True story. Although I was a cokehead then. Now I smoke pot but it's because I can get closer to God. Coke took me away from him.

I just drink to release the demons that conquer the poker tables

On a side note.. OP why the Bacardi avatar?

i've always wondered about that. In 12 step programs, its compulsory that you accept a higher power in some form to complete the program right? That seems a little strange to me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPOb3...eature=related

That avatar is from tje height of my drinking career, probably 2007-2008. I'd change it but I am on the mobile version of the forums and don't even see any avatars.

Someone has given a quick synopsys of your addiction and spiritual story. Would you be willing to share your experience?

I was all alone sitting in the rocking chair in my daughter’s bedroom one rainy night and it was then that I decided I had enough. I was a bartender at a high volume nightclub and throughout the ~4 years that I worked there I developed a pretty nasty coke addiction. I tried everything I could to stop, finally settling with the realization that it would probably kill me. My daughter was about a year old at the time.

Looking out the window I remember saying, “God, I need help.” At that time I had no relationship with God but I wouldn’t say that I didn’t believe in him either. He just wasn’t a part of my life. From that point in my life to the present I have manifested into a different person. Throughout the next year or so things got drastically worse for me. My girlfriend (daughter’s mom) and I split and I moved back home and so did she. She took my daughter with her, although coincidentally our parents lived less than 5 miles apart, so I still got to see my daughter often.

At home I was all alone as my dad ended up moving in with his girlfriend (my parents had been divorced since my early childhood). This is where I experienced repentance. The preciousness of life slowly became apparent to me as my relationship with God advanced. Oddly though my relationship with God was only what I had experienced in my own imagination. I went to church when I was real young but other than that I had no real religious direction. And it was at this time that I began reading the Bible.

The “aha” moments that I experienced were enough to convince me that it was in my best interest to learn as much as I could about Jesus, Christianity etc. And this is also around the time I began taking part in (what was then SMP) RGT on the 2+2 forums. When I first got here boy I was all gung ho, haha. I would defend the Bible and any verse in it until I was blue in the face. But after a while the atheists really started to get to me. Not so much because their views opposed mine but because some of the things they said actually made sense. I fell apart. I didn’t know what I believed anymore and decided it was time to take a break.

That was a pivotal time for me because it turned me into a critical thinker, which I wasn’t before. And my views now are a direct reflection of those earlier times. Things I have experienced in the past 5 or so years have shown me that the power of God comes through the belief in him and doesn’t necessarily reflect any specific religion. I have encountered others from different religions where the God that I know radiates through them as well. And this can be troublesome to those who hold the belief that God can be seen only through the Bible. It has been a weird experience but for a reason.

It’s my opinion that God has elected me to experience what I have because in it is a message that the world needs to understand. And daily I fight for this cause. It was mentioned that I show up “drunk or high”, and sometimes I do. Enhancement of the spirit can be a powerful thing and I more or less use it as a weapon. I understand that I may be looked down upon by others of faith for this but I am willing to sacrifice my reputation and even my life to bring to surface what God has elected of me. But make no mistake that this is not a problem of addiction.

I will end this with pointing out one very important thing. I was ~27 when I found God that night in my daughter’s bedroom. The previous 26 years of my life I had absolutely no direction to follow and it was because of this that I almost killed myself with addictions. I awoke God that night inside of me and from that very day forward a purpose was born with which the world is yet to discover.

Sounds like a rough ride you had BigErf

Wow, great post; thank you very much for sharing. A few things in your post really stood out. I agree that much of the power of God comes from belief in him. This is something I have thought a lot about. One thing I try not to do nowadays is intellectualize God. I don't know if I believe the bible and Jesus Christ are the only way to salvation, but the way I look at it, Christianity has worked for so many people so why not for me? All I know is I can see and feel a positive progression since turning my life over.

You say addiction is not the problem. Are you saying you believe your addiction is just a symptom of a deeper malady or that you are not really an addict?

What is more important for you, happiness and comfort or holding true beliefs? (I'm not implying these are mutually exclusive ldo)

Why is it unwise. Questionin his religion (even if he becomes unreligious) is definitely the right thing to do. Living your life on a "fake" is by far the worst thing you can do to an open mind IMO.

OP from the sounds of it, if you are having problems with alcoholism there are steps that dont involve religion in order to becomes better. From the sounds of it you forced yourself to become religious to help your problem, and by doing so you created another problem which potentially may cause more mental pressure, which is definitely not healthy.

OP do what you feel is right, and remember be logical about this. With a clear headed and level mind you will make a lot better decisions, but I tihnk going on a forum like this may have been the best sort of action to decide what you want to believe.

There are worse things than a closed mind. Anyway, I don't think this is an issue of having an open or closed mind. If religion is part of the framework that smittymatt uses to hold his addiction at bay, then I'm pretty skeptical that him giving up religion is more likely to be caused by reason than his holding on to religion. I don't know smittymatt and so can't make an accurate judgement on this issue (hence my concern), but in the abstract I would guess that for most, or at least many people alcoholism is at least as strong as their reason in influencing their beliefs around drinking. Since smittymatt seemed to indicate that one of his primary motivations for becoming religious was to stop drinking, my worry is that he would be using the arguments of the atheists here as a rationalization for drinking again.

They say the 12 steps are but suggestions but most in the program will tell you that it is very difficult to stay sober unless you really work them. The whole point in giving one's will over to a higher power is that as addicts/alcoholics our way obviously wasn't working.

Happiness and comfort as long as I am not infringing on anyone else's happiness.

There is something that my grandmother told my mother whom in turn has passed down to me. You have probably heard it as well. It is: To thine self be true.

First and foremost, above all that I read and above all that I hear, I have to do what is right for me. And as long as I follow that little voice inside I will never go wrong.

I used to focus on the technicalities of the Bible that told me I had to do this and I had to do that if I was to be saved by God. It just so happens that these very technicalities are what also led to the once self-destruction of my faith. And that is not a pleasant position to be in.

What I have learned from this is the necessity to face God one on one. By doing so you learn that the power of the Bible comes from the need to explore yourself in order to understand that THAT is the message in which God will save you by. Before you (Bible) is laid a foundation, and one that you may not completely agree with. And if what you can reason within yourself, while being “true to thine self,” transcends what the Bible tells you, it has served its purpose. God does not want blind followers. The discrepancies God has laid out are meant to challenge, not encage. Because challenge promotes growth.

Understand first that I have challenged this with the mentality described above. Growing up I was presented with the reality that those who partake in substances such as “drugs” will result in substance abuse. Nowhere, ever, was it presented to me that such substances could provide anything of benefit. After hitting rock bottom as a result of not adhering to what I was taught I realized that the reason I hit rock bottom was because I was predestined to. I was predestined to because of what I was taught, and not necessarily because of the substances themselves.

Had I been presented with the idea that marijuana will promote a creative side to my intellect - that when combined with the outreach to God, would result in a feeling of greater purpose within - things would be a lot different for me. There has always been a battle within me when it comes to marijuana. At one point in my life I remember praying to God and asking him for the allowance to smoke because of the connection I felt to him. It was at this time that it became known to me that the trouble isn’t with marijuana itself, the trouble is with me thinking that there IS trouble with marijuana. And such a belief is what was causing me to sin against myself.

There’s a reason why people lose their lives to substance abuse and it’s because of the battle of needing that feeling given by the substance itself, against the reality that it is not good for them. It presents the individual with a vicious cycle of what they "feel" against what they “know.” And the sad fact is that they don’t ever really “know” why it is that they “need” that feeling.

Enhancement of the spirit is a powerful thing. It is a weapon. But like any weapon you must be trained.

Posts like this would make me question my beliefs even more.

well this is honest...

You have absolutely nothing to fear from the truth.