I had a ribeye for lunch and a strip for dinner yesterday. Then this morning I figured hair of the dog would do me good so I had steak and eggs.

Trifecta IMO

This is like the Serena slam and not the grand slam.

Yeah a tbone for dinner woulda topped it off nicely.

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2 chip no limit holdem 4max tourney

I have a 2:1 chiplead. Two players left. Winner take all.

I shove 8 big blinds with A3o on the button, dude calls. He shows Q9o and hits a Queen on the flop.

Rigged.

2/5 PLO HU, eff stacks 900

BTN opens to 15, I defend QQxx

Flop Q98tt. Check, they bet like 15, I raise to 75, they call.

Turn 9. I bet around 135, they call

River 8, I bet 310, they ship it, I snap call and beat A9xx

"This site is rigged"
"I was told you work for the site"

This person proceeded to rebuy despite these beliefs and punt another few hundred off to me.

Lol. I chat blocked a guy for the first time ever the other day.

I shove into a couple shorty blinds late in a tourney with AKo, big blind calls with KK and he wins the hand. I say "nh" and he says "no it wasn't. I had a good hand and called. You're an idiot. Why would you shove there? You play like a ****bot." So I says "wow **** you" and chat blocked him.

Jdr's hand reminds me of this hand:

1/2 no limit at Foxwoods:

couple limpers, I limp QJo, few more limpers behind, blinds check.

2TKr

there's a small bet, I call, few other calls including the small blind.

9o

there's a decent sized bet, I shove ~65 big blinds, folds to the small blind, she calls, rest fold.

9o

I figure I might be toast, but she says, "three nines" and shows A9o. I scoop.

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Now I have Whitney Houston stuck in my head.

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Still waiting on Cali's gto post.

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Good morning.

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I wish Jesse and Lawdude would come back.

"!ERROR PARSING LINE 134 UNEXPECTED '*' FOUND"
"RELOADING LOCAL CACHE"
"RESTARTING"
"RESTARTING"
"nh"

LO8, turn brings no lo, third club and pairs board. Guy b/3b's. River brings fourth club and guy angrily checks. I laugh so hard I almost fall out of my chair. It works anyway.

I wish that I had MApoker's gif skills. When I sat in the game somebody asked how my day was and I asked 'Do you want the long or the short version?' When asked for the short version I said 'There's a potted outdoor plant at the bottom of the pool.' That happened after the rest of the absurd shenanigans.

Long version plz

Short versions of various shenanigan-based stories seems like an awesome NC thread idea.

1. So we spent 15 minutes walking around the Jockey Club before realizing there was no casino.

2. So we bribed the waitress to pretend not to know what that was, and to ask him if he wanted a "Twig and Berries" instead.

3. So the guy runs up to his room, and comes back to the blackjack table with a printed menu from the Chicken Ranch.

Can you store them on your phone and then just whip it out when people ask how you're doing?

I signed up to have our roof replaced a month ago. We didn't have any leaks but I'd noticed that very many ppl on the block (the entire neighborhood was built at the same time) had done theirs, which meant that they had leaks, so since I had the money sitting around I decided to avoid the leak that was sure to come and when it rains in Phoenix it comes down like the flood that lifted Noah's ark.

Naturally, they scheduled the job at the same time that my sister, her almost husband who won't marry her even though they've been together for 15 years, and my brother the nervous wreck are visiting. The banging and smashing starts at 7am.

So then one of the smoke detectors started beeping and since they're all are connected all of the batteries have to be changed at the same time. I called my handyman but he's out of town so he arranged for an associate to come over and he only brought 4 batteries and had to get 4 more. Then it turned out that one of the detectors was broken so he had to get another (actually my sister ran to Ace hardware to get it). In the meantime my dog is a sweetheart at all times and to everybody unless you are a stranger in the house so I had him on a leash but I took my eye off him for one second and he lunged and grabbed the handyman's pants really good but luckily didn't get bit.

2 of the TV's weren't working so I called Cox and they couldn't fix it remotely so the cable guy came over also. He this'd and that'd and everything worked so he left and 2 minutes later the BF, who does investing for his living, started yelling that the internet was not working which is pretty bad if you're in the middle of a trade and my mother's caregiver came and said that the phones weren't working (they're bundled w/ TV and internet w/ Cox) so I called Cox and by some miracle, and wow is it ever a miracle, they picked up right away and arranged for the cable guy to come right back and he tightened an outdoor connection.

Meanwhile, the roofers cover the pool w/ a plastic sheet bec of the dust and wood chips but it was windy and it was flapping around so my brother put a potted plant on it and the pot ended up in the bottom of the pool so my brother felt the water and said it wasn't too cold and he'd fish out the pot that he couldn't manage w/ the pole/net thingy but it's still there and now the plant/soil part is spread all over the place.

Today my brother said he's not having a good time so he might go home early which will cost $300 that he'll expect my mother to pay.

Later today I have to do the weekly supermarket shopping which mom used to do but can't anymore and which I hate plus I have do fix up her weekly medicine boxes which my neurotic sister will double check to make sure I got it right and God forbid I make a mistake.

Other than that everything is fine.

I'm sure whatever god you believe in will reward you for concurrently being a good son, brother, host, and homeowner.

TYVM.

Here's a gif you can use next time:

Btw, there is only one true God and it is the all powerful '**** Howard* God' who ****s Howard* in every way imaginable except the way that Howard* would like to be ****ed. And there is no escape.

*(Not my real name)

Update: Since Andy also grabbed the pants of the owner of the cleaning service and she got worried that he'd bite one of her workers I promised to put him in doggie day care every Wednesday and when I went to pick him up just now the woman asked how everything was and I said 'Do you want the long or the short version?' and I ended up telling her the long one which was a huge mistake bec then I had to listen for an eternity while she told me the problem she was having w/ her sprinkler system. Then another worker came out and asked me 'how's it going' and I finally got smart and said 'Fine.'

The plant in the pool story reminds me of this classic Bert & Ernie bit, where Ernie gets a teeny weeny scrape on his finger. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0rKeEUexz4

this is ambiguous

Not if you don't take it out of context.

This is like borrowing a buy-in at the casino. All good, because you'll pay back next session. However, since you accepted credit from that degen, you now owe him credit next time.

Actually, JL's not far off bec there's the usual tumult when all of these ppl show up at the same time only now it starts at the ungodly hour of 7am. I thought that I'd catch a break bec they normally go off for a day or 2 but not this time.

Good analogy. I should keep my mouth shut but it's like getting free therapy when done at the table when I don't mind hearing other ppl's problems.

I left on a Tuesday and when I got home on Thursday, the phone book was ripped to shreds and there was no cat food left.