Putting yesterday behind me and moving forward, finished watching some trainings videos for an hour or two, nice to solidify some knowledge and cool to see how intuitive some of the gto/sim concepts were to me while playing. This is definitely what I need right now.

I like these two. I definitely try to be more generous when spending my winnings. I've donated to some charity drives, or tipped really well, things like that.

Embracing variance can be tricky. If we're losing in easily known EV spots then yes, those are possible to embrace and just fight through. But other times it's really hard to know if we are outmatched or just getting run over by the less visible forms of variance. Did we misplay that TPTK or were we just unfortunate to run into bottom 2. Should we have folded that set when the flush came in? Those can really mess with me and I've never quite known. I just hope that if I am making mistakes in those spots, my opponents make even bigger ones in similar spots.

I’d say just study more so you’re less uncertain whether it’s negative variance or skill deficits. That’s what I’m doing! Thanks for chiming in and good luck/have fun.

Edit: for example, today alone I confirmed what I had suspected, that in the past I overplayed some aces a little too much preflop. I have more recently usually been judicious with selecting good candidates to 3!, but now I will be even more aware of this and adjust accordingly. For instance, you are supposed to fold many of the worst AA in the sb to a single raise.

Oh right, the silly 4 card game. I've heard some stories as to how fishy these games are, but also how swingy they are. I want to take that plunge but the only thing really stopping me is all the time and effort I've put into NLH being sunk.

I would not think of it as sunk time. I never did when I ventured into plo5 (5 card, not 4 - don't fold AA in plo4!). Just a diversification of your available games/profit sources.

The thing I like most is being able to switch it up when I am running bad in one game. It also keeps poker interesting/exciting to learn a new variant. Brings me back to the beginning every time. Plus, your skills will compound each time as you will hopefully see concepts come up in different ways with each game you learn.

Yesterday's session was fine, I played well, lost AcAT42c against KQh458h on T356cchh with the second nut straight and nut flush draw, got it in 70% fav ott and V binked a heart otr and hit and run. Stayed disciplined and just grinded it out, but not much happened for the remainder of the night. More training videos and then off to the tables again today.

Booked a small win (I'll take it), game was meh. I really practiced my folds yesterday. On the bright side, I got a lot of good hands and executed my preflop work from the past couple days. Postflop trainings next...!

5/5 at Live tonight, gonna be great.

The peace lily is blooming again, always a treat. Hopefully foretelling some run good on the horizon.

Played pretty meh in the 2/2 last night, gii at spr 1.75 with just top pair and a gutshot (tried to win sidepot), got three-quartered, then gii KQJT2ds squeeze and lost, but made some at 5/T/25 with AQs twice and TT, just ripped all three times with a 25/50/ or 150 straddle or blind raise on and took them all down pre.

5/5 went fine, won a ds AA l/rr AI pre for $850, scooped both runouts versus KK (actually made top set or aces full twice somehow). This one actually surprised me. Imagine that: surprised to win! Hahaha. Then bled down some including with a couple mediocre AA before calling it a night. Nice to book a decent win for a change.

Lost first hand at 1/2 plo with QJT93ds otb on TT7, Q ott and someone floated flop with QQ and coolered me for $250. Then lost with nut straight to a draw (QJ765ds in co, just called 589ss flop, potted turn, JT got there on 7 river, made the hero fold with the J blocker and V was nice enough to show).

Left for 2/5 which looked decent, action player started making it $100 blind because he was bored, I limped JJ otb and he looked and made it $100 in BB, I l/rr for $500 and he called with K4o, said "I don't even have any paint," and won on K-T-T-5-5 for the slowroll. Then he made it $100 utg and someone called in hj, I have AQo in SB and jammed for $500, he called and I showed on A-x-x-x-x and he tabled AKo. :/ He left after giving all my money to other players and then the table broke.

At next table, I won with JJ in srp on T-9-4ss and got the double, then failed to get a bluff through with K3ss on Q-s6d-4d-Ts with a turn c/r and river barrel on 9c, station called me with T8o and I called it a night stuck $1,500 feeling pretty demoralized the way things have been going for a while now.

Played a very short session, but played well, so happy about that. Won with AA over two streets on A-3-3-7-2. Booked a small win at 1/2 plo5 then a home game with friends for .5/.10 where I booked a $15 win in a few hours. 5/5 weekend coming up, can I reverse the recent tailspin?

Going quite poorly so far tonight. Nothing going at 5/5, left for 5/T where lost 99 ai pre against QJs btn v bb (lol he called), then got stacked with AKs in 3! pot against AA that didn’t 4!. Now Italian at the old, but newly opened once again place. Very sad.

Things started turning around at 5/5 until I got AA522ds and flopped bottom set in a 3! pot three ways at spr 1.5 and lost to top set on Q62r, and I had a back door nut flush draw. I don’t know if there’s a way a better player could get away from this one. If I just flatted pre which I sometimes do with my weaker aces I could have bet folded but as played…. This is pretty brutal.

Very sad the past week or two, don't recall being this down over results in a very long time, entering worst downswing territory ever now (-$16k since early April), going to try to make some back playing lower stakes like I did this time last month. This month I did not play mixed games and I am still really hurting. At least $2k losses were to "action" player who I lost JJ < K4o $500 ai pre, AQ<AK$500 ai pre, AKs<AA bvb $900 ai pre at 5/T, $1k was gii with double suited rundown to A-high rundown that V should have folded pre, $600 was 99 v. QJs btn v. bb that V should have folded pre, $600 JJ<AA ai pre co v btn, the other half of this month's $7k losses was stuff like set over set in 3! pots at low sprs and losing with AA. The quality of the 5/5 game is hit or miss lately, so I should probably start game selecting again and not just playing whenever it runs. On top of it all, generally still card dead so I have not been able to recoup the losses with strong hands and am trying to push any edge with my runners-up, which is not working out. Sigh.

I guess all I can do is play through it until the rungood starts again, but I gotta be honest, it's getting tough.

Already stuck a couple bullets in plo. Lost K9876ds to K5678on K68 then AQT85ds ai pre to get it heads up with $75 dead money. Nitting it up now.

An hour later, opened AK456ds got 3! by aggrotard, gii on A78ss (wrap and sfd and top top), lost to AKQ92sss as a 57% fav.

Another loss but not as bad as they've come lately. Dipped into big o for a little after getting nothing going at plo5 and worked on opening good hands pre: got a lot of suited A/wheel/wheel hands and decent AA, 3! some of them, unfortunately most of the time I lost postflop except for once when I flopped the nut low, bdnfd, and middle pair and gii against same low and the nut flush draw, turned trips, and 3/4'd V.

I later flopped a wrap - a high and low draw - and missed against top set, costing me my profit. Then lost with AA34Qds when I had oesd, nfd, and top set ott against the second nut low and a backdoor flush draw and a gutter when he rivered his gutter, making the high and leaving me with diddly. Also lost AQ234dddd ott against a J7-high straight with nut low draw and meh flush draw. I ran these hands in ppt and I had the right odds to continue or was +EV in each case even though I was in some cases a 60/40 dog. Won with A238T on A8K6, V crai ott, I called thinking I was still drawing to the low when I actually had the nut low (I forgot that A plays high and low in this game) and sorta slowrolled V unintentionally thinking I lost, but fortuitously I tabled my hand and the dealer saw the chop against KK. Phew.

Won $450 at 1/3 pretty quickly in a nice change of pace, mainly due to QQ against a spazzy player who raised me ott on 359Jddhh and we just gii and I held. (Also 3! KJs otb versus HJ open, V flatted, and we GII on J-high flop and sucked out on KK...!) That's about it.

On the bright side, I am still able to make very good laydowns...AA963 3! SB versus BTN open, bet, bet, x/fold river on 457r,2,5, and folded AdAsJc9c5c to single SB rec open multiway...he just always has AA here and my hand sucks in light of the card removal. He later confirmed he had AA. Still got it even when running like a$$$.

Made some at 1/3 with QQ (lol again) on K-7-3-7-Q versus 87o, lost a bullet at plo with a ds A-high rundown against a whack 3! (he indeed had junk) but lost multiway as everyone wanted a chance to stack the nit. Up a couple hundo. Very card dead at plo as is a running theme the past month or two, just couldn't take it anymore so played 1/3.

Won a little at 1/3 before being called for plo5 where I got no hands except for AQ965ds and KQT65ds, both utg, bottom of opening range probably but playable enough, whiffed the first but won the second one on Q-T-8-4, bet turn IP and got value from lower two pair and booked a small win. Would have played longer - a very gambooly type showed up shortly before I quit - but it was late enough already and I had an early meeting. (I had to introduce our new summer intern to the team. Weird I am at a point where I am hiring/supervising interns. Not too long ago I was the intern.)

Met this dude in the poker room a couple weeks ago who said he had no friends in the area, and invited him to free poker night with a group of friends. We chatted last night. Found out he used to be a pro 2/5 - 5/T grinder until he got bogged down in too many vices and quit; now he works a job and plays occasionally. His mom just passed away and he recently moved here from Atlanta by way of West Texas. Someone he served when he bartended in his 20s heard about his interest in poker and liked him so much they staked him for $20k just like that. Wow! I overheard him say that he was straight but is attracted to guys and would not mind if a good looking guy patted his butt for good luck. Hunh...? These dudes bewilder me. Maybe he'd be gay for the right guy.

Speaking of gay, the player who called me fgt at 5/5 has been sitting at my table the past couple sessions, which I was not thrilled about, but last night he actually apologized, which was a class act. I accepted and told him I heard he had been losing a lot that night which might have explained his reaction. Seems like water under the bridge now, which is always nice. I don't like bad blood.

Booking a nice win for a change at PLO5, all in multi-way with top set against multiple draws sharing each others’ outs and scooped. Then made a great lay down with AT on AT7T6, flop checked through, bad sb bet ott, utg limper calls, I overcall as pfr but not loving it, and find the fold otr against limper’s $200 into $400. She was an older lady and looked super comfy. She later told me it was a great fold and she had AA. (I almost just mucked ott but…older lady was completely unknown.)

Chatted up an old friend from my free bar poker days who is playing 1/3, got dinner, "sold" him my plo5 strat guide for a $25 target gift card (rebate!), then we played a little 5-card together and we both got stacked, lol. (I GII AQJ93ds against possibly loose 3! multiway and he lost straight over straight with AA+nfd too.) That's pretty much it.

It’s been harder to play well these days. Going through a brutal period of running cold after a long hot run has been incredibly challenging. Bluffed off $500 at hold ‘em waiting for plo and been card dead and break even ish for hours now. It’s really testing my patience. I haven’t been getting anything out of my hours at the table for a while now - actually the opposite - and it’s really friggin tiring. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to start playing online again to get more volume in because I am not seeing nearly as many hands live and it’s really showing lately.

(Just gii AKQ34 on 442 against 42 and scooped, guy said I got it in bad and I said “I haven’t seen a flop I liked in two months.” Which was actually kinda true.)

Nice blog!

Short reflective writing likely is best way to improve thinking and mental game . (which you seem to do a lot)

Maybe you think a bit much in usd instead of bb or just think / focus on the result bit much , guess we all do sometimes however working on it might really kick you to next level with your game.

Thanks, Kiljusieppo! I always appreciate feedback on ways to improve and I have suspected for a while now that the money has been a factor. Even with my current roll (which is sufficient for the stakes I play), I still worry about losing/going broke, especially lately with my increased tendency to randomly tilt (I gii with A3dd in bb as a cold 4! btn v. sb v. bb at 2/5 yesterday for $300 and got a lot of flack in the strat thread). (My mom thinks it's my meds, lol, and doc said the increased meds can "dull" the senses.)

Playing more plo has helped quell some of that fear of losing for sure, and I am getting more aggressive at higher stakes too. I like holding myself accountable here to keep me on course and goal-oriented. I do try to focus on bb, especially in bigger nl games in preflop AI spots, but results...yeah obviously still fixated on results. The money is important to me because work doesn't pay nearly as well as firm jobs (I am probably making around $100,000 less than people in private practice or even some government jobs) and I have and will continue to have high health care costs due to my mental disability, so there's some added pressure to perform/earn. When that isn't happening I start to feel really crummy as I slowly see my bank account balance drop.

I'm also getting older. I started this journey in my late 20s when I had lots of free time and energy and both those things have fallen over the past several years. At 34, I do think I am not quite as sharp as I was even five years ago. (Maybe it is the meds after all. Lol.) Having competing obligations makes it harder to excel in one area and for the time being that's been my choice and why I have not started traveling for poker to play online in regulated states or in some of the bigger juicy live plo5 games in Florida or Texas.

Dayummmnnn! Sounds like shawty was throwing out some bait hoping you'd tug on the line. You gotta be more aware of your surroundings my guy.