Les would be proud Zeke.

Been caught stealin, Once, I cannot lie!
Aint easy stealin, a fish's stack.,
Well its, just a, poker fact.
When I want those chips and I want em in my rack!

I bet way, too much for
bet way too much for...

Him to call, but he stalled...

Its a grind grind, grind a grind oh, grind grind grind a grind oh grind........

Its a grIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind.

The chorus comes from Bill Chen, but the verse is mine:

Chorus:
I call two bets in the morning, I call two bets at night
I call two bets in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright.
I call two bets in time of peace and two in time of war
I call two bets before I call two bets, and then I call two more

My father he once told me "Son you be tight playing man"
My mother she once told me "Son you do the best you can"
Then one day I met a man who said "Don't be a fool
Tight play good and tight play fine, but first you must gambool!"

That's why (Chorus)

This one needs so few changes it's scary.

Now look at them yo-yo's that's the way you do it
You play the poker on the WPT
That ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Money for nothin' and chicks for free
Now that ain't workin' that's the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain't dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb

We gotta install microwave ovens
Custom kitchen deliveries
We gotta move these refrigerators
We gotta move these color TV's

I really appreciate the variety of artists/genres that are getting represented here.

Let's mellow it out a bit.

I used to chase a lot
I played Ax a lot
I used to lose until the break of day
I just didn't get it
2+2 told me to quit it
Gotta study study study they'd say

Oh the dawn was breakin
Now, my stack they're stakin

It's the long run
Let me tell ya bout the long run

The mods just don't understand
Why you don't play your cards better
Play the stupid **** that you do
Cus all the, grinders down at foxwoods baby,
Just don't limp in like you do

I'm scared, but I ain't shakin
My fingers, the stakers aint breakin

Its the long run
Let me tell ya bout the long run

Ooo ya gotta grind out, ooo grind grind grind grind out......

It's 9 o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Playing the offsuit six ten

He says, "Son, can you play a few more hands
You're tight as a virgin *******
But it's sad and it's cheap
And I know you're chip-deep
So start acting like callipygian

You, sir, are my ****ing hero.

champion

Oh ****!

Babar dun ****ed up now....

Put 2 of 2+2's most wanted in the same mutha****in thread at the same mutha****in time.....

Yall lurkers bout ta peel dis

I ain't perfect, can't paint a perfect picture
got my finger on the switch cus u know Calli's gettin richer
With the essence of my OP, these lurkers they don't know me
It's a cold ass deck but Imma call these bitches down

(crosses arms and looks at Calli)

All by myself
Don't want to call
All by myself
Anymore

When I was young
I never feld to anyone
And playing fours were fun
Those days are gone
Calling alone
I think of all the beats I've known
When I dial the telephone
I'm always pwned

Hard to be sure
Sometimes I feel so insecure
SSHE so obscure
Remains the cure

Best three poker psych up songs ever imo:

Fabolous "It's my time"

Eminem "Lose yourself"

Doobie Bros "Wheels of Fortune."

file under "whatever"

She cried me a river
That Jack of broken hearts
made me think nuts
instead broadway flush over
My quadzilla made me feel like I was swiftly kicked in the nuts
Stole my weed
JACKPOT

So Babar gave us this nice clean canvas
I sit and stare cus I don't want to shovel
I don't like to shovel cus it hurts my back
Then I look around and the forum is whack.

Psychos posting
oh yeah that's me
whatever, thats over
o wait, it's not.

I like poker
It gives me a break
peoples money
I like to take

whiners whining
"I need a stake"
**** off whiner
jump in a lake

So I go on
mini bet till death
cus that's how we do it.
In this here forum.

So take your no limit posts
to another forum please
cus we dont like em
or we just don't know

Shove or fold
its not our game
limit holdem
we dont want the fame

we just want your money
and the dealer's admiration
cus we don't bet the pot
in limit holdem nation.

Prologue: for those who don't know how this thread got started, I thought the January NC/LC thread had disappeared one day and posted a wat. It reappeared after I posted the thread and BBB was then like lolwat.

I figured it out. When the mobile app loads a forum, it doesn't reload all the previous entries when you ask for 10 more threads. As a result, if you load a forum, wait for the threads to change order, then hit "Load 10 more", everything gets ****ed up - duplicate threads appear, and some threads "disappear."

I'm not crazy!

Or, at the very least, this thread is not evidence that I am.

There's a lady who's sure
All that's suited is gold
And she's raising each pot with a flush draw.

And when she gets there she knows
If the board is all low
With a bet she can get what she paid for.

Ooh ooh ooh, ooh, ooh ooh ooh and she's raising each pot with a flush draw.

All the signs are she's good
But she wants to be sure
Cause you know sometimes rivers can get you

If she bricks, she will look
at her cards, and then bet
Sometimes everyone else has missed draws too

And she rarely blunders, yeah she rarely blunders

There's a feeling she gets when she looks to her left
And her reads tell her she should be leaving
In her thoughts she has seen signs of strength in his gaze
In his voice and the way that he's looking

And she rarely blunders, yeah she rarely blunders

And she said with a frown that she must call you down
And the pot odds were likely the reason
For a new pot is won, for those who stay long
And she drags it and breaks out in laughter

If there's a two pair in his hole cards, don't be alarmed now
You turned a straight with your ace-queen
Yes variance will sometimes bite you, but in the long run
You will make money on the road you're on

And she rarely blunders, yeah she rarely blunders

You're head is humming because you played too long, and you don't know
All the fish have left the table
Dear player did you know the casino will be open
And you can come and play tomorrow

And as you keep on playing good
You're EV rising 'cause you could
There walks a lady in the door
Who plays even better and makes more
And has your ranges down ice cold
And as she looks down at her cards
The truth will come to you at last
That you are in lousy game
And you should get a table change!

And she's raising each pot with a flush draw.

nh ld

Yo, TwoPlusTwo...let's kick it.

(Small Stakes Holdem)
(Small Stakes Holdem)

Alright stop, gather round and listen
Zeke is back with another submission
Lyrical-give this thread a sick bump
White like a saltine, come on now, fist pump

Can I beat the game? Yo, I don't know.
Something about a small sample
When I'm on my A-game, yo, I'm crushing
But when I'm on tilt, the chips I be flushing

Down...dumping hundos in the toilet
Losing big pots while the dealer enjoys it
I swear my top pair always getting beat
Anything less than a set is dead meat

Reload, new dealer, ask for a scramble
Screw this tight play, who's ready to gambol?
Ain't got no fold button, head's in a daze
Here comes the next hand, no look open raise!

Small stakes holdem (one time!)
Small stakes holdem (one time!)
Small stakes holdem (one time!)
Small stakes holdem (one time!)

Now that the chips are spewing
I'm hitting cards like I know what I'm doing
Pot after pot, and I'm building up the pyramid
Your action sir, who raised? Oh, he did

I call, I just want to see the flop
If I get a piece, yo I'm not gonna stop
putting chips in, I'll see you at showdown
I'm on a roll, it's time to go uptown

Rolling to table five-oh
Play some midstakes now, acting like a pro
Chip runner on standby, waiting for my cash to fly
Did you buy in? Nah, I just walked by

Embarrassed, cuz I know I'm just a luckbox
I can't compete with all those guys who've read Stox
My skillz are weak, yo
So I continued to post my blind,
Small Stakes FTW!

Rocks are tight just waiting for the AA
So when they raise it up just get outta their way
Jealous, cuz they see me playing carp
Flop my two pair, now check and set the tarp

Ready for these chumps to cbet
The TAGs acting ill cuz their broadways can't hit
Gutshots and I hit them all
Fastgrab the pot as soon as he calls

Ballin' just won another rack
So many chips now
Building up the zoo stack
Flush draw, straight draw, they're all gonna hit
You might as well fold now you can't win ****

Zeke's on the scene, you know what I mean?
Color me up
I don't need this much green
Ain't got no fold button, head's in a daze
Here comes the next hand, no look open raise!

Small stakes holdem (one time!)
Small stakes holdem (one time!)
Small stakes holdem (one time!)
Small stakes holdem (one time!)

Take heed, cuz we're coming to your game
SSHE's on the scene
gonna take all your mobnies
LAGTAGs that you can't get a read on
Try to adjust, yeah right, good luck son

Cuz our style's like an all out attack
Blowin' your mind, robbing you of your stack
Loose but also tight, it's a hell of a concept
We bring the heat, and you're gonna get busted

Zeke plays on the fade
Raise like a ninja fold like a switchblade
So fast, all the dealers say damn
If my skillz were a drug I'd sell 'em by the gram

Keep my composure as I try to play LAG
Suckered in on the flop with a suited ace-rag
Ain't got no fold button, head's in a daze
Here comes the next hand, no look open raise!

Small stakes holdem (one time!)
Small stakes holdem (one time!)
Small stakes holdem (one time!)
Small stakes holdem (one time!)

Yo man let's cash outta here.
Word to the dealer.

Small stakes holdem (too cold, too cold)........

Holy ****, I was just listening to this song yesterday and was about to write an identical post.

Chips for free.

On one of the last days before I decided to quit Oracle "The Gambler" fired up on my radio on the way into work on a station it literally had no business playing. I'm not saying that's why I haven't had a job in 5 years....but...I'm just sayin.....

My apologies to any accountants,

Working for accountants is to making money as shortstacking 2/4 limit holdem with $1 BBJP drop with 10% uncapped rake is to selling chocolate milk to a cross dressing vegan.

Also, I wrote a haiku for my pseudo girlfriend(sorry no pics):

bananarama
I'm your bananarama
bananarama

After turning $5 into $150 playing online pokers in 2005, and subsequently losing it all playing heads up limit holdem, I slept.

I had two cards, the values of which I do not recall. The one and only David Sklansky was riding in a boxcar of a train that went around in a circle. Every time the train came by, I placed a bet with my napkins, and David would call. After he called, I would show my napkins, and he would open the boxcar door revealing a novelty size Ace of diamonds. I would sulk until the train came around again, at which point I would receive two more cards and the process was repeated. Not a word was spoken throughout my slumber, nor did I ever win a round. Yet I learned something from this. I awoke feeling cheated. My purchase of "Theory of Poker" did not include this important lesson. "Why did he not fold?" I asked myself. I now realize that it was because I was an overaggressive micro donk who never gave up on a bluff.

sitting on a $4k chair
paid for by turn steals with air
wallet hurts but Nch don't care

quit his job and moved away, hey
found an apartment to stay, oh
good luck gettin laid, hey
in Colorado, go get paid, yeah

Aces red he has a pair
fishes raising everywhere
chillin on the $4k chair

baked a going away cake, hey
just for Nchabazam's sake, oh
good luck beating the rake, hey
in Colorado, friends you'll make, yeah

i'm gonna pop some lags
only got twenty thousand in my bankroll
looking for a forty
maybe for a twenty
merce is ****ing awesome

walk up to the floor like what up? yeah i'm a white guy
yall don't know i won a ton playing online


(that's as far as i got for now)

Do not rest until it is perfect.

What if there were a NSSA(National Shark School Association) which exploited it's students by allowing teachers and school faculty to profit from the student's profits, not allowing these students to collect a cent for their playing nor allowing them to attain sponsorship, nor allowing them to even sign a ****ing Ace of diamonds for a fan for free?

It's nice out today
Think I'll go play some holdem
Wish me some rungood