is it a thing in the military where you know such and such who's dad is such and such and there's resentment towards them?

Mostly towards military wives that demand to be called by their husband's rank.

.

wait, is that a real thing?

does that mean when i finally meet gman I'll need to address them and Mr and Mrs commandant?

Absolutely a real thing.
I feel like you see it more in Army and Marines though. Air Force I would imagine has almost none of that, but I could be wrong.

But I blame the husbands for allowing that silliness to exist in the first place.

Some dinosaurs still do that, but it's super rare in the Air Force these days. My wife doesn't even use my last name, much less my rank. But my boss's wife in 2017-18 still did that ish

wow, that's amazing, i somehow never heard about that

Funniest thing I ever heard was a Lt who worked for me who was married to another Lt and got dragged to an Officer's Spouses Club event by a friend. There they heard two Lt's wives arguing over which of them got to plan the Christmas party, based on their husbands' seniority. Mind you, these husbands were both the same (very junior) rank and their wives were arguing over which of their husbands had the put the rank on first and was therefore senior to the other.

Still, as I said, that ish is rare. Even as early as the mid-50s, the Officer's Wife's Handbook (of course there was an Officer's Wife's Handbook) pointed out to spouses that their husbands had rank, not them. And that was in an era where the couple might get introduced as "Captain and Mrs. John Smith."

there were two things my grandfather who was a pilot in WWII pacific never trusted

1 any bureaucratic institution (except the VA, amazing how free healthcare can change your perspective)
2 2nd Lts

I worked in an army hospital in Germany during the Vietnam years - we got a directive no more speed (amphetamine and cogeners)) to be dispensed. I recall fondly the wives coming in, getting denied, with the reaction "you can't do that my husband is a captain, major, general" and so forth. Sorry lady :-)

oh man, i didn't no meth was included, how do i sign up to be an army wife?

Zak failed basic flight.

No way that cures hangovers.