How can I believe in God... - Religion, God, and Theology

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How can I believe in God...

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03-18-2010 , 10:16 PM

CheckCheckFold

old hand

Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 1,577

I saw this quote today on my google quote widget:

"How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?" - Woody Allen

And came up with a quote of my own:

How can I believe in God when just last week I shat and it came out the shape of a brontosaurus.

Make your own quotes starting with "How can I believe in God when..."

Have fun!

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03-18-2010 , 11:13 PM

Max H

veteran

Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 3,131

Quote:

Originally Posted by CheckCheckFold

How can I believe in God when just last week I shat and it came out the shape of a brontosaurus.

This could only happen with the influence of the divine.

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03-18-2010 , 11:18 PM

Ryanb9

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 7,459

How can I believe in god when my parrot just devolved into a creationist?

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03-19-2010 , 01:47 AM

leprous_hand

unclean

Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 16,249

Last edited by leprous_hand; 03-19-2010 at 01:48 AM. Reason: am i doing it right?

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03-19-2010 , 02:45 AM

starvingwriter82

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 7,793

Quote:

Originally Posted by Max H

This [Brontosaurus shaped feces] could only happen with the influence of the divine.

Some cultural myths (thinking of a few Native American stories here, but I'm sure there are others) feature people either ****ting and having the feces talk to them, or ****ting and divining the future based on what comes out (similar to reading tea leaves or pig intestines, I suppose).

Proof of the divine ftw.

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03-19-2010 , 03:04 AM

27AllIn

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 6,583

how can i believe in god when my uncle touches me at night?

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03-19-2010 , 04:29 AM

TheTroutsTaint

enthusiast

Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 55

how can I believe in god when everytime I pee it burns?

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03-19-2010 , 06:52 AM

Deorum

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 7,271

How can I believe in god when the answer to this question is always either logical fallacies or vague anecdotes?

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03-19-2010 , 08:59 AM

FloppinPairs

adept

Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 904

Quote:

Originally Posted by CheckCheckFold

How can I believe in God when just last week I shat and it came out the shape of a brontosaurus.

Im an atheist, but if this happened to me I think I'd start believing.

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03-19-2010 , 10:04 AM

#10

Ryanb9

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 7,459

How can I believe in god when is dinner going to be ready I'm staaarrrrving.

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03-19-2010 , 03:50 PM

#11

UGA_Dawg_2003

grinder

Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 647

How can I believe in God when Sarah Palin does as well?

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03-19-2010 , 03:56 PM

#12

Dying Actors

Pooh-Bah

Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 3,966

Quote:

Originally Posted by leprous_hand

lawled

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03-19-2010 , 03:59 PM

#13

hazzy7

centurion

Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 199

Just stick to the poker gods and you'll be fine.

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03-19-2010 , 05:02 PM

#14

batair

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 16,802

How can i believe in God when he's hiding and giving me the silent treatment.

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03-20-2010 , 09:10 AM

#15

Max H

veteran

Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 3,131

Quote:

Originally Posted by batair

How can i believe in God when he's hiding and giving me the silent treatment.

I would love to experience silence just once but I don't know if it's possible.

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03-20-2010 , 12:00 PM

#16

batair

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 16,802

Quote:

Originally Posted by Max H

I would love to experience silence just once but I don't know if it's possible.

All you got to do is blasphemy the holy spirit then he leaves you alone to pillage and hate him guilt free.

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03-21-2010 , 03:16 PM

#17

FireFighter

adept

Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 967

You all are sick

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03-21-2010 , 08:19 PM

#18

bonsaltron

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 9,370

Quote:

Originally Posted by FireFighter

You all are sick

you haven't seen many threads on this forum, have you

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03-22-2010 , 12:23 AM

#19

UGA_Dawg_2003

grinder

Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 647

How can I believe in God when spelled backwards he becomes my pet.

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03-22-2010 , 08:55 AM

#20

jcmoussa

veteran

Join Date: May 2004 Posts: 3,198

I just want to know why every homeless person i give change to tells me "God bless you." Im already "blessed", im not homeless and living on the street. Do they really think God is out there looking out for people? I helped you, not jeebus, thank me goddamnit.

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03-22-2010 , 10:26 AM

#21

madnak

Cooler than Sammy Hagar

Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 19,742

Quote:

Originally Posted by jcmoussa

Homeless people provide a service, namely conscience massage (or sometimes ego massage).

Most of them probably believe that those who give are generally religious. Right or wrong, religious people who want a conscience massage or an ego massage typically like feeling that they're "on God's team."

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03-22-2010 , 11:24 AM

#22

Max H

veteran

Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 3,131

Quote:

Originally Posted by UGA_Dawg_2003

How can I believe in God when spelled backwards he becomes my pet.

But I have never met a person that is nearly as enlightened as an average dog.

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03-22-2010 , 10:17 PM

#23

FireFighter

adept

Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 967

Quote:

Originally Posted by bonsaltron

you haven't seen many threads on this forum, have you

It's going to be your alls problem....not mine. No, seen enough of this forum.

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03-22-2010 , 10:44 PM

#24

Ryanb9

Carpal \'Tunnel

Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 7,459

Quote:

Originally Posted by FireFighter

It's going to be your alls problem....not mine. No, seen enough of this forum.

My mom used this same trick on her cat. She told Mrs. Kitties that if she brought another dead mouse inside Mrs. Kitties would end up looking like this:

Spoiler:

Kitty hell! Oh noez?! OH YEAAHHH!

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03-23-2010 , 01:00 AM

#25

Dead

banned

Join Date: Feb 2005 Posts: 7,837

How can I believe in God when he let Jennifer Love-Hewitt get fat?

How can I believe in God when he let Jessica Alba get pregnant?

How can I believe in God when criminal thugs (THUG LIFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE) are celebrated and people with upstanding morals are continuously laughed at?

How can I believe in God when Sarah Palin won the vice-presidential nomination of a major political party?

How can I believe in a God that lets Hillary Clinton strangle people between her enormous thighs of justice?

How can I believe in God when the Yankees don't win the World Series every year? If there's a god, he's a Yankee fan.

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