and all in on 3rd street playing Stud Hi-Low No Qualifier, but can't manage to spin it up from there. Reload.
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A few hours later however, and suddenly I'm flirting with profit - winning hands is ****ing great! Our normal VIP has elected not to show his face tonight, but drunk Ray D has stolen the show. It's weird to hear guys like Nick Schulman cite him as one of their best friends, as he is legitimately the worst person in all the wrong facets that I have ever played poker with, and I have played with some real spectacles.
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As a quick disclosure, I'm a pretty slow player - I try not to be and I wish I weren't, but I often am. Secondly, I don't mind needles or a joke at my expense, but I have an issue with bullying and people taking their frustrations out on other people in hurtful ways. Two players at the table that know that I'm sensitive to the later warned me not to take things Ray does or says to heart, which is both nice and pretty sad, but pointless outside of the prophetic statement itself. If you're a ****ing *******, you don't get a pass because whatever. You ought to be shown that that **** doesn't fly.
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The way I see it is if you are my friend I will go to war for you. I find any sort of disrespectful act to be a deep betrayal of that friendship. This means if we're playing poker you can check-raise me a million times, and 3 bet my opens to isolate me every hand, because that's what I signed up for. It does not mean you get to call me a ****ing idiot for sucking out in a hand just because we're playing poker even tho you would never say that to me away from the table - There is no exemption there. You can be upset, but you can't call me names, because I care about my friends foremost, and I would never disrespect them in that manner. Everybody should be able to handle a needle, so there's a pretty clear line.

Ray D is playing slow for the sake of playing slow. Every decision is a sweat, and he gives the full eulogy at the end of every hand before mucking his loser. He's bitching nonstop whether he wins or loses, throwing cards, and talking **** to everybody. He's not close to a bad enough player to get a pass for his behavior so it's sort of at his own expense, which is the lone redeeming factor. I'm grasping for you Ray. He's already thrown a few well-timed insults my way. Then in a 3 way Deuce to Seven Triple Draw pot I lead into his pat hand after the last draw with a hand I expect to lose a fair amount of the time, but is calling a bet and typically gets called. He calls, I announce my hand, he fans out the winner in his hand toward his face

"Dealer I want you to take these cards, and shove them up Brandon Shack-Harris' ****ing ass." - A decent line to his credit, but I'm well over it.

He flings the cards at me face up from across the table, and starts raking in a massive pot.
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"Hey man, you don't know me like that. You don't get to talk to me that way."
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"Or what? You're going to kick a 40 year old man's ass? That's going to make you feel big?"
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This went on for a bit amid play, before he gave some strange form of apology, and I dropped it. The rest of the night was sprinkled with Ray talking to himself, randomly shouting "And I'm always the ****ing *******," and chucking his cards at the dealers, staring them down, and saying "WHAT? WHAT!?" It was ****ing disgusting, and I woke up ashamed I didn't put him out of his misery.
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Seriously, I woke up so ****ing sad and depressed by what I've witnessed over the last few weeks, and voluntarily put myself through. Ray D forced me to re-examine my entire poker career: The unnecessary stresses I've put myself through, terrible situations, the wasted potential in other aspects of my life that have fallen by the wayside. This is not to sound ungrateful for my successes, but if I'm being honest, I always felt I would do fine at whatever I chose to do, and I used to be a happier person, and more importantly I used to be happy to be me. I have fleeting moments where I feel any sense of self worth playing this game, and playing with Ray had me lying in bed doing some real soul-searching.

The Commerce is the circle of apathy: Many of the players are miserable, entitled, *******s who don't feel bad about taking their sad frustrations out on undertrained, poorly treated dealers that don't care enough about the ******* players to get better at their job, so the whole operation is designed to fail. I've hated nearly every minute I've spent there.
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Ray left a few hours later, and the game broke. I finished down $6,500 on the session.

Day: -6,500
Total: -90,652

So interesting to hear this behind the scenes perspective. Peaking behind the curtains isn't always pretty.

If you're up to it, maybe you could share some of the more interesting hands you play? I figure you don't want to reveal your thought processes or anything to much but as someone who has never played a hand of stud hi/lo regular (but would love to), it might just be fun to sweat a hand with you, sort of like other poker bloggers do in their recaps (ex. DNegs).

Thanks again for sharing whatever you choose to.

your latest post pretty much sums up a lot of the reason why i don't think i could ever grind live full time. sure there are plenty of good people too but the whole atmosphere and watching miserable douchey people abuse dealers who can't defend themselves and try to abuse other players is just rough to be around a lot. it really shouldn't be accepted for regs or fish to act like that.

No, ray d doesn't deserve respect or anonymity. And if he has a problem with that, tell him wheelflush said so!

But seriously pho kim if he thinks he can start **** with you.

So tired of insecure brats that can't stfu. It's just a game.

Next time he does that I want to see a grudge match.

Most encouraging thing I've read here in a while. Poker is a great thing to do if it enables you to do something else. As far as being an end unto itself, that's pretty much media hype.

btw, it's 90-95% scumbags all the way down. Read some Tommy Angelo or Limon for perspective.

Cool thread and great read.

While I do understand why some people get passes in poker, in reality you should not let an a hole get away with being one otherwise they come to thinking that it is acceptable for them do do and say whatever, whenever they want.

Also just curious why don't you just move down and grind lower stakes where there is not so much political bs? I mean I'm sure you can still make great profits at slightly lower limits than 400/800. And your overall life/happiness balance would certainly justify it.

Brandon you're a hero. It's great to see you posting again.

I only come on this forum to read this single post... at least that is what it feels like ..
You're a good guy Brandon, hard to find that nowadays in poker.

Great thread!!

So great to see the thoughts of a high stakes live grinder and you are so honest about your true feelings

Subbed!!

Shaping up to be a truly epic thread. I really hope it continues.

cool thread, hope it turns around for you soon, at least 90k isn't that many big bets at these stakes...

I'm still not really sure whether I will do this or not. I have an idea for something like this separate from this thread that is more for fun, but it's on a laundry list of other ideas I may never get around to.

It sucks because were I to do this I'd one to share a really fun one, and not half-ass it for you guys, but these little tricks get more and more valuable as the days go by. I will think about it some - I certainly appreciate the feedback, thanks.

Agree, it's really disheartening. Fortunately I'm in a position where I really don't need to force myself to grind if I'm not happy doing it, and I've been inclined to exercise my option instead of suffering the bulls***. A few WSOP bricks could change all of that tho, so not trying to get too comfortable.

Haha idk I'm too old to sit through this **** anymore. Just KO and gg Commerce.

Yeah, it's crazy what sort of mind**** investing time into anything can have of your choices moving forward, and where the threshold is for not wanting to let the lessons you've learned over time in a skill set go to waste versus the potential life suck of trying to realize their potential. Ultimately I think doing what makes you happy is just the way to go.

Idk why I've avoided the Tommy Angelo hype for so long; it's probably laziness, and some aversion to the smarmier aspects of life-coaching, but I'll probably have a look at some point, thanks.

Nah, but I've got mad love for you guys, thanks.

Truly appreciated, thanks much!

Thanks for having a look! The best session I've had is slightly over 70k at 300/600, so a swift comeback is possible. Hopefully will find time to post tomorrow and see if I can really bury myself or if things start looking up.

The other day I ran up a stack in 5/10 NL and didn't want to risk it on the table with some deep stacked regs so I went to the 5/10 limit stud for fun and practice. Ended up absolutely sun running (1,2,3 outers everywhere, 4 boats on 5th in 1 down, etc.) and won 85 big bets in 3 hours. It was awesome. Now just to do that at 800/1600

yeah, I don't know about the life coach bit. I was thinking of pointers for dealing with idiots. I think most fairly intelligent people learn these skills by 8th grade, then assume they don't need them anymore as they mature. Poker players are basically middle school kids.

This might do just as much to explain how any why to react -- or not react.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/06/25/fa...pagewanted=all

Give him a try. He's a really nice guy and lives near Bay 101. I know 80/160 steaks are a bit small for you, but I know there are several players there that will play bigger if the opportunity arises.

And remember, Phil Galfond credits Tommy with kickstarting his career up to the nosebleed levels.

We are ready for more! Posting here so it is easier for me to see than if your blog is updated.

This thread is amazing. 5 star. Posting to sub.

I hope better days are ahead for you Brandon!

Epic thread! Really good insight. I hope you run better and Ray D has an epiphany and becomes a btter person.

cool thread - subbed.

why was there ~2 month gap in posting from Feb to April but then it says you only took one day off? pretty confused!

good thread, overall amazing attitude. thought that before after reading older pg&c's and interviews.

keep the updates coming and gl with wsop.

Hey Brandon, we don't know each other super well but you seem like a really great person and I'm sad that you are going through a downswing. The emotional side of grinding is one not spoken about too much and I have gone through similar feelings many times. Ultimately I have decided I'll probably never move to LA to play in the fantastic games there because I am afraid for my sanity, so I can live vicariously through you to see what I'm missing.

Best of luck and I hope we can get dinner at WSOP this summer.

Are you planning on playing a full mixed game WSOP schedule?