Hi, sorry, was reading this thread often on my phone, so too hard to comment with too much, and it was fun to observe. I think everyone understands everyone now, but just for the sake of it, here's my take.

I believe I've had my homosexual orientation for nearly ever, but my sexual identity has changed over the years. When I was youngest, sexuality had nothing to do with my identity. Even though I felt different, I didn't ascribe that to sexuality (and I still don't know that I can blame that). As puberty time came around, I was confused and didn't know how to make sense of my sexual feelings/desires, so I didn't know what that meant for me. As I gained understanding, my view of myself wrt sexuality underwent changes. I feel that if I were placed into a difference society (either in a different place and/or time), I would have the same feelings/desires (sexual orientation), but my understanding of them and what that meant for me and how I view myself (sexual identity) could be different.

@ganstaman - Thank you. That's very informative. But I want to back up to this:

Here's where I'm getting confused. If sexuality had nothing to do with your identity when you were young, then:

So your sexual identity changed. But it seems to me that your core identity was established well before you knew what to make of it.

IOW, Aaron is right in that if you were living in a time where homosexuality was looked down upon, you would have considered yourself to be the one with the problem and not an intolerant society?

Assuming you would have chosen to hide your sexual identity, do you think it would have been because society made you feel bad about yourself? Or because you didn't want to go through the problems an intolerant society might dish out?

It seems that all the stories I've heard about parents disowning a gay child, friends distancing themselves, etc., have caused me to think that fear is the key motivating factor in hiding their identity. Maybe I watch too many movies? Thanks for contributing to my understanding.

Edit to add:

As an atheist, I feel a kind of kinship with people who are gay. For years I was afraid to "come out" for fear of how I would be perceived by friends and family members. I suppose it's different in that I never thought there was anything wrong with me. How could I when I arrived at my position through sheer logic? So I guess it's a completely different thing and there really are no similarities.

I think he's saying the direction of desire was established early, but how to define it and him came later. Same sex activity is not always defined as gay. For example, among many Latinos, only the recipient of anal sex is considered gay. In Afghanistan there's a significant amount of male same sex activity that is not an identity. If we wanted, we could invent a sexual identity around those who prefer doggie style. But we haven't, it's just something people do.

Bill Haywood answered most of your post.

There's certainly more to it than that for some, at least. I only came out to my parents very recently, 10 years after I figured it out myself, and I had no fears of them reacting negatively. I don't quite know what held me back.