This is mainly a vent post.
I'm a winning player (in the $12/hr range for 1-2NL over 500+), but
I've started to realize that I tilt. I just don't tilt in the usual way.
Sometimes I go in and just flat out play horrible. Bad calls, no patience, try to bluff calling stations, etc. Many, many times I let a bad decision early gnaw at my game.
Last nite, I go in, buy in for $200 (I've often been buying short for $100 and looking for solid 3-bet spots PF at the --usual in my neck of woods- game where a $12 -$17 raise is called in 2 - 5 spots and I shove, but everyone looks relatively deep here so I buy full). Early on get raise a 78h on button, get a T78 flop all spades, bet $20, get a raise to $60 from a pretty solidly aggro player, I think a while and think he could do this with AT with As and shove (he has $110 behind) to rep. higher flush.
This was a stupid play. For one thing, this guy isn't folding the hands I think he might have -- small flush, AT with the As, or a set or a straight or even T8. All of those are in his range. Better hands aren't folding, worse hands aren't calling (AsTx is actually ahead of me, 53-47). I just didn't think this play through at the time. I just snap shoved. This is my problem. I don't stop and THINK I just auto pilot. Often a paradoxical combination of bad passive calls and stupid aggro bluffs.
Then the stupid decision gnaws at me and affects me the rest of the nite. And I play bad. I realize later I'm tilting (calling down someone I perceive as aggressively bluffing straddler, when I realize later he's shown nothing but overpair strength -- things like when I call his large flop bet, he already reaches for a stack of $100 to bet the turn).
So I have a session or two like this and donk off $400 and have to grind back the losses.
I'm just venting, but any feedback is welcome