Quote:
Originally Posted by Rei Ayanami
He'd score >50% against all the ex-world champs in a simul after bedding all of their wives in an orgy.
I'd love that press conference:
Reporter: "Magnus, you were fantastic in the orgy. You climaxed against every woman and gave 3 of the 9 women climaxes, as well. For a +3 =6 6/9 orgy. Haha - 6..9...69...hehe. Talk a little about the orgy."
Magnus: "Yeah, ummmm, so I had a lot of fun. I thought I would perform a little better, but I feel like some of these women presented me draw positions early. Yeah, umm, so I noticed a few of them had protected their g-spots and I just could not really threaten them."
Reporter: "Which...match...was most interesting?"
Magnus: "Mrs. Vachier-Lagrave, maybe. Yeah, umm, she opened up in an unfamiliar position. She got on top of me early and my normal attack is doggystyle or missionary, so I was on the defensive right away and she really took initiative. About halfway through the match I uhh made her call me Daddy and she umm seemed to like that. I feel like being French she was kind of willing to make any move and didn't shy away from any position, including the D76: Rusty Trombone."
Reporter: "Was there a turning point in that match?"
Magnus: "So, yeah, umm, as I stated earlier I had made her call me "daddy" as well as some other things like "World Champion" and "the King of classical time controls" which was weird since I think I kind of blacked out for a moment and things got weird. But after that she sort of wilted and I was able to take initiative, throw her off of me, and take her from behind. From then on it was just a pretty standard endgame. I pushed my little pawn and I pushed it fast. She really had no chance. I was kind of bored so I was looking around at the other women seeing what they were doing and I liked what Mrs. Aronian was doing to Mrs. Anand, which I won't repeat here since I think that would be in poor taste. So uhh yeah anyway closing out this was easy so I set my tablet on Mrs. V-L's back and played PlayMagnus age 17 while banging that ***** from behind."
Reporter: "During all of this Hikaru was walking around filming and taking notes. Did that throw you off your game at all?"
Magnus: "Who?"
All: "HAHAHAHAHAAAAA"